I've never been so determined.

Attention

"Well goodbye, Jongin sweetie. I'll see you after school? Maybe you'd like to come grocery shopping with me, and we could go out for dinner later..." my mother asked hopefully the next morning as I was about to leave the house for school. It was a pleasant surprise to wake up to her, since she was never really awake in the early mornings due to her long nights crying. I don't know what got her so motivated to wake up now, but I wasn't complaining.

"Actually umma, I have something to do after school today," I replied guiltily. Here she was finally showing some interest in my life and I'm rejecting the extra time I could be spending with her. But I had more important things to do- auditions for the dance team were after school today, and I was so determined to do well.

The look of dejection and disappointment that flashed across my mother's features was almost unnoticable. "Oh.. Okay then, that's alright. What are you doing?" she tried with a small half-smile.

"I've got auditions for the school's dance team," I replied nonchalantly.

"Jongin-ah, I was really hoping that you'd spend some time with me tonight..."

I was beginning to get a little exasperated. "Umma, this is really important to me. We can do it another day, okay?" I said, grabbing my backpack and moving towards the front door to the apartment.

"Wait, don't go just yet," she commanded weakly. "Just hear me out... I just want to spend time with my only son tonight, and-"

"Mom, stop," I interrupted harshly. God was I angry now- this woman hasn't shown a shred of acknowledgement towards me since her divorce, and now here she was, trying to guilt me out of doing the only thing I've felt truly passionate about in so long just because of her silly whims. I wasn't going to take this from her. "I'm going to the audition, okay? You can't just expect me to drop all plans I may have just because you decide last minute that you want to recognize my existence for once!"

I didn't wait for her response. I didn't think I'd be able to handle hearing her cry again, no matter how angry with her I am. As I walked to school, I tried to hurry my steps to make up for lost time while I thought about the morning so far. What a way to start your day, right? I didn't know how I felt about this. At first, I was glad that my mom had shown some interest in me, but then I was angry with her for being so selfish and closed-minded. Now, however, I realize that I probably shouldn't have said some of the things that I did.

But I wasn't going to turn around and go apologize. I'd let her think that over for the day while I was at school- make her feel guilty for how lonely she makes me feel every single day. I couldn't really help the way that I felt about my mother now. I kept thinking that she was avoiding me because she was angry and upset with me rather than with my father.

After all, I was the one that caused their divorce. Had last year not gone the way that it did, everything would be okay now. We would go back to being a happy family- I'd have and umma and an appa who loved each other very much. If I could take all my actions back, I know I wouldn't hesitate to do so.

I sighed and sped my pace up even more, not wanting to be late on my second ever day of high school. It wouldn't be a very good impression for my teachers, and this was supposed to be my new year- my chance at starting over with a new life. This year was going to be different from last.

Even once I got to school, though, I could hardly focus in class. I talked with Sehun whenever we were allowed, and he seemed his usual shy but bubbly self, which only angered me further. I don't know why. It was just that... he didn't realize that I was upset. I'm not sure why I expected him to, though, since I'd only known him for a day, but I thought I was making it pretty obvious.

I must have seemed bipolar. Half the day, I was sulking and trying to get Sehun to notice my misery, but the other half was spent reminding myself that I was being stupid and should try to just have fun with my new friends.

Because I was being stupid. I'd literally pointed out to myself countless times this morning that this was not going to be a repeat of last year, so I should stop pouting just for the sake of being acknowledged and get on with my life.

But that's enough of thinking about the past. God, I had to stop doing that; it just makes me stressed. Today was not a day to be stressed- I needed to be in the best condition I could be for the audition. It's already lunchtime, and here I am, sitting with my new friends at their table, but I can't even bring myself to participate in much conversation.

"Kai, are you excited for the audition?" Suho asked, sounding excited himself.

"Mmm, I guess so," I mumbled, trying not to let my nerves show. I knew they would be much worse as the time came closer.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Sehun interjected with a disappointed pout on his face. "My umma won't let me try out," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and giving a huff of annoyance.

"What? Why?" D.O. asked incredulously.

"She says it's too much of a time commitment for me, since I really need to focus on keeping my grades up this year," he explained with a sigh. "It's okay, though. I guess she's right."

Well that's just great, I thought. Now I'm not even going to know anyone at the audition... This day just kept getting better and better, didn't it? All the homework I was assigned throughout the rest of the school day really wasn't helping either, so by the time the audition came around, I was so tense and worn out that I was considering just skipping it altogether and going home, or maybe just to sit in the park out in the fresh air. That always seemed to cheer me up.

But when Taemin entered the school's dance studio where I was waiting with several others, my fatigue flew out the window the moment my eyes came in contact with him. 

Oh that's right, I almost forgot why I came in the first place, I thought with a grin.

"Hey everybody, it's great to see you all today," Taemin greeted with a huge, contagious smile. "I'm sure I've introduced myself to all of you so far, but just to be sure, I'm Lee Taemin, the leader of our school's dance team. This here is Key, and he's going to be helping me run auditions today," he continued, gesturing to Key, who he had entered with. "So let's get started, yeah?"

Everyone in the room seemed to hold so much respect for the young dancer as he ran us all through some basic warm-up routines. Even when performing the simplest of moves, he held so much energy and dedication to the task at hand that it was surprising that 'dance' was not an official language after seeing how he spoke it so fluently through his body.

I had always thought was a great dancer, but 20 seconds weren't even needed to realize that my skills looked like crap in comparison with Lee Taemin's. If I could, I'd watch him dance all day. Half the time, he held that gorgeous white smile of his, but for the rest of the time, he seemed to have this unwavering look of determination that shook me to my very core. I'll admit it was hard to focus on what I was supposed to be doing when he was up there giving this his all and didn't even break a sweat whereas the rest of us were close to dying after only an hour of work.

"Hey let's take a 10 minute break, okay?" Taemin finally announced, not sounding out of breath in the least, while I was over here panting like crazy. This was going to be harder than I thought. I still felt pretty confident, though, that I was doing well in comparison with lots of people in here. I took a huge swig from my water bottle as I tried to reenergize myelf for the rest of this lengthy audition.

I'll do anything to be on that dance team. This is what I want. I've never been so determined.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Author's Note:

So I felt bad because I forgot that I hadn't updated this story since before I was in the hospital, so here's a super duper short chapter to at least introduce a bit of the angsty nature of this story. I'll update again as soon as I can, so sorry for the shortness and the time in between this update and last. I'll be better about that.

So just as a recap to clarify my ambiguity in this chapter, we know now that something happened with Kai last year that he's not totally comfortable with admitting to himself, and whatever it is directly and/or indirectly caused his parents' divorce, which he is obviously very upset and guilty about. We know that he has a short temper, and as always, we know that Taemin is super y. But that's beside the point. (Not really- Taemin's hotness is never irrelevant)

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Comments

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dj_808602 #1
Thanks for the hard work author! I really enjoy this story and the emotions it brings out. Will wait for more updates!
woosansweetkins #2
Chapter 26: This is beautiful stories.. please cntinue this.. im new reader here^^
Shihaam1 #3
Chapter 26: I Enjoyed This Chapter It's Good Just As Long As There's A Happy Ending For TaeKai & There Friends:DI Can't Wait For Your Next Update & Good Job So Far On Your Writing:D
Prithi #4
Ah yes finally!!! I couldn't wait until the next chapter. This has got to be one of the most interesting Taekai fic I have ever read!!
jongdae_donghae
#5
Chapter 25: this is such a good story, poor Taemin for what he had to got through but aw Kai and the rest of the boys are helping him so much, can't wait for the next update!
siseon
#6
Chapter 25: I really liked this story, I enjoyed so much reading this. And this chapter felt like it's nearly ending
If you still have beautiful things on your mind, please go ahead and give them to us!
nantae #7
i am new reding her
this the best story ever :_: i love part 18 19 20and all
my fav momint when kai kiss taemin^-^ first kiss ... that story awesame gooooooooood love it .. lovly ....i can't wait for next part
Update please soon .. and really thank you from my heart<^-*>
and i am sorry for my bad english =)
ElizabethCruz #8
Chapter 25: My god that was beautiful to read i hope that if anyone is suffering anything or something like this please know that there's help and i truly wish that once that is over you will to be able to find happiness and see the positive things there are in life
I really really really love this this fiction and i hope to see great things from you
no pressure Hahaha okay maaaybee a little well i hope to see your new update soon and
fighting !!!!!
shawolcj
#9
Chapter 25: AWWWWWWWWWWWW