I was eight years of age when I met Han. I remember exactly where we were and what he said, because I was afraid of him. I had only ever heard tales about him, and knew from the other Nights that my father intended to make him the leader upon his adolescence. From the start, I was never considered an option for that role. So when I finally met him, I was begrudging, as well as irate. Those feelings fizzled to fear when he introduced himself with a knife that he flung straight at my face.

I dodged it, yet to this day I still do not know how.

“You aren’t supposed to run away,” he had said as he pulled the knife from the tree behind me. “You can avoid and attack simultaneously.”

“You tried to kill me!”

“No. If I wanted to do that, I would have aimed for a wider target.” He pointed at my chest. “You’re a little pathetic, aren’t you?”

“I’m going to tell my father about you.”

“He already knows about me, dimwit,” he replied. “You should be worried for yourself. I’m Han, by the way. I’ll be the leader once your dad passes away.” He held his hand out to me. His palm was written with bruises and blisters. “Nice to meet you.”

I stare at his father now to gauge the similarities such a brutal young man would have to a Capital leader. In expression, they are entirely opposite of another, but as I observe, I see the same jawline, the same straight hair, and the same dark eyes.

“Does he know?” An unconfident tremble curiously trails my voice.

“I’m certain he does. What other reason could there be that he would desire to destroy the Capital? I don’t expect anything less from him. I deserve it, after abandoning him for my own benefit.”

“You had a kingdom to protect.”

“That’s the question I continue to ask myself. What is worth protecting? A kingdom, or a family? At the time, Tao, that was the most cowardly decision I could have made.”

“It was wise,” I reason. “Had you kept him, you would have died. The Capital would have lost its leader.” But Nari wouldn’t have been saved from her life as Ada. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had to live underneath a tyrant.

He’s right. There’s no such thing as a perfect decision.

“I’m reaping what I’ve sowed. A harvest of death.” He seems to age in front of me as his lips adjust into a permanent frown. “I know they are coming. We will prepare accordingly. What I’m curious about is you. What is your relationship with my daughter?”

This is certainly a new feeling. Nervous, I respond, “She’s someone I admire and respect.”

“Is that all?”

He isn’t looking at me, but from behind his folded hands I can see his lips return to their formal upturn.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so, either. She wouldn’t tell us anything about you when you returned her. I suppose she has a bit of affinity for dangerous circumstances. I wonder if I influenced that?” He laughs. “Does she trust you?”

I breathe deeply and picture the way she looked at me when I had been imprisoned only minutes ago. “Yes.”

“Then we will free you from that ugly contraption binding your hands. Tonight, you will join us in our preparations.” He stands up. The dubious father becomes a king once more. “We will fight against the Nights.”

-----

“Amusing, that we found our way back to the same circumstances in which we were.” I turn from the window and caress Nari’s face with a tender gaze. “Your room looks the same.”

“Of course it does.” She remains on the edge of her bed with a book in her lap. She has changed out of her diamond dress and into plain black trousers and a sweater. I haven’t seen her in pants since she was the little girl who stole apples from her neighbor’s trees. If anything, she looks more appealing.

“I didn’t expect that he would appoint me to the position I held before I betrayed him.”

She flips to the next page of her novel. I don’t think she realizes that she was only on the previous page for ten seconds. “I requested it.”

Another page is turned. She isn’t reading. I fold my hands behind my back. “Because you trust me.”

There is a fragile pause as she closes the book and drops it onto the floor. “Inexplicably, yes.” She begins to untie the ribbons from her hair and untangles it with a paddle brush. Her hair surrounds the crown of her head in a curly halo. I want to twist the strands between my fingers so that they become copper rings around my knuckles.

“I’m sorry,” I say. It’s become my mantra as of late, a sort of slogan to the life I’ve lead wandering through labels that ached to define me. I’m sure this isn’t the last time I’ll say those words. I’m sure that with Nari, I’ll make a plethora of errors. But by the grace of her father and of her, I have to start decreasing that number. I have to become the knight she’s always wanted. The knight I’ve always wanted.

Honorable. 

“I have something to ask you.”

I approach her so that I can face her fearlessly. Wanting to be with her, I crouch so that we are on the same level. She holds off on brushing her hair and questions, “That time we were in the forest, you peeled the apples. But it doesn’t make sense. You used to eat the peels when you were little.”

I laugh. It feels like someone hit me in my diaphragm, that’s how surprised I am that a sound of joy has the enthusiasm to leave me. “My tastes changed.”

“Did they?” She says. I wish I could explain what Nari looked like at that moment. I’ve never met someone more beautiful than she. There is not a single word that could describe her. She is the prescriber of brilliance.

“Only slightly. I still like women who know how to fight.” I lean towards her. “Women with hair that can’t be tamed. Women who tell me the truth. Women who aren’t afraid to hurt me if it means that I need it.”

“Do you need me to slap some sense into you?” She whispers as my hand finds the curve of her cheek.

“You can do whatever you like,” I say, and then I cup her lips with mine. In my fervor, I’ve pushed her so that she’s fallen against the bed. I shove the hairbrush from her hand and replace it with my fingertips. Just as I wanted to do, my other hand weaves its way into her hair, knotting the unknotted hair and creasing her ironed clothes. She smells like lavender and rain. I want to breathe her in until she envelops my entire being. My body is sparking to life. Every centimeter of my skin she touches causes my heart to burst, over and over again, until it becomes an unrecognizable pulse of content sighs and rapid breaths.

“I don’t think,” she says in between kisses, “this is part of your repertoire as my bodyguard.”

“Let’s add it on the list, then.”

She giggles. I can feel the sound travel from her stomach, to her chest and out . It tastes like sunshine.

“You should probably … go back to guarding … “

“One more time,” I murmur as I leave a last kiss in the shape of her lips. I sit up in the bed and pull her up. She leans against my chest as she catches her breath. I gently pry her from me and walk to the door. “I’ll be here, Nari.”

“Stay safe,” she says as I close the door. I lean against the wall and watch either side of the hallway. Both ends dive into a thick pit of darkness. I’ve secured Nari’s windows already, so the only entrance I need to protect is her bedroom door.

Despite the Capital leader’s assurance that they have tripled their security, the hallway is empty. I suppose that the next route is far from where I stand, but I wish they had placed more people on this hall. I’d ask for more, but in the minute I leave the door, an attack could happen.

In an hour my eyelids begin to fall. I rub my eyes and stomp my feet to stay awake. I pull the knives that the Capital has given to me from the belt at my hips and play with them so that my wrists and my eyes stay awake. At the moment I sheath them, I hear a clattering sound echo to where I stand. Keeping one knife in my hand, I venture left and furtively advance toward the sound. When I squint, I see that a lonely Capital knife is on the floor. The blade is clean, but blood drips from the handle.

In a moment of awareness, I chuck the knife into the shadows. In seconds, I hear a grunt as a body collapses, followed shortly by a sharp ringing sound. I duck just as a knife nips my neck.

“They’re fond of embracing strays, aren’t they?” A voice says. I step backward to lure the man into the light. When he steps out of the shroud, I crouch into position.

“There’s only one reason you’d dare to fight me.” Han sheaths his weapon and crosses his arms. “They must really like you.”

“You shouldn’t be here, Han.”

“Do you feel accepted? Is it nice to have a home? Does it feel like a family?” His snigger heckles my composure. “Do you feel loved? I wonder what that’s like.”

“He’s your father.”

“So they told you.”

“You never said anything!”

“Why should I?” He says. “I don’t want him to be remembered. I want him to be forgotten, like he forgot me. You’re a fool if you think you’re on the winning side.”

“It isn’t about winning, Han. It’s about recognition.”

“You’re the last person I’d come to for advice.”

I growl and tighten my fist.

“Do you know who you killed back there? Cain. You killed Cain. What’s it like, killing someone you grew up with?”

His words cause me to falter, and that’s all he needs to aim another knife at my throat. I evade it, but merely by a snap of my head that causes a headache to spring behind my eyes.

“You’ve become quite the murderer. Death loves following you. That’s a bit extreme. Someone needs to end it.” His cold smile makes my breath freeze. “I’d love to do the honors.”

“You won’t gain anything from this.”

“Death,” he replies, “is the great gain.”

Again, he throws his knife. I’m brought back to the time when I was a childish warrior who knew every aspect of the tactic of running away. I take his counsel from years ago and elude his attack. In that exact second, I use my knife to pitch an attack on his chest.

But he blocks it easily.

“You were actually listening that time?” He refers to his despotic self. “I thought you were too angry to hear me.”

“Your father’s changed, Han.”

He dismisses my words. “I’ve heard that too often to believe it. You’re wasting my time, Tao. Let’s finish this. Are you ready?”

I straighten and toss the knife into the air, catching it perfectly by the handle when it plunges to the ground. “I’m ready.”