Junmyeon was used to rejection.

 

He was born weak. He had poor health and got admitted to hospital a lot since he was a baby. His parents treated him gingerly like he was a delicate doll that would break if it was pressed even just a bit harder. Whenever Junmyeon let out a soft whimper, his parents would turn to him and they would ask him what was wrong. They would stare at him with genuine concern and give him a tight hug.

 

Junmyeon felt loved.

 

Until Jongin came along.

 

His baby brother had the loudest cry he had ever heard. Junmyeon was barely four when his father showed him the light bundle in his arms. They had different reactions to the newborn baby than the ones they showed him. There wasn’t any worried stare. There were just fond, loving kisses on Jongin’s face and wide smiles. They didn’t ask him ‘what is wrong?’ whenever Jongin cried. They would say ‘this boy is strong’ instead.

 

Junmyeon soon realized that Jongin was different than him. As they grew older, his younger brother rarely cried and he was a lot tougher than him. When Jongin fell and grazed his knee, he would wave it off like it didn’t matter (even though later their mother would scold him for being so careless) and continued playing. While Junmyeon couldn’t hold a single tear even when he just had slight fever.

 

His parents were no longer giving him the attention like they used to.

 

They would smile happily at Jongin and kiss Jongin’s cheek and hold his hands tightly because Jongin wasn’t sick like him, he wasn’t weak. Most of all, Jongin wasn’t a crybaby.

 

It hurt him to know that his parents were starting to abandon him at such young age. Junmyeon would try to tell his mother anything at all, like if he wasn’t feeling very well or he needed someone to guide him through homeworks, but then he would get a stern reply that she was busy with Jongin’s food and everything and she couldn’t help him at the moment and that he should be a good, understanding brother to Jongin (“Because you’re older, Junmyeon”).

 

Junmyeon learned to shut himself the hard way.

 

Jongin was a lot smarter, too.

 

If Junmyeon had to spend a lot of time in the library for taking extra notes because he was slow at remembering the lessons, Jongin needed none of that. One of the teachers told their parents that Jongin could even skip a few years ahead just because he was capable of doing so (which was turned down because Jongin coolly retorted that he was still young and needed all the fun he could get). If Junmyeon couldn’t participate in any kind of sport activities, Jongin was the opposite. The younger male aced every sport available—especially soccer and basketball. If Junmyeon wasn’t popular because he had a shy personality and wasn’t the type to trust someone so easily, Jongin was the king of school. The tanned skin male didn’t even need to try because everyone wanted to be his friends.

 

His parents were proud of Jongin.

 

His teachers were prouder of Jongin.

 

Everyone was proud of Jongin.

 

As much as it hurt, Junmyeon tried not to think about it by studying really hard. But no matter how hard he tried, he would always be compared to Jongin. (“Your brother aced every subject, Junmyeon. And you can only aced three?“ “Jongin managed to be friends with the son of Do Corp, why can’t you do the same, Junmyeon?” “You got beaten at the math olympic? You should’ve asked Jongin to tutor you, Junmyeon”). It hurt him even more because his parents wouldn’t seem to even care about his effort. It wasn’t easy to do all those things for him because he wasn’t naturally genious and easy going like his brother.

 

Needless to say, Junmyeon felt tired of trying to please his parents and gave up. If he was probably just shy and hard a hard time interacting with people at the first time, now he was a loner. Junmyeon would always lock himself in his room and wouldn’t open himself to anyone, not even to his own brother. There were (an awful lot of) times when Jongin tried to drag him out for a movie of even just for a cup of coffee, but Junmyeon always turned him down. Jongin always tried to invade his wall of defense, but Junmyeon wouldn’t allow him to. They seemed like strangers who just happened to live under the same roof. No one would even think that they were related by blood at first sight.

 

Junmyeon was alright with being alone.

 

He was used to rejection.

 

And suddenly, Park Chanyeol came into his life.

 

Chanyeol was a tall male with bright personality and bright eyes who never seemed to stop smiling. The term ‘sadness’ didn’t seem to exist in his life. He was pretty much a contagious happy virus.

 

Their first encounter happened in the library when Junmyeon was trying very hard to reach the book on the highest shelf when suddenly, Chanyeol helped him willingly. The taller male flashed him a row of perfect teeth and it almost blinded Junmyeon. He couldn’t recall when was the last time someone smiled so wide at him like that. Between scared and amused, Junmyeon only muttered a quiet ‘thanks’ before retreating back to his table.

 

It was the first meeting, but definitely wasn’t the last.

 

Because Chanyeol had decided to be Junmyeon’s (first) friend and pestered the older male like a lost puppy. Junmyeon cringed at the fact that Chanyeol uttered more than three long sentences in thirty seconds. It distracted him from everything and he found himself staring in awe at how Chanyeol just kept on talking even though the librarian had almost thrown a dictionary to his direction to make him shut his mouth. Slowly, but surely, after weeks, Junmyeon was used to the taller male’s presence beside him.

 

They didn’t have a spark whatsoever, both of them were merely friends. But for the first time in a long time, he felt like someone really cared about him and didn’t have a habit of comparing him to other people—especially Jongin. Chanyeol was different. Chanyeol was kind. Chanyeol was...quite special.

 

It didn’t last very long.

 

When he found out that Chanyeol’s one sided love was finally accepted by a certain male named Byun Baekhyun—whom he had a crush on ever since third grade—Junmyeon couldn’t help but feeling scared. He knew that sooner or later, Chanyeol was going to leave him for Baekhyun and he was going to be left all alone again. Chanyeol had been a really good company that losing him was just unbearable to think and Junmyeon almost couldn’t take it.

 

It wasn’t a rejection, but at that moment, he just couldn’t.

 

His parents loved Jongin more than him, and now the only friend he had made was going to leave him for someone else. Chanyeol couldn’t meet him that day because he had a date with his boyfriend. His text was so full of emotions that Junmyeon felt bad for not wanting him to have a date (but deep down inside, he knew he was happy for his friend). Things couldn’t be any worse when he got home and found out his parents were yelling at each other. They were threatening to leave, to take what was theirs, to take Jongin—

 

To take Jongin and not Junmyeon.

 

He had had enough.

 

Junmyeon slammed the door with a broken feeling as he ran away from home as far as he could. He wanted to cry. Why did they even bother give birth to him if they didn’t want him? If that was so unavoidable and impossible to do, they could’ve just given him to someone else who would adopt a son. Did they hate him for being weak? Did they hate him for being stupid? Couldn’t they see that he had been trying really hard? It wasn’t like he could ask for what kind of person he wanted to be when he was born...

 

He felt extremely lonely.

 

Junmyeon had been walking carelessly around the block with a hazy mind. Everything felt like a burden. He felt like he had no one to talk to. He didn’t want to bother Chanyeol, he was probably transmitting his happy virus to Baekhyun and it would be so wrong for him to ruin it... Junmyeon clutched his chest tightly as a pang was starting to stab his heart.

 

I don’t want to live anymore.

 

Junmyeon was drowned in his thoughts that he didn’t see the light was still red. He faintly heard horrified screams behind him because the silence was ringing in his ears. Everything seemed to come to a stop as he turned his head to see a car going his way with impossible limit to stop. He held his breath and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to come.

 

To savor his last breath.

 

Because no one would care about him anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

His surrounding was completely quiet.

 

It’s good, Junmyeon’s mind said. At least no one is crying over you and you can just die peacefully.

 

The male almost snorted at his own thoughts. For a moment, he innocently thought that he was in heaven—or worse, hell—because it was very peaceful. Junmyeon fluttered his eyes weakly at the wordless pain running through his veins. The smell of alcohol and disinfectant drifted through his nose and it was like all of his bones had turned to jelly because he had no strength to move.

 

After a few tries, Junmyeon finally able to crack his eyes opened and saw white as far as his eyes went. He feebly blinked at the surrounding before realizing that he was in some sort of room. It had a white ceiling, white curtains and a white wall. The placed looked expensive despite the fact that they all had the same colors. An expensive hospital room, to be exact.

 

Where am I?

 

Junmyeon moaned quietly as his head throbbed quite painfully and winced. If he could still feel a pain that bad, it could only mean one thing.

 

He was still alive.

 

Junmyeon’s chest tightened and he felt like crying. It just scared him to know that he was still breathing because he had no reason to live anymore... He sniffled quietly.

 

“Are you crying?”

 

Junmyeon deadpanned at the sudden voice. His eyes widened and frantically looked around for the source of the voice. He thought he was hearing things—it could be a ghost. There didn’t seem to be no one else but him, but then Junmyeon caught another sight of a pale white curtain covering the bed next to him. Instead of asking who he was, he blurted out the first sentence that came to mind. “Wh—where am I?”

 

The other person didn’t answer for a while. “You’re safe here. You don’t need to worry.”

 

Junmyeon swallowed. “Am I...dead?”

 

He heard a snort as a response. “Of course not. You can still feel yourself breathing, right? Although three days have passed since you went into your sleeping beauty mode. I was starting to wonder if you’d ever wake up.”

 

“Three days?” Junmyeon blinked and his jaw slightly dropped. No wonder his body felt totally weak, he had been sleeping for three days. The male took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Something within him made him wonder if anyone was trying to look for him—three days weren’t a short time... Or perhaps it was better for him to just keep on sleeping and never wake up.

 

It must be Junmyeon’s bitter tone that caused the next question to be asked.

 

“Are you not happy?”

 

Junmyeon wanted to blurt out an honest answer but said nothing in the end. There was a sudden pain waving through his head and he shut his eyes in attempt to soothe it. He still felt drained and powerless at the moment.

 

The other male took another moment of silence before speaking wisely.

 

“You should be. There are a lot of people who wants to live.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The next time he opened his eyes, it was already morning.

 

Junmyeon jolted awake from the footsteps approaching in the room. Two female nurses came to his blurry vision as they walked past his bed to the other one. He heard a cheerful greeting in a foreign language which sounded a lot like Chinese. Junmyeon stayed quiet the whole time listening to the faint conversation. He felt his mouth had gone very dry and he was starting to feel hungry. He waited until they stopped talking, but then it was the other male who told the nurses first in Korean.

 

“He’s awake, you know.”

 

“Eh?” One of the nurses turned to stare at him and their eyes met directly. “Oh my God. Luna, he’s right! He’s awake!”

 

“What? Oh my. Why don’t you check his condition, Sulli? I’ll go get the doctor.”

 

Sulli firmly nodded as Luna almost dashed out of the room to get the doctor. She walked closer to Junmyeon with a kind smile before taking his arm and pressing two fingers on his wrist to feel his pulse. “Hello. It’s nice to finally see you wake up. What’s your name?”

 

Junmyeon opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out.

 

“We can’t seem to find your id,” the nurse said as she continued to measure Junmyeon’s blood pressure. “It has been a few days and we just want to inform your family...”

 

Junmyeon went blank at that. His mind flashed back to the scene where he went home a few days ago only to find his parents blaming each other and that he had left with nothing—he had thrown his bag onto the floor. His wallet and ATM card were inside the bag. Last thing he remembered was that there was a car going his way... And the thought of meeting his family somehow bothered him—because he definitely didn’t want to. Junmyeon didn’t want to see Jongin and his parents.

 

“Well?”

 

He cleared his sore throat softly. “My parents...are not in Korea at the moment,” he lied and his voice was surprisingly steady. “They’re on vacation...so there’s no one at home.”

 

Sulli pursed her lips. “How about any cousin?  Or friends, perhaps?”

 

Junmyeon’s thought flew to Chanyeol but he didn’t want to ruin his happiness with Baekhyun. He thought for someone else for a moment but no one was decent enough to be called as ‘friends’. “My friend...is busy.”

 

She gave him a look. “He’s not your friend, then.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Because friends are never busy for each other,” she shook her head disapprovingly before patting his arm. “Your blood pressure is still low. While you’re here, take the chance to rest and recover soon, alright? I’ll bring something for you to eat. You definitely need to eat a lot.”

 

Sulli left after murmuring that she should probably go after Luna and told him she would come back to check on his condition again. The girl closed the door with a soft thud and Junmyeon heard the other male in the room shuffled on his bed. Junmyeon stared at the curtain beside him. Funny because it seemed like a boundary that no one shall pass.

 

“Hey,” the male called out.

 

Junmyeon didn’t really listen last night, but now he realized that the other male’s voice was deep and soothing.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

Junmyeon rubbed his upper arm absently. “...why?”

 

“Why? I need a reason to know your name?”

 

Yes.

 

“Hmm. How about, because it doesn’t seem like I’m going to go home soon enough and you don’t seem to want to go home any moment.”

 

Junmyeon was stunned. How did he know...?

 

“And by knowing your name, maybe we can be friends.”

 

Junmyeon thought about it for a moment. “...fair enough,” he meekly admitted. “I’m...I’m Junmyeon.”

 

“Junmyeon,” he said slowly. “It’s a lovely name.”

 

“Thank you,” Junmyeon smiled slightly. “...can I know yours?”

 

The male paused for a moment. “I’m Yifan.”

 

“Yifan...”, Junmyeon repeated. The two of them were hospitalized in the same room, but Yifan’s voice was different and Junmyeon couldn’t help but feeling envious at how brave and strong his tone sounded. “Nice to meet, um...hear you?”

 

Yifan chuckled heartily. “The pleasure is all mine, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The last time Junmyeon got hospitalized was a few years ago when he was still in junior high school. His fever was abnormaly high but his parents weren’t there because they were supporting Jongin for whatever competition it was. He remembered thinking that he should probably die because that way, his parents probably would regret everything.

 

Sadly, he recovered.

 

Now he got hospitalized again and his parents still weren’t there. He felt somewhat alright because maybe it would be better if his family thought he had escaped or worse—dead. And it wasn’t like they would come looking for him though.

 

Junmyeon felt a pang at that thought.

 

Sulli came back with two trays of food. Junmyeon thought he wouldn’t have the appetite to eat because hospital food usually tasted like something that wasn’t worth eating, but when he saw the various food Sulli brought them, he changed his mind. They looked delicious and mouth watering and Junmyeon ate all of them in a record time. It felt like ages since his last decent meal.

 

It turned out that Yifan was a very nice person.

 

Even though they were separated by a curtain, but it didn’t stop them to have a conversation. Unlike Chanyeol, Yifan was probably much more composed. The way he spoke showed that his family had done a great job to raise him. Yifan was polite and somehow, understanding. He had never asked Junmyeon about his family and the latter felt thankful for that. Sometimes he felt like he was talking to a wall because he had never seen his face.

 

Junmyeon almost felt embarassed at how fast he gulped his food down while Yifan took a long time to enjoy his meal. Blame his sleep for three days.

 

They were having a small conversation over their dinner the next day when suddenly Junmyeon heard the sound of the fork clinking onto the floor.

 

“Yifan?” Junmyeon called out hesitantly. “Are you alright?”

 

Yifan exhaled loudly. “Yeah, Junmyeon-ah. I am. You don’t have to worry.”

 

But Junmyeon wasn’t convinced. He waited for Yifan to shuffle from his bed to take the fallen fork, but no move was made. Junmyeon slowly crawled off of his bed. “Yifan?”

 

“Stop.”

 

Yifan’s tone was so cold that Junmyeon felt like he was scolded. He stopped abruptly on his track, wanting to retreat to his comfort zone but realized that it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to see Yifan. He wanted to know him more. He wanted to see his face.

 

“I...”, Junmyeon whispered. “Am I not allowed to...?”

 

“...I’m just not sure if I want you to.”

 

Junmyeon swallowed the lump down his throat nervously before stepping forward to open the curtain.

 

“Junmyeon.”

 

He flinched at the tone. “It’s not fair, Yifan. I want to see you...”

 

“...very well.”

 

What came into his view made Junmyeon couldn’t breath properly. Yifan was handsome. He was utterly handsome that Junmyeon almost forgot how it was to breathe. The male had a slightly natural pouty lips and he had a pale, white skin. But what made him breathless the most was that the bandage that wrapped Yifan’s eyes.

 

Yifan can’t see.

 

Junmyeon’s eyes dropped down to the fork that fell on the floor. No wonder Yifan didn’t bother to take it. It suddenly made sense to him why Yifan was taking a lot longer while eating.

 

“Oh my God,” Junmyeon breathed and felt tears rushing to his eyes.

 

“Junmyeon,” Yifan said warningly. “Don’t...cry, please.”

 

Junmyeon gasped in confusion. How did he...?

 

“Please, don’t,” Yifan’s tone softened. “Please.”

 

Junmyeon felt very inadequate. He felt ashamed because he was still alive and in perfect shape while Yifan had almost lost his view but still had a very positive personality.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and couldn’t manage to hold the tears back anymore as he leaned forward to press his head against Yifan’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Yifan.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The curtain was discarded.

 

It was Yifan’s request to the other female nurse named Krystal the following day. Krystal said nothing, but the smile she showed Junmyeon told him that she understood why—so that Junmyeon was able to see Yifan. The male pretended that he understood nothing and looked anywhere else but the faint blush on his cheeks was more than enough. He saw Krystal unwrapped the bandage from Yifan’s face and replaced it with a new one, but he couldn’t see it very clearly because all he saw was her back.

 

It had been almost a week since he stayed in the hospital, but Junmyeon wasn’t bored because there was Yifan.

 

Something about the male made him felt warm inside. Junmyeon felt very comfortable around him, like they had been friends for several years. Whenever they had their meals, Junmyeon would willingly feed Yifan—which he would earn a protest from the latter—but he stubbornly kept on feeding him, because it was hard for him to eat with the bandage wrapped around his eyes (although his food was already chopped and bone free). Junmyeon respected Yifan’s privacy because Yifan also did the same to him, so he decided he wouldn’t ask about his eyes—no matter how much he wanted to.

 

There were times when Junmyeon sobbed quietly to himself, either from nightmares or from the fact that he wanted to see Chanyeol. His family might not care about him, but Chanyeol...he probably looked for him. Junmyeon wanted to let him know that he was alright. Maybe he should give him a call later... But one thing for sure was that he didn’t want to go home yet.

 

He didn’t know if it was really because he didn’t want to meet his family.

 

Or because Junmyeon didn’t have the strength to leave Yifan.

 

Everytime the male felt down and kept everything as quiet as possible, Yifan would always know. He would always find out, no matter how discreet Junmyeon tried to be. That night, Junmyeon wasn’t able to sleep and he kept on tossing back and forth on his bed. Judging from the quiet movement from the next bed, Yifan should have been asleep, but the deep voice calling out his name indicated that he hadn’t.

 

“Junmyeon-ah.”

 

Junmyeon deadpanned. “...yes?”

 

“Can’t sleep?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon replied in guilt. “Did I wake you?”

 

“I wasn’t asleep anyway. Want to talk?”

 

Junmyeon hesitated for a moment. “No. I’m just—“

 

Scared.

 

“Yifan...?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“...can I sleep with you?”

 

There was a long pause from the other side of the room. Junmyeon felt like he had just asked something very inappropriate and was about to drown himself back beneath his blanket. But then he heard Yifan shifting on his bed and the taller male motioned him to come with the wave of his fingers. Junmyeon couldn’t believe that he got a yes as an answer and slid off of his bed before climbing onto Yifan’s bed.

 

The bed wasn’t tiny, but it wasn’t big enough for two either. Junmyeon had to stay really close to Yifan if he didn’t want to fall. He just realized how much they resembled lovers in such position and the heat crept up to his cheeks. He felt warm.

 

Yifan s an arm around Junmyeon’s waist to steady him and pulled him closer.

 

Junmyeon finally relaxed and leaned his head on Yifan’s chest.

 

They were engulfed in a comfortable silence. The only thing that made a sound in the room was their breath. Junmyeon listened to the beating of Yifan’s heartbeat and shut his eyes closed. It had been a few days and yet he didn’t know anything about Yifan. He wanted to know. He needed to know.

 

“Yifan...?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“...do you mind if I ask...?”

 

Yifan’s hand shifted from his waist to his shoulder and Junmyeon instinctively took it, entwining their fingers together. Yifan’s hand was so big and it covered his small one perfectly. They fit.

 

“Your eyes...”

 

“It’s temporary.”

 

Junmyeon waited patiently.

 

“I got reckless while driving and my car crashed against the tree. The glass shards flew everywhere,” Kris said calmly. Junmyeon felt painful for him to be that calm. “And they got into my right eyelid.”

 

“Oh my God,” he whispered. “That...that is terrible.”

 

“It is.”

 

“B—but...is there a chance that you...”

 

“They say the next surgery will be final. They can’t promise me anything though. There’s a fifty percent chance that I would be able to see again, and another fifty percent that my right eye would be blinded.”

 

“Don’t say that,” Junmyeon whispered fearfully and tightened their interlocked fingers. It felt right. “W—when is your next surgery?”

 

“Next Friday.”

 

“Friday...”

 

It was just four days to go.

 

“Yifan...can I stay until then?”

 

Yifan’s lips curved into a smile and Junmyeon’s heartbeat quickened at the sight.

 

“You can stay as long as you want, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

A few people barged suddenly into the room.

 

Junmyeon jolted out of his reverie and blinked. They looked like a scary group of gangster. No one paid attention to Junmyeon who was sitting on his bed with a magazine he had snatched from the lobby on his lap. Are they Yifan’s...?

 

“I knew sooner or later he would get to this place with that awesome driving skill of his,” the tallest one between them grumbled. He had visible bags under his eyes and he somehow resembled a skinny, stylish panda.

 

“Let’s just be grateful that he didn’t kill himself,” the prettiest one in the lot said.

 

“Do you guys realize that you’re talking with a loud voice and dhuizang might hear you?” The skinniest male in the group commented.

 

“Oh, he’ll shut them up with that trademark glare of his,” the one with the dimple on his cheek snickered and the one with cute chubby cheeks beside him laughed along.

 

“Except the fact that now I can’t.”

 

Junmyeon looked up from his lap, unconsciously chewing on his lower lip. The group seemed to be in sheer shock as they reached Yifan’s bed. The female nurse—Junmyeon didn’t know her name—had the curtain closed earlier because she was giving Yifan a regular check up (and Junmyeon had no idea why she did it, it wasn’t like he was going to stare. Well even if he did, he would stare at Yifan and not her). All of them fell into deep silence until the prettiest one decided to fracture the tension.

 

“Your eyes.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You’re...blind?”

 

“Not yet.” There was a hint of joke in Yifan’s tone, but no one was amused. Especially Junmyeon. “I’m gonna have another surgery this Friday.”

 

“Ge,” the panda boy whispered. “I’m sorry. Had we known sooner...”

 

Yifan shook his head with a simple smile. “I’m fine, Zitao. Besides, I’m not alone. Junmyeon has been a great company.”

 

“Junmyeon?”

 

Yifan nodded and turned his head to Junmyeon’s direction. “Junmyeon-ah.”

 

The said male slowly broke into a reluctant grin as five pairs of eyes turned him questioningly. He felt strange all of a sudden because attention was something he rarely got.

 

“Junmyeon-ah, I want you to meet my friends.”

 

“H—hi...”, Junmyeon stuttered shyly and waved his hand.

 

One of them whistled not so subtly.

 

“Holy . No wonder you’re fine.”

 

“Your roommate is a hottie, Yifan.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon was still smiling to himself even after Yifan’s friends had long gone home. He had never felt this warm in a long time. Luhan and Yixing couldn’t stop talking to him—and kept on calling him pretty, even though he was sure he wasn’t. Luhan was a lot prettier. Jongdae and Minseok butted in here and there between their conversations while Zitao only gave him an unreadable look.

 

“Yifan?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Your friends are so kind.”

 

Yifan smiled. “I’m sorry if you got a headache because of how loud they are, but yeah, they’re nice. But I’m sure your friends are, too.”

 

Junmyeon’s smile faltered slightly. “...I don’t have any friend.”

 

“...you don’t have any?”

 

“Nope,” Junmyeon shook his head even though Yifan couldn’t see it. He tried to act normal, but his voice couldn’t lie because it wavered a bit. Junmyeon adjusted his head on the pillow, hoping that Yifan wouldn’t notice it before taking a deep breath.

 

But Yifan would always know.

 

“Junmyeon-ah.”

 

Junmyeon turned his head to Yifan only to find him extending a hand.

 

“Come here.”

 

The pretty male got up from his bed and did as he was told with no hesitation. Junmyeon felt strange at how terribly comfortable he was with Yifan now. Usually he wouldn’t give in that easily. But Yifan was different. The taller male didn’t even try and yet Junmyeon surrendered himself.

 

Yifan pulled him into a hug and none of them spoke for a moment. Junmyeon felt very weak in Yifan’s arms. His big hand ran across Junmyeon’s soft hair and the latter felt like whimpering. He missed being treated special. He missed being cared of. He missed...being loved.

 

And being with Yifan gave him all that.

 

“I have a brother,” Junmyeon quietly started. “He’s basically the opposite of me. He’s...smart. He’s popular, he’s good at sports... He’s definitely everything what parents want their son to be. He’s able to socialize easily, unlike me. God, his friends even make my parents proud.” He paused before talking in a mocking tone. “‘Look at Jongin, Junmyeon, he’s hanging out with the heir of Oh family. Why can’t you make any friend like that?’ ‘Junmyeon, Jongin seems to be dating the heir of Do Corporation. When will you be able to find someone like your brother?’ ‘Junmyeon, did you know your brother won the first place in math competition and got complimented by that scholarschip winner Byun Baekhyun?’”

 

Yifan sounded surprised. “Your brother is dating the heir of Do Corp?”

 

Junmyeon scoffed. “I know, who wouldn’t know them, right?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

“Whatever it is, Yifan, I can’t be like him,” Junmyeon whimpered. “It’s bad enough that I wasn’t born perfect like him, but...it pains me even more that they’re comparing. They wouldn’t even care that I’m trying. I’ll never be good enough for them. It’s like...they didn’t want me to be there in the first place. I’ve always wondered if I ever date someone as rich as that Do Corp’s heir...maybe that’s when they would finally feel proud of me...”

 

Yifan slowly put his arm around Junmyeon and the latter snuggled closer. His unshed tears almost hurt him. Junmyeon did his best not to cry even though he felt very small whenever he was with Yifan. He looked up to the male’s face.

 

Even with the bandage around his eyes, he was still perfect.

 

“Yifan...?”

 

“Yes, Junmyeon-ah?”

 

“Does your eye...still hurt?”

 

It was a careful question. Yifan could feel Junmyeon looked up to him worriedly, his hand accidentally brushed his side.

 

“Not really,” Yifan admitted. “It’s recovering. It still hurts sometimes from a few things such as the blinding light. So they decided to wrap this on me instead. It’s much safer.”

 

Junmyeon sighed. “Once it heals, I want you to drive very carefully from now on.”

 

“I will,” Yifan paused. “Only if I wouldn’t have to see another angel crying.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“I thought I saw an angel crying the other day. I couldn’t catch his face clearly, but it seemed so...heartbreaking. The next thing I knew, I had slammed my steering wheel the other way and crashed into a tree.”

 

Junmyeon’s eyes widened. “Yi—Yifan—“

 

Yifan intercepted his stuttering. “Junmyeon-ah, can I ask you something?”

 

“Y—yes?”

 

“Will you...be there for my final surgery?”

 

Junmyeon felt like crying. “Do you want me to?”

 

Yifan smiled fondly at him as he instinctively brushed Junmyeon’s bangs. “Of course. It’s just...if, if I’m gonna be blind after the surgery...at least I know you are there for me.”

 

“Don’t say that, Yifan...you’re gonna be okay.”

 

Yifan hid his smile by burying his face in Junmyeon’s hair. “And if, if I can see again after the surgery...”

 

Junmyeon held his breath and his heart wavered at the words.

 

“I’ll definitely find you, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

Junmyeon’s fingers curled into the end of Yifan’s tee and choked slightly.

 

“Then I’ll be the one who stare straight at you, Yifan...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Yifan’s final surgery was coming near.

 

The nurses had given him dirty looks everytime they checked on Yifan because Junmyeon was definitely healthy and needed no surgeries—they must have thought the pretty male chose to stay because of the free food. Junmyeon pondered for a moment. It had almost been two weeks and he couldn’t stay at the hospital forever.

 

Junmyeon reluctantly went to the receptionist.

 

“Excuse me...”

 

The female nurse turned to him. “Yes?”

 

“U—um, I’m wondering how much money I should pay for my room...”, Junmyeon said nervously. He didn’t even know how he would pay.

 

She gave him a kind smile—Taeyeon, he absently read her nametag—which turned into a small frown as she browsed down the file in her pretty arms. “Your room...it is free of charge. It’s all been taken care of.”

 

“What?” Junmyeon gawked in surprise. “B—but—wh—who?”

 

“It’s...”, her frown deepened and deadpanned. “Someone named Kris Wu.”

 

“Kris Wu?”

 

Taeyeon put the file down and smiled. “I’m afraid I can tell you nothing more. But you can check out anytime you want to. And you don’t have to pay anything.”

 

“But...”

 

Taeyeon pretended to be busy when another female nurse named Sooyoung came. She gave him an apologetic smile before hastily walking after her. Junmyeon froze on his track and confusion was all over his face. How could someone—a stranger, to be exact—paid everything for him? Who was this Kris Wu person anyway?

 

Junmyeon sighed in resignation and decided to go back to his room and started packing. He almost laughed bitterly because he had nothing to pack. But...where would he go after this? Junmyeon passed by a payphone and paused. He fished his hand into one of his pockets, searching for quarters. When he (fortunately) found a few, Junmyeon hesitantly reached for the receiver and started dialing the number he remembered the most.

 

He wasn’t sure if he should call, maybe no one even looked for him. Hell, maybe his one and only friend already forgot about him.

 

“Hello?”

 

Junmyeon’s mouth went dry as Chanyeol picked up at the other line. Hearing his friend’s voice suddenly made him wanted to cry and wailed and it almost crumbled down his wall of defense. Junmyeon had a hard time breathing for a few seconds. The male opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. His chest moved up and down rapidly in attempt to let out a word—anything.

 

“Hello?” Chanyeol repeated.

 

“Ch—“ Junmyeon choked. “Chanyeol.”

 

“...yes? Wait. Oh my God. Junmyeon?”

 

Junmyeon breathed into the receiver, a bit relieved that his friend still remembered his voice. “Chanyeol.”

 

“, Junmyeon,” Chanyeol hissed loudly. “Where the are you? Where have you been? Do you know how freaking worried we are? We tried to look for you everyday, we were so ing scared something happened to you—“

 

Junmyeon frowned both at the swearing and the word used. “We?”

 

“What do you mean? Of course me, Baekhyun included, and Jongin. And his boyfriend.”

 

“J—Jong...in?”

 

Chanyeol let out a loud sigh. “Just—where are you? Let me get you. Are you—are you alright?”

 

Junmyeon realized that he was still not ready to leave Yifan. “I’ll...I’ll go home tomorrow. I still have something to do.”

 

“What? Junmyeon, you can’t do this to me, at least tell me—”

 

“I—later, Chanyeol.”

 

“Junmyeon, wait—“

 

But Junmyeon didn’t wait. He hung up and felt the tears were threatening to fall. What was it that he felt? It was absurd, he had never felt something that big like this before... He was glad that Chanyeol actually cared a lot about him, but the feeling of not wanting to leave Yifan was bigger. He resumed walking back to his room with a heavy heart and was a bit surprised to find someone else was there in the room, talking with Yifan in a low voice. The door was slightly ajar when he arrived.

 

Junmyeon peeked carefully.

 

“I came here to cheer you good luck for the surgery.”

 

“Thanks,” Yifan laughed. “That’s very kind of you, Kyungsoo.”

 

The one named Kyungsoo grinned cheekily and it almost pained Junmyeon. The male came by alone and Junmyeon felt something grew in him. Kyungsoo was petite and adorable and he was probably someone special to Yifan. And the way they sat so close together...their hands almost brushing together... Junmyeon dismissed his assumption and stayed quiet by the doorway.

 

“I hope everything goes well,” Kyungsoo sincerely said and leaned back on his seat, pondering slightly. “So...tell me more about it. This beautiful male that you talked about was probably in his suicidal mission and you just happened to drive by and...suddenly, in order to save him you crashed yourself into the tree. He was alive, not even a scratch, but your eyes were on stake.”

 

Junmyeon froze.

 

“Stop,” Yifan abruptly retorted. “I don’t want Junmyeon to hear any of this.”

 

“There’s no one but you and me in the room,” Kyungsoo replied and slowly went pale at the name. “Did you just say... Junmyeon?”

 

Yifan pursed his lips. “This is why I called you, Kyungsoo. I wanted you to know this. Junmyeon had been through a lot. I don’t want him to know that I’m sacrificing myself for him. And you should know that of all people, because you’re dating his—”

 

“Is it true?”

 

Both Kyungsoo and Yifan gasped at the sudden voice. Junmyeon stared at them, exhaustion reflected in his black orbs. Kyungsoo looked a bit taken aback and Yifan straightened on the bed.

 

“Junmyeon.”

 

“Is it true, Yifan?”

 

Yifan pressed his lips into a thin line. He loathed the fact that he couldn’t see at the moment but Junmyeon sounded very hurt. He looked helpless. “What is?”

 

“That you—you sacrificed—Goddammit, you could’ve died, Yifan!” Junmyeon almost screamed. His tone was unnaturally high that it came out as a hiss. “If something happens to you—a lot of people would feel sad, but—but me—if something happens to me—you should’ve just let me—“

 

“Who said that??” Yifan shifted slightly, as if he was going to crawl off of his bed. Kyungsoo looked panicked beside him. “Why did you think of yourself that low? Did you really think no one would feel sad for you if you die? Did you think no one would mourn for you? Did you—“

 

“Yes!” Junmyeon cried painfully. “Yes, no one would be sad for me, Yifan!”

 

“How selfish can you be? What about me? Do you think I would not be sad? What happened to your ‘I would be the one who stare straight at you’? Who would do that for me if you died??”

 

Junmyeon took a step back to run away and Yifan instinctively reached for his bandage, planning to rip it off. It was as if the taller male knew what Junmyeon was about to do.

 

His movement was halted by a terrified scream from Kyungsoo.

 

“Kris-hyung, don’t!!” Kyungsoo tried to hold Yifan’s hands even though he was lost when it came to strength. He turned to Junmyeon almost beggingly. “Please, hyung, please don’t... His eyes...they cannot be exposed to light. Please...”

 

“Kris?” Junmyeon whispered in disbelief. “Kris Wu?”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and realized he had said something he probably shouldn’t have.

 

“Oh my God,” Junmyeon dragged a hand down his face and it stopped at his lips. “Not only that you were willing to sacrifice yourself for my life...you also took care of everything for me... I don’t deserve this...no, I don’t deserve this at all...”

 

“But I do,” Yifan said and his tone surprised Junmyeon because he sounded very convinced of his own words. “I deserve this, Junmyeon. I got to know you better. This accident, no matter how ugly it was from your point of view, for me, it was a blessing in disguise. A blessing, Junmyeon. It got us to meet.”

 

Junmyeon’s eyes were filled with unshed tears and he almost sobbed. “But...why?”

 

“Because you’re special for me, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

Junmyeon went blank as the realization dawned upon him.

 

“Oh my God,” he whispered. “I’m the angel you’re talking about.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon had been crying his tears on his bed, refusing Yifan to come near and the tall male could only quietly hear his painful sobbing from the other side of the room. This was new to Junmyeon. All this time, he was used to rejection, but knowing that someone wanted him to stay... It made him feel worthy of anything. Even if it was just a tiny bit.

 

Kyungsoo had left after Yifan had calmed down and Junmyeon had promised him that he wouldn’t leave. Junmyeon sighed in defeat and moved a lot on his bed, and it somehow relieved Yifan that the male hadn’t left. At least not yet.

 

After a few moments that seemed like eternity, Yifan finally called out.

 

“Junmyeon-ah?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Can you please come here...?”

 

Junmyeon chose not to answer and he didn’t move a budge from his place.

 

“Fine. If you don’t want to, I will.”

 

Almost a minute later, the male heard something and turned his head to the other side—only to find that Yifan had managed to slide off of his bed and tried to walk across the room for him. Junmyeon panickly crawled to him and guided him back to his bed. He tried to sound angry (“What the hell were you thinking, Yifan? You could’ve hurt yourself!”), but failed to do so because he wasn’t angry at all.

 

He was horrified.

 

Junmyeon was about to let go of Yifan’s hands but the latter didn’t have any intention to do so.

 

“Junmyeon-ah.”

 

Yifan’s tone was so calming it hurt. Junmyeon found himself giving up because he wanted to be with him. He wanted to be with the taller male... But it wasn’t fair because Yifan had almost died for him.

 

“Can I...touch your face?”

 

Junmyeon only gulped as he was pulled even closer to Yifan’s personal space. The taller male’s slender fingers slowly danced on him, trailing every inch of his skin. Junmyeon felt ticklish and shuddered at the rushing sensation and let Yifan took control of him completely. His fingers traveled from his temple, to his sharp nose, to his smooth cheeks, to his plump lips...

 

“Oh God,” Yifan whispered.

 

“Wh—what?” Junmyeon cautiously whispered back, afraid if Yifan had just spotted a hidden acne on his face.

 

“I just pictured you in my head,” Yifan’s lips curved into a fond smile. “So beautiful. Just like an angel...”

 

Junmyeon longingly stared at him. “It’s just a feeling. You don’t know that...”

 

“I have a very strong feeling, Junmyeon-ah. And damn, I know I’m always right.”

 

“A strong feeling?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Junmyeon swallowed. “So tell me...what does your feeling say about me...going home?”

 

“I think you should do it.”

 

Junmyeon could almost hear his heart breaking at the straight answer. He felt terrible for asking, but it was the only right thing to do. “...alright...”

 

“Because I have a strong feeling that we’ll be together forever.”

 

“Eh?”

 

Junmyeon’s chin was lifted up gingerly to meet Yifan’s lips. It happened naturally by instinct. Yifan’s eyes were still covered with the bandage and yet he managed to mold their lips together perfectly. Junmyeon slowly kissed back, wondering if it was alright for him to do so, and the eagerness from Yifan somehow convinced him that the other male did want him to respond. Junmyeon let out a weak moan as he felt himself surrendering completely to the older male.

 

Yifan had captured his heart from the beginning.

                         

Junmyeon wasn’t sure about tomorrow, but right now he just wanted to savor the moment with Yifan.

 

Someone who made him feel very special.

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

“You’ll be okay, Yifan.”

 

“Hopefully.”

 

“We’ll...see each other real soon.”

 

“I’ll be waiting.”

 

“I’ll try to be there for you when you got out of the hospital.”

 

“You have to. And I’ll spot you there. Give me your straightest stare, just like you promised me.”

 

“But...I’ll be very ugly that you will going to regret everything you said to me.”

 

“You wish, Junmyeon. You wish.”

 

“...Yifan...”

 

“I love you, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

“...I love you too, Yifan...”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon straightened the hem of Yifan’s shirt before letting him go. The Chinese male had just been taken by the nurses half an hour ago to prepare everything for his surgery. Yifan had told him to go home and Junmyeon hesitantly obeyed. As soon as the male left, he felt very inadaquate and worthless. Junmyeon prayed very hard that Yifan would get his vision back. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to forgive himself if the surgery turned out the other way.

 

“Junmyeon-hyung?”

 

Junmyeon raised his brows in shock as a pair of arms landed almost roughly on his shoulders and pulled him into a tight backhug. He almost choked at the sudden act.

 

“Dammit,” Jongin seethed as he tightened his grip around Junmyeon’s shoulders, burying his face on the older male’s back. “I was so worried, hyung. I was so damn worried.”

 

“J—Jongin?”

 

Jongin forced Junmyeon to face him and glared angrily. “You have no idea, no idea, hyung, how desperate I was to find you and...oh I’m just very glad you’re alright...”, he pulled Junmyeon into an embrace once again and faintly sobbed. “I threatened our parents. They can’t divorce until you’re found. Because they need to apologize to you, hyung. They need to. You deserve their apology.”

 

Junmyeon stared at the crying mess in front of him before reluctantly hugging back. Jongin was a lot taller than him now. He had really grown up. His skin was tanned—definitely caused by the outdoor activities. Junmyeon felt himself melting and he felt like crying too.

 

“B—but, Jongin, how did you...”

 

“It was me,” Kyungsoo said softly as he appeared behind Jongin. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

 

“You’re...,” Junmyeon turned ashen.

 

“He’s my boyfriend, hyung,” Jongin grimaced as he pulled away. “It saddens me that you don’t even know my boyfriend.”

 

“I...”, Junmyeon recalled Yifan said something along the lines of ‘this is why I called you, Kyungsoo’ and suddenly felt very exhausted. He didn’t know what to feel or think anymore. Everything was just too much to handle right then.

 

“Let’s just go home, hyung.”

 

Jongin wasn’t able to contain his happiness as he hugged his older brother once again.

 

“Let’s just go home.”

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Junmyeon almost burst out into bubbles of happiness when his mother pulled him into a tight embrace and enchanted how sorry she was. His father reluctantly joined the group hug too and whispered that he was also sorry. Junmyeon didn’t care if they weren’t sincere or anything. The hug and the apology were more than enough for him.

 

This time, Junmyeon allowed Jongin to be close to him. It was awkward at first, but Junmyeon could feel how much Jongin wanted to know him better and they finally talked after a long time. It wasn’t the kind of heart-to-heart talk, but at least now they were able to sit next to each other on the couch, sharing a tub of popcorn over a corny movie and had a nice laugh together.

 

It felt nice.

 

“Jongin had always told me that he wanted to be close to you,” Kyungsoo shyly explained when he dropped by at the house to pick him up and wasted no time to drag Junmyeon to the car.

 

Junmyeon kind of had a feeling that Kyungsoo was Jongin’s type, even though they weren’t that close. But a brother’s intuition was always right. And he was glad it was Kyungsoo because the latter was perfect for his brother.

 

“He told me that he didn’t want to be in the spotlight, that you deserved better. He always tried to talk to you but you always turned him down. You...you always rejected him. But... Jongin really looked up to you, you know? I think one of the reasons why everyone was scared to be your friend was because of Jongin...he had always threatened those who wanted to confess to you.” Kyungsoo puffed his cheeks. “It bugged me at first because I felt very, very jealous, it was always your name that he mentioned everyday instead of mine. But now...I feel like it’s okay. Because you’re really precious, hyung.”

 

Junmyeon meekly blushed. “I’m—I’m not...”

 

“Anyway, are you ready to meet Kris-hyung?”

 

Junmyeon fell silent and his eyes shifted to the entrance door. “I—I’m not sure. Besides, there’s always a possibility that he doesn’t recognize me...”

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “I believe in true love, hyung. Now go in there and claim the love of your life.”

 

“B—but—“

 

“I’ll be waiting outside for you.”

 

Junmyeon reluctantly walked in after Kyungsoo glowered at him. Jongin’s boyfriend seemed to be very kind hearted but scary when he was angry. Yifan’s surgery was going very well and from Kyungsoo, he found out that the male’s eyes were as good as new. Yifan hadn’t asked about Junmyeon to Kyungsoo, but the doe eyed male knew their promise and that was why he showed up by his house. Because he knew Yifan would surely want him to be there. Junmyeon felt terrified at the thought. His hands trembled badly and tried to gulp down his nervousness.

 

What if Yifan doesn’t recognize me?

 

There were a lot of people in front of Yifan’s room. There were his friends—Junmyeon hoped they wouldn’t spot him, but then he saw Zitao smiling slightly at him and he awkwardly smiled back. Everyone seemed to sigh in relief when Yifan came out of the room, wobbling slightly. Junmyeon saw Yixing and Luhan went to his side to support him. They blended in cheerful laughter.

 

Junmyeon felt like he didn’t belong there.

 

He didn’t have any strength to look up straight at Yifan in the eye, just like he had promised. He kept on looking down, while everyone else talked to him, congratulating him for his recovery. Tears were forming in the rim of his eyes and all he wanted to do was just to run outside. It was enough for him to know that Yifan was alright and that he had his vision back.

 

Maybe...it was better this way.

 

Junmyeon sighed sadly and pressed the back of his hand on his mouth. It took him a moment, but then he braved himself to stare at Yifan’s direction—he promised it would be just for a split second, to chisel those handsome features into his mind, so at least he would have a beautiful memory about Yifan. Even though they weren’t together. Even though Yifan would never know his real face.

 

But maybe, maybe they were just meant to be.

 

Their eyes met in the straightest stare.

 

Junmyeon quickly broke their eye contact and turned around to leave. Yifan was so handsome that it did more damage to his soul than he had expected. His mind was cloudy and his heartbeat erratically quickened as he stepped away from the crowd.

 

If only he was able to say goodbye.

 

“Junmyeon-ah.”

 

He was prevented from exiting the room because a hand had grabbed his.

 

Junmyeon’s lips quivered as he slowly turned around with a ragged breath. Yifan was staring at him fondly like he was some sort of an angel.

 

Like an angel.

 

“Yi—Yifan,” he cried. “B—but how?”

 

Yifan didn’t waste any time but to kiss Junmyeon first before speaking.

 

“I told you I would find you, Junmyeon-ah.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Their parents gave each other a confused stare before fixing their eyes back to Yifan. Beside them, Junmyeon could only palm his mouth in shock, tears unwillingly streamed down his face.

 

“I’m sorry, who are you once again?”

 

Yifan gave them a solemn smile before shoving the box of diamond ring on the table.

 

“My name is Wu Yifan, the heir of the Wu Corporation. And I’m here to propose your son, Kim Junmyeon.”