Thanks for the poster

I have dreamt for this moment, but rarely did I think that I would receive the opportunity to carry it out. To others, my act will be viewed as traitorous. To some, cowardly. But no matter the eyes, the viewpoint is the same – that I have given up the life I knew to be my own outcast.

Although it is a description that seems negative, to me, it is the most liberating destination in the world. This is how I prepare to make my last deceptive move.

Since my return, I have not been assigned my usual duties. I have more time to myself, but I also have more time to give the Nights suspicion. In consideration to that, I plan cautiously. Each day, I gather resources and weapons to stash by a river far from our base’s borders. It isn’t easy. The Nights are actively investing time in a perfect offense, giving me little leisure.

It isn’t to my advantage that Han is keeping me close to him. He knows, to an extent, that I care for Nari, and although he has allowed me to guard her, he has placed two Nights to guard me.

When I ask him, he is nonchalant.

“You’re too cautious, Tao,” he says. “Our defenses are tighter simply because we are in a critical moment. Everyone deserves to stay on guard.”

“Guarded, you mean.”

He smiles. “We are prudent for a reason.”

After I eat dinner with a couple of other Nights, I grab a bowl of soup and bring it to Nari. Although her face is stern when she sees me, her eyes have softened.

“Dinner,” I say and push the wooden bowl toward her. “I know you’re hungry. I’m sorry I didn’t come during lunch. I had to do something.”

She reaches for the soup. Quietly, as if she did not have an appetite, she finishes the bowl. “So when is it?”

“When is what?”

“The attack on the Capital. When are you doing it?”

I take the empty bowl from her hands. “I’m not sure I can tell you that.”

“Are you leading it?”

“Nari … “

“It seems that they like you here.”

I scoff. “On the contrary. I’m not in anyone’s favor.”

“Then why did they choose you, Tao? There are hundreds of Nights here, I’m sure. Yet it was you they chose. They fabricated your legitimacy as a bodyguard so that I could eventually wind up here. Why you, if you aren’t anyone special?”

Hearing the truth from somebody whom I wish could value me at more than my marketed rate is disheartening.

“Maybe that’s why,” I answer. “Because I’m not anyone special, they chose me in hopes that I would be. But it seems that I’ve only reached that point for certain people.” I look at her. She glances away. “I’ll have to do better.”

I leave Nari and work through a practice session with the lead Night from the Shin division. He has improved since I last trained with him. His feet are agile, and his hands are strong. I learn that it has been a long time since I fought like this.

“Tao,” he gasps between his punches, “you’re making me sweat.”

I laugh, although it’s strenuous to do so when he’s causing me to put so much effort into evading his attacks. He is skilled. “You’re the one who’s giving me so much trouble. I guess my substitute wasn’t bad at training you.”

“No, but he wasn’t you.”

He is kind, too.

“I have to ask you something.”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember my story? I was in Shin, like you. Although I wasn’t a citizen for as long as you were, I lived there for the purpose to bring your people here.”

He stops fighting and bows. “I know. I respect you for that.”

“You were fighting with a Night from the Capital a few days ago.”

With his eyes still on the ground, he replies, “Yes.”

“Don’t think that I am not grateful for your loyalty. But I want to know why your loyalty is so strong. I know of others in the Shin division who detest me, but you obey me. Why?” I stare at the back of his head. “I thought I told you that you didn’t need to do that.”

He clears his throat and gradually raises his head. “Yes. You did.”

“Why do you follow me?” I question. “Why do you listen?” Regardless of a history flooded with mistakes, there are still people who trust me. Even Nari trusts me. I know; otherwise, she wouldn’t tolerate talking to me.

I don’t deserve such faith. It’s time I do something to deserve it.

“You’re different from the rest of the Nights.” He scratches his head, a habit of his that I used to pester.

“Go on.”

“Well, nobody likes you. It’s pitiful. But it’s not just that. You’re talented. A genius. And even if you did give up us Shin people to the Nights, you were never once unfair to us. I think you regret what happened in Shin. And for that, I respect you.”

I consider his statement and come to a conclusion that he would be the one to ask if I need assistance. “I’m going to do something that you might not think is fair. I can’t tell you the details, but I can promise you that I’m doing something good, although many will not think that.” I offer him my hand. “Will you help me?”

With bewildered eyes, he watches my outstretched hand. “Without knowing anything?”

“Without knowing anything.”

For a time that seems to stretch into eternity, I watch him make a decision. My hand is burdened by an empty weight. As I begin to think that he won’t assist me despite what I have said, he clasps my hand and shakes it firmly.

“I will help you,” Jun says. “Tell me what I need to do.”

----- Two Days Past -----

I crane my neck to see the figures of the Nights who are posted to watch the base during the evening. Some are awake, but many have fallen asleep. Because people rarely find our base, our watch is becoming lax, a guarantee I had worked my plans around. There are also many Nights addicted to drinking. Because Han doesn’t approve of the abuse of alcohol, they do it in secret and wind up in a drunken, weary state, such as tonight.

“Tao.”

I turn towards the whisper. It’s Jun. “Are you ready?” I ask.

“I need to distract them, right?”

“Yes. You’re sure you want to do this? They’ll kill you when they catch you.”

“Have more confidence in me,” he grins. “That’s if they catch me.”

I my chapped lips. “Make sure I have her with me before you do anything.”

“I will wait for you.”

Before I leave, I embrace him. Although he isn’t a close friend, he relies on me. I have to thank him for the generosity I do not deserve.

“All right,” I cough. “I’m off.”

I walk towards the tent. The Night guarding the tent nods at me as I enter. Nari is asleep as I assumed. I tiptoe my way toward her, kneel down, and cover with my hand. She stirs.

“Listen to me. Do not make a single sound.”

Her eyes open. Even at night, I can see the flash of fear in her eyes.

“Nari. It’s me.”

She struggles to stand. Before she can cause a ruckus, I hold her down.

“I’m sorry, Nari,” I whisper harshly, “but you have to listen to me. I’m getting you out of here. Please. Trust me.”

She resigns and relaxes underneath me. Carefully, I lift my hand from .

“I don’t know why I’m doing it,” she murmurs, “but I’ll trust you.”

I urge her into a crouching position. Taking my knife out, I slice a small hole through the back of the tent. Through it, I see a sliver of the scenery before me: five Nights facing outward, and the shadow of Jun. He raises his knife beneath the moon. The moonlight glints off of the metal and shines right into my eye.

“Geez.” I spit out a swear. “Nari. You have to listen to whatever I say if you want to survive. Take this.” I give her a knife. “You might need it.” I take two large breaths before widening the hole with my hands. “One.” Jin signals me again. “Two.” I slide one foot outside of the tent. “Three.”

A fire sparks at the edge of our security. The Nights immediately shout to alert the others. Before a large number of Nights overwhelms the area, I rush out with Nari by my side. They notice us instantaneously. I can hear the whistle of a knife as it flies through the air and the sharp scream of steel as another knife redirects it. I see Jun behind a tree with a series of weapons tucked into his belt. He was always good with light weapons. With an easy toss, he aims his knife into the path of another incoming one.

A second fire comes to life not far from where we stand. Since we need to remain in the dark, I pull Nari away from the light and towards the thick of the forest. Behind us, I listen to the clamor of Nights as they alert the others to our absence. As we flee, I am deafened by the sound of knives racing savagely towards us. We don’t have time to find protection. I push Nari in front of me right before a knife bites my back.

I clench my teeth and fall to my knees. Nari nearly trips as she turns around to help me. “Tao!”

“If you stay here, I can’t help you.” I reach back and feel the hilt of the knife. Thankfully, the knife isn’t completely inside my body. “I told you to listen to me.” I wince as I try to pull out the knife. It doesn’t move. I’m losing my strength. “Run straight. Keep running until you see a river. Get into the river and let it carry you until the current stops. Meet me there. Stay in hiding, and you’ll be safe.”

“But – “

“We can’t both die here!” I yell, shivering with the cold that has not only dried my lips, but also crawls to the wound in my back. “I’ll be there. Trust me.” I compel myself to stand. Although it hurts, I limp towards the river. “Go, or you can die here.”

She darts away at my words. I stumble after her as fast as I can, but the knife in my back feels like a hole that someone is repeatedly digging into. It hurts so much I want to weep.

If I die, it’s over.

“Watch out!”

Behind me, knives are still soaring through the trees. Jun is risking his life to protect me. His knives are faster than any other’s. It is as if he is ten men rather than one, each with three hands rather than two. “Keep running! I’ll hold them off for as long as I can.”

I hear a sudden roar of feet and voices. There are dozens of Nights sprinting towards him. Jun looks at me with a mixture of terror and hope in his eyes. For the final time, he gives me a perfect bow, and then he reaches for his last knife. He has chosen to die a sacrifice.

I cannot lose heart now. Not when he is willing to die for my sake. Not when Chen was killed because of my ignorance. Not when Nari could have disappeared because of my insufficiency. And not when I have the chance to change my fate.

Mustering up the reserves of my strength, I hasten towards the river. Recklessly, I thrash through the forest. My eyesight is darkening and I feel nauseated, but I press on with the pretense that I am stable.

I just have to make it to the river.

I run, and run, and run until my legs begin to feel like the arms of a machine, and I am a result of an operation powered by calculated measures and nothing to do with spontaneous exertion. I am as numb as I am dizzy. The branches that slap my face or the stones that trip me are dreamlike distractions. There is only the black ground, the white moon, and the river.

The river. There it is, like a winding flag of freedom.

I glance backward to see that the closest Night chasing me has a knife in his hand. I fall into the river disgracefully, but the clumsy dive saves me. The Night’s knife flies over my head and cuts the tip of my left ear.

The current drags me into the river until the last thing I remember is the pressure of water filling my ears.