*Double update- read the last chapter if you missed it*

I turned my head to left, seeing Taemin walking with his back to us, not even 50 feet away. He was swaying dangerously, as if he'd fall any second. He was still wearing the clothes that I'd lent him back at my place a few hours earlier, but he looked freezing, exhausted, disoriented, and on the verge of collapse.

"Taemin!" Jonghyun was the first to make a move, sprinting towards him just in time to be able to catch him before his head hit the cement below him. The rest of us followed suit, panting and hearts beating out of our chests- not from the running, but from the fear and nerves.

By the time we'd reached the two, Taemin had rolled himself over in Jonghyun's arms and was retching right there on the sidewalk. I saw Jonghyun trembling and sobbing badly, so I took command. "Call an ambulance," I directed Minho firmly. He did so without a second thought about taking orders from someone younger.

I walked around the crouching group so that I could be facing Taemin, who seemed entirely unaware of my presence. "He's shaking, he's shaking- what's going on?" Jonghyun begged, clutching onto the coughing Taemin tightly, who's eyes were hardly open at this point as his breathing was strained.

"Taemin? Taemin can you hear me?" Onew asked frantically, coming to kneel right beside me and bending over so he could try to see his face better.

"I- I- I'm s-sorry-" he slurred, not opening his eyes.

"Don't be sorry," Onew assured, trying to be comforting while also attempting to control his own emotions. "Don't be sorry, Tae, just stay awake for me, okay? Can you do that?"

Taemin shook his head weakly after several moments of trying to process the voices around him.

I looked up to see Key crouching behind Jonghyun, holding tightly onto the older's arms as he looked over the his shoulder to see Taemin. The two of them were crying harder than I'd ever seen anyone cry before. Minho was on his cellphone, speaking frantically while his eyes scanned the street so he could give them as much information as he could. Onew was beside me, his hand holding Taemin's head away from the mess he'd made on the ground. I hadn't even noticed I was hyperventilating until Onew put his other hand on my leg, silently telling me to get a hold of myself.

After that, I made a conscious effort to control my breathing, trying to take deep breaths while I looked on with impatience. I didn't know what was going on with him, all I knew was that the ambulance had to get here and it had to get here now...

"Open your eyes, Tae," Onew commanded gently but still forcefully. He clearly struggled with doing so, and he couldn't get them open for nearly a minute. Minho had already rejoined the group and placed himself beside Key. When his eyelids opened just wide enough to see Onew right in front of him, Onew sighed inaudibly, only a little relieved as he ran his thumb over Taemin's cheek to give him something to focus on. Onew praised him, telling him he was doing well and that everything would be okay soon, but as his eyes drifted closed again, he caught sight of me.

"No-" he let out suddenly, and it was the clearest thing he'd said yet. "Go..." he slurred, shaking.

I couldn't argue, but I fell backwards onto my feet, tears flowing down my cheeks. I stood and backed up, giving him some space, because the last thing that he needed right now was stress.

I heard Onew talking to him again quietly, so I couldn't hear the actual words he was saying, but he seemed to be trying to calm Taemin down. I had one arm wrapped around myself while the other covered my mouth. I turned my back to them as I cried, sobbing harshly into my hand. I couldn't believe this turn of events- was this all my fault? I kept asking myself that question and seeing no other solution in sight, I'd come to accept that this was completely and entirely my fault.

It was my fault that Taemin ran out of my house crying, my fault he was lying half-dead on the sidewalk behind me, my fault his friends were on their wits' ends with worry and fear- whatever the problem was right now, I was sure it was my fault.

And with that thought being the only one my mind could process right now, I found myself incapable of anything but crying- so loudly I almost didn't hear the sounds of him being sick once again. No one attempted to comfort me, but I couldn't blame them, since they were all focused on Taemin right now. I would be, too, if he wanted me there.

But no, I screwed things up so badly that I was sure nothing would ever be the same. Maybe we'd have to move again, get a fresh start, but even then I was sure I'd never stop regretting this entire situation. What if Taemin were to die? I'd technically be a murderer. This was so much worse than my previous screw up- and that was significant enough to prompt my parents' divorce and I had to switch schools. Maybe now I'd have to leave the country, change my name, take on a different life- god this was so messed up!

The sound of sirens didn't break me out of my thoughts, but I was still relieved that it was here. I turned to see the ambulance and police cars pull up to us as Minho waved them down to our location. I watched on as they hurriedly got Taemin into the ambulance, and how Key got in after him to be able to tell the medics the situation. I felt bitter, thinking that it should be me in there with him, holding his hand and telling him he would be okay, because that's what a boyfriend should do. But he didn't want me.

As soon as the ambulance was loaded and about to leave, Onew approached me. "Kai, we're going to the hospital, are you coming?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice through the sobs that still wouldn't stop, and followed the three of them back around the corner and down the block to where Jonghyun had left his car. When we got there, Onew insisted on driving, and I was thankful, because Jonghyun was crying about as badly as I was and I didn't want him to be driving either. We piled into the car and started off to the hospital.

"Kai, what's going on?" Minho asked in a hoarse voice.

He was asking about why Taemin didn't want me near him, and even though I'd been expecting that question, I didn't want to answer it. "We- we-" My tears wouldn't let me speak, but I swallowed hard and wiped the ever-flowing trails off my cheeks. "We had a fight this morning. Is- Is this my- my fault?" I questioned subconsciously, falling back into sobs.

"N-No, that's not what I meant. I wasn't accusing you, I just wanted to know..." Minho muttered. "Stop crying, I'm sure there's some other reason..."

But I didn't stop crying. I didn't even know I had that many tears in me. Minho kept trying to get me to stop, and I would have been confused at his comforting nature had I not been so completely and utterly devastated at the moment. I allowed him to pat my back and tell me that it wasn't my fault, because I wanted to hear that. It was selfish, wanting to hear that I was fine even though I had destroyed everything. I wanted to hold onto this comfort for as long as I could before these guys knew the truth and would never want to see me again.

"Key texted me the room they're in," Jonghyun mumbled when we were close to the hospital.

No one responded to his announcement, finding no need to, and we arrived at the hospital emergency room a few minutes later. We followed Key's directions to the room and found him standing outside speaking with a nurse.

"And is there a family member we can contact?"

"He- He has an uncle, I... I don't know his name, or address..." Key answered.

"Okay, we will take a look in his files. Go ahead and seat yourself in the waiting room, we'll contact you when he may have a visitor."

"Th-Thank you, ma'am."

We approached Key and he wiped the tears off his face, only to be replaced by more. "We have to go wait, they won't let us in right now..." he said, and we all followed him nervously to the waiting room nearby.

"What happened in the ambulance?" Onew asked as they all took their seats.

"He went unconscious, they said they have to cleanse his bloodstream from a drug- I can't remember the name of it- and they're going to have to give him a charcoal treatment for medication overdose."

Our eyes went wide, but Onew still tried to find the positivity. "Well at least they know what's wrong, and that way they can help him get better, right? Don't worry Key, it'll be over soon..."

Key nodded to show he heard the eldest, but buried his face in his hands nonetheless. The four of them held onto each other, holding hands for support and embracing every once in a while. All of them had called their parents, who were now here and waiting with us. I didn't want to call my mom and tell her any of this, so I called D.O-hyung.

"Hyung-" I sobbed when he answered the phone. "Hyung!" I was just so grateful to hear his voice.

"Kai? Kai what's wrong? I've been calling you for the past hour, I even stopped by your place- I wanted to know if you wanted to join us for movies... Why are you crying? Do I need to come?" he said, practically all in one breath, leaving me no time to answer until he stopped.

"I'm at the hospital..." I whined, sniffing loudly in an attempt to stop my tears so I could talk.

"What?! Guys, Kai's at the hospital-" he said to whoever he was with- I guessed the rest of our friends. "Kai what are you doing there? Are you okay? Should we come? Do you need me to get anything?"

"It's- It's not for me, I mean, it's... please come," I begged, unable to find the right words.

"We'll be there in less than 5 minutes, Kai, hold on. Where can we find you?"

"Th-The emergency room w-w-waiting room," I stuttered, wanting nothing more than my friends here with me as soon as possible. "C-Can you stay on the phone?" I asked helplessly, feeling pathetic as I looked to the other side of the room to see Onew, Jonghyun, Key, Minho, and all of their parents consoling one another while I was feeling incredibly alone at the moment.

"Of course." I heard him talking to Suho on the other end, telling him that he had to drive them to the hospital right away, and I was thankful for the urgency. I needed them here now. "Okay we're in the car now, Kai. Can you tell me what's going on?"

"I-I don't w-want to," I sobbed, ashamed of myself. Never had I felt so low about myself- I never wanted to look in the mirror again. If this was really an attempted suicide, it would have been because of me and I could never live with that guilt.

"Okay, okay, can you at least tell me who you're there for?" he continued to question.

I let out another sob, rendering me incapable of uttering a single word.

"Is it your mom?" he asked nervously.

"N-n-no, it's.. it's T-T-" I couldn't even say his name. Thankfully he understood what I had been trying to say. "Is it Taemin?" I stuttered out a yes and listened intently to him comforting me over the phone for the next few minutes as I stayed silent and cried, trying to believe him when he told me that everything would be okay. I knew it wouldn't be, but it was nice to hear it.

"O-One second," I said into the phone when Taemin's nurse walked in looking like she had something to say.

"Okay," D.O acknowleged and stayed on the line while I listened to the nurse.

"Friends of Lee Taemin?" she confirmed, and we all nodded our heads. "He is being moved over to the ICU right now, and I hate to tell you all that only family can visit him there..."

Key let out a sob and asked "is his uncle here yet?" I knew what he was getting at- he didn't want Taemin to be alone right now, and if we couldn't see him, then his uncle better be there.

"We haven't been able to make contact..."

I heard the ending tone for the phone call I was on, and began to panic that D.O had left when I saw him approaching the waiting room with the rest of our group behind him. I let out a relieved sob and then sniffed harshly as they made their way politely past the nurse who had just turned to leave. They rushed towards me and I stayed sitting there, both hands covering my mouth as I cried for the millionth time that day.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol sat themselves on either side of me with their arms wrapped around me and D.O came to kneel in front of me as Suho and Sehun stood right behind him, feeling awkward since they seemed to not know what to do.

"Hey, are you okay?" D.O-hyung asked concernedly.

"He-He's.. They're... They're moving him to ICU- I can't see him!" I yelled into my hands, bending over to be closer to him as he brought his hands up to my face. His eyes were wide and I could tell that none of them knew how to react to this right now. They didn't need to do anything, though, I just wanted them close. I needed a reminder that someone still wanted to be near me. I needed to know...

I'm not a monster.