“Han,” I protest.

“You’re doing it. Where else can you go?” He throws my sentiment back at my face with a smirk. “How long until the day, Cain?”

“Two weeks,” Cain replies.

“Find a city where you can establish his identity,” Han says. “Tao, practice until the competition. I won’t spare you again if you lose.” I watch him turn around by dismissing me. Having lost my appetite, I slam the plate onto the table and stalk out of the room.

I leave the base and take a walk around the woods. We’re far from rivers, so the only sounds are the wind as they ruffle the hair of trees and little creatures as they slumber. My heavy feet break various twigs on the ground. By the slim light of the moon, I am able to see enough without falling or tripping. It brings me to the time when Cain had left me to die, although it’s to his credit that he had enough sympathy to leave me near Shin.

It wasn’t his fault that I had been driven close to death. It was Han’s for wanting to dispose of me. Even more so, it was my fault for failing to please him. Here I am, more experienced in the parts I previously failed, yet I still listen to him as if I have no self will.

I could escape. Right now, if I wanted to. But my memories and my regrets tie me to Han. In order to prove to myself that I am a man and not a mere boy with animal instincts, I have to finish what he delegated me to start, regardless of whether I want to or not. When Han finds what he wants at last, then I can leave him without reserve.

I will have to fool people again when I win the competition. Once more, my life will be a lie. I am a Night, but there is no proof of that. Back then at Shin, and even later when I am chosen as the bodyguard, I was and am a false trainee with an obscure background.

I’ll be careful this time. I won’t let anyone near me. I won’t let anyone trust me. And I will not allow myself to even consider befriending someone. I will go alone, and I will leave alone. I’ll move to a country far from the Nights where their connections and their laws cannot reach me. I can become a new person. Maybe then other people will accept me, and I can accept myself.

If Chen were here, he would berate me and urge me to stop being narrow-minded. And if Ada were here, she would change the subject into something ridiculous.

I’m sorry to Chen, but at least I know what happened to him. With Ada, I have no idea. In that circumstance I believe she had very minimal opportunities to stay alive. Unless a miracle happened, she would be dead.

Unsheathing one of my knives, I practice until the moon pulls up its cloudy blanket and shuts its eyes.

-----

“These are the rules for the competition,” Cain says to me. “You aren’t to bring any weapons with you, because they will provide. There’s an interview, as well.”

“There will be hundreds of people to consult,” I say. “That’s absurd.”

“Only the finalists will be interviewed. Board members will be the ones doing the interviews.”

I’ve never been interviewed before. I suspect their questions will ask about my past. I’m going to need to solidify my fake reputation.

“My identity.”

“You’re to use a number if they ask you,” Cain tells me. “I’ve gotten you a member number from Haw.”

“That city is far.”

“Always the last when it comes to news, yes. So it won’t be a surprise if they haven’t heard of your skill. It takes days to travel from Haw to the Capital.”

“How did you get the number?”

Cain briefly looks away. “I disposed of someone in Haw.”

I clear my throat. His guilty stance shows me he is ashamed. “Tell me more about the competition.”

“There will be three stages,” he informs me. “They will test your range of fighting abilities in the first one, whether it be wushu or other close range combat tactics. You are to show them all that you know. In the next stage, you are to fight with only one chosen weapon against one of the Capital’s own.”

“That’s a lot to do for someone who is only guarding the daughter.”

“They prize their daughter very much,” Cain says. “She’s the only child.”

“As am I, yet I have zero bodyguards.”

“You have brothers. Hundreds of them.”

“The Nights aren’t brothers if they hurt me.”

“Even families make mistakes,” he murmurs.

Rejecting remorse, I sigh. “The third.”

“Dinner.”

“Excuse me?”

“The finalists are invited to a banquet. They’ll choose the winner there.”

“A banquet.” I scoff. The Capital’s methods are laughable.

“I’ve heard that even if you aren’t chosen, they’ll choose a few of the remaining best to work for the Capital. So if you aren’t picked, you still have an opportunity to be within.”

“I’ll be chosen, Cain,” I assure him. “Believe me. What skills are they looking for specifically?”

“Agility,” he says. “Precision. Strength. The assets only an experienced fighter would have, which you do have. But this is different, Tao,” he says, disregarding my announced confidence. “They don’t fight like we do. And on top of that, you won’t be going against people with the same backgrounds. There might be veterans there as well who have dreamt of working for the Capital for years.”

“You forget,” I say, clasping a hand to his shoulder, “that I was a trainee for Shin. You weren’t there, Cain. I almost killed Han the day they found me. And I didn’t fight like a Night should. You must have heard.” I let my hand fall from his shoulder. “I’m off to practice,” I comment. “Tell Han not to bother me with my divisions.”

“I will,” he says, bending his back to bow, and then thinking differently about it. “I hope your practice goes well.”

“Will do,” I murmur as I walk away.

I spend the remaining days intensively practicing. I sharpen my knife throwing and handling skills. I fight wushu with and without the rod. I strengthen my muscles and stretch my abilities to the point when weariness becomes as normal as breathing. During this time, not once does either of my divisions stir trouble and ask for me. I have been told that they are going to receive a new leader. Once I begin working for the Capital, the Nights will have to appoint a new one. Truthfully, I’m already a little nostalgic for their petty arguments and trivial differences.

It isn’t until three days before the competition does Han find me at my favorite field and urge me to rest. He brings with him a bottle of water and a black piece of clothing thrown over his arm.

“You practice too much,” he says to me. I look over my shoulder at him and throw my last knife to one of the trees before facing him.

“I have to win.”

“You’ll win,” he encourages me as he opens the bottle and gives it to me. “If you’re well-rested.”

I spill the water over my face. It isn’t very cold, but it’s refreshing. “You’re telling me to stop.”

“Yes.” He takes the empty bottle. “I know you can do it.”

I destroyed my life trying to reach the moment when I would hear those words, and although it has appeared, my present self can’t even fathom the simplistic, casual way in which he said it.

“I do believe in you, Tao. You don’t seem to know that.” I push my wet hair back and wipe my face with my shirt. He continues, “You’re your father’s son, after all. You have the talent. In some people, it simply takes longer to grow.”

“You should have said that to me in the beginning.”

He smiles thinly. “In the beginning, I believed in the person you had the potential to be. You’ve finally met my expectations. Exceeded it, even.”

“I don’t care for those things anymore, Han,” I say. “I need to practice.”

“You should be. You need to be prepared mentally as well. Here,” he says and gives me the cloth. I unfold it. It’s a loose, sleeveless black shirt. “Your father’s.”

I recognize this shirt. It’s old, weathered. There are parts where it is crusted with stains, and two patches cover previous holes. It smells of mud and smoke. The memories I have of my father wearing it are scarce, but I do remember it folded between Han’s clothes. Although Han had it with him, he never wore it.

“I know I said you’re free to leave once the Nights succeed,” Han says. “But if you ever want to return to the Nights, we’ll take you in. And I’ll have you branded again, Tao. You can be part of us again.”

I can have the tattoo. I tighten my grip on the vest. “Thank you.” He smiles sincerely and leaves me in the clearing. I’m so shocked by his short earnestness that it takes me several minutes before I pull the knives out of the tree and practice again.

-----

“You have everything?” Cain asks.

I check my knapsack. I have a bottle of water, food, and clothes. I wear, at this moment, my father’s shirt. “All I need.”

Cain looks to Han, who looks to the entire band of Nights who are here to say goodbye to me. I never knew how many of them there actually were. They are like a black sea that invades the forest and spills to the horizon. They are a large, strong, loyal force that would be willing to risk their lives for Han’s goal. It’s both awe-inspiring and sad.

“You remember the number?”

“Of course,” I say.

“You’ve never been to the Capital. Perhaps I can have someone take you, at least halfway.”

“I could bring you,” my talented Night, who had been standing to the side, raises his hand. “I’ve lived there.”

“No,” I shake my head. “You need to stay and teach the others what you know.”

“Someone else, then?” Cain asks.

“Cain,” I say. “I’m capable of arriving where I need to be.”

Cain grimly nods. I am sorry to him because I know that he thinks he owes me for leaving me senseless so many years ago. He still doesn’t understand that he shouldn’t feel in debt to me. I don’t resent him.

“I don’t blame you,” I whisper, but he doesn’t hear. “I’m going,” I say louder. “Han will kill me if I’m late.”

Han laughs. “You won’t be worth anything if you are.”

I meet his eyes. “I’ll win the competition and be her bodyguard.”

“Wait for our signal,” he replies. “We’ll be there to give you a break.”

“And also – “ Cain begins.

“He knows what to do,” Han interrupts. “He isn’t a child anymore. Goodbye, Tao,” Han says. The Nights watch me in reverent silence as I fix the strap of my knapsack. “Stay safe.”

Stay safe. How strange to hear those words from him. It’s so peculiar that it’s almost saccharine enough to make me want to throw up.

“Goodbye,” I bid. “Come visit. Maybe I will treat you all to a festive party in the Capital.” They laugh, and I turn around. Without another glance, I leave the base and head for the Capital.