“Um… Hi.”

TaeMin laughed. “Hi. Sorry.”

“Nah. I think you should greet me like that all the time from now on.”

Just a few minutes before, Kai was stopped by the sound of the doorbell in the midst of practicing in the middle of the living room. He had been expecting TaeMin – Kai had invited him over, after all – but he hadn’t expected TaeMin to suddenly shove him back into the apartment when he opened the door. And he certainly hadn’t expected TaeMin to push him up against the closest wall and fiercely make out with him.

Not that he minded.

“Well, if you always answer the door looking like that, then I just might.” TaeMin laughed again and pecked Kai on the lips again before pushing off to explore the apartment.

Kai looked down at himself. Barefoot, sweatpants, black tank, unfixed hair, and sweaty from dancing. He could handle that.

“So this is your new place, huh?” TaeMin asked, gazing around.

“Yeah. Not too bad, right?”

“Yep. You just wanted to move out, or…?”

Kai made a face. “No, KyungSoo-hyung suddenly wanted to live by himself. He’s such a freakin’ diva. Said I had a day to find a new place.”

TaeMin turned to stare at Kai, raising his eyebrows in surprise. “Really? I didn’t imagine him to be like that.”

“He must’ve been PMS-ing that day or something. But he hasn’t called me asking to go back, so I guess he’s good.”

TaeMin plopped himself down on the sofa. But he blinked a few times, looking back and forth from the sofa to the TV across the room, before asking, “Why is the sofa all the way over here against the wall?”

“Ah. I moved it over since I was… practicing…”

“Ooh, really? Show me.”

“Ehhhh…?” Kai scratched his head shyly. “Why?”

There was that killer, beaming smile again. “I haven’t seen you for a few weeks. I only get to see you on TV these days. Just one dance, please?”

“Erm… Fine… Don’t make faces at me, though. This is serious business.”

“Oh. Absolutely.” TaeMin made some mockery of a serious-business face which made Kai end up laughing, anyway.

Kai turned to restart his iPod, hoping whatever song popped up on shuffle wasn’t something lame. He tried to close out his mind like he usually did, but it was hard when the guy he was in love with was watching him closely. But as the music pulsed out of the speakers, he let go of any coherent thought, and his body moved on its own. He barely noticed when the song ended and the next song started and noticed even less as more and more songs went by.

He was faintly brought back to reality when he saw TaeMin stand to join him. They spoke no words and only danced, eyes trained on each other in the midst of it all. Finally, a song ended, and they found themselves just a hair’s breadth from each other. Kai was suddenly very aware of the (non)distance between them and almost stepped backwards, but TaeMin gently grasped one of Kai’s hands as he backed towards the sofa.

“Come here.”

They fell onto the sofa side by side, hands intertwining instantly. Kai was exhausted; he’d already been practicing for a couple of hours before TaeMin had arrived, and he didn’t even pay attention to how much longer he’d spent dancing with him. He pulled up his legs to sit cross-legged on the sofa, trying to stretch his muscles at the same time.

“It’s kind of mystifying,” TaeMin commented.

Kai blinked. “Eh? What is?”

“Watching you dance. In a way, you’re performing, but then you’re also in some kind of trance. Like you’re possessed, maybe. It’s…”

Kai pondered, trying to think of words that went with ‘possessed’. “Creepy?”

“Captivating.”

Captivating. Kai couldn’t help but beam at himself, glad he had gained approval from his boyfriend and senior. A proud grin playing on his face, he pushed himself closer to TaeMin, resting his head on TaeMin’s shoulder. TaeMin’s head followed suit, sandwiching Kai between his ear and collarbone. They sat in warm silence for a while, listening to the music as it continued to float through the air.

TaeMin broke the silence again. “What would you do if I disappeared?”

Kai didn’t respond at first, baffled by the offhand question. “I dunno… Probably go up to Gangwon and become a yeti.”

< JongInnie~ We’re in Japan, and you’re on TV~ You’re international~ >

Kai rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He was shaken awake by their manager at some heathenish hour, and the first thing he coherently thought of was to pick up his phone to see if TaeMin had messaged him. The senior hadn’t let him down, but seemed to have forgotten about the 8-hour time difference between Tokyo and Valencia; the message was received at some point in the middle of the night. Kai blinked repeatedly, trying to get his eyes to focus long enough to write a reply.

< We were already int’l kk But we’re not famous like SHINee hyungs. How long u in Japan? >

“Yah, punks!” the manager shouted again. “Get up, already! We gotta go!”

Kai groaned and rolled over, kicking KyungSoo’s dead body that lay next to him. KyungSoo grumbled in reply but didn’t move. Across the room in the other bed, ChanYeol had sat up but his eyes were closed. He seemed to let out a snore.

“Geez.” Kai sat up and threw his legs over the bed. “Bathroom’s mine, then.”

He tried his hardest to not fall back asleep while sitting on the toilet.

The group – EXO-M included – was in Valencia, shooting a promotional photobook for a new fashion line by some European designer they hadn’t quite heard of. The fashion – as with any modern fashion style – was quite eccentric, and it pulled the attention of local citizens as they passed by. But the boys distracted themselves from the foreign atmosphere by playing amongst themselves when not in front of the camera lens. While XiuMin and SuHo played pranks on Chen, Kris, Tao, and Lay were engaged in a quiet conversation. LuHan and BaekHyun were staring dazedly into the distance, apparently still not fully awake. ChanYeol was getting prepped to shoot as the photographer wrapped up the last few shots with KyungSoo and SeHun. Kai had been a part of the devil group that was torturing Chen, but he was distracted by his phone suddenly buzzing in his pocket. He turned away as he pulled out his phone, a notification popping up on the screen.

< Not long. > TaeMin had written. < We have a program in the morning, and then we’re flying back to Seoul in the afternoon. Dinner time! Assa! >

Kai continued scrolling to see an attached picture of TaeMin, grinning and posing with a peace sign, hovering over a plate of something that looked incredible. Cut off on the side was a photo-bombing JongHyun trying to make some kind of obscene face.

Kai grinned as well. He discreetly lifted his phone to take a picture of the group in their lavish clothing before he turned back around to type out a reply.

< That looks good TT TT We’re out here for some days I think. Its cool but I’m homesick TT TT I miss you. >

“Yah, JongIn!” he heard SuHo’s voice call out. “Quit texting your girlfriend!”

Kai didn’t realize he still had the goofy grin on his face. He replaced it with a playful smirk as he sent out the text and slipped his phone back into his pocket. LuHan snapped out of his daze.

“JongInnie has a girlfriend?” he asked.

All of the K members traded knowing grins but didn’t reply. They were distracted, though, as the photographer called out for the next group. The rest of K was fully aware of Kai’s relationship with TaeMin (as was SHINee, of course), and they tried to keep it well under wraps, but of course their manager knew something was up. They hadn’t outright told him, though; the manager thought Kai had a secret rendezvous with some no-name girl, so he never questioned when he found Kai and TaeMin almost always hanging out.

The photoshoot continued and ended without incident. All throughout, Kai frequently checked his phone to see if he had received a reply, but there was none. No reply had come even after they trudged back to the hotel that evening after dinner.

“Don’t worry about it, JongIn-ah,” SuHo had said, seeing how agitated the youth was. “Remember the time difference. You’ll probably get a reply in the morning.”

“Or you could just text him again,” BaekHyun added.

But there was no reply, not even in the following day. Kai morosely packed his bags for the long flight home, not responding to the other members’ antics. He even pretended to be asleep on the flight just so he wouldn’t be bothered.

Back home, the van dropped off each member at their respective homes. Kai lumbered out, waving goodbye to the others with a tight-lipped grin plastered on his face. As soon as he turned around, the grin vanished. He lugged himself up the stairs and pushed himself through the door to his apartment.

There was another set of shoes at the door.

Kai abandoned his luggage at the door, carelessly throwing off his own sneakers, as he bounded into the living room. He froze at the sight of TaeMin simply sitting on his couch, vacantly staring off into the distance.

His voice came out hoarse. “Hyung…”

TaeMin’s gaze shifted to settle on Kai. A soft smile played on his lips as he took in Kai’s bewildered expression.

“Sorry, JongIn-ah,” he said, embarrassed. “I lost my phone.”

Kai couldn’t think of a reply for a second. But he found his words again. “…that’s it? You just lost your phone?”

“Yeah. I think it’s somewhere in Japan.”

TaeMin’s careless tone grated on Kai’s nerves. He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared at a corner, sullen. “Still… you should’ve at least gotten one of the other hyungs to say something…”

“Eh? Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I was…” Kai’s voice fell to a mumble. “I was worried…”

He could feel anger rising up in the pits of his stomach. But rather than his thoughts getting angry, a lonesome sadness began to overtake his emotions. When TaeMin stood and crossed to where Kai stood, he wanted to back away, but he didn’t want to move, either.

“What were you worried about, JongIn?” TaeMin asked. “I was with everyone else plus the staff, so…”

“That’s… not it…” Kai hated the way his voice threatened to crack. “It’s just…”

He clenched his teeth together, throwing his gaze down to the floor. TaeMin remained silent, waiting for Kai to finish.

The youth took in a slow, shaky breath. “I just thought… Maybe you were starting to get tired of me. ‘Cause, I mean, it just feels that way. I mean, that’s just me thinking it feels that way. But I just…”

Still with his head bowed, he looked upwards through his bangs to his senior’s face. TaeMin’s expression was perplexed. His mouth opened but closed without a word, and he reached up with both hands to gently hold Kai’s face. The warm palms on his cheeks set Kai’s emotions out of control, and he suddenly felt tears running from his eyes. TaeMin looked like he was close to falling apart as well, but he pushed out his beaming grin.

“JongIn-ah. That’s not it at all. I was just careless. I’m sorry, okay?”

Kai couldn’t reply. No words could properly form in his head, much less his mouth, so he just stood there and tried to not look ugly from sobbing like a lost child. TaeMin just smiled – a bit sadly – and pulled Kai in a warm hug. Kai gripped onto the back of TaeMin’s jacket.

“Just… don’t leave me…” he whispered into TaeMin’s neck.

< Sorry, JongIn-ah. Have a recording tonight. I’ll text you. >

Kai let out a heavy sigh. Once again, it had been weeks since the two saw each other in person (coincidentally passing by each other at the company didn’t count), and Kai’s anxiety was starting to get the better of him. Never mind the initial week of being completely unable to directly contact TaeMin because of the missing-phone fiasco. He knew he was being irrational, but he couldn’t help being pessimistic.

He’s an idol. They just released a new single. Of course he’ll be busy.

Kai didn’t bother telling his woes to the other members because he knew they would say exactly what he was already thinking. Even that brat SeHun would probably tell him to grow up or something else equally as snide.

And Kai would have no choice but to assault the magnae. Or fly Tao over to do it for him.

Eventually, he decided to visit his family in his rare free time. He’d been neglecting them, only offering texts and maybe a phone call if they were lucky, so it was quite the celebration when he suddenly appeared on the front step of his old house. Dinner was a ruckus of food and noise and food. The commotion was a welcome relief, one that Kai was definitely in need of.

But returning to his empty apartment just brought his worries back to the surface. TaeMin hadn’t texted him at all, and it was getting fairly late at night. Kai debated with himself on whether he should text TaeMin again or not. He finally decided against it and parked himself at his computer to numbly surf the internet.

The websites he usually frequented held nothing of interest. He just kept clicking link after link, not really focusing on anything. He stopped suddenly, spotting a picture uploaded by some SuJu-sunbae. DongHae and EunHyuk were in the midst of dinner of what looked like a small, family restaurant. They were making comical faces at the phone camera.

Sitting beside them at the table were JongHyun, MinHo, and TaeMin. Talking animatedly amongst themselves.

In TaeMin’s hands was his “lost” cell phone.

Kai could feel as all of the blood that ran through his body turned to icy sludge, and his heart rate jumped up, pumping the sludge even faster through his veins.

What’s this about…?

The front door opened and closed. Kai didn’t move from his spot on his bed. There was only one other person besides himself and the landlord who had a key to his apartment.

“JongIn-ah?”

He drew his knees closer to his chest. Maybe if he did that, the imaginary boulder wouldn’t crush him so easily, pressing the tiniest puff of air out of his lungs. Soft footsteps thumped from the front door to the living room.

“JongIn? Are you home?”

He had left all of the lights off in his apartment, so the only illumination available was the street lamp that was situated right outside of his living room window. He used to think it was an amazing choice of architectural planning; now he wished he could shoot out the light so he could wallow about in darkness.

But even that wish was evaporated as the living room was awash in brightness because of the trespassers hand. The incandescent light spilled through the open doorway of Kai’s bedroom. He didn’t move. Maybe the trespasser would go away.

“JongIn?” A silhouette appeared right in the middle of the doorframe. “Oh… What are you doing?”

Ack. Kai squeezed his eyes shut from the piercing glare of the lights as TaeMin haphazardly flipped on the switch for his bedroom. He could see through the slit of one squinting eye TaeMin’s befuddled expression.

“Are you okay?” He felt the bed shift as TaeMin sat on the edge close to him. “You don’t look so good.”

Kai wondered if the glare he subconsciously gave TaeMin was a product of his eyes still adjusting or his true feelings rearing its ugly head. Either way, TaeMin was taken aback by Kai’s response. His expression transformed from shock to confusion to muted understanding to a blank slate. The boulder threatened to turn Kai’s gastro-intestinal system inside out, so he clamped his teeth together and didn’t say a word. They sat in tense silence for a long time.

“Just…” Kai murmured, his voice hoarse and a bit surly. “Tell me the truth…”

TaeMin had taken to staring at a corner at the opposite side of the room and didn’t reply.

“Do… Do you hate me?”

He still didn’t reply.

“Are you tired of me?” Kai’s head was starting to swim as his emotions swirled out of control.

Nothing.

The words were spilling out faster and more hysterical. “Am I nothing to you? Are you breaking up with me? Am I just wasting my breath? Say something, TaeMin-hyung!”

Even though Kai had shouted his last words, TaeMin barely flinched. He could see TaeMin’s jaw flex, see his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed his words, and even see the muscles around his eyes twitch in an odd manner. When TaeMin looked back at Kai, he looked nothing like a villain; he just looked like a hurt, pathetic child.

“JongIn…” he said softly. “I told you… That’s not it at all.”

“Then why…” Kai’s voice cracked again. “Why are you avoiding me?”

The senior let out a long, slow breath as he stood from the bed. He gazed at Kai again with his sad eyes.

“Because… we just… can’t be together.”

The silence that fell between them was heavier, denser, colder. Kai could only stupidly gape at TaeMin, uncomprehending.

“What… Why… That makes no sense…” Kai sputtered. “What are you talking about?”

TaeMin just slowly shook his head. “That’s all.”

And with that, TaeMin turned and left Kai’s bedroom, turning at the doorframe and disappearing from his sight. The front door opened and closed.

Kai remained, frozen, kneeling on his bed and staring at the nothingness left behind. The only sound left was his harsh breathing.

“Hyung…”

The last thing he heard was his small voice before the world collapsed on him, burying him in the throes of his own despair.

A/N: 드라마아아아아아아아아아아아아아아아아~~~~~~ Okay, sorry it took so long for this segment m( _ _;)m I'm not good with fluff or drama or putting drama into words. Next segment will be the last flashback. Enjoy~