A/N: I hope you enjoy this :)

'I feel like my heart has been stabbed, thrown, broken, shattered, smashed and stepped on, then sewn back together and the process was then repeated over and over.


You lied to me, you broke my heart. You took my heart and made it feel whole, made it beat again then at the last second, you took it and threw it against the wall, leaving me with this misery.


You became my whole world. You surrounded me in the light and saved me from the darkness, but then you walked away and let that darkness swallow me whole.


You were my everything. You're my life.


Now you are gone and my world is falling apart.


My heart won't beat.


I can't breathe.


You took everything I had..

Nothing will ever be the same again..'

- Jessica         

"And you left because of that? God, how could you be so stupid?!"


YoonA opened to object but SooYoung was way too engrossed to reprimand her and went on indignantly. "You're a fool, I'm telling you, YoonA. You shouldn't have left! Damn, not at that point. You just.. you just took everything from her and you got away with it?!"


YoonA looked away. She knew she really was at fault and the censure was well deserved. "Marriage was actually the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up. I knew I was already responsible. But after I contemplated so hard about it and considered the consequences, I figured that it wasn't the best thing to do at the moment. It'll just complicate things more if I would force myself at her after what happened. We cannot easily bring things back to where they were with all the push and pull. Life didn't work like that. And everything between us.. it took time."


"Still. You could've at least had a decent talk with her first before you scampered away. What if she had something to say? Did you not realise that?"


"I-I did. But, I can't face her. I've no right to face her at that time, after everything. If you only knew how hard it was for me, Soo. It killed me. I asked her not to walk away from me but there I was, stupidly doing it myself." YoonA breathed in a lungful of air since her voice was slightly quivering and she doesn't think she can continue with this kind of talk. Nonetheless, she pulled herself together and proceeded.


"T-The sight of her, sleeping so peacefully in my bed, in that moment I knew she belonged there. She belonged to me. But I also knew in myself that it's not the right time for us. It never was, at that time. D-Do you think it's that easy for me to walk out of that room, without saying anything, knowing that my life, my everything was in there?"


SooYoung was rendered speechless at the pain exuding from YoonA's voice and was more than surprised to see a stray tear rolling down her cheek which YoonA promptly brushed away.


"But, Yoong.." SooYoung finally found her voice. "Jessica didn't withstand what you did. What if.. what if she already changed her mind about you and—"


"I'm not too dumb to not notice that something has changed after we did it," YoonA remarked steadfastly which astounded SooYoung once more. "No, not just after that. While we're at it, actually. The look in Jessica's eyes— Soo, she was looking at me with that spark in her eyes! That same spark she had in her when she asked me to be hers. God, I was drunk. Yet I perfectly knew what was happening."


"Yet why—" SooYoung was cut off again when YoonA continued as if she didn't hear her. The doe-eyed was too preoccupied as she stared into her own closed fists and SooYoung could only flicker her eyes to the girl's mouth, tracking her words as they stormed past her lips like gusts of wind.


"B-But you know what hurt me the most? It's the broken look I see behind that spark. Yes, I didn't see hatred in her eyes that night, but utmost pain was existent. It's still there. Do you get it, Soo?" YoonA's watery eyes finally fell on SooYoung and taller girl wished she's not seeing that devastated look before her very eyes. "S-She's broken because of me. No smile, no spark can hide that fact. Say, she accepted me the next morning, do you think it would be whole-hearted for her? There'd still be that thick wall separating us and not in one day nor in a month will it be crushed down. She'd still harbor doubts in her heart and I'm not the one who can erase them, it's her. Only her, and I needed to give her the time and space to do it for herself. And if I stayed a little longer that morning and showed myself to her, if I see her cry in front of me again, or just see the look in her eyes, I don't think I can still give her that space. I-I don't think I can walk away from her... And then I.. I received that letter from her one year later.."


The deafening silence which they hadn't experienced for years had now ensued and YoonA took the chance to steady herself, taking calming breaths and drying the unwanted tears that had been pent up within herself all these years and now stubbornly showing themselves.


SooYoung sighed and shook her head, YoonA's reasons finally getting into her. She couldn't rebuke YoonA more than she already did since no one can undo what had already happened and she didn't want to prolong the pain YoonA was feeling.


Moreover, SooYoung realises that she, once, had been stupid herself.


"It's been years... and we can do nothing about it. I understand your side now but don't think that I do condone you running away. You could have done so much better than that, Yoong. So much better."


YoonA did a small nod and managed a smile, a bitter one at that. She was still feeling helpless and the conversation she just had did nothing but add up to it.


"But, how about.. Naeun? Your daughter— I mean, how? I thought— damn, Yoong! How could you have a child?!" SooYoung then questioned skeptically and YoonA's attention was somehow averted from her other issue.


"Is it wrong for me to have a kid?" she asked back, earning an incredulous stare from SooYoung.


"No. Of course, it isn't wrong. What I'm saying is, how the hell did you have a daughter all of a sudden? I thought.. I thought you love Jessica? But what is this?"


YoonA inhaled sharply and stared pointedly at her bestfriend. "Damn, of course I love Jessica. Having a child doesn't change that. It doesn't change what I feel."


"Right." SooYoung finally relented and asked another bothersome question. "So.. who's the father? Where is he—"


"What 'father' are you talking about?!" YoonA questioned as she suddenly froze, confounded at the word she heard.


"What? I thought—"


YoonA started chuckling when the realisation dawned on her and stared in amusement at SooYoung who was now raising an eyebrow.


"I didn't say anything about biological connection. Just like how Taemin is your son, the girl is my child, no questions about that." It finally occurred to SooYoung and YoonA just chuckled at her expense. "But, hey, you really think I conceived Naeun myself?"


"Well.. You talk like it," SooYoung mumbled.


"Aigoo. Didn't I say yesterday that Naeun is already four years old? And I've been gone for only three years. Simple logic, Soo." YoonA chuckled once more.


It hit SooYoung once again and she could only scratched her nape at her own absentmindedness. "I overlooked that fact, sorry. But, how did it happened? You just realised you wanted to have a child?"


"Not that. I had Naeun when she was already eleven months old. There's this employee in our Wales Construction Company who was a single dad. Her wife died giving birth to their child and he was left to rear the baby alone. But unfortunately, the man also died in an accident while on site and there was nobody left to keep the baby. The state decided to deport the baby here in Korea but they'd found out that there were no other relatives who can keep her." SooYoung just kept mum, urging YoonA to go on to which the girl did.


"I felt responsible. The father died under my employment and I thought it was my responsibility to take care of his child. I had my lawyers process the papers immediately and I gained legal custody of the baby, which is Naeun."


"Yoong... That's.. that's a big move. Fany and I, it took months for us to decide whether to adopt. But you.." SooYoung was speechless once again.


"I know." YoonA smiled, warmly this time. "It surprised me too how I was able to decide that fast when they informed me. It's just, when I first see the baby, I felt this deep connection, like she was my own. And the day I had her in my arms, for once in my life, I knew I made a right decision."


SooYoung unconsciously smiled for they share the same feelings about their children, and was about to say something when the ever-so-enthusiastic subject of talk came running from the kitchen. Whipped cream was smudged all over her cheeks and she was holding two cupcakes in both hands. The bestfriends chuckled at the adorable sight and YoonA retrieved some baby wipes from her bag, wiping the smear on Naeun's face.


"Aigoo, what happened to my baby?"


"Taeminnie and I played whipped creams," Naeun said cutely, trying to put a whole cupcake in .


"They tagged me along, actually." Tiffany appeared in front of them with a much messier look than Naeun, Taemin in her arms.


"Aigoo, Fany.." SooYoung immediately stood up and got a tissue box from a drawer then wiped her wife's messed-yet-still-beautiful face. She did the same with Taemin and the two both gave her a kiss on the cheeks.


YoonA smiled at sight of the happy family, though feeling a very slight pinch of envy in her heart. No, she's happy for them. She's happy about her and Naeun; she just can't help wishing that the happiness she was feeling would be carried to a whole new level of contentment that she always longed for.


Something— no, someone, someone was just missing.


"Yoong, why don't you have lunch here so we can talk some more?" Tiffany offered hospitably and SooYoung nodded in agreement.


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