A loud gasp escaped Key’s lips as he was suddenly brought back to reality. His chest heaved as air came back to his lungs. He had had another one of those dreams again. He ran a hand through his damp hair, trying to recollect his thoughts. And the first thought that hit him was obviously not one he needed at the moment. He to his side and looked at the hour. 3:17. A sigh escaped his lips. There was no use forcing himself to go back to sleep at this point. He would just have to find the energy somewhere, like he always did, to deal with the upcoming day.

Minutes passed as he stared at his alarm clock, head weary. He didn’t want to sleep but clearly had no idea what to do at this hour. He had no desire of turning his laptop back on and he certainly wasn’t going to call up anyone either. He was trapped in his bed; trapped with his thoughts. A few more minutes went by and he finally allowed himself to close his eyes, even if he knew he wouldn’t sleep. He tried to think about more pleasant things, like certain clothes he wanted or restaurants he had really liked. Feeling his body relax, he tried to keep his mind on this path. The more he streamed through the images his mind created, the more they became indistinct. His breathing slowed and his head fell to the side.

He was comfortably settled in between his thighs, back pressed against his chest. He smiled to himself as images of their lovemaking made way into his mind. This night had just been perfect.

‘I know you’re smiling right now,’ Minho teased as the corner of his lips curled up too.

‘I’m happy,’ Key whispered. He lifted his head up, angling it to find his boyfriend’s eyes. ‘I love you,’ he said as his heart hammered in his chest.

‘I love you too,’ Minho replied, before inching closer. His lips found his and they kissed softly, feeling their bodies heat up again.

Before he even realized it, his back was pushing into the mattress again. He instinctively wrapped his legs around his boyfriend’s waist and moaned as a trail of kisses tickled his skin.

And then his eyes opened abruptly, his body still shaken by the sick game his mind was playing. Despite his will to stay awake, he had fallen asleep again. He had dreamed again. He looked at his alarm clock and felt panic run through his body. He raised himself up into a sitting position and suddenly noticed that he wasn’t alone.

‘Jjong,’ he breathed, putting a hand on his chest. His heart was beating really fast and his mind was racing. He felt awful.

‘You should lie down some more, you don’t look so good,’ Jonghyun advised, brows furrowed from worry.

‘No, I need to get up...’ He removed his sheets from his body. ‘Why are you here?’ he then asked, voice still clouded with sleep.

‘Well I didn’t hear you get up to start your morning routine so I got worried. And then when I came in, you were really agitated; like you were having a nightmare or something...,’ the other one explained.

Key snorted. ‘You’re damn right,’ he thought. ‘You should’ve just woken me up,’ he reproached.

‘I didn’t want to disturb you in your sleep.’

‘You should have, Jjong,’ he repeated, his voice coming out as a rasp.

The older one remained silent, guilt clearly splattered across his face.

For a moment, Key regretted his tone but didn’t linger on it, trying instead to get out of bed. Trying was the word because his body clearly wasn’t up to date with his agenda. Every movement required what felt like a monumental effort even though he felt no pain. There just seemed to be no energy left inside him.

An annoyed sigh left his lips as he stopped on the brink of his bed.

‘Are you okay?’ Jonghyun inquired with concern.

‘I don’t know what’s going on...’ the younger one muttered. ‘I guess I’m still tired,’ he added as his gaze found his friend’s.

‘You don’t need to get up. It’s not like we have something important today,’ the other one reminded.

‘I can’t stay in bed.’ His reply left no place for argument.

 Jonghyun knew better than to try to persuade him otherwise, so a feeble ‘Okay’ left his lips before he got up from the chair he had brought to his room.

‘I’ll leave you to your things,’ he then said, turning his body towards the door.

Key knew him too well. He could feel the hurt in his voice. And he knew he was at fault for not showing more appreciation for his concern.

‘Jjong, wait,’ he suddenly called out.

The other one turned around swiftly, anticipation widening his eyes.

‘Let’s go out,’ he uttered with the semblance of a smile.

Minho’s jaw clenched as he heard the front door get shut. He had wanted to get up and just interpose himself between them, but he knew that wouldn’t have done any good. He, who at first, had had some confidence about his chances to make things right was now completely at a loss. He didn’t know what to do and meanwhile, Jonghyun was taking more and more place in his ex’s life. And the worst part was that he couldn’t even blame him for it; it was his fault. He had indirectly brought them closer, that he was sure of.

He rummaged through his stuff, knowing that the only thing that could appease him a little was to go out for a run. It didn’t take long before he found his sportswear. As he was about to put his shirt on, his phone started ringing. He immediately thought of ignoring it, but the lingering hope that it could be Key made him look at the screen.

He rolled his eyes as disappointment and annoyance ran through him. Changmin was harassing him again.

‘I should just get this over with,’ he voiced before picking up. ‘Hello?’

‘Wow, you answered,’ the older one exclaimed.

‘Yeah,’ Minho merely answered.

‘Well, don’t you have something to tell me?’ Changmin pointed out, which only made the other one an eyebrow.

‘Um... no. You called,’ he retorted, confused.

‘So you weren’t going to tell me that you broke up with Hee Jin,’ the other one blurted instantly.

Minho held the sigh that was aching to cross his lips. He had enough on his plate already; he really didn’t need to be reminded of that now.

‘It’s not like we were a couple or anything...’ he replied nonchalantly. He did feel like an for saying that, but he just wanted to cut the conversation short.

Changmin let out a throaty laugh. ‘And I thought I was helping you... Obviously, you don’t want to make an effort.’

That was enough to get anger pumping through the other one’s veins. His fingers clenched tightly around his phone. ‘Make an effort?’ he yelled. ‘You know what? you.’

Still tense, he continued. ‘Yes, you’re right. I don’t want to make an effort and I don’t need to make an effort. I don’t need to be changed.’

And then he hung up, not wanting to hear anything more from what the other had to say. He let himself drop on his mattress, his heart racing and his breathing erratic.

He didn’t even hear the footsteps getting closer to him, only realizing Onew’s presence when his hand set on his back. He looked at him and without any reserve he rested his head on his chest as his arms closed in around his body.

‘Did you hear?’ he asked softly, already calmed by the embrace.

‘Yes,’ Onew admitted with a pang of guilt. ‘I didn’t mean to.’

‘I know.’

They stayed silent for a while, Minho focusing on his friend’s heart beat to block out what had just happened.

‘Do you think Kibum will ever forgive me?’ His mind had inevitably gone back to him. Like always.

Onew’s hand suddenly threaded through his hair. ‘I would love to be able to just say ‘yes, he will’, but I can’t. I don’t know, Minho. I really hope he does though.’

The younger one straightened himself, breaking the embrace. ‘I just don’t know what to do... All I know is that I need him. I won’t lose him another time,’ he asserted.

‘You’ll figure it out, I’m sure,’ Onew reassured with a smile.

His intention to run had turned into an intention to find anything that could get him closer to forgiveness. He was roaming the streets in the district, with a cap pulled down low over his face, while carefully eyeing every establishment that appeared before him. His intent wasn’t to buy in order to repair; he just hoped something he would see would get him inspired, would get him on the right track.

Ever since they had last talked, Minho hadn’t really done anything to show him he was serious. Not that he didn’t think about it; it was constantly on his mind. He was just helpless. And that needed to change, because he knew he couldn’t win Key over easily. He just had to find that one thing that would really mean something to him.

He kept on walking, even though it had been close to an hour and he was so much farther from where he had left his car. There was no way he was going to call it a day; there was no way he was giving up. And as he took a few more steps, he almost missed it. But something in his gut told him to look back, his vision apparently having caught something his mind hadn’t registered. So he walked back a little and when he finally read what the sign said, a silent gasp left his lips. He just stood there for a while, mouth agape. A sudden impact on his arm brought him back to his surroundings and before he could figure what had happened a quick ‘sorry’ was uttered from behind. He watched as the man walked away and then his focus was right back on his finding.

He pulled his phone out and selected the number he needed. A few rings later, a vibrant ‘Hello’ was heard at the other end of the line.

‘I need to ask you something,’ he candidly indicated.

‘Okay,’ Onew consented.

‘Could you call Kibum or Jjong and ask them to get back in time for supper?’ he exposed.

‘Why?’ the older one asked with a tone laced with confusion.

‘I just need Kibum to be there...’

‘Oh, you’re buying him something...’ the leader figured. ‘Does that mean I don’t have to cook?’ he added with a laugh.

Minho rolled his eyes. ‘You do have to cook, I’m just bringing something for him,’ he flatly specified.

‘Aish... alright, I’ll call them right away.’

‘And call me back right after,’ Minho pointed out before hanging up.

He paced, warming his body up and trying to ignore the slight anxiety that was expressing itself by a quickening of his heart rate. The seconds were going by slowly from his deluded perspective and he huffed several times, wondering why Onew hadn’t called him back yet. A startled expression settled on his face as he finally heard the familiar buzzing sound he had anticipated.

‘Hey,’ he answered sharply.

‘Hey,’ the other one echoed.

Minho waited but silence persisted. ‘Well, what did they say?’ he urged, voice tinged with irritation.

‘Well um... I talked to Jjong and he didn’t seem too sure of what time they’d get back so I just told them to get home in time for supper because I wasn’t going to cook all that food for nothing,’ the older one uttered swiftly.

The younger one let out a relieved sigh. ‘Good.’

‘Can I now retreat to the kitchen or do you have another mission for me?’ Onew asked with a laugh.

Minho rolled his eyes again, small smile cracking his lips nonetheless. ‘That’ll be all,’ he replied before hanging up for the second time.

As soon as his phone had found its rightful place into his pocket, he crossed the door he had been facing for quite some time. A poignant smell tickled his nose, making him pause in his movements for a few seconds. Images flashed in his head, bringing him back to moments that seemed long gone.

He finally took a few steps towards the counter as a middle-aged woman smiled at him.

‘What will you take?’ she asked after letting him take a look at the menu.

He knew what he had come here for; there hadn’t really been a choice to make. ‘This,’ he said as he pointed to the specific dish.

‘Aaah, well you won’t be disappointed. It is our specialty,’ she expressed joyfully.

The bags bounced against his legs as he looked up to the sun. The weather had been just perfect and he was glad he had decided to get out. Even more so that he had taken the opportunity to do some shopping. Jonghyun had trailed along despite his apparent displease and in the end, had even found some pants for himself.

A smile crept up Key’s lips. ‘It’s a good day,’ he voiced warmly.

‘I’m glad you think so,’ Jonghyun noted in earnest.

Key stopped in his tracks. Something was wrong, he just knew. ‘Are you okay?’ he inquired as his brows furrowed in concern.

‘Sure, what makes you think otherwise?’ he retorted right back.

‘It’s just... you sounded... I don’t know...’ His gaze ran along the other’s features, searching. ‘Sad,’ he finally grasped.

Jonghyun’s lips curled into a smirk, which didn’t go unnoticed and just left the other one even more confused. ‘I don’t want to ruin this day,’ he said before resuming his walk.

Key’s mouth dropped a little. He surely wasn’t going to let this go. He caught up with him and they were back to walking besides each other, only this time, Jonghyun was looking away, trying to avoid any interrogation.

‘Stop walking,’ the younger one ordered. But as he had expected, his request was ignored as Jonghyun kept moving, even picking up his pace to create distance.

‘You said you didn’t want to ruin this day, but acting this way is definitely not achieving that,’ Key remarked, starting to feel irritated.

Those words seemed to resonate with him as he finally stopped and allowed himself to look his way. ‘Let’s just get home, make some hot cocoa and watch a movie,’ he proposed nonchalantly.

The blonde snorted. ‘Sure, Jjong. Right after you tell me what’s going on.’

The latter sighed and looked down to his feet. From what Key could see, he didn’t seem like he was going to say anything soon. It was weird; why was he acting that way all of a sudden? And then, it hit him. He was selfish. He had been so focused on his needs and on his feelings, that he had forgotten how hard it still must be for Jonghyun. They had spent a nice day together, but in this moment, he realized maybe his best friend was still hoping for more. And maybe it was time he gave in.

He put his bags down before reaching for the one Jonghyun had in his hands. He took it from him and set it besides the others. He took a few steps closer, suddenly feeling his heart pound. There was barely any space left between them. Their chest heaved in unison, one from apprehension and one from anticipation. And then their lips came together timidly, both still unsure.

Soft moans were hummed through the kiss; Key could feel the other’s desperate need just by the way he was responding to his touch. He had his arms wrapped tightly around his tiny waist as fingers threaded through his hair and slid down to the back of his neck. It didn’t take long before the painful but exhilarating burning in his lungs had his head swimming. He unwillingly broke the kiss, resurfacing back to reality.

His fingers lingered on his lips as his mind caught up with what had just happened. He immediately put aside the thoughts that were trying to take over so he could focus on Jonghyun.

‘I...’ he started as their eyes locked. He couldn’t bring himself to go any further; his words wouldn’t help.

‘Why?’ the older one breathed.

Key just stared at him blankly. ‘I... it just felt right,’ he finally said, which earned him a cocked eyebrow.

‘Right?’ Jonghyun echoed with disbelief. ‘Are you sure about that?’ he added with a raised tone.

‘I don’t know what you want me to say, Jjong. If I crossed the line, I’m sorry,’ he expressed in a guilt-ridden voice.

‘I’m not going to be your quick fix, Kibum,’ he rasped.

‘What?’ Key blurted out of confusion. ‘Why aren’t you happy? We kissed and it felt good and-‘

‘But you don’t love me,’ Jonghyun suddenly yelled out in a voice hoarse from emotion. ‘You don’t love me,’ he repeated slowly as he stopped fighting back the tears.

Key felt a pang in his heart as he saw his best friend tearing up before him. ‘Please don’t cry. I didn’t do this to pain you. I’m just realizing that maybe it is time that I give us a shot,’ he explained as his hand reached out to wipe his tears.

Jonghyun pushed it away. ‘No,’ he uttered shakily.

‘No?’ the younger one exclaimed.

‘You shouldn’t want to be with someone because it’s convenient; you should want to be with someone because you love them.’

They had parted a few hours ago, Jonghyun’s sadness and his guilt making it impossible to stay together. He had wondered in the streets, trying to tire himself out until he reached numbness.  But of course, he never reached that state. His mind was too busy mulling over all the bad things, even though his legs could barely keep him up. He sighed as the fact that he needed to get back home dawned on him.

It took him twice the time it would usually take him to get there as strength completely left him. By the time he was turning on their street, he was practically dragging his feet. When he finally reached their dorm, he immediately dropped the bags he had been holding all day and stretched out. He then found his keys and stepped in, picking up the bags again and closing the door behind him. Most of the lights were off which didn’t surprise him considering the hour. He took off his shoes, feeling slightly liberated, and went straight to his room.

After a quick change, he walked over to the kitchen and was surprised to see Onew standing there, with a cup in his hands.

‘You’re still up?’ he exclaimed.

‘Well, you didn’t give any news so I just wanted to make sure you were okay,’ the other one said before taking a sip.

Key rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. ‘I’m sorry if I made you worry.’

The leader sighed and walked over to the table. ‘It’s okay, I’m just glad you’re back.’ He then pointed to a foam food container that had been left on it. ‘It would’ve been nice if you came home earlier though, I don’t think that’ll taste so good now,’ he observed.

Confusion settled on the younger one’s features. ‘Did you guys get take-out?’

‘No, I cooked... but Minho brought this for you,’ he replied carefully.

At this point, Key couldn’t be more confused. ‘What?’ was all he could say.

‘Just open it and you’ll see.’ He then walked away swiftly, leaving his friend to the million thoughts that were running through his mind.

The blonde walked over to where the container was and opened it slowly, gasping as the familiar aroma filled his nostrils. He stared intently at the meal he had somehow forgotten about, before letting himself drop into a chair. He couldn’t believe it. Fish and chips were obviously not the most common thing to be found in the area, but there it was before him.

Despite the gesture making him feel warm all over, he still felt some anger.

‘Does he think this will fix everything?’ he thought as he pushed back the lid.

He huffed and crossed his arms. He could still smell the food and it was a real bother, but for some reason, he wasn’t able to move. It just brought back so many memories and feelings and for a moment, he felt completely overwhelmed. He suddenly saw himself in that restaurant experiencing fish and chips for the first time and enjoying it to the fullest.

A breathy laugh passed his lips as he remembered bringing home a bottle of ketchup that day. He had never used it; it was still well wrapped and safe in a drawer. His eyes widened as a sudden growling sound in his stomach surprised him. Clearly, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was. He eyed the container again and after a few seconds of internal debate, he gave in.

As soon as the food appeared before him, he stuffed his mouth and sighed from delight as his taste buds registered the intake. It wasn’t crispy as it probably had been a few hours ago, but the satisfaction was still beyond anything he had experienced lately. He took no pause; he ate and ate and ate, until not even one trace of crumbs could be seen.

He closed his eyes for a minute. All anger had left him; he was grateful. Whether he liked it or not, Minho had once again helped to fill a void.