It’s like.. forever.

That’s how Hyukjae feels like before he hears Donghae speak.

“Why?”

Hyukjae gulps, averting his gaze and managing to keep a straight face.

“Because it’s not the same anymore.”, he utters and because he thinks there’s nothing more to say, he turns and starts walking towards the apartment building, clutching his fist and keeping his eyes in front. A few steps after though, he hears his voice again.

“And why is that so?”

Hyukjae isn’t looking, but he knows just by the way he sounds that Donghae is angry. Hyukjae freezes on his feet for half a second after hearing Donghae, but the startle leaves as quick as it comes and he’s back on walking away again. The other won’t have any of that though, because in a flash he’s right beside him. And he is indeed mad.

“Why it’s not the same anymore? Huh, Hyuk? Aren’t you the one responsible for that?”, Donghae is nagging, and he’s dead furious. He walks in the same phase with Hyukjae, trying to squeeze out answers from him but he’s no way giving one. He’s not responding, so Donghae keeps talking.

“I called you, for.. so many times. Every day. For one ing year!”, Donghae keeps on. “I called your mom, I called your sister, I even wanted to call the police because I found it hard to believe that you’re okay but you’re not even talking to me! If it wasn’t for your family I wouldn’t even know you’re in Seoul! Hyukjae I.. I tried to reach you for God knows how many times but never did you even contact me back!”

They’re already before the elevators, Hyukjae stops and taps the button, still not looking at Donghae or responding with all his sentiments. Donghae is beside him, gazing at him, with a very annoyed and very exasperated expression Hyukjae tries to ignore. He taps the elevator button again, wishing that will speed the lift up.

“Won’t you even tell me why? Don’t you think I deserve to know? Hyukjae you should at least tell me why!”

The elevator chimes and the door slides open. Hyukjae walks in and taps his floor without a word, his gaze on the ground and is actually expecting for Donghae to follow him but the guy stays on his spot. Hyukjae raises his head and finds Donghae standing outside the elevator, his fuming, teary eyes on him.

“Why Hyukjae..”, Donghae asks, his voice lower this time, his eyes seeking for answers. “Why things are not the same anymore?”

Hyukjae’s jaw clenches, his palms starting to hurt from clutching his fist way too hard.  He wants to answer Donghae but that means he needs to be honest with his feelings once and for all and Hyukjae never is. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t matter.

So Hyukjae just stares, their gazes intense and their eyes glossy, b tears threatening to fall. Hyukjae wishes Donghae won’t insist anymore and that the elevator door closes immediately so he could finally breathe and let the tears out. The way Donghae looks at him pierces right through his heart, and he knows behind those eyes are more questions and frustrations Hyukjae won’t be able to answer truthfully. The lift’s door begins to slide close, and Hyukjae holds his breath as he counts the seconds.

Five, four, three..

A tear falls from Donghae’s eyes and Hyukjae doesn’t miss it.

Two..

I’m sorry, Hae.

Tears slip off and Hyukjae drops his gaze. He is surprised however, that just as the door completely shuts, a hand comes in between and stops it. Hyukjae widens his eyes as Donghae steps in, his eyes meeting Hyukjae’s, their faces inches away.

Donghae is crying. And it pains Hyukjae more knowing it is his fault.

“Please tell me why.”, Donghae speaks. “Tell me the reason why it is so easy for you throw years of friendship away. Just like that.”

Donghae is mad, but Hyukjae doesn’t fail to notice that he’s more upset. He wants to wipe the tears away, but his hand reaches for his own face and brushes the tears quite harshly, his eyes focusing on the floor indicator and nowhere else.  He doesn’t want this conversation. He doesn’t want to hurt Donghae.

“Hyukjae, tell me!”, Donghae tugs on his arm and Hyukjae clenches his jaw but still keeps his gaze away.

“You don’t need to know.”, he mutters and he can see in his peripheral version that Donghae isn’t pleased.

“I need to know!”, Donghae shouts and Hyukjae closes his eyes before pointing it back to his friend, stern and angry.

“Because Donghae.” Hyukjae gulps, staring at the wide brown eyes of his best friend. You’re going to hate me after this. “Y-You are..”

“What? What is it?!”, Donghae demands and Hyukjae takes a breath before lashing it out.

“You. Are. ing. Everywhere.” Hyukjae grips on Donghae’s arms and he feels the other flinches. He’s clearly hurting.

And it’s going to hurt more.

“You are there wherever I go, whatever I do. You kept on bugging me and calling me and there was never a chance that you’re not there with me! You’re all I see, my mind’s filled with images and recollections of you, you were all over the place that I can’t help but—“, fall in love with you..

“.. grow tired of you.”

Hyukjae finishes with a low voice, at the same time the elevator reaches their floor and the door slithers open. His grip on his friend’s arms slackens and Donghae’s startled face looks back at him. Hyukjae takes a step backward, his eyes crying just as much as Donghae’s and he figure he can’t handle it anymore. With his head hanging low he walks pass Donghae and out of the elevator, his steps in a hurry. He hopes Donghae would stop once and for all, because he doesn’t know if he can still control himself. He doesn’t want to lie and furthermore, he doesn’t want to hurt his friend.

But he already has.

He may not be even allowed to call him his friend anymore.

He’s almost at his door when a strong grip pulls him and turns him around. He isn’t surprise to see Donghae, and he’s half-expecting a punch or angry words but what leaves his friend’s lips are none of those.

“So you’re saying that you.. hate me?”, Donghae asks and Hyukjae wants to counter that because that is definitely not the case but then recalling what he said earlier, it’s pretty much how it means. Donghae doesn’t seem to be waiting for an answer though.

“Why did you—.. What did I--.. Was it something that I--..”, Donghae is crying really badly and Hyukjae’s breath hitches because this is just too painful for the both of them. Donghae must have taken the action differently because he quickly let go of his arm, an apologetic, small smile on his face.

“I’m annoying you now, right?”, he says, his tone defeated. “I’m sorry it’s just—I didn’t think that.. I was bothering you.”, he whispers and stares at his feet, his fingers curling at the hem of his shirt, his other hand clutching tightly on his bag of dvds. Hyukjae feels a part of him breaks.

“But who am I kidding I’ve