The cold breeze feels nice against her face, as it caresses her skin. She keeps her eyes closed, enjoying the sensation, getting lost in the euphoria of sensations. Summer is so lively.

Summer is made for family trips, for holidays, for parents and children interacting. A holiday in the mountains or by the sea. Suddenly, images of Jongin, wearing a pair of shorts, and carrying Jongmin on his shoulders flash before her closed lids, as the original and his replica run towards the waves and then away from them. Rich laughter fills her head, and goose bumps appear on her flesh.

“Taehee-ah,” upon hearing her name called, the woman gets back to reality, and looks to her left, at the beautiful Hyera.

“Yes?” Taehee says with a small smile, not yet able to return from her imaginary bliss.

Hyera smiles a bit as well, and sips from her apple juice. The two are sitting on a bench from the playground, while Inhye has fun in the sand with some other children. She’s not far from her mother, so Hyera can freely keep an eye on her, and also hold a conversation with Taehee.

“You were daydreaming.” The older woman states amused.

“Ha ha… I might’ve been.” A soft blush appears on the other woman’s face, and she also enjoys a few refreshing sips from her iced tea.

“Taehee-ah,” Hyera begins once again, but this time, her tone is serious.

Taehee turns to look at her, part of her not wanting to hear this conversation. Something is wrong. She can see by the frown of the woman. This August day is too perfect, to blissful, to be shadows by any dark news.

“Has Jongin ever mentioned marriage?” There it goes.

At the question, she lowers her head, looking at her fingers. Her nails aren’t long, and she wears no nail polish. She takes a moment to let the question sink deeper, to get digested, before she answers. However, regardless of what she says, the hurt won’t go away.

“No, he did not.” Taehee eventually says, and adds a curt shake of the head. “Why do you ask?”

She should stop hiding behind her imaginary life, and ‘if’ scenarios. Jongin has become distant, albeit they’ve talked about his pain. He needs time, she assures herself, but just how much? She can’t offer him the whole time in the world. She’s in the seventh month already and Jongmin is impatient to come and meet them. She needs stability, a loving entourage and a safe future for her son.

She needs Jongin by her side.

It hurt, when he told her that he kissed Haeun. Or, that he allowed her to kiss him, for better. And yes, she’s grateful for having told her that, and trusting in her with Sehun’s matter. Taehee tries to be understanding, because she loves him. And love is pure and unconditional.

Still, the more she gives, the more he takes. He’s hungry for attention and care, and only Taehee can satisfy his needs. But it’s the same way around. No matter how many times Chanyeol makes her smile or laugh or feel special, she only yearns for these from Jongin.

But he only puts up barriers between them. And Taehee is afraid that, this time, she won’t be able to cross them.

“I’m asking because you need it to feel safe.” Hyera’s words bring her back to reality, to realizing that she’s right. “Marriage is a contract of love and a promise to stay together. You get married for your sake, for the sake of your partner, for the sake of your children, for the sake of your parents and also to avoid whisperings. The society is cruel. And, just because you two haven’t officially said the vows, in a big church, with fancy flowers and a grand audience, you might get criticized. I worry about you, Taehee. And about Jongin too.”

Hyera’s words make the most sense in the world. Jongmin would also be safer if they were together by law as well. But maybe Jongin has no intentions of getting married to her. He has mentioned in the beginning, that the possibility of them getting married is low.

Maybe nothing has changed since then, despite so many things happening still.

“Should I try talk to him?” The older woman asks with worry, as she rests her hand on top of Taehee’s ones.

Immediately, she shakes her head.

“No, no. It’s okay. I’ll talk to him about it myself. It’d be weird if you did that in my place.” She tries to sound strong, so her voice won’t fail her. She can’t give in now to the tears.

And, just great, she feels uncomfortable around her stomach.

“No worries, Taehee-ah. I’ll have your back.” She says, and gives her hands a light squeeze.

 ✢

After Hyera dropping her off in front of Jongin’s apartment, Taehee checks the mailbox and takes out the bills. She then heads to the elevator, but seeing how it’s blocked, or broken, she sigh heavily and heads to the stairs. Jongin lives at the fifteenth floor, so she will have to climb for a while. And that feeling in her stomach is upsetting her. Maybe Jongmin is angry with Jongin, for him not wanting to get married.

At that thought, Taehee chuckles inwardly. Although it’s cool in the hallways, the outer hotness unable to claw at her, the woman gets tired easily. She has an arm around her stomach, but her breathing is hitched, and sweat also forms on her forehead.

The feeling turns into slight pain, as if she had cramps. Not good. Not good at all. The stress must be the cause of it. And now she also has to climb so many floors. She’s barely at the seventh one, and feels like giving up.

Taehee decides to rest for a bit, and in the meanwhile, dials Jongin. Hopefully, hearing his voice will give her strength and make the pain go away. Or that’s what she wishes to happen.

Instead, it keeps on ringing, without him picking up the phone. Disappointment washes over Taehee, and, sighing heavily, she goes back into climbing up the stairs.

It takes her a while until she gets to the fifteenth floor, but at least she didn’t push her limits. She opens the front door, and stops when she notices a suitcase – his – leaned against the hallway’s wall.

“Jongin?” Taehee calls out to him as she takes off her sandals, and walks in the apartment, looking around.

He hasn’t mentioned anything about leaving. And why didn’t he pick up the phone?

“Jongin, are you here?” She repeats the question, her voice becoming edgier, the pain intensifying.

Nothing, but as Taehee heads into the bedroom, half-limping and half-dragging her feet on the parquet, she nearly runs into Jongin. He seems surprised at seeing her in such a state, although he looks like he’s about to leave pretty soon.

“I phoned you. Why didn’t you answer it?” She asks breathlessly, and Jongin glances at her with a frown.

Instead of replying, he holds her by the thin of her back, leading her in the kitchen and sitting her on a chair. He then fills a glass with water and hands it to her. To her own surprise, Taehee drinks it in a few seconds.

“What happened? You look very tired.” Jongin then asks with outmost worry, brushing calloused fingers against her bony cheek.

“The elevator doesn’t work.” Taehee says but then shakes her head and looks at him expectantly. “Where are you going?”

At that, he kisses her forehead and rises to his feet. The woman notices the silver watch he wears around his left wrist, and she feels happy. It’s the thing she had her eye on, a couple of weeks ago, and she didn’t give up until she bought it. Just like that, because she knew he’d like it.

“I have to fly to Beijing.” Jongin says curtly, while looking at his reflection in the grand mirror.

“On such short notice?”