Baby Cheese
Reply to me please Adreanne? I just want to know that you are safe.

You have 190 missed calls from Baby Cheese

Baby Cheese
Pick up my calls please?

You have 15 missed calls from Baby Cheese

Baby Cheese
I miss you, yeobo

Baby Cheese
I'll be at home in case you are coming back today.

Adreanne took a deep, shaky breath before leaving the text message on read and locking her phone. The last time Taemin texted him was two days ago. She hadn't opened his texts since the day she left, intending to do just this- reading them all at once only when she's about to go back. After throwing the phone into her handbag, she turned off the ignition and collected the fabric of her long cardigan that was pooling on her lap before exiting the car. Her guess was right, there was a puddle right where she has parked. A soft smile made its way to her glossed lips when she realized that she made a right guess, an aftereffect of the small victory she got after betting with her own thoughts. 'Would the puddle Kibum oppa once fell into be on this side of the park or was it on the other side of the park where it's more secluded?' She asked herself a few moments ago when she searched for the closest parking spot to her intended destination. Had she gone there with someone and spoken her thoughts out loud, she must've been embarrassed because she was so sure she knew the place like the back of her hand.

The little details about the park were not something forgettable though; she has spent almost her whole life there. The fact that nothing major changed in the past few years made it easier too. The park was nothing too different from the old version of it that she had in mind, aside from the new playground equipment and an addition of a pebble path surrounding the community-tended herb garden. Minho's mom used to bring them there every Monday and Saturday to tend to the herbs and plants that the housewives committee planted together. The housewives even had a schedule of their own, but a lot of times they just came by to talk even if it wasn't their turn. Adreanne wondered if she would've been a part of the housewives committee if she and Taemin settled down there at her childhood home. That would've been so much fun.

She even thought about it once- wanting to stay at the house with him after they got married. Of course, Taemin didn't agree with the notion. It's an area where the elites live, but it has a tight-knit community. Taemin didn't like that. He told her that he didn't like buildings that looked classic, but truthfully she knew that Taemin disagreed with the idea because of their circumstances. Whatever it was, Taemin wanted their marriage to be discreet. Although that upsets her, there was nothing that she could do. She just wanted to be able to have access to people that brought her comfort. The role of a housewife in an enormous home comes along with a sense of loneliness that she couldn't quite brush away, especially now that Taemin was frequently absent. The only thing that distracted her was her work- a lot of writing and painting, occasional shopping sprees with Kibum, and sometimes random lunch dates with Minho since his office was near to where she lived. Whenever the three of them meet up it will always be at their houses though, with Jonghyun and Taemin joining them just like in their old school days.

She really just wanted to stay at her old house since it's close to Minho's house, and Kibum's family home. Kibum moved out after high school to live in the city, but his family still lived there and he visits frequently. Settling down for good in Japan has always been the ultimate dream of Adreanne's parents, so they did just that and moved out of their house after she graduated high school. They only stay at their old house nowadays whenever they come back to the country to meet her, or for a vacation. Minho never moved out, since it's just him and his brother there now anyway. Although living here means that it'll take longer for Minho to reach his office, she reckons it's not really a problem for a man who wakes up at 5.30 am every day and still manages to squeeze in a workout session in the morning before going to work. Adreanne could never.

She peeked her head outside and looked around warily to make sure that nobody was around before she stepped out, it was late after all. A lone harmless woman in the middle of such a quiet area was a merry invitation to those with vicious intentions.

She treaded the puddle very carefully while holding the folded hem of her long dress and cardigan, afraid of staining the white fabric of her dress and losing her balance in the little journey. Some of the water made its way inside of her white slingback heels, making squelching sounds that were not only uncomfortable to the ears but also to her soles. She made a mental note to wash her feet outside before entering the house later, although she knew she was going to be spent by the time she arrived at her destination, and by the time that happens, washing her feet will no longer be a priority. There was going to be another good 40 minutes of car ride before she can reach the lonely villa she called home. Just thinking about it made her feel so drained, and she chose to blame Taemin for pampering her to the point that she never find long drives a fun activity. It always made her anxious and tired, and it was one of her attributes that she would say contradicted strongly with Taemin's. The man could drive for hours and actually enjoyed it especially when they are on the highway. He loved the thrill that comes along with the speed.

It could be a way to see both of them as two people with distinct personalities, for sure. Adreanne valued safety and stability, while Taemin won't even think twice to agree to things that would bring him the thrill and excitement that the world has to offer. Adreanne sees her courage to drive somewhere far alone this time as a challenge to herself- a symbolic start for her to accept that Taemin could no longer be someone that she holds on to for security; although he has tried his best to provide that for her throughout their long, long years of loving each other. The man was akin to turbulence. The only way for her to stay with him was to keep moving forward, no matter how shaky or scary things might be.

The muddy water she stepped on was going to leave one hell of a stain on one of the most expensive shoes that Taemin has ever gifted to her, but she couldn't care less about that at the moment. All the thought about was the difficulty to navigate the grassy area with it, and the desire to be embraced with nostalgia and joy before returning to an empty house; her reality. This moment was nothing that money can afford. Visiting the park of her childhood neighborhood wasn't part of her plan that day, but it would be such a loss to not drop by, now that she has to pass by the area to get to the busier part of the city where she currently resides. She remembered coming there frequently during her uni days when times were tough, just for the feeling that it offers. Sometimes Minho, and Kibum if he is in the country, would come with her there and they would just talk about everything that was going on in their own separate world. It was hard to do now that all of them are thriving and busy with their careers, but it will always be a place Adreanne knew she can come back to for comfort, as a reminder of her innocence before she has to go through the confusion of an adolescent, and the turmoil that she has to go through after learning that she was in for a failure in the most integral part of her adulthood.

Maybe this was why she shouldn't be in the neighborhood's housewives committee in the first place. She shouldn't be making herself busy with the herb garden, or planning monthly tea parties for the kids when she couldn't even be someone adequate for her husband, right? Someone like her should choose one area to focus on and be good at, presumably starting from how to be a better woman for Lee Taemin. All she had to do was stay home and be pretty, and she couldn't even do that properly. This was also the point where she would want to go deeper on the whys and whats of what motivates Taemin to bed another woman behind her back. Was she not good for him on the sheets anymore? People say that sometimes people fall out of love for the same reason that they got into it in the first place. Does he not love her entire existence anymore? Does the passion, comfort, and peace that he finds in her touch and embrace now suffocate him?

She could ponder about it longer but her chest felt restricted so she decided not to. It was a dangerous territory to slip into. This was a small trip to her happy place, remember? She should be in the present to inhale the fresh night air and receive solace offered by the gentle scent of magnolia flowers, from the trees lined up along the road not far from where she was standing.

She walked towards the object of her affection that took her no time to recognize. It was not far from where she parked, and one have to pass by it to get to the now very extensive herb garden. There was a greenhouse under construction not far behind it, and Adreanne made a promise to herself to come and see the greenhouse in another few months. It made her excited- something new to make her look forward to the idea of keeping herself alive.

The tree that she cherished the most has gotten so big, and the shade it offered made the area darker as she walked closer. It seemed like there were a few wooden benches placed around the trunk now, which would have been so useful had they been there when the three of them- she, Kibum, and Minho were children. They used to have to carry a picnic mat to play there, Minho being the one carrying it in his backpack every single afternoon as they cycled there to accompany Minho. It was Minho's daily routine to play soccer with the rest of the neighborhood boys, and many other boys that went to the same school as them. Most of them lived in an apartment complex not far from there. The management and the people there didn't mind the kids playing there, although other people would have to go through security to enter the neighborhood.

The memory didn't fail to paint a ray of warm sunshine in the form of a wide smile on her face. Just remembering the happy days made her beam in pure delight. The cold breeze that made its way past the light fabrics that covered her body, however, made the hairs on her arms stand and pulled her back to reality.

She pulled her cardigan to wrap her exposed skin to warm herself better, or at least tried to. The lightweight knitted piece of clothing never promised that much of a help anyway. The chilly night reminded her of the king-sized bed at home, and she lowkey wished that Taemin wouldn't come home at all tonight. She would appreciate not having to share the bed, wanting it all for herself to stretch every aching muscle in her body. She hasn't felt this physically exhausted in quite a while, and all the socializing that she had to do during the weekends has drained her energy to absolute zero. She enjoyed it down to the little crumbles, but that doesn't make it less tiring nevertheless.

Adreanne fished her phone out of her handbag and switched on the flashlight, silently praying that she wouldn't see anything that would give her a heart attack instead. She bravely strutted closer to the tree, quiet giggles escaping her in the excitement of finding one of the wonders of her world there, under the now illuminated tree trunk. She ran her fingers onto the carelessly engraved words, the soft pads of her fingers taking in the roughness of the bark. The contact left some dusty, black bits on her skin. The engraving on the skin of the now enormous tree seemed neater and cleaner compared to the last time Adreanne had seen it, like it has been given a fresh change of clothes. Someone must've taken their sweet time to groom it.

'CMH ♡ AD & KB' it wrote. A soft smile adorned her lips when she remembered that Minho said the alphabet C in the initials didn't stand for his surname, Choi. Instead, it stands for 'Captain'. 'Captain Minho heart Adreanne and Kibum' would be how to read it.

She must've been in a trance when she stood there, her mind occupied with nothing but the colorful flashbacks from her childhood; because she didn't even notice that someone has crept up behind her, successfully infiltrating her personal space. She instinctually let out a high-pitched scream when she felt strong arms envelop her body from the back. The perpetrator laughed when she flailed and tried to escape before her mind registers the jovial sounds that she have missed so badly.

"Oppa!" She yelled before she even turned around in his arms. She squeezed the tall man with every ounce of energy left in her exhausted body, wishing that her yearning for him could reach him without her having to spell it out in words. She looked up after he pressed a kiss on her crown and she watched his big eyes widen, hinting at a mix of curiosity and worry as he muttered "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" after a soft "I miss you a lot". She decided to not answer it and settled for hugging him tightly once again in quiet response to his mutual longing for her; for the simple question he asked earlier- especially from him, could potentially turn her into a sobbing mess in his arms. She didn't want that. Not tonight.

"You scared me," She said, finally letting go of the rock-solid build of a man. He scoffed and bent down slightly to pick up the handbag and handphone that she threw away when she lost her object permanence for a while just now. 

"You scared me, Adreanne-ah," He retorted with a laugh, putting an emphasis on the first word in his sentence. He held her shoulders and stepped back to see her from top to toe at an arms' length before inching closer to her again. "Dressed to kill, I see?" He complimented with a wide smile. She took his hand and did a little twirl to show him her outfit. "You look stunning. On your way back from some fancy dinner?" He asked after schooling her about the dangers of not watching one's step, especially when they are wearing high heels on uneven terrain. He held her hand and kept another hand hovering protectively on her back anyway, born to always be ready to catch her whenever she falls.

"I just got back from sending my parents to the airport after dinner," Adreanne grinned and looked up at her again. "And thank you so much for the flowers you sent for my book launching and for the wine you gave to my parents. They loved it!" It was not an easy task to converse with someone much taller than her although she has been doing this for many years since he got his growth spurt. This man was taller than Taemin, and her height was just right for Taemin to rest his chin on top of her head.

He smiled, his heart melting after seeing her bright smile. "I am so sorry I couldn't attend. I couldn't move things out of my schedule that day. Kibum and Jonghyun hyung came, right? I saw an article saying that he sang two songs there. They video-called me during your speech. I am so proud of you," He paused and patted her head. "I already ordered my copy of the book yesterday after it was released on the website. I hope my name made it on the dedication page again this time." His comment was welcomed with a funny eye roll from her, then a chuckle.

"You already know that it will happen, right?" She slapped his arm lightly, scrunching her face in slight annoyance before it turned into the soft smile that he thought looked the best on her. "Your name will always be in every book that I write," She said timidly, shy about professing her love indirectly to the gentleman in front of her. If only he knew how much she appreciates his existence in her life. She gently rubbed his arm where she had playfully slapped him. They shared a few seconds of silence when she looked at her feet to let out an almost inaudible sigh. He caught it but didn't question the reason behind it.

"What are you doing here, Oppa?" Her turn to stress on his previously emphasized word.

"I was on my way home, then I saw your car," He stated simply. He pulled her into his arms again, this time putting his right arm across her decolletage. His hand that rested on her shoulder patted her, offering the comfort that she needed. They both stared at the engraving on the tree bark, this time not needing any light as they already knew where it was by heart. The gesture made her eyes water, but she blinked back the tears and swallowed the lump in . She missed this. She wish she could just tell him everything that was happening in her mind, but what she was going through was a war that she needed to fight alone.

Minho was about to say something but she was faster at asking her usual question, the one that she would ask them every day back then. "How was your day, Oppa?" She asked, genuinely caring but also dying to distract her mind from the dark clouds that were making their way back into her thoughts again. Minho assumed that she just couldn't see it when he parted his lips to start talking, so he answered her with the highlight of his day instead.

"Nothing much in the morning so I decided to be a delivery man and visited a friend's office to catch up with him. I also almost punched someone." 

Adreanne clutched the muscled arm on her chest and tilted her head up to look at the man behind her. She let her cold fingers stay there to steal his warmth, Minho's skin was like a god-sent fireplace that she wouldn't think twice to utilize. "For real? You almost punched your friend?" She asked both in awe and utter shock, her beautiful almond-shaped eyes widening like saucers. It was interlaced with Minho's comment about how cold her fingers were. She thought she knew the man as much as he knew about herself. He was the most tenderhearted person she has ever met- him having to stop himself from punching someone must've meant that the person deserves it.

"Correction; I almost punched your husband." Minho blurted carelessly. He felt her body go rigid in her embrace, so he pulled her closer to his body. "But he's the friend I delivered something to, and he's my friend, so technically you are right." He continued. Adreanne could not find anything to reply to that. She felt like Taemin did deserve the punch that Minho itched to deliver, but she felt like a bad person for having that thought.

"What's wrong? Did he make you mad? He can be careless with his words sometimes, you know?" Was the best that she could come out with. Minho sighed and stepped back, releasing her from the confines of his arm. She tried to not pout at the loss of warmth. Minho crossed his arms across his broad chest, the sleeves of his dark blue shirt folded in a way that would make women go crazy. He stared at her intently, and she knew that look immediately. The only defense that she could do was to turn around and look at the tree again.

"Adreanne-ah," He called her name, his tone void of all playfulness that it carried before. "Did something happen between you and Taemin? I am sure he didn't have to drunk call me at four in the morning to ask about you if he knew that you left home to spend some time with your parents before your book launch. Did you not tell him about it?"

Adreanne shut her eyes tightly. Minho saw her shoulders rising as she took a deep breath before answering his question. There was a pause, but Minho didn't rush for her to answer. He wanted to see how Adreanne will go about this matter. He didn't want her to know one thing yet- that at the very same aforementioned 4.00 am, Taemin was almost a hysterical man. The younger man was far from being sober at that point, and in the process of him asking Minho to return his wife to him, he confessed about his infidelity and how he suspected that Adreanne already knew about it because she has been acting unusually distant for a month. "I counted the days she avoided me like a plague. 1 month. 1 month. She didn't ask me how my day was anymore." Was Taemin's most notable sentence that night. Minho heard his drunken 1-hour rant quietly, his hands shaking in anger. 

"We had a misunderstanding, Oppa. That's normal. It was just a small thing, really. I was a hormonal mess so I sulked and left when he said he couldn't go to my book launching. That's all." Adreanne turned around and asked with a tight smile on her face, and with the saddest look in her eyes.

Minho opened his mouth to say something but stopped and chose to sigh instead, nodding at himself. So that was how Adreanne is going to play this. "Look, Adreanne-ah, I know everything," was what Minho wanted to say, but he figured that it would be something embarrassing for her, seeing how she was willing to lie to him- something she has never done before. Adreanne was an open book, and the way she stuttered as she was sprouting the nonsense about her being hormonal and Taemin's absence at her book launching would give her away immediately if Minho didn't know the truth. Minho had asked Taemin if he knew about the book launching. Taemin said he didn't know. He chose to respect her feelings instead, this was her marriage after all. There was only so much that Minho could do for her if she didn't want to confide in him. Thinking about how Adreanne was bottling up such a hurtful betrayal like this made Minho want to retch- it made him sad and sick to the bottom of his stomach on her behalf. Adreanne must be in a great extent of pain. It was one thing to be cheated on by your husband, but being cheated on by your husband with your own close friend? That would be the end of everything for Minho.

"What do I do with you, Adreanne Kim?" Was Minho's quiet response as he stared at her, wishing that he could take away her sadness. It must've been heavy, although she carried it around like it was nothing. Adreanne looked at her with a guilty grin, the one that kids would flash to their mother when they are caught doing something naughty.

"I know, I am so disappointing," She commented. That was not what Minho had meant, but he was too speechless to find a way to deny it. "If there's anyone to blame, it would be me, you know? I shouldn't be childish. I promise you he didn't do anything wrong. So... I'm glad you didn't punch him." She lets out a little laugh and carefully made her way toward him. "Now let us go home, shall we? I am barely halfway through my journey to go back to your friend, and I shouldn't keep a man who wakes up at five am every day awake during his bedtime."

Monday; 4 May 2013; 11:30 am

Nobody writes in their journal at 11:30 am. It’s too early for feelings and reflections. However, I am just a loser named Adreanne, and being Adreanne means feeling so lonely that I have to talk to a piece of paper like this. Sometimes reality hits you hard even when you are absentmindedly doing the laundry. I just had to stop doing chores and write a little to get some things off my chest.

Yesterday Taemin told me to not make dinner for him because he won’t be home. That was the first time he actually told me that he wasn’t going to be home. I don't want to overanalyze his motives too much so I want to believe that he probably noticed the amount of food that I have stored in the freezer to be reheated. I try to go through them every day but Taemin obviously isn’t home too frequently during mealtimes, and I don’t eat a lot when I am alone. It’s funny how you realize many things about yourself, and how someone’s presence can really impact your life.

Plot twist: he came home for dinner when I was eating; looking tired and probably hungry, because he went straight to the kitchen. I wanted to pick a fight so badly and question him why didn’t he tell me that he was going to be home for dinner. All I was having was yesterday’s reheated food. My husband cannot eat my leftovers. I won’t allow him to make me seem like a tier wife than how he has made me feel throughout these long months. He grabbed an apple and a can of coffee from the fridge then sat adjacent to me at the dinner table, on his usual seat. I got up soundlessly and went to cook some stir-fried noodles. Good thing it was done by the time he finished both his apples (he ate another one) and his can of coffee.

He literally inhaled the food. My favorite thing to do daily is to cook for him. Taemin never really ate outside food after we started living together. Even during our school days, I always made a point to prepare an extra lunchbox for him, because he would always offer to exchange his store-bought food for my homemade ones. While watching him eat, I think about things to say to him before I lose the chance to do so when he leaves the table. I also wanted to tell him about the progress of my upcoming book. It’s going to be launched soon, but I am at a very miserable phase in my life, in case it’s not obvious. I need a bit of validation and encouragement to be able to (pretend to) look alive throughout the whole process, not gonna lie. Lee Taemin might be a cheating husband who ghosts me in our own home except for when it’s favorable for him to interact with me, but I have considered him my best friend for many, many years. It’s natural for me to want to share everything with him.

He responded with a low hum when I called his name, but he didn’t stay long enough to let me finish my sentence. “Thank you for the food,” he said. Then he brought his plate to the sink, washed his hands, and rushed upstairs. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I have never, ever felt so alone in my entire life.

I still feel my sadness from yesterday seeping into my bones. I wanted to tell him something that is very important and meaningful to me. I want him to be present during the book launch. A lot of the illustrations in my book are going to feature the many places that we had been together - where we had meaningful memories. I want him to read through the book and smile at me like he always did before. He used to compliment me and tell me that he was proud of me for my every work, even the ones I call a failure. It breaks me even more that he didn’t even stay for a while to listen to me.

I slept on the couch in the living room last night. It was barely 5:00 am when I jolted awake and wondered why the leather couch suddenly felt so soft, so I continued sleeping and didn’t think about how I ended up in his arms instead. Woke up again at 10:00 am and felt even worse, now that I also fail to make his breakfast. Went to the kitchen and saw a sticky note that said “I’ll be home early for dinner tonight. Please cook extra, I will be skipping lunch today. Don’t cook lunch for yourself, I ordered food in advance for you. Eat well. Have a nice day.”

This whole thing gave me the chance to reflect on how our interactions suddenly just revolved around mealtimes and bedtimes. I feel like a maid and a bolster instead of a wife. I wonder if I am now just a liability that he has to keep around just because we are legally bonded.

Adreanne

Hi!

1. I know it's a bit of a late notice but if anyone finds the way these chapters are written a bit weird, I am sorry. When reading the diary entry parts, you have to imagine yourself as Taemin who is reading Adreanne's diary. That means, in this chapter where interaction between Adreanne and Minho is happening, Taemin is reading her entries (Taemin of the future, if you will). This is some kind of a spoiler but I am just putting this out here just in case it might get confusing to future readers.
 

I tried my best to go about how to make the story arrangement better and I felt like this is how it works best for me, as her diary entries can serve as an enrichment for the story, rather than being the main focus of it. It does contain important things, yes, but for chapters like this one, it's just something that adds to what was happening in the main story part itself.

I am sorry if this was confusing T_T I am trying my BeSt TuT

2. I love looking for pictures that would make it easier for me to imagine things, so I will link them in the story. The dress picture I linked above for example, was the dress that I imagined her wearing during this chapter. You guys are free to imagine it however you want, though!


I haven't proofread this yet so I might come back to edit it soon, so I am sorry in advance for any false story update in the near few days!
Anyhow, thank you so much for reading. Please leave comments and feedback <3 They are like cookies for me, they keep me motivated to keep writing! :3
I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I enjoyed writing it because of *cough* Minho *cough*

Thank you again and please have a phenomenal day! xoxo