A/N: Tao is 15. Thanks to this person for the poster.

I crinkle my nose. This place reeks of sweat and mud, and I don’t value the combination. Crouching in the shadows of a low tree and a bush too wild to trim, I peek between a bundle of leaves and branches to see the wilderness. The darkness of the night covers the ground in a layer of black as the moon paints it with streaks of blue. The light is too scarce for me to see clearly, so I cautiously lean forward and squint. As I watch, I listen to the sounds carried by the wind. I hear birds snoring and leaves dancing in the light breeze. I try to focus on one sound, the only important sound that I need to find: footsteps.

I hear none. I relax my shoulders and lean back, propping my tailbone against the body of the tree. Ducking my head, I close my eyes. I don’t intend to sleep, but I am too tired to keep my eyes open. I keep my hands to my sides, close to where my hidden knives are, and cross my legs. The air is warm and my skin is hot, making sitting in the refuge of foliage a discomfort. I am about to wipe the perspiration clinging to my neck when I hear a twig snap.

I crawl farther into the umbrage and lie still beneath the dry leaves of the bush. Breathing gently, I watch what little I can see from my point of view on the ground. For a long moment, nothing shows up, and then I see a tall figure cloaked in black.

That must be Cain. Only Cain is that tall. I reach for the knife hidden at my belt, but then I stop. No. It’s better to stay here than make myself known. I’ll last longer in the game if I don’t come out now.

Shrinking in the dark, I wait as he approaches. He stands still for a moment, perhaps checking the area, before he walks past me. I chuckle to myself at his idiocy. Did he think it was smart to leisurely stroll through the woods? It’s easier to hide.

I wonder if I will last the day. Have my other friends been found already? Are they at the camp, waiting for the last players to be found? If so, then I am one of the few left. That’s great, then. Maybe Han and the others will finally accept me.

I curl my fingers into my fists and dig my fingernails against the palm of my hands. The tiny sharpness presses my skin, reminding me that I can sustain this mission. This isn’t simply a game. This is the determining factor of who I can be, and if I don’t succeed, then I am not a Night.

But they wouldn’t hail a coward. If I were the last one to ‘survive’ because I remained hidden in the shadows, would that be something to applaud? I shake my head. That is nothing of which to be proud. That is the coward’s way out. So what must I do to gain enough favor for recognition? Must I search for a man to ‘kill’?

Holding my breath, I crawl away from the safety of the suspended darkness and attempt to continue hidden in the short hair of the grass. Soft dirt wedges beneath my fingernails and into the wrinkles of my clothes. I grimace, not because it hurts, but because I don’t like being filthy.

I find shelter in a cluster of shrubs and crouch behind its crooked arms. Holding my breath, I smoothly move forward from one hiding spot to another as I search for a fellow Night. After ten minutes of ducking and sprinting, I take a calming breath behind the wide stump of an oak tree. I can’t find anybody. Perhaps there isn’t anyone within a mile’s radius from here. Deciding to give up until the morning, I seek the woods around me to find an appropriate place to sleep and still keep an eye on the territory when the light of the moon catches a blade that tauntingly my throat.

I gulp.

“If this had been real,” Han mutters, “you would have died.”

-----

“I’ll do better, I swear!”

“And when is that?” Han challenges me. He stops pacing across the stone floor of the building and points at my body with his knife which, only hours ago, had been held at my throat.

“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “Some day. I swear,” I assure him desperately as he shakes his head and kicks a basin of water on the floor. The water splashes and permeates the ground like a creeping virus, slithering to the toe of my boot.

“That was our division’s third game, and you lost. Again.” He carelessly tosses the knife against the wooden table and pushes himself onto it, his long, sinewy arms lifting his body up.

“I got distracted.”

“Is that it this time, then?” He muses mockingly, his accent elegantly draped with sarcasm. “And last time? And the time before that?” He crosses his arms. “Let me tell you something, Tao. In this game – no – in this life, we mess up. There are things we can’t predict. People get in the way. We get in the way of ourselves, and sometimes we can’t prevent that. But we still have to know how to do things right. And that’s why we practice. So we can learn to do the right thing when the time comes. But you haven’t learned anything.”

“Maybe some people take a longer time taking things in!” I shout. I hate the excuse I’m using, but I need to say something in my defense. I’m getting so angry that I feel like my heart could set me on fire. “I’m not going to alwa – “

“Tao.”

I pause. Han hops off the table, seemingly nonchalant, but when he nears me, irritation blazes in his unusual gray eyes. “Don’t you dare,” he warns, grabbing the collar of my shirt, which still smells like mud, “talk to me like that.” He holds me like that for a moment, his eyes steely clasped onto mine, his knuckles close to my neck. After a few seconds, I give him a tiny nod, and he lets go. “Fine. You want a chance to prove yourself?” I don’t answer. “Get me information about Shin.”

“Shin … ?”

He cuts me off with a glare, and I shut my mouth. “You’re nothing like your father.”

I look away. I can’t bear to listen to him remind me of the success of my father. I’ve heard it too many times – how I’m nothing like the man that he was, how I’m the weakest in our group when my father was the strongest. With every day, I am reminded; with every mistake, I am challenged. I am nothing, and the Nights have never missed a chance to confirm the futility of my nonexistence. “Can you go to Shin?” Han asks. “Or is that too hard for someone like you?”

“Of course I can do it,” I impetuously rush to fulfill his wish. “It’s not hard at all.”

“I don’t want you to be a scout,” he tells me. “I’m not sending you over there for a short time. I want you to live there.”

“What?”

“I want you to live there,” he repeats, “and act like you’re one of them.”

“I can’t do that,” I scoff.

“You just said that you could,” he smirks. “How badly do you want this, Tao? How badly do you want to stay with us?”

I lock my complaints away. “What else do I have to do?”

“You have to get rid of this,” he says, reaching over and viciously ripping half of my shirt off to reveal the tattoo on my chest, written right over my heart. It’s a full circle, with the shape of the crescent moon filled in with black. “If anyone there sees this, they’ll know you’re a Night.”

“But – “

“So we have to take it away,” he says as he pulls out another knife from his waist. Fear clutches at the back of my neck and spreads throughout my body, sinking into a pile of sticky goo at my feet so that I cannot walk away. His knife scrapes the tattoo, and red blood drips over the corner of the crescent moon.

“I can cover it,” I stammer.

“No,” he states firmly. “You’re not a Night, anymore, Tao. To live in Shin, you can’t be a Night.” Wordlessly, he slashes my chest once, twice, three times, until the small tattoo is masked with red, jagged lines, and my skin screams in pain. He wipes his knife on his pants, and I hurriedly grab the remains of my shirt that hang against my waist and rip it off. I start to wrap the long black fabric around my chest, but Han prevents me from protecting the wound. “Don’t do that. We’re going to Shin right now.”

“Now?” I ask, confused, as he pushes me out of the room and into the hallway. “To Shin … right now?”

“Cain,” he says, and I turn around to see Cain approaching us. He has an indigo bruise on his left eye, but otherwise he looks well.

“Han?” Cain asks.

“I need you to do something for me.”

“Yes?”

Han nods at me. “Take him to Shin. And make sure you leave him there looking like he’s half dead.” Han doesn’t look at me as he says this. “He can’t be recognized as a Night, and he’s going to be working for us there. Aren’t you, Tao?”

Cain looks perplexed, but he doesn’t ask why I have suddenly been given a mission after failing the practice one. “What do you need me to do?”

“Beat him as hard as you can,” Han orders, “and drop him off somewhere. I’m sure he can find his way to Shin. If he makes it there in a worse state than when you left him, then they’ll take him in and believe he’s just a wanderer.” Han starts to walk away, but I call after him.

“Han!”

“Don’t worry, Tao,” he assures me, not even turning around. “We’ll come back for you.” He doesn’t slow down, and I watch him as he walks away, leaving me with Cain.

“Uh,” he starts when Han disappears, “ … I guess we should go.” He forcefully grabs my arm, and I let him pull me out of the hall and into the evening.

I see some of the people in our division hanging around outside, and although they give me strange and curious stares, not a single one asks Cain or me what’s happening. I think they silently understand, in a way, what’s happening to me.

I remind myself that I am going to perform an extremely important mission. And when Han comes back for me, I am going to be better than he thought I ever could be. I am going to prove to him and to the rest of the Nights that I am not useless.

Cain and I walk in the woods for a long time. We go so far from the camp that I no longer recognize our surroundings. The night is still dark, and while the sun is sure to climb the horizon within hours, the stars hang in the sky undisturbed.

The further I go, the more my chest hurts. The multiple cuts over my heart continue to bleed. Since Han isn’t around anymore, I tear off the rest of my shirt and tie it around my chest. I follow Cain and wait for his word.

When we finally stop, we’re in a clearing free of trees tall enough to guard me. Cain turns to me, and with an upset frown, says, “Give me your knives, Tao.”

Obediently, I slip the knives from my belt and hand them to him hilt first. He adds them to the knives already on his belt, and then he looks at me with guilt and hesitation. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. Han … I don’t understand his methods. I’m sorry, Tao. I – “

“Just do it,” I say, gritting my teeth. His brows cross together. “Hit me,” I welcome. “I need to be hit, right? For the people at Shin to believe – “

Without warning, he deals a blow to my chest, exactly where my tattoo had been. Enormous pain shoots from that wound and expands across my body like a cobweb of hurt. “Wait,” I wheeze, having been caught unaware. “Wai – “ He doesn’t wait and continues to pelt me, punch after punch after kick after kick, until I am curled on the floor with bruises printed on my body, my legs, my arms, and most importantly, my face.

My entire being is sore and screaming with excruciating pain. Never before did I think I would feel what I feel right now. Blood is all over me, but I can’t see it; it blends with the black of the night and the black of my clothes. There isn’t enough light to distinguish the beginning or the end of each color. I cough, and dark liquid spills out.

“Is this good enough?” I smile crookedly at Cain. “Am I hurt enough?”

“I’m sorry,” Cain whispers.

“No,” I mutter as I clench a fist against the hard floor. “I need this. I need this so I can go to Shin.” Cain doesn’t say a word. I try to lift my head to look at him, but all I see are too many stars and too much darkness set in a mosaic of red. “He’ll come back, right? Han and you and the Nights. They’ll come to Shin.”

Cain shakes his head with the subtlest movement, and I hope with every fiber still strong enough to move in my body that the shake of his head was a trick of the light.

But why do I bother lying to myself? There is no light.

I watch him walk away as I lie there: broken, weaponless, and alone.