A drowning man will clutch at a straw.

I heard that proverb once when I was young. I never gave it much thought.

In fact, I'd entirely forgotten about it until right now. Right now when I was that drowning man, desperate enough to find any possible way out of this mess.

I have no idea how long I'd stayed on the floor, holding my bruised face in the palm of my hand, but once my jaw started throbbing, I forced myself up to go get some ice.

It was funny, really. I wanted to cry- god how I wanted to cry- but no tears would come. It was like my mind knew how badly I'd screwed up and was punishing me for it. And it sure worked. Do you know what it's like when you're just so frustrated with yourself that all you want to do is rip your hair out and then curl up into a ball and cry but you just can't cry?

Sure crying isn't the most manly thing in the world, but neither is getting your face pounded in by a guy that's probably twice as skinny as you are. But he seriously had a punch on him! And yet as embarrassed as that made me, I could honestly say I deserved it. What kind of uses someone's dead parents against them in a fight? Why didn't I just wait and listen to what he was going to tell me.

Now I didn't have the answers I would have had if I had listened to him, and I may also not have a boyfriend.

I wanted to call him so badly, but just to ask if we could work things out, because I wanted to keep him. I wanted him to be mine, still. But if the new bruise resting underneath the ice pack on my face had any significance, it was that I probably needed to give him time to cool down.

How much time, I couldn't say. If there was ever enough time. Honestly I was so confused and uncertain about what to do- I'd never been in this situation before. I'd been loud and outspoken before, I've been rude, but I've never been so vile and insensitive on such a scale.

I honestly did not know what to do with myself, so I sat there on the floor, leaning my back against the counters behind me and holding an ice pack against my face for longer than I had been laying on the living room floor not too long ago. To be honest, I think I would have sat there for the whole day had hunger not been a problem.

But unfortunately, it was, and I had to pull myself up and throw the not-so-cold ice pack back into the freezer before lazily making myself some ramen since I didn't have the motivation to make anything else.

Everything I did was with dragging limbs, shaky fingers, and a huge frown permanently glued to my throbbing face. And that frown only intensified when I noticed the calendar on the wall right beside me- it was Christmas' Eve.

My chances of convincing Taemin to spend Christmas with me just went down from 50% to maybe 2% - if I was really feeling that optimistic. Which I wasn't.

So that's why, when my phone rang loudly through the quiet apartment, I didn't really want to pick it up. There were only a few people it could have been, and none of them were situations I particularly wanted to deal with right now. It could be my mother, and I was so not in the mood to talk to her about anything right now. It could be Taemin, but if it were him, it would likely just be to yell at me more. It could be one of my friends, but I didn't want to do anything social with them- I was too upset. Or it could have been one of Taemin's friends, pissed off at me. So none of them were ideal conversations I was willing to have at the moment.

Nonetheless, I dragged myself away from my half-eaten bowl of food to grab my cellphone from the living room, checking the ID to see it was Jonghyun-hyung calling. I groaned audibly, knowing that it had been a few hours since Taemin left, and Jonghyun lived the closest to me out of all of Taemin's friends, which meant that he'd had plenty of time to tell him about everything that had happened between us- and that didn't bode well for me, now, did it?

"Hello?" I answered, voice low and already shaking in anticipation to the emotional beatdown I was sure I was about to be dealt.

"Kai!" he sounded urgent, and ... nervous?

I was a bit shocked at his tone, so I didn't say anything at first until he frantically asked if I was still there. "Y-yes?" I managed to stutter out, now feeling a bit nervous myself.

He sighed heavily. "Do you know where Taemin is?" I heard the voices of Key, Onew, and Minho discussing something feverishly in the background, and I was quite taken aback. So... Taemin didn't go right to his friends to tell them what I did to him? And they have no idea where he is...?

"No, I don't know."

I heard him cursing loudly away from the phone. "Kai, Key told me you were searching for Taemin's address the other day... Did you happen to find out where he lives?"

"Um..." Now I was getting seriously freaked out. "Not really, but I know somewhat of an area...."

"Good enough," Jonghyun sighed. "We're coming over to get you, we need your help finding him, it's important."

"Wait, hyung!" I interjected right before he hung up. "What's going on?" I was on the verge of hyperventilating right now- just because I was angry at Taemin and at myself didn't mean that I wasn't concerned for his wellbeing.

"I'll tell you when we get to your place, we need to leave now though," he replied, sounding irritated, and hanging up the phone not even a second after he finished speaking.

The phone was still up against my ear, but I snapped out of it quickly. I ran to grab a warm jacket and some shoes before making my way out of the building to wait on the sidewalk. I knew Jonghyun could drive and he lived only a block or two down, so he'd be here any second. My nerves were flying and my heart was beating faster than it ever had... I didn't know what was going on- everything with Taemin was a mystery and to speak the truth, I was sick of it. I hated being out of the loop on everything. Not only did it make me feel neglected, but goddammit, I cared about him!

Jonghyun's car pulled up by the curb and basically stopped traffic while he motioned frantically for me to get into the car. I ran towards him while Minho opened the back door for me from the inside, and I slid into the open seat next to him. Key was on his other side, and Onew in the front seat by Jonghyun.

"Please tell me what's going on, now," I begged.

"Tell me where we're going first," Jonghyun demanded.

"Start heading towards school," I instructed with a sigh. "I'll tell you where to go from there."

He obeyed my directions, waiting until we were officially back on the road to answer my question. "He called me not even 10 minutes ago. He sounded devastated, I don't know what was going on. He said he was sorry, but he had lied to everyone. I tried to ask him what he was talking about, but I could hardly understand him, his words were so messed up. I got that he just kept apologizing and saying he didn't mean to do it, and then he started crying..."

I gasped, remembering when Onew had told us that he had never seen Taemin cry in all the years he knew him. Did I do that to him? Did I make him cry?

"I-I know," Jonghyun stuttered, trying to keep himself from crying as well, but was failing. I saw how Onew reached over and put his hand on Jonghyun's leg so he could calm him down enough to be able to drive and finish speaking. Jonghyun nodded in thanks before continuing, sniffing loudly. "I think he was on something..."

My heart shattered right in that moment. "Drugs?" He told me he wasn't doing them... Did he lie about that too? Just what could I believe about this guy?

"Yeah," Jonghyun choked out. He sounded so weird, I don't know what to do, I just know we need to get to him-"

"Turn here," I interjected, directicting him to that street I'd followed him to last night.

"Thanks. I just know we need to get to him because I think that... Well, what he said... it sounded like... Like he was..."

I wanted to just tell him to spit it out already but he sounded genuinely devastated about this, and I didn't know what to do or what to say, so I sat and waited for him to find the right words.

"Like he was going to try to hurt himself, or... or try to commit suicide or something..."

My eyes widened, and I glanced to my side to see how Minho and Key were reacting. They had their heads down, obviously having been told all of this before I was contacted. "W-Well... W-We need to- to call the police or something! Send them-"

"Where? Send them where?" Onew cut me off. "Kai, that's why we needed your help. We don't know where he could be. See?"

I nodded, not willing to respond. I didn't know the name of the street where I saw followed him, and I didn't even know how far that was from his house... So even if I did know the name of the street and told the police to go there, I had no idea if he would be there. We would have wasted their time. This was our only chance right now. But I couldn't believe this- was this my fault? It seems that the other 4 didn't know what I'd said to him, so that's why they weren't treating me like right now, but once all of this is over, I knew I was in for something.

Jonghyun didn't exactly obey traffic laws very well, so we had arrived at the street after only a couple more minutes of driving. When I told him that this was where I had seen him closest to his home, he slammed on the breaks as all four sets of eyes stared at me in disbelief.

He pulled himself out of his trance in order to park the car and the five of us hesitantly exited the car and huddled on the sidewalk as we took in our surroundings. It wasn't sure of what to think about it now that I was seeing it during the day - whether it wasn't quite as terrifying because it wasn't in the dark, or if it was even scarier now that I could see everything clearly. Graffiti was covering the walls, and even though there weren't as many people loitering around, they looked frightening now that I could see their features clearly.

"Kai, are you sure about this?" Onew asked for clarification

"I saw him here last night and he was almost home. I'm sure of that much."

"I'm going to put aside the questions I have surrounding how you were here in the first place to see him because we have more important things to deal with right now," Key cut in. "But this doesn't match up. I've met Taemin's uncle three times- he's a business man! He's always wearing a suit. A man that can afford to wear suits all the time doesn't live in a place like this...."

I glanced around, suddenly hearing loud noises across the street. At first, I was afraid that it was gunshots, and I almost leapt behind the car to shield myself, but thankfully (for my reputation) it wasn't, and I saw clearly an older man beind pushed forcefully out of a lopsided building, his belongings being shoved in his arms and thrown at his head as a woman yelled at him. The man didn't even seem bothered by it, though, he looked to be laughing a bit. When the door was slammed closed by the woman, the man picked up his things with a half-grin on his face and stood up, facing the street- and I recognized him.

"Oh my god," I muttered, barely looking both ways before sprinting across the street towards him, with Taemin's friends yelling after me before begrudgingly following. I had one thought on my mind though, and I couldn't concern myself with them at the moment. "Hey!" I called out to the man.

He snorted, amused, and looked down at me. I gulped at how tall and intimidating he looked, along with the overwhelming smell of strong alcohol on his breath. "What can I do for you, little guy?" he asked like he was speaking to a baby, putting his hands on his knees so he could be at eye level with me.

"U-Uh-" I stuttered before getting a hold of myself, reminding myself that I couldn't get any information out of him if I acted like I didn't belong here. I didn't belong here, of course, but if I acted like the scared kid I felt like right now, he'd just make fun of me. "There was a guy about my age that you were talking to last night-"

"What about him? He your boy toy?" he asked insultingly, grinning widely.

"Um..." I was at a loss. He was honestly just so intimidating that the words would not come out of my mouth. Onew, Jonghyun, Key, and Minho remained silent behind me.

"Listen kiddo, I don't know what you're doing with that little , but you should probably get out of here before someone shoots you. You shouldn't be here."

"No!" I demanded, getting some sort of insane confidence all of a sudden. "No I need to know where he is!"

The man smirked at my desperate attempt to act tough enough, but I didn't back down. "He was here about 30 minutes ago."

I heard one of Taemin's friends gasp behind me, but I honestly wasn't surprised. "What did he do?" I questioned further.

At this point, the man was obviously infinitely amused at my antics, and even though that's the only reason he was still talking to me right now, I wasn't going to complain. I'll take what I can get. "He was upset 'bout something. So I cheered him up. Simple as that."

"Did you give him drugs?" I asked incredulously.

He burst out laughing at that, and I was entirely unsure of what was so funny about this situation until he spoke up again. "Me? You're asking if I gave drugs to a dealer? That's cute, kid, but he's got more than I could ever dream of affording. Nah, I just paid him a little extra for his services."

"S-services?" I stuttered, horrified. Was he-

"Kid's a e," the man roared through his laughter. "Really, are you sure you even know this guy?"

"He- He's not even old enough to-" I started, speaking more to myself than anything, but I was cut off by Minho. "Where does he live?" he asked, sounding nearly as intimidating as the man he was speaking to. I shuddered and allowed myself to be pulled back by Onew and Jonghyun while Minho stepped up to do the talking.

"Oh, what's this?" the man asked, reaching out to poke Minho right in the chest. "Think you're some tough guy, do ya?"

"I just want to know where he went."

The man smirked, done with his fun with us and pointed behind him, down the direction we were originally headed- further into this place. "Down bout a block that way, lives somewhere near the warehouse but I couldn't tell ya for sure. I'd warn you about the guy he lives with, but I'd much rather see what happens when I don't," he finished with a grin. He pushed us out of his way while he struggled with holding onto all of his things, muttering curse words at whoever that woman who just kicked him out was.

We didn't even allow for things to sink in as the five of us- all nearly in tears at this point- ran in the direction that he had directed us. I shook in anticipation as we passed more buildings, each looking even more destroyed than the last, until we reached that warehouse he was talking about. Honestly, I didn't know what I was looking for, but seeing the size of this place, I knew we'd found it.

Now that we had found it, though, we had no more leads- just that he lived around here. And yet, nothing could have prepared me for when we actually did catch sight of him.

If this is the truth, I don't want to know it.

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Author's Note:

I love reading all of your guesses on what's going to happen. And I like it even more, because basically, if I compile all of your guesses together, then it would be correct. People keep getting bits and pieces but don't see how bad it really is.

This is based on a true story, so that's why I'm not taking your suggestions into account. So there's already a set storyline for this to follow even if it seems unrealistic. Once again, it is not a story of my life but my friends' so there may be certain emotions that I don't personally know in here, but that along with the characters and the setting of Korea are the only parts of this story that aren't entirely factual.

Wow. Heavy stuff, eh?

Keep reading, look forward to another update very soon!

Bisous! :-**