A/N: Tao is now 20. Thanks to this person for poster.

-----Four Years Past-----

I watch him move with ease as he battles his opponent. His arms are tense but flexible, and he is agile on his feet. He fights as if he has not two of each, bout four arms and four legs. His eyes, which are as sable as his hair, pierce through his opponent’s tough façade. After their practice duel, they bow. The boy that I have trained for the past three years has transformed into the greatest multi-talented fighter between my divisions. All because I, an expert in both wushu and knife-fighting techniques, was able to spread my knowledge to the divisions over which I control.

“You did well,” I say to him, restraining the urge to adulate his skills.

“Thank you,” he bows deeply for me.

“I thought I told you,” I muster a twitch of a smile, “that I don’t need you to bow.”

He straightens his back immediately and stammers, “I’m sorry. It’s instinct. We did this all the time at the Capital.”

I look away. “You wish the Nights hadn’t ransacked the Capital outskirts.”

Although his eyes are hard with determination, there is an essence of innocence inside of them. “No,” he shakes his head. “That was the lowest point of the Capital. You saved me. You saved all of us from dying.”

“We didn’t save you,” I say. “We brought you here so that we could train you to kill. That isn’t salvation.”

“You did,” he nods his head. “I would rather die from a blade than die from hunger.”

“Really.”

“I believe Han. The Capital is corrupt. The Nights are right to want to purge the system.”

“Han?” I scoff. “Go on. I’m going to find him.”

He bows once more, and I watch him jog away before I turn to find Han. The boy is naïve to believe in Han. I pity him, but I understand him. I was like that, too. I loyally believed Han, but I’ve learned that Han tells lies as often as he tells truths.

“Tao.” I warily watch as a Night runs toward me. “Han is looking for you.”

“I was looking for him, as well.”

He blinks, having not expected that. I hardly show an interest for Han. “He wants you to talk to the Shin division.”

I sigh. Because I had served as a trainee in Shin, Han appointed me to lead the disciplined but occasionally rebellious division. “You can handle them,” Han had said to me. “Didn’t you tell me you were the best in Shin’s training camp?”

I suppose I am a liar, too, for failing to tell him that I was only considered the best in group three. None of the survivors of Shin have been brave enough to disrepute my claim, so among the original Nights’ eyes, I am a fitting leader. Even though the Shin people fight for and obey me, they disdain me. I am a traitor. I see it in their hostile eyes every time I command them to carry out a mission. But because they are outnumbered and subjected to the Nights’ mercy, they cannot attack me nor escape. With their begrudging devotion, they give me the strangest sense of ease.

Still, their critical judgment doesn’t faze me. I no longer desire commendation from anybody.

“Where is he?”

“Well, Han is at the base, but the Shin division – “

“Thank you,” I say and stride past him before I can listen to any more of his confusion. I pass other divisions eating food, fighting, or resting beneath the shade of wide trees. When I reach the base, I walk straight towards the underground forum and find Han sitting atop a rickety old table.

“I thought I told him to take you to the Shin division,” he says as greeting. He is too busy sharpening his knives to be bothered to look up.

“I didn’t listen.”

He sets one of his knives aside. “You’ve gotten a lot more snarky since you were in Shin.”

I bite my tongue as he grabs another knife. “Why are you here, Tao? I clearly remember you wanting to kill me. I’m quite sure you hate me.”

I hate you, Han. But despite your savage ways, you are still like a brother to me. “There is nowhere else for me to go.”

“I should have left Shin alone,” Han says. “You would have been able to live there as a Shin trainee for the rest of your life. But I couldn’t do that. Shin is one of the strongest military cities the Capital has. And I intend to pick at the Capital’s power until all they have are their useless laws.” He smiles. “It’s a good thing I remembered you.”

But you didn’t remember me, Han. You didn’t think about me at all. While I was in Shin, living to prove myself to you, you were busy planning on how to sabotage the Capital.

“Why don’t you like me, Tao? I’ve given you leadership over two divisions.”

“That’s not what I want.”

He sighs. “Then what do you want?”

A life that isn’t tangled with others. I don’t want to be involved with other people. Each of us stands for a string among a jumble of others, and as we attempt to unravel a knot, somewhere along the way we have tightened another. It’s an endless motion of suffocation, and I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t want to see my actions hurt people.

“After we take the Capital, you can have whatever you want. So until then, I need you to be with the Shin division.”

I obey, because I can endure until then. When I start to walk away, Han calls, “And Tao?” I look back, and he has thrown one of his newly sharpened knives toward me. It clips a few strands off my hair before it lands on the wall behind me. I pull it off and drop it into my leather sheath. “You can never have too many.”

I find the Shin division near the edge of the camp. I arrive just in time to see one of the Nights from the Shin division one of the boys from my other division to the ground. Wordlessly, I step forward to break up the fight. I split the crowd in the wake of my walk and help the Night to his feet.

“Tao,” he says to me. His lip is busted, and blood sits at the base of his teeth. “That little piece of – “

“That’s enough.” I say. From their expression I see that none of the Nights want to tell me how long the feud between the two has lasted. Fortunately, I know what’s happening – it’s happened many times before. “I don’t care if you’re from Shin or if you’re from the Capital. You’re all Nights. Don’t act so stupid.” I leave before my anger can explode. Being with them makes me nauseated. I am overcome with memories from when I was a trainee in Shin. But most of all, I am overcome with regret.

I blamed Han for the longest time for killing the people I had hesitantly begun to love. Yet with each moment I spend training these people who survived the Nights’ brutish inductions, I find that it wasn’t Han who killed Ada and Chen.

It was me.

Seeking silence, I walk away from the camp until I reach a clear, empty field. Here, I practice wushu where nobody can see me. Wushu is my distraction that helps me refocus. If the only words in my mind are the lyrics the rod hums as I spin it over my head, then my mental burden is lifted. I can forget the contempt I feel for my existence.

For an hour I practice until my body becomes sore. When I return to the base, the sun has set and turned the horizon into an eerie green line. The Nights are lounging amid the tall grass with their backs leaning against trees or stones. Some men sharpen their knives while others clean their boots. I am about to eat dinner with Han when one of our scouts, Cain, comes running into the camp. Instinctively, we all reach for our nearest weapon – some with knives or rods, others with mere instruments like forks or stones. Cain apologizes for his hasty arrival and bows deeply. A few Nights snicker at Cain for growing accustomed to the Capital’s habits. He quickly straightens, and then he continues on his way to the forum. After giving the Nights one last glance, I follow him.

All of the division leaders besides me are already eating dinner with Han in the main room. I walk to the table of food while Cain walks to the center of the room. “I have some news,” he announces.

“Did the Capital family complain about a low tax rate?” Han mocks. The others laugh. I pile my plate with food.

“There’s talk of rebellion on the streets,” Cain explains. “People are complaining because of all the raids we’ve done over the years. We’ve captured a third of their military centered towns. The Capital is dropping the age restriction for training camps to boys as young as ten.”

“Is that all?” Han asks, bored.

Cain rushes, “No. They’re holding a competition for all the remaining training camps in order to recruit a personal bodyguard for the Capital’s only daughter.”

All heads snap up at this. “Doesn’t she have one?”

“He died last week,” Cain says.

“And they don’t know why?”

“The doctors say it was from a heart attack.”

Han laughs. I’m so surprised by the noise that I almost drop my plate. “This is it. Our opportunity.”

One of the division leaders asks, “We don’t have any Nights in the training camps.”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s easy to fabricate an identity.” I can feel Han’s eyes on me. I stuff my mouth with food so that I will have an excuse not to talk to him. “The question is, who gets the job?”

“We’re all branded,” another leader says. “I support our mission, Han, but I refuse to give up my mark.”

A chorus of agreement echoes in the room. They mock me with their pride. To the trainees of Shin, I am a traitor; to the Nights, an outsider.

“Then how must I sacrifice without ever really sacrificing?” Han asks. His voice settles over their faces like a heavy fog. The leaders duck their heads; they would hate to be chosen. I slowly ease my way toward the exit. “There’s always a solution. Tao.”

I swallow my food.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve finished eating,” I say, although my plate is clearly full.

“How does it feel, Tao? To be free?”

“I’m not free.”

“But you are.” Han steps toward me. “I remember it clearly. You don’t?” I don’t answer. “Cain? Do you remember?”

Cain mumbles, “Yes.”

“When we took this,” he says, finally near me, his finger pulling away the collar around my shirt, “away.”

He bares my smooth skin. I wish there was something there – a ghost of a scar, a red blotch – but there is no evidence of my ever having had the tattoo. It’s as if it had simply never been.

“You aren’t a Night, Tao,” he says, stepping back and letting the cloth fold over my chest. “You have no history. Therefore, you are the perfect candidate.” He plucks a slice of fruit from my plate and places it into his mouth. “You’re going to compete for the position of the girl’s personal bodyguard.”