"The hardest part is not falling in love, but allowing yourself to fall out." 

 

YoonA's eyes were wide as she looked at Jessica, whose own eyes are clouded with anger while her chest heaved rapidly. The blonde's hands were tight fists and her face was turning bright red as her anger skyrocketed at YoonA's question. The light in her eyes were gone, and instead was replaced with abhorrence, the intensity of which was nothing YoonA had ever seen.


"S-Sica.. What.. W-What's--"


"Damn it! Don't act innocent on me!" Jessica finally raised her voice, a thunderous expression on her face. Her eyes narrowed into furious slits as she backed away when YoonA tried to step closer to her. "Don't ing go near me! I mean it, YoonA!"


YoonA stopped dead on her tracks, her head in a state of haywire than it's ever been, "Sica, what's wrong? What's.. happening? W-What did I do?"


"You're asking me what you did?!" Jessica growled indignantly. "You don't have any idea?! Fine, I'll tell you. You had a ing agreement with my dad to make me fall crazy in love with you. Wow, I should be flattered after all, shouldn't I? The great Im YoonA was tasked to win my heart and she did everything on her terms to do it. I should be overwhelmed, right?" Jessica spoke venomously with a menacing look, fury burning in her eyes while YoonA stared frozen at what she was hearing.


The former sneered spitefully when she didn't get any response from YoonA and her rage grew stronger than it already was.


"No? Oh, yeah. I shouldn't be too happy because I wasn't what she really wanted. Uh, I forgot, she never wanted a spoiled, immature, self-centered brat that I am. All she wanted was an island. A freaking island! My, who would know Im YoonA could be so business-minded? She cares so much for her business she's more than willing to use other people. Oh, to be exact, she's willing to use me!"


"I.. I-I didn't... S-Sica.. I.." YoonA's head dropped down dejectedly as the words eluded her. Jessica's hurt and angry eyes tugged at her conscience, trying to pull out the secret that she knew from the very start might ruin them.


And it does. Right now, it ing does.


"Cat got your tongue now? You're that guilty you can't even defend yourself?! How could you ing propose to me when you're keeping something like this?!" Jessica shouted and cursed furiously. Though she hated it, she felt an unwanted sting in the corner of her eyes that she immediately prevented from happening.


"H-How did you know?" was what came out of YoonA's mouth instead. Jessica pierced her an incredulous look and shifted her gaze to the sky, trying to stop anything to fall from her eyes.


At the question, Jessica tormentingly remembered how happy she had been before she went into YoonA's office. How excited she was to give her gift to YoonA. How she looked forward for the gift YoonA was planning to give her and the place the girl promised to bring her to.


She was so happy.. but everything went terribly wrong.


And now, she's hurting.


"I-I heard you and SooYoung.. at your office," Jessica answered shakily, tears started b at the corners of her eyes, and YoonA finally shot her head up. Pain and fear written all over the doe-eyed's face. "I heard everything that you said. I heard how you said you never wanted me. I heard how you said you planned to dump me after getting what you want. H-How you said that you didn't care about how I would feel. I-I heard it all. You were shouting. Y-You were telling all that.."


YoonA's heart broke seeing her love that way, in pain and vulnerable. All because of her. It pains her to know that the best thing that has ever happened to her is now hurting so badly because of her. She hated herself more than she ever did and in that moment, she didn't even know what to say to make any of it right again.


She screwed everything up.


She hurt Jessica.


Her love.


YoonA roughly wiped the tears forming in her eyes and slowly dragged her feet to where Jessica was.


"I-I said don't go near me!" Jessica screamed and started to cry, on the verge of hysterics. Not weep, not sob, but ing cry. Hate-filled tears profusely streamed down her cheeks and she couldn't do a thing to make them stop.


YoonA tried to wrap her arms around the girl's small frame but Jessica harshly pushed her away.


"P-Please don't cry. Baby--"


"D-Don't call me in that endearment!" Despite her tears, Jessica managed to glare daggers at YoonA.


"Sica.. Please listen to me.."


"No!"


"Sica, I-I don't have a good answer for all the things that I've done, but I'm sorry," YoonA spoke hastily as if she's afraid that Jessica wouldn't hear what she's going to say. "I know that sorry will never be good enough for all this pain I've caused you, and it will never be. I can never forgive myself for hurting you and making you cry, nor do I expect you to. But please.. Please, Sica.. believe me when I say that it's all in the past and I love you now and I cannot stand seeing you like this.." YoonA desperately tried to talk her down as she finally engulfed the trembling Jessica in her arms, who was continuously crying and now hitting her wherever her fists landed.


"H-How can this be?! Why now? Why now when my heart fully belonged to you? Why now when I-I was ready to be with you? W-Why now when I have fallen in love with you?! Why do I have to know all of this now?!" Jessica screamed hatefully against YoonA's chest. Never in her life had she cried like that. She was wailing, and punching as she let it all, everything, go. "W-Why do you have to hurt me like this?!"


"Sshh.. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.." YoonA whispered raggedly, a few tears escaping her own eyes. She knew a simple sorry wouldn't do to win Jessica over but for what it's worth, she's very sorry for hurting the girl she loves the most. "I-I love you, Sica. I love you, I love you. A million times I love you and a million times I'm sorry. All the things that I told you about how I felt and how you make me feel were true.. God knows how you mean the world to me.."


Jessica shoved YoonA away, it if she would listen to her lies.


"I-If you really love me, you wouldn't hurt me like you did! You wouldn't say those words even if you know I wouldn't hear them! I shouldn't be hurting now if it weren't for everything that I heard from you!"


"I-I'm sorry.. I was angered and I don't know what I was saying anymore. SooYoung told me to tell you everything but I-I was sacred.. scared of being alone, insecure and scared that if you will know about it, your love for me will vanish like wind and you would hate me. I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid you will walk out of my life and I will never see your sweet face again.."


Jessica cried even harder and desperately brushed her tears away as she sobbed uncontrollably. YoonA, seeing this, quickly stepped closer and held the girl tight in her arms despite the unavailing protests. A pained expression crossed the doe-eyed's face as as she felt Jessica's body heave with each sob, cursing herself inwardly for causing all this.


For the nth time, Jessica sought her remaining strength, placed her palms on YoonA's chest and pushed the girl away from her. She turned away and started for the door. She was so hurt, enraged, and overran with fury that she needed to get away from YoonA or she'll lost it.


Without further thinking, YoonA grabbed and spun Jessica around, pulled her close and kissed her forcefully. The girl responded and it was as though they were trying to mash their mouths together. YoonA wrapped her arms around the blonde so tight she could hardly breathe. And their tongues were so forceful it was almost painful. Their lips remained locked for a while but when Jessica couldn't take it anymore, she pushed away. 


YoonA went to speak, but the moment she opened , there was a strong burn of pain on her cheek once again.


And it hurts, just like the first one.


"That's the last time you're going to kiss me, YoonA." was muttered in pure disdain and resentment.


Then, Jessica walked away.


And YoonA let her, silent tears slowly making their way down her face as her eyes landed on the red box on the floor.


'I-I need you, Sica.. my heart needs you. I'm so sorry, baby..."



***



Tiffany was leaning against her car, trying to ring SooYoung, when Jessica bolted out from the front doors. The redhead cocked a brow but her eyes widened upon seeing her bestfriend's tear-streaked face.


"Jessi? Oh my god! Jessi, what happened?!" Tiffany immediately went up to the girl who was about to break down on her knees.


"Y-You're.. still.. h-here?" Jessica managed in between sobs as she clutched on her bestfriend for dear life.


"Y-Yeah. I was planning to... congratulate you so I didn't leave. But, what happened? Where is--"


"Tiff.. let's just.. get out of here.. P-Please.."


"B-But Jessi--"


"P-Please.. Please.." Jessica was desperate.


Tiffany couldn't help but give in.



***



Five weeks dragged on torturously slow and YoonA kept reaching out to Jessica, kept coming for her, searching for the girl everywhere but not once had she seen or talked to her personally. The girls were mad at her too at first but they eventually understood YoonA and even tried to help her out but they all failed miserably. Jessica wasn't listening to anyone, even her father to whom she was also having grudge.


"You gonna be okay?"


"I-I'll be fine," YoonA put up a fake smile, her eyes red and swollen from crying. SooYoung isn’t having any of that, pulled her into an embrace and placed a hand on the small of her back. Tears began to shed once more as the doe-eyed cried grievously at her bestfriend's shoulder. "S-She easily.. gave up on us. H-How can I continue.. fighting for us when.."


"At least, you're still fighting," SooYoung cut her off softly. "Yoong, it's not important if one of you seems like she'd already given up. What's important is that you're still trying and holding on to the promise that both of you had vowed to each other."


"H-How can you say that, Soo? This is a losing battle. I-I cannot do this alone.."


"How can I say this?" SooYoung could not help but smile bitterly at the lack of faith and courage her bestfriend was showing. "Remember the time when I almost give up on me and Tiffany? I almost gave up, yoong. But Tiffany didn't. She fought for us. She fought for me even though I was hurting her and pushing her away. But not only that, Yoong. You were also there, telling me that everything's gonna be alright soon. You and Tiffany fought for me when I didn't feel like I can fight any longer. And after all the , everything went back to where they were, to where they belong. That's why I'm able to say all of these things, Yoong. You won't lose when you're not giving up or when there's someone fighting for you. My wife's fighting for Jessica, I'm fighting for you, and you're not alone. We all know Jessica still loves you and you should fight for you and her and that love. You can do this.."


For the first time in weeks, YoonA can finally manage a genuine smile at the encouraging words SooYoung had just spoken to her. It was as though some of the burden she's carrying were somehow lifted off of her shoulders and she was allowed to