Gone - Jin

/I cried after watching the mv again OTL

Chapter 48: Worth of Tears.

The temperature was already cold and dark, but with the skies dropping millions of snowflakes per second, the night had just got even worse. The weather was bearable, not being that severe that it’d make one’s insides freeze, but Jaera was different. With each passing moment that she stood in the garden, she felt every fiber of her body being engulfed by the icy climate. All the warmth that she’d held earlier that night suddenly disappeared, much like how the light in her heart had diffused into thin air.

“Jaera…”

Hearing Sehun’s voice made no difference for her. It did, however, for Lu Han, who flinched at the sound of his voice. Coming to his senses, he immediately shoved Jongmi away from him, without even the least bit of gentleness anymore. With a heavy heart, Lu Han swallowed hard and turned towards the direction of Sehun’s voice, his usual glistening eyes slowly losing their shine.

All he could see were tears, sparkling continuously as they poured down on Jaera’s pale skin. Seeing such sight before him, it was as if his heart stopped. His breathing had begun to hitch greatly. All the colors of his face had already washed out. Only a mixture of horror and brokenness expression was displayed.

“Jaera…” Lu Han’s voice cracked, his feet cautiously making their way towards the girl. With each step he took, Jaera took another backward. It wasn’t a situation where he can deny his actions, but he still tried, and breathed heavily. “Jaera, I-I can explain—“

Without hearing the rest of his words, Jaera suddenly turned and ran, not looking back at all. Lu Han ran after her, wanting to fully explain everything to her, but before he had the chance to reach the girl’s back, a strong and sturdy fist suddenly met his left cheek. In an instant, Lu Han fell to the ice cold ground, his watery eyes staring right into the disappointed and enraged ones of his cousin.

“I didn’t think that you could actually be stupider than I am… I thought you knew better,” Sehun said in a low voice, breathing heavily to calm himself down. “But I guess I was wrong.”

He had already made his emotions obvious in the eyes of his cousin, so indulging in it more would only make things worse. Sending one last disgusted look towards Lu Han, then looking at Jongmi with the same expression, before running back inside the lobby.

Lu Han stayed still on the ground, his body slowly being covered by the white drops of frozen water coming from the sky. His tears had already frozen on his face, and everything around him had already turned still in his eyes. Not even the loud voice belonging to Jongmi, nor the continuously lowering temperature of the night that seeped through his already chilled skin, could break through his reverie. His body had stopped moving despite the unsteady beating of his heart.

He felt like his world had suddenly crumbled before him, leaving nothing but anguish and despair for him to dive in. It would’ve been better if the tears that he saw were because of a simple bodily bruise, for it would surely heal with just an antiseptic. Albeit, what he saw were tears that were caused from an emotional damage. Unlike a physical bruise, it was one where healing was questionable, and forgetting was something nearly impossible, even with the use of words.

He knew that he was the reason. He knew that everything had turned out tragically because of him. He wanted to disappear, he wanted to die so that the pain would cease to exist. However, he also knew that it was of no use, for even if he died, even if he disappeared, his love for her would still remain. Lu Han’s love for Jaera would never fade away, even if everything else did.

It was the same for Jaera. Her thoughts were composed of nothing but to run away from the place. By running away from the current situation, she was also running away from the harsh reality that was being shown to her, but even so, she couldn’t care less. She felt so hurt that she didn’t care anymore if her actions only meant that she had returned to her old self, her old, cowardly self.

It wasn’t even about being a coward anymore. Her heart was on the verge of breaking down to an absolute stop from the sudden gush of emotions that were overwhelming her. Anger, betrayal, despair, disappointment, and pain; almost every negative feelings were present, but not a single speck of positivity was seen. It was as if all the light had suddenly vanished from her world, as if darkness had also managed to seep in through her insides. The happy and lighthearted memories that she once treasured immediately revealed its real identity as nothing but a mere fantasy created by her naïve mind.

She hated it, Jaera hated her naivety. She loathed the fact that, even though she knew that things were impossible for them, she still acted like a fool and believed in him. She still followed along with his plays and let him lead her on. She still trusted him, despite having seen the reality and difference between their worlds. She knew how his world was, a world full of deceit and pretence, yet she still fell for him. Jaera still fell for Lu Han.

Entering the room that she and Jongmi shared, Jaera dashed through the place, grabbing all of the things that she brought and stuffing them inside her duffel bag, not caring about the arrangements. With each second that passed by, another tear drop managed to fall from her eyes and onto her belongings, but it didn’t hinder her, make her stop just to wipe her face away. Instead, it only fueled her to fasten her pace to avoid any possible encounter with Lu Han or Jongmi again.

And in no time was she on a bus that would take her back to Seoul. She was thankful for finding the bus, despite the fact that it was already midnight and the weather wasn’t the best. But it still didn’t manage to stop her eyes from pouring. Although her sobs were silent, the other few passengers on the bus were looking at her in concern, asking if she was okay, but she didn’t respond. It wasn’t because she was a snob or she had lost her voice, she just didn’t want to cause a scene, knowing it in herself that she was clearly not okay.

It was only when the bus stopped suddenly to let another passenger on that her eyes shot open and her tears stopped for a moment.

“Jaera.”

At the sound of her name being called gently by the panting Sehun, all self-restraints disappeared and her sobs became solid. Rushing towards Jaera’s side, Sehun dropped his bag and pulled her into his arms, allowing her to let all of her miseries out. Other passengers were still eyeing them as the bus finally set off, but they couldn’t care less.

He wasn’t the one who was dealt the hardest blow, but seeing that the person he cared for, the person that he held with so much care, hurting right in front of his eyes, hurt him more. He couldn’t do anything to comfort her, to heal her in a blink of an eye, for not even words were enough to rebuild the broken fragments of the girl’s fragile heart. He knew that behind her strong exterior lay a delicate heart. That was why he treated her with utmost gentleness. Sehun treated Jaera ever so tenderly, afraid that with just a small wrong move, the fragile girl would suddenly break into pieces. He tried so hard to treasure her, yet in the end, his efforts were all in vain. It angered him, for despite all of his efforts, he still wasn’t able to do anything for her. Ultimately, Jaera’s heart was still broken.

No words were spoken and only the flickering bulb inside the b