6/6

Somewhere Between the Lines
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word count: 9,963w~

 

 

He isn’t exactly sure how he managed to get pass through the heavily jam-packed crowd but he did, and now he’s out of the café and desperately speed walking towards the bus stop (because running would be too dramatic). And besides it’s not like he is, indeed, running from something. Because he is not, no, definitely not. He is just casually walking out of a party he believes to be not in need of his presence anymore. Yes, that is simply the reason behind it and certainly not one which involves a toast, a wasted roommate and an unexpected exposé. Hyukjae tries to shake away the recollection of the instantly hushed crowd (the party animals chose to be extremely quiet in an extremely awkward situation), the unstoppable revelations about his first love courtesy of his awesome roommate and the worst part of it all, Donghae’s face after hearing every bit of it.

Well he didn’t really see his face clearly. It was just a mere second of it. A swift moment when their eyes locked before Hyukjae jumped off the kiosk and dashed for the door. He even ignored Sungmin who was calling after him, or the hollering Changmin because Kyuhyun apparently passed out. All he was concern at the moment was to get out of the place.

He quickens his strides, letting out a sigh of relief when he reaches the bus stop. He checks the schedule and his watch; a bus will be coming up in a few minutes. He places his hands in his pockets and taps his foot impatiently, praying the vehicle will come quickly. He needs to go home and… he doesn’t know, dig up a hole and bury himself alive for a century or so? Hyukjae winces at the idea. No matter what he does, no matter how he convinces himself, he still just can’t make himself believed that what just happened isn’t a dream.

He was found out. Donghae already knew.

He has to run away.

His eyes sparkle when he sees some headlights, the arriving green bus coming to view effectively makes Hyukjae smile. It is short-lived, however, when he glances right back at the café’s direction and finds a figure walking out of it. The lamp beside the café is malfunctioning, but Hyukjae doesn’t really need the sun to figure out who the approaching person is, he could recognize him even with his eyes close.

Momentarily freezing on his spot, Hyukjae widens his eyes before looking back at the forthcoming bus, still some blocks away and it is on the last minute that he decides to dash and hide behind a nearby vendo machine. He peeks over and finds the guy searching, for him probably—no, searching for him definitely. Hyukjae turns towards the street and wishes the bus will just hurry up so he can leave. It seems that his prayers are answered though because a few more meters and it’ll finally reach him. Sighing, Hyukjae looks back at the person he’s hiding from and instantly feeling the blood leaving his face at the sight of Donghae staring straight right back at him.

.

Hyukjae widens his eyes, taking a few steps back without noticing he’s already at the main road. A loud honk from the approaching bus shakes him out of his shock and it must have shaken Donghae too because he begins running towards him. Panicking, Hyukjae thinks of running away but the bus driver is yelling at him and he remembers what he’s doing there in the first place. Hopping inside the bus, he’s quite thankful it takes off right away, giving no time for Donghae to catch up. He walks down the aisle, the bus almost empty besides a student and an ahjussi sitting in front. Hyukjae opts for the backseat, planning to see what happened to Donghae. Halfway through, the bus suddenly stops, and he turns just in time to see the person who boarded the vehicle.

Said person is panting, sweat trickling down his sideburns, his hair unkempt and everywhere. He must have run from the café from the way he is catching his breath, his shoulders moving up and down and the most distinctive of it all are his two brown, usually calm eyes now glaring back at Hyukjae. Hyukjae gulps.

Donghae is freaking mad.

-

Flustered, Hyukjae forgets about the backseat and takes the two-seater beside him, and keeps his eyes on the window, as if by doing so he’ll be able to shield himself from Donghae. The bus starts moving again and he hears the faint steps, his breath hitching when he hears it stops. Someone occupies the space beside him, and Hyukjae doesn’t need to turn to see who the person is.

He can see his face with the reflection from the window, and Hyukjae bites his bottom lip because he can tell that Donghae is very upset. He thinks of taking off on the next stop, to avoid any unwelcomed conversations, but before that, he has to find a way to get pass Donghae first.

A minute passes and Donghae is still very quiet, Hyukjae isn’t really sure what’s on his mind but he tries to take advantage of the silence and leave. He sits properly, taking a glimpse of the other’s face and finds him staring at his hands on his lap, both clenched tightly in a fist. Hyukjae’s not sure if the reason why Donghae is breathing quite heavily is because he’s still weary from the run or he’s too furious. Hyukjae crosses his fingers and wishes it isn’t the latter.

Clearing his throat, Hyukjae tries to stand and excuse himself but almost immediately, Donghae raises one of his legs and slams his foot on the seat before them, hard and loud that the bus’ other occupants even turn their way. Hyukjae jumps a little and widens his eyes, his gaze shifting from Donghae to his leg that is completely blocking him from moving out. He’s about to say something when the other boy swerves his head, his eyes piercing right through Hyukjae that he can only gulp and shrinks back to his seat.

He peeks with Donghae’s expression and it remains the same, still fuming and scowling and Hyukjae immediately avert his gaze and bites his bottom lip.

Crap.

He is so dead.

-

Donghae rarely got mad. Hyukjae tries to squeeze out his brain with moments of Donghae being utterly angry but he can barely come up with one. He got annoyed yes, because Hyukjae tended to a lot when they’re younger but to be extremely mad to the point that he wanted to hurt Hyukjae… there’s none. They don’t have the capacity to hate on each other anyway, because they just can’t.

It’s a different story however, when you find out that your best friend, whom you have been all through your life, who left you for years without even telling you why, who told you he hated you and wanted you out of his life, is also the same person you found out to have been harboring special feelings for you for a long time.

So Hyukjae definitely understands all the rage emitting from Donghae. He left him. He lied to him. He loved him…

And Donghae won’t be able to love him back. And perhaps this is another reason why Hyukjae never told his friend about his feelings. Because he knows Donghae will hate himself for not being able to reciprocate his love. Hyukjae doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need Donghae to feel troubled over his own emotions. He doesn’t need his kind-hearted friend to be tormented over something that is Hyukjae’s fault.

He doesn’t need this. Hyukjae doesn’t need any of this.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

It comes as a whisper, and Donghae is staring back at his lap. Hyukjae’s jaw hardens. You can’t even look at me.

“It doesn’t matter.”,  Hyukjae answers softly and in an instant, Donghae is looking back at him. His eyes are glassy, his lower lip quivering indicating how angry he is. Hyukjae eyes him momentarily before shifting his gaze back in front, keeping his expression cold and stern. He doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need any of this.

“Of course it matter! These are your feelings, Hyukjae!”, Donghae says and Hyukjae lets out a sharp breath before answering, still not looking back at his friend.

“That’s right, these are my feelings. Mine. So whether I want to share it or not, it’s up to me.”

“But you should have told me!”, Donghae insists, his voice raising up a notch. Hyukjae scoffs and shakes his head; the bitter smile on his face tells how much he finds Donghae’s words ridiculous.

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because I need to know!”

“Why would you need to know? I told you it doesn’t matter!”

“And I told you it matters to me!”

“Why would it even matter?!”, Hyukjae’s voice is loud too, both of them enraged and b with tears. “Tell me Donghae, why would it matter so much? It won’t do anything! It’s not like if I told you I love you, you’ll tell me that you love me too—“

“Yes!”

Hyukjae’s words come into a halt, his head rapidly swinging in Donghae’s direction, their eyes broad and stunned. The tears are verging to fall but they don’t, not until Donghae breaks his gaze and mutters a soft and painful, “I don’t know..”

A tear falls and Hyukjae clenches his jaw, turning his face to the window as more tears follow. Donghae weeps silently on his seat, wiping his face with his hands while Hyukjae tries to hold it back but the waterworks are just too stubborn and refusing to stop. He knows it’s too good to be true, that Donghae will indeed tell him he loves him back. It’s just an impulse, because Hyukjae is too frustrating and big-mouthed he just has to make him stop talking. It is clearly the case because otherwise it just doesn’t make sense.

Donghae just can’t possibly love him back.

No. Just no.

“It’s just that..”, Donghae starts again, both of his feet now press on the bus’ floor, his hands both balled in a fist again over his lap. “I feel like..”, Their eyes meet and Hyukjae sees how hurt his friend is. Hyukjae winces. He doesn’t need any of this.

“Hae—“

“I feel like you’re .. you are not happy. You are not happy with your feelings for me.”, Donghae says softly, and Hyukjae stares at him for quite a while, trying to comprehend what Donghae just said before breaking into a forced, painful chuckle.

“Why would I be happy about it?”, Hyukjae utters, a bitter smile on his face. “It’s wrong.”

“Why?”, Donghae immediately asks back, fresh tears dripping down his pretty face. “What makes it so wrong?”

“Donghae, it’s not right to fall in love with your best friend—“

“Why?”, Donghae presses his lips together, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he stares at those seats before him, hilariously hoping that it’ll reveal the answers to his questions. “What makes it so wrong Hyuk? Shouldn’t it be something.. beautiful and.. great because..”, Donghae trails off, biting his lip before staring back for another time at Hyukjae. “Because you’re in love with someone who knows you.. more than anyone else?”

Hyukjae doesn’t say anything. He does nothing but clasps his fist while Donghae speaks.

“You.. fall for someone you’ve been with for so long. Who knows everything about you, probably with things you don’t even know yourself. Someone who believes you and accepts you for whomever you are. Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Shouldn’t you feel happy about it?”, Donghae asks, sniffing and tearing up, his eyes shifting to the hands on his lap. “It’s like..finding your soul mate.”, Donghae whispers. “Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Shouldn’t it be, Hyukkie?”

Hyukjae tightens his jaw. Why is Donghae asking these questions? Why is he being difficult? Why can’t he just tell him he doesn’t love him and go on with their lives? Hyukjae doesn’t need this. He doesn’t want to hope for something he won’t be able to have. He doesn’t need any of this.

He can’t find it in himself to accept the possibility that he must have been wrong all this time.

“You’re just saying that because you pity me. Because you don’t want to hurt my feelings.”

“What? Hyuk—“

“Stop pretending!”, Hyukjae shouts right on Donghae’s face, uncaring if anyone can hear. The tears are unrelenting, and so are the painful, defensive words. “You don’t want me, you don’t love me and friends are all we ever could be! How could that be a good thing when I have always wanted so much more?”

“That’s why you should have told me!”

“But it won’t change anything! You don’t and won’t ever feel the same!”

“How would you know?”

“Because that’s how it is. You can’t love me—“

“Stop putting words in my mouth!”

“Well that’s the truth, you’re just being your nice self and I don’t need your pity! Stop the pretense! We will never happen—“

“I said stop it!”

The bus’ tires screech in a halt, and the driver and two other passengers all look up at the direction of the loud yell. Donghae’s fuming and upset, Hyukjae could definitely tell with the way his friend’s shoulders move up and down, his bottom lip quivers, his brows in a tight front. Hyukjae’s waiting for harsh words or hurtful allegations of just how terrible he is. He’s even expecting a slap or a punch. But Donghae does none of that.

Instead, a sad, quiet, almost in a whisper words leave his lips.

“You don’t know my feelings.”, Donghae says and achingly shakes his head. He chuckles for no reason before stopping and pressing his palm against his eyes, the tears cascading endlessly on his cheeks. After a while he gets up from his seat, wiping his face completely before turning to Hyukjae.

“You don’t know how much I want to—“ Kick you? Punch you? Never see you in my life again?, Hyukjae marvels. “..keep you.” Donghae completes with a very small voice and bites his lip. Hyukjae freezes on his seat.

“But you keep on pushing me away.”, Donghae continues, his smile showing regret. “And I hope you’re happy. Because… b-because now..” Donghae is chewing on his lower lip, his chin trembling and Hyukjae could only guess he is attempting to say something along the lines of ‘I’m so done with you.’

Donghae finds it really hard to voice it out so he just presses his lips together, turns his heel and walks towards the exit. He notices the curious stares from the driver and the other two passengers and he blushes, bowing his head awkwardly before dashing out and hopping off the vehicle. The bus starts moving and Hyukjae can’t find it in himself to look back at him. He’s scared he’ll see just how much Donghae hates him, just how much he ruin such a beautiful friendship because of his narrow mind and tangled emotions.

Donghae is completely out of his life, for the second time around. He won’t try to pry in anymore and Hyukjae reminds himself it is for the best. It should be for the best.

But as he presses his temple against the cold glass window, recollections of everything he had ever shared with Donghae from the day they met until that heartbreaking moment in the bus earlier, Hyukjae clutches his chest and questions.. if it’s for the best, and then why does it hurt so much?

Is this really what he needs?

-

It is a weekend the morning after, and although he doesn’t feel like going out of his room, the loneliness and the coldness reminds him of so many things he really doesn’t feel like pondering at the moment. So at seven in the morning, Hyukjae stands up from his bed, thinking of making some breakfast and probably he’ll plan the rest of the day from there. He stretches his back and opens his door, his yawn coming into a halt when he finds his roommate standing before him.

“Hyung! You’re awake!”, Kyuhyun beams, the dark circle under his eyes and the muddled hair hark Hyukjae back on how boozed up his roommate was the night before. But Kyuhyun shows no signs of the predictable hangover as he grabs Hyukjae’s hands and hauls him to their kitchen.

“I prepared you a breakfast! Again!”, he says proudly, pushing Hyukjae to his seat before grabbing the toast, eggs and bacons on the kitchen counter. The younger lays everything before Hyukjae, all the while wearing that big smile of his.

“Oh wait you need drinks! Do you prefer coffee, milk, orange juice?”, Kyuhyun asks but even before Hyukjae could answer he beats him to it. “Oh you know, I think you need all three of them! So I’m going to make all three!”, he declares and starts pouring the three drinks. Once done with the glasses of milk, orange juice and the cup of coffee, Kyuhyun lays all three of it before Hyukjae, still with his megawatt smile and expectant face. He motions Hyukjae to begin eating, but the older just looks at him with a blank face.

After a little while, Kyuhyun’s smile slowly vanishes, gulping and shifting awkwardly on his feet before he winces and groans. Hyukjae watches as the boy drags his feet to him, shoulders and head down, an uncharacteristic pout on his face. He pulls a chair and places it near Hyukjae, sitting on it and facing the older with a very apologetic gaze.

“Okay I know I’m not the best roommate and wingman ever and I tend to be really, really horrible when I’m drunk and I—“, Kyuhyun gulps before pressing his palms together and pursing his lips at Hyukjae. “I’m really, terribly, honestly, very sorry hyung! I’m sorry!”

Hyukjae doesn’t say anything. He just lifts an eyebrow while looking at the younger boy, the action effectively makes the boy fidget, his face defeated and begging for mercy.

Grunting, Kyuhyun bows his head and leans closer to Hyukjae, tugging his arm and telling him he can bash him because he’s horrible. Hyukjae scoffs but when Kyuhyun raises his head up, the older is back to his straight face. The younger can’t help but to pout.

“Here hyung, you can hurt me okay? I’ll take it! Punch me, bash me, I’ll take it like a man—“

Kyuhyun isn’t able to complete his little speech because Hyukjae already hit him square on his forehead. A little too hard to be honest, and it shows because Kyuhyun yelps, pressing a palm on his forehead as he stares at his roommate.

“Ya hyung! Why did you—why, ahh I can’t believe you really-- Oww it hurts!”, Kyuhyun whines while trying to ease his forehead. Hyukjae rolls his eyes and reaches for a toast.

“You told me to hit you.”, Hyukjae mumbles nonchalantly and Kyuhyun widens his eyes.

“Haven’t you watched dramas hyung? Or movies? If people do that you should pat their heads lightly and tell them it is okay-“, Hyukjae eyes him blankly and Kyuhyun gulps, “but yeah on the other hand, you did just great hyung! Thanks I really appreciate it, it’s like you’ve given me a wakeup call! It’s so nice!”, Kyuhyun  utters rather too enthusiastically and when Hyukjae chuckles, he takes it as a sign that they’re okay.

Kyuhyun grins and drags his seat nearer, practically invading Hyukjae’s personal space and the older quirks an eyebrow while he munches on a strip of bacon. Kyuhyun is back in his million-dollar smile again, giggly and excited. Hyukjae promptly doesn’t feel good about that.

“So hyung~”, Kyuhyun starts, propping his elbows over the table and cupping his face with his palms, his eyes all sparkles as he gazes at the older. Hyukjae rolls his eyes yet again and takes a gulp of his milk.

“So what happened last night with Donghae-hyung?”

Hyukjae chokes on his drink, but it’s not that he doesn’t see the question coming knowing how big of a nosey bastard his roommate is. He is caught off guard, however, when Kyuhyun mentions Donghae, the name still brings the same effects like how it always had.

Coughing and beating his chest, Hyukjae drinks for some more before shoving a mouthful of bread and egg in his mouth. Kyuhyun still looks persistent though and although Hyukjae has really no intentions of reliving what happened (and narrating it to Kyuhyun moreover), he also knows the younger won’t let this drop.

“Nothing.”, Hyukjae answers as he makes another sandwich for himself. Kyuhyun frowns at him before making a face.

“Aeee, that’s impossible! I mean, look at your face! Your eyes are puffy and sad and I think I heard you crying this morning and-- I didn’t say anything, come on just give me another bash on my forehead!”, Kyuhyun exclaims and shows his forehead. Hyukjae, even though a bit affronted, chuckles and playfully slaps the younger’s face.

Kyuhyun purses his lips and albeit the fact that he really, really wants to know what happened last night, he decides not to bother his hyung anymore. Besides, it’s his fault from pulling him into this situation anyway. Sighing and beaten, he drags his seat back and quietly starts with his own meal. He’s currently munching on his toast and fried eggs when he hears the other mumbles.

“He—“

Kyuhyun yanks his chair with him and is back beside Hyukjae in a flash. He leans closer, making sure he’s going to hear every bit of it.

Hyukjae eyes the younger for a second, having the urge to bash his head because why does he loves to snoop in other people’s lives? But then again, Hyukjae is not some ‘other people’ anyway and Kyuhyun’s pretty responsible on why last night occurred, so maybe it’s alright for him to know.

Or maybe Hyukjae just really needs to let this out. Maybe what he needs right now is someone who will.. listen.

“Well, he… found out about my feelings.”, Hyukjae speaks and Kyuhyun nods his head.

“Yeah I pretty much told everyone everything I know… but let’s not talk about that, what happened next?”, Kyuhyun asks and Hyukjae sighs and traces the rim of his glass of milk as he speaks.

“He followed me and we.. talked. He asked me why I didn’t tell him and I said it wouldn’t matter anyway.”

“And then?”

“And then we argue, he kept on insisting that if I told him about my feelings it would change anything. But it won’t, it won’t change anything. It’s not like he could even love me back.”

Kyuhyun frowns but he tells Hyukjae to keep on.

“So he got mad at me, and I can tell he hated me so much now. The he walked away.”

“He walked away? And then?”

“What do you mean ‘and then’?”

“And then what did you do?”, Kyuhyun tugs his arms, looking frustrated for a reason Hyukjae is a little baffled about.

“And then I let him go.”, Hyukjae answers as if it’s the most obvious thing on earth.

“Just like that?”, Kyuhyun asks with wide eyes and Hyukjae nods.

“Just like that.”

“Ahh, and I thought he’s going to put up a fight! Aish, Donghae-hyung.”, Kyuhyun groans. He sulks for quite a few seconds before heaving a sigh. “I’ve always thought there’s something special with the way he looks at you, you know? He even asked me about you. Like, for a lot of times ever since he moved out. He even told me to take care of you and in return he’ll help me proofread my thesis! All this time I thought there was something in there. Ahhh, I can’t believe it.”, Kyuhyun shakes his head, hauls his chair and moves back to his previous place. “Well I guess I misunderstood everything. Maybe he really just wants you guys to be just friends seeing he just walked out just like that. I was actually expecting a confession from his part, and then you guys will be happy! Just like in movies! Ugh.”

Kyuhyun carries on with his rambling, but Hyukjae doesn’t actually hears the most of it since he’s still caught on the part when Kyuhyun mentions about Donghae still checking up on him. So he was concerned? He still cared about him even after he told him he hated him? But why would he do that? Isn’t he supposed to hate Hyukjae too?

“—yo

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thepoppedcherry
#1
Chapter 7: ❤️❤️❤️
flower__angels
#2
Chapter 7: the story is beautiful pain 😭.. thank you for writing ;)
SingMelodyyy
#3
Chapter 7: This story is so heartbreakingly beautiful, I wept with hyuk in the beginning then with donghae in the middle and for the both of them near the end 😭 it is so adorable how donghae actually stayed so close to hyukjae without even planning to reveal himself just so he see him. If it wasn’t for that, hyuk would’ve lost another chance. This is such a great story, I come back to this again and again. Thank you for sharing this with us 💕
simjang #4
Chapter 7: I cried so hard in the angst chapters my god hyukjae is such an idiot 😭😭 and donghae never giving up on him and holding on until the end was just so so so touching 😭😭 and the fluff and sweetness in the end, i'm !!! 🥲🥲 so good huhuhu the tears were so worth it!
yoitsrani
#5
Chapter 5: KYUHYUN AND HYUKJAE ALWAYA MY FAVOURITE. I LOVE THEIR CHARACTERS, I LOVE DRUNK KYU, AND KYU BEING CLINGY TO HYUKJAE HAHA
Kethryveris
#6
Chapter 7: Encore une superbe histoire. Merci de nous partager de si belles choses.
Lad7whisper
#7
Chapter 1: Found this by chance and is so promising, i like these sort of stories! And even if the start is a bit of a cliché, sometimes it’s comforting☺️ Cant wait to find out more about this helpless Hyukjae🥺
Xjyuna #8
Chapter 7: Reread this again and fell on the details i’ve missed in my first time .. ahh this is just so beautiful
asdfghjkl024
#9
Chapter 7: Oh my God they are both so silly! But well, it really happens. I like and hate the fact that Hyuk is so pessimistic and hesitant over all this because it's what it is usually in reality. And I love how Donghae iz so persistent and all. You have portrayed two different types(?), I actually don't know the term, hahaha! Or reaction towards being in love with your friend. I find it lovely though when the grandma revealed Donghae slowly to Hyukjae plus the DVDs! I have actually thought there is some meaning behind it when Hyuk saw it again but kind of lost hope when he just mentioned they're some of their fave movies until his encounter with the grandma! Kudos for you work as always! ♡
HaiDonghai
#10
Chapter 7: This is really so sweet