29^th January

Ga Eul looked at her mail with keen interest. Slowly she through each one to see if there was anything interesting. Ugh. They were all just plain-old, boring bills. Nothing out of the ordinary. Her fingers stopped when her eyes caught sight of a cream-coloured envelope.

She put down all the other uninteresting letters onto the counter. She turned the cream-coloured envelope over in her hands before ripping it open, littering paper unceremoniously onto the floor. Her curious fingers reached for the contents inside. 

Her eyes scanned the information. She felt a hard lump gradually forming in . In normal circumstances, Ga Eul would have appreciated the simplicity, colour and design of the card. But this was not a normal circumstance. Her vision blurred. Tears pricked her eyes. She let out a choked sob. Tears poured out, smudging the mascara that had taken her a while to perfect this morning. She would’ve fussed over the imperfection on her face as her eye bags were tattooed with long black smears. But right now, she couldn’t have cared less. 

Ga Eul turned around, slamming her body against the kitchen drawers. Her knees buckled as she slid down slowly. Pain crept up her spine from the impact; but it wasn’t painful enough to become a distraction from where it hurt more. She felt an aching inside her chest; one that she was familiar with, and had hoped to never experience again. She buried her face in her hands as her choking sobs echoed around the empty house, raking her body. She curled herself into a ball as she sobbed. She whimpered every once in a while; unable to stop the continuous flow of tears and unable to breath properly.

The letter was a invitation. A beautiful and intricately-designed invitation with cream spirals lining the edge and letters in professional calligraphy. A tear smudged the ink that spelled his name. She should be happy. Her sister was marrying a good man who would take good care of her for the rest of her life. She was marrying someone who would love her and protect her and support her during hard times. But no matter how much she wanted to happy for Eun Jae, she couldn't force herself to be. She couldn't stop crying her heart out. 

Why did she hope such a dangerous hope? She always hoped that they would break up. That her sister's fiancé would break up with her sister. That he would revert back to his old Casanova ways and break Eun Jae's heart. That he'd realise that deep down inside, he had always loved her, Ga Eul, his country bumpkin and soulmate - not her sister. Then they would be together. She'd be the one walking down the aisle in two weeks to marry the love of her life. But it never happened. And now it would never happen. Yi Jeong was marrying Eun Jae, his first love. The girl who made his heart beat. The girl who made him change his ways. He was not marrying her - Ga Eul, the one who only watched from afar as he became happy with someone else. 

Ga Eul wiped her tears away. She couldn't do this. Eun Jae was her dearly beloved sister and friend. She had to be happy for her. She needed to be. She reached for her phone. She already knew they were engaged. But seeing the wedding invitation made everything so much more real . She dialled her sister's number and tried to calm herself. Eun Jae was sometimes oblivious at the best of times but Ga Eul needed to make sure that there was no way that the happy bride-to-be could catch on. 

"Oh, Ga Eul!"

She forced a smile, "Eun Jae, wow! I just got your wedding invitation. It's so pretty." 

14^th February

Ga Eul stood in the dressing room. Eun Jae was always a bit of a romantic at heart, and a bit cheesy. Of course, her wedding day was going to be on Valentine's Day, the supposedly most romantic day of the year - and she noted dully, the one day she couldn't even manage to bring a date. 

Eun Jae smiled to herself in the mirror, happy with her make-up and happy to be married to the man she loved in another half an hour or so. She looked so beautiful. Ga Eul loved her sister. She was supposed to happy for her sister, but she wasn’t. All she could feel was dread. Dread that the man she loved was getting married to someone that wasn’t her. What was worse was that out of all the people that he had to marry, why did it have to be Eun Jae? She should be smiling for her sister, rejoicing for her, embracing her and congratulating her. But she couldn’t. No matter how hard Ga Eul pushed herself to at the very least try ; she just couldn’t find it in herself to be happy for her sister. Instead, even though she would never admit it out loud, she found herself fearing for what was about to happen.

For some reason, no matter how much time that they spent together, it all became meaningless when Yi Jeong stepped in. Ga Eul told herself to be happy, not only for her sister but for Yi Jeong as well. But she couldn’t find it in her. There was always a small voice in the back of her head that told her that she was going to lose him forever. After today, he was going to belong to someone else. He wouldn't be available anymore - even as the friend he always was. His girlfriend, fiancé, and now, wife would take priority. Of course she would still see him at family events and outings. But they wouldn't be able to hang out like they did before. She couldn’t stop the tear leaving the corner of her eye. It was selfish of her to think like this.

She looked down for a moment. It wasn’t right for her to be crying at a wedding. More or less her sister’s wedding. More or less when she was the maid-of-honour and Eun Jae had spent hours deciding on what she should wear and the final touches of her make-up and hair. 

Ga Eul felt an arm wrap around her shoulder before she turned to look at whose it arm it was. Her sister soothed her, “What’s wrong?” She knew that it was pointless trying to hide but she could never tell her sister the real reason. 

Ga Eul shook her head in a meek attempt to persuade her sister that it was nothing. Eun Jae clucked her tongue in impatience, demanding her sister tell her why. She couldn’t just blurt out the truth. Things would not end well that way. Her mind scurried to find a suitable reason. 

“It’s just-” she choked, Ga Eul had never been good at lying but she hoped that on this occasion, while her sister was in a blissful state, she wouldn’t pick up on it. “It’s just that you’re getting married and you look so beautiful. I couldn’t be any more proud.”

Eun Jae smiled wildly, glad that her sister was happy for her. She pulled Ga Eul closer, “Don’t cry. It’ll be fine.” She pulled her sister in for a hug as Ga Eul tried her best to reflect the smile that adorned her sister’s face.

She clutched the lavender boutique. This way Ga Eul would have something to do while she waited for her sister to walk down the aisle. Everything had been rehearsed for the past two weeks . She knew the whole schedule of the wedding just as well as the wedding planner. Being the maid-of-honour, Ga Eul herself had just walked down the aisle herself before standing opposite the groom.

In that very moment, when Eun Jae wasn’t in the room, it was just her and Yi Jeong facing opposite each other. How she wished that she was the bride. How she wished that she was the one walking down the aisle. How she wished that all the guests had come here to witness the union of two souls were her and Yi Jeong, not her sister and him.

But even she knew that even at the last minute, his heart would never belong to her. He wasn’t even looking at her. He was looking down the aisle, waiting for his bride to come. She took a closer look and noticed his anxiety. There were only two reasons for it: he was anxious for the bride to come or he was simply having last minute nerves like Eun Jae had earlier.

While waiting, Eun Jae had cried and worried about the married life, commitment and whether or not she was going to be a good wife. Being her sister, Ga Eul comforted her to the best of her abilities which she found extremely hard. After all, she had never settled down before and couldn’t relate to what her sister was feeling. Eun Jae had started having doubts about marrying Yi Jeong and even went as far as to say that she might have to back out of the wedding. Ga Eul convinced her sister not to do so but her heart ached with every comforting word she spoke. Eventually, the bride got back to her senses and redid her make-up before telling herself repeatedly that everything was going to be just fine.

The music started. The bride was entering the chapel. Ga Eul turned to look at her sister. Even though she was far away, she could tell that Eun Jae was trembling and trying to keep everything together. The only thing that was probably holding her sister up at the moment was her father, who kept giving her reassuring pats on the arm as he guided her down the aisle. Ga Eul knew her sister was nervous so she tried to give her a smile. Something she found she couldn’t do as her heart broke bit by bit every step her sister. Still Ga Eul forced herself to smile. Eun Jae saw it and gave her a nervous smile in return.

After what seemed like hours, her father gave Eun Jae to Yi Jeong. The priest began. He talked about how everyone here was here to witness the union of two souls in love and so on. Ga Eul ignored every word. Instead, he concentrated on Yi Jeong, who kept swallowing his throat and didn't seem to be paying attention. Strange. She tried to offer him a comforting smile. He flashed her a hesitant one in return.

Eventually the big question came and Eun Jae choked out “I do” as her voice became mixed with tears. The priest then turned to Yi Jeong and asked him the same question. Ga Eul scrunched the bottom of her dress. It was stupid of her to hope that he’d say no because he probably wouldn’t. She closed her eyes as she told herself not to cry again, not on her sister’s wedding day and not right now at this crucial moment.

“I don’t.”

“What?” Her sister asked him in disbelief. Eun Jae couldn’t believe her ears and neither did her or the guests. She stared at him with open.

“I’m sorry,” he started off sincerely, “but I can’t marry you.” Whispered voices spread through the chapel like wildfire. Why would the groom refuse to marry the bride? 

Ga Eul froze. She could tell that her sister was breaking down but her brain could not fully believe what she had just heard. For a moment her heart soared because the man she loved didn’t want to marry her sister. She glanced at Eun Jae. Suddenly, she remembered the previous weeks - how much effort Eun Jae had put into planning her wedding and making it perfect, selecting the menu for the reception, organising seating arrangements, preparing floral arrangements and tasting cakes. Rage blinded her. How dare he? Who did Yi Jeong think he was to lead her sister on like that and do something so cruel and heartless to her ? At some point before the actual wedding, he should've called off the wedding.

She hated him. 

Ga Eul rushed to her sister and wrapped her arms around her. Once Eun Jae seemed calm enough, she asked the man standing guiltily opposite her. “Is something wrong? Was it something I did? Was it something I didn’t do? Was I wrong somewhere down the track? What was it? At the very least you owe me an explanation.”

Yi Jeong his lips, “It’s not you. It’s me-"

"Don't give me that bull!"

"I know you deserve better. I should've said something earlier."

"Yi Jeong, tell me why!"

"I'm in love with someone else," he admitted meekly.

Eun Jae stared at him. Ga Eul stared. His family stared. Her family stared. Everyone stared.  

He continued, "I'm sorry. I should have said something earlier."

"Are you joking?" she laughed cruelly.

"I'm sorry, Eun Jae. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't want to hurt you like-"

“Who?” she asked stonily.

Yi Jeong swallowed. He looked down at his hands in shame before muttering, “It’s best if you didn’t know.” 

"ing damn it, Yi Jeong, you owe me a name!"

"No, I don't want to hurt you even more," he said gently.

" you, go -"

"I'll tell you somewhere else, in private." He glanced around, "Just not in front of everyone. Please."

Ga Eul couldn't stand it any longer. How dare he? He had already broken Eun Jae's heart, had the audacity to cancel what was meant to be their beginning together, and the happiest day of her life, and now he was asking for favours? While holding Eun Jae, she shouted at him, "She doesn't owe you anything, Yi Jeong!"

Yi Jeong stared at the maid of honour. Then he closed his mouth. "Fine. If you really must know, it was you."

Who?

Everyone collecively gasped when they realised who the groom was really in love with. Chu Ga Eul. Supportive sister. Accidental matchmaker of Eun Jae and Yi Jeong, the person who introduced them and set their wonderful love story in motion. Country Bumpkin. 

Ga Eul stared at Yi Jeong incredulously. She pointed at herself. Did she hear right?

"Yes," he confirmed, a regretful smile on his lips as he addressed her, "I'm in love with Chu Ga Eul."

The woman in question didn't know what to feel. Her feelings were returned. Relief. Was there a bit of happiness?

"How could you?" Eun Jae cried. "You've had an affair this whole time, haven't you?"

That snapped Ga Eul out of her reverie. "What? No! I would never do something like that to you!"

"I can't believe you. What kind of sister are you?"

"What do you mean, what kind of a sister am I?" Ga Eul hissed. "I have always been there for you. You think I'm that low that I'd try to start something with your lover?" She laughed. Unbelievable. "I'm not that immoral."

Yi Jeong chimed in, "She's right, Eun Jae. These feelings are entirely on my part. Nothing happened between Ga Eul and I. It's all on me. It's all my fault. You should blame me."

She looked between the two of us. "You two deserve each other," she spat. "Rot in hell." She her heel and ran out of the chapel. 

"Eun Jae!"

"Daughter!" her mother cried as she followed to comfort Eun Jae.

As soon as the bride ran out, everything erupted into chaos. All the guests stood up and demanded explanations. Was a wedding still happening? Was the grrom really cheating on the bride this whole time? Would there still be free food? Was there a honeymoon? Was the bride coming back? Ga Eul's father ran up and socked his once-son-in-law-to-be in the face. Yi Jeong's nose was bleeding. His parents were apologising to the in laws and slapping their son across the back of the head. The priest looked like a wedding disaster was clearly not worth his paycheck as he discreetly tried to pack up his things and leave the chapel. And all Ga Eul could think was one thing: Yi Jeong loved her. He loved her. He returned her feelings. Her love was not one-sided. Warmth filled her heart. She was loved. But she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted that love. It came at too high of a price.

18^th February

Ga Eul knocked on the door, her hands clutched tightly onto the box of chocolates in her hand. While waiting for the person who inhabited the apartment to open it, she clutched her jacket around herself tighter. She started to pick at her nails as she waited, feeling herself grow more and more impatient as she stood there waiting in the cold.

With no signs of footsteps or shadows behind the door, Ga Eul rapped her knuckles against the door once more. 

After the incident of Yi Jeong proclaiming that he wasn’t going to marry Eun Jae and declaring that he was instead in love with her, Ga Eul had not stopped thinking about it. She had gone through a right range of emotions. She wanted to slap him for ruining something so beautiful and for not considering other people's feelings. She should have done so at the wedding when he said "I don't" instead of "I do". She should have let out her rage against him. Instead, she sometimes couldn't stop herself from smiling. She couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter just a little bit every time she remembered him saying that it was her. 

Ga Eul quickly wiped the growing smile off her face. She should not be smiling because of what Yi Jeong did, especially when she was standing outside her sister’s old house, the one she lived in before she moved in with him. Instead of drifting back to her thoughts, Ga Eul focused on the sounds of stumbling footsteps that came from behind the door.

A familiar face adorned with tangled curls and baggy eyes peeked out from behind the door. It was already past lunch time and yet, she was in her signature cow pyjamas she had had since she was sixteen. Eun Jae took one look at her sister and at the wrapped package in her sister’s hands, and immediately tried to close the door on her. Ga Eul quickly put her hand on the door to stop her.

Eun Jae huffed at her and tried to push the door close while Ga Eul pushed the door the other way so that it would stay open. After this pointless battle with neither side gaining dominance, Eun Jae dramatically pushed the door right open. "What?"

Ga Eul almost stumbled inside as her sister gave way. She regained her posture, “I wanted to talk to you. See if you were all right,” she explained.

“There is nothing to talk about,” Eun Jae’s eyes were narrowed into slits. Venom filled her voice. 

It hurt Ga Eul to realise that Eun Jae no longer loved her - she hated her. Her sister hated her. To the very bone. But even so, Ga Eul refused to believe that her beloved sister had come to hate her within the mere timespan of four days. After having spent their childhood loving each other dearly, what was one man? 

Apparently, he was everything. Ga Eul scoffed, offended. "So that's it? You hate me now?" She didn't even do anything wrong for goodness sake!

Eun Jae stonily replied, "What else do you expect? After going behind my back-"

"I didn't do anything, Eun Jae!" Ga Eul retorted. "I never sort him out or went behind your back to meet up with him. I would never do that to you." She could feel tears coming. "I can't believe you. I'm that low in your eyes that you just assume the worst of me?"

"And clearly, I had every right to." Eun Jae hissed, "You've got him. And I've got nothing."

Ga Eul tried to hold back tears. "Well," she cleared , "I got you these chocolates." She held the package out. She had gone to a lot of effort. She knew her sister as well as the back of her hand. Eun Jae would need time to compartmentalise events and cool down before she could see Ga Eul, the woman whom she believed betrayed her in the worst possible way. So she waited. But waiting for too long allowed the voice inside her head that insisted she visit her sister to get too loud, that she couldn't ignore it. Ga Eul even went to the effort of procuring a peace offering. Her sister's favourite box of chocolates wrapped in pretty wrapping paper and tied together with a fancy ribbon. Of course, she was not that foolish to believe that mere chocolates would be able to repair their relationship to the way it was before, but at the very least, she hoped, it would put them back on speaking terms.

Eun Jae made no move to accept them. She didn't even look at the box.

Feeling stupid, Ga Eul quickly retracted her gift. "Fine," she huffed. "Wallow in misery with your nothingness then." She turned around abruptly. As she turned, she caught Eun Jae's shocked face. Good. She had every right to snap back at her and win that battle. She did not do anything wrong. She had more morals than to try and take someone else's man, especially her sister's man.

At the same time, her heart broke. It was so disappointing to realise that Eun Jae thought so little of her to assume the worst. So Ga Eul left her there, gobsmacked. And without any certainty that she would ever have a good relationship with her younger sister. She deserved it, Ga Eul thought as she walked back into the cold winds. 

She showed her card to the bus driver. He gave her a nod, dismissing Ga Eul as she looked for a seat. She found one almost immediately and made her way towards it.  

Thankfully, the heater was to maximum. Ga Eul couldn’t help but feel slightly warmer already and decided that it would be best to take off her thick white winter coat. Folding the material in half, she placed it on the seat next to her. If necessary, she could always move the white heavy material onto her lap if someone else was going to come and sit down next to her. 

"Can I sit here?" 

Well. That was quick.

Ga Eul glanced up at the stranger and gulped.

She let out a small laugh, "Hah, of course." She moved her coat onto her lap.

Yi Jeong took off his parka and sat down next to her, stowing his parka temporarily on his lap as well. 

A silence settled in. Ga Eul snuck a peek at him. She had so many questions. Was it a last-minute decision to say he loved her? Had he loved her all this time? Why hadn't he said something before? Did he really knowingly lead Eun Jae on this whole time? What did he want? What happens now? Did he want to be with her? Or would it be better to be friends, for things to go back to the way it had before Yi Jeong and Eun Jae had started dating? Or was that too hard? Was it better to be strangers after all the humiliation he had put her family through?

Her parents had been furious with Yi Jeong. They complained that he was deceptive and manipulative and did not have a shred of decency or integrity. It was lucky that Eun Jae had missed out on marrying him. He was clearly not capable of making her happy. Which was ironic considering that prior to the wedding, her parents could not stop singing their future son-in-law's praises. They said he was handsome and considerate. His love and dedication to Eun Jae meant that she would be happy for the rest of her days. They had no reservations about him at all. Now it was a completely different story. He would always be a playboy, through and through. Look at how how disloyal he was to Eun Jae? So disloyal and despicable that he had even fallen for the sister. He knew no shame. Everything was Yi Jeong's fault. Which was comforting to Ga Eul. Unlike Eun Jae, her parents knew they had raised their daughter with more respect and morals than that. She was glad they didn't think so little of her.

Ga Eul cleared . She didn't even know where to start. After not hearing from him since the wedding, Ga Eul had started to doubt the sincerity of Yi Jeong's confession. Did he really love her? Or was he just simply trying to find a way to get out of his then-impending nuptials? Did he see her as a woman? Or was she nothing to him? Did she have so miniscule of a presence in his life that he would readily cause so much hurt in the lives of the people she loved for his own selfish reasons?

Before she fell in love with him, he was first and foremost a friend. It would hurt like a if she really was nothing to him.

"Ah..." She searched for something to say. "I... um... didn't know- You catch buses these days?" 

She wanted to sink into the ground. That was the best she could come up with? It was a fair question though. Yi Jeong's family were huge in the visual arts industry. He could definitely afford other means of transport that were infinitely more tasteful and comfortable than public transport. It was strange to see him on a bus. His life was of extraordinary extravagance, and he looked slightly out of place in such an ordinary, civilian setting. 

"Ah well. Not really. I saw you get it on at the bus stop," he sheepishly admitted.

"So you stalked me?" she mockingly accused.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you." He said seriously. 

There was no point in beating around the bush. She nodded, "What did you want to say?"

He looked down at his hands. "I-" he sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Ga Eul. I'm sorry to you for putting you in this position. I'm sorry to your family - because, you know, I never wanted to hurt them. And most of all, I'm sorry to Eun Jae. I really want to apologise to her in person, face-to-face. I owe her at least that much but she won't let me see her."

Okay. That sounded sincere. Ga Eul breathed out a sigh of relief. It seemed that he hadn't intentionally planned on hurting anyone. 

He continued, "I do love Eun Jae, as a person. She's a wonderful woman with so much passion. But I realised a little bit too late that she wasn't the one for me. Eun Jae can be playful and chessy at times but she's very guarded. She doesn't have a lot of love in her heart to freely give."

Ga Eul found herself nodding. That was true. Eun Jae didn't really let people in her life. And she could be vengeful and unforgiving at even the best of times. 

"I need something different. She does too. And I realised the perfect person was there all along. My soulmate was right next to me." He looked up at Ga Eul. "It's always been you, Ga Eul. I never fully realised that I was in love with you until I was standing down the aisle and I saw you taking your place as the maid of honour." He paused for a moment. "I had to say something. I couldn't let both Eun Jae and I waste our lives and be in a tortorous marriage when we would be so much happier with other people."

Ga Eul nodded. So he did love her. Her traitorous heart couldn't help but skip a beat.

"I really didn't want to spring that onto you like that. I never wanted to put you in an awkward place with your sister. I just- I think I just needed to let it out. Actually I didn't even want to tell Eun Jae there why I couldn't marry her. I'm sorry, Ga Eul."

She swallowed thickly. "It's okay."

He shook his head. "No, it's not." He put his heads into his hands. "I've ruined everything for you. It was inconsiderate of me." 

"No, you were being considerate," she said as she pulled his head out to look at her, "You were to yourself and Eun Jae. You're right. You both wouldn't have made each other happy in the long run. It was better to end things before the wedding, before it would have gotten more complicated to get out."

"Thanks, Ga Eul."

"It's okay," she muttered quietly. She could feel her heart beating strongly in her chest. She could say it. The truth. But that would take the conversation into uncertain territory, which was something she could not afford to do. But Yi Jeong had been brave enough to be honest to her. He was also in a lot of guilt and shame. Damn it. She was already forgiving him. Well, she reasonsed, he should be able to have one thing turn out right for him even if it was in completely the wrong circumstances. 

Ga Eul swallowed, "I love you too."

"I know, I know." He waved offhandedly. "But-"

"No," she asserted. "I mean I love you."

Yi Jeong stared at her. "Y- You do?"

"Yes."

He started to laugh. "Wow, you do?" The beginnings of a genuine smille were forming on his lips. "I can't believe it. You actually reciprocate my feelings," he said to himself more than anyone.  

"Yeah, I do." She muttered absentmindedly. 

"Okay. This- we can't."

She nodded in agreement. "Yeah, we can't."

He smiled bitterly. "That really . Knowing that that person you love loves you back and but you can't be with them."

"To be honest, I don't even know if we can be friends. At least, not for a while."

"I ed up in a big way. It's a fair price to pay." He paused and contemplated, "I think I'll always love you."

She looked back at him in shock. "Yi Jeong-"

"I know. I am a Casanova. But I don't think my feelings will change. I won't be that selfish and ask you to wait for me. But I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't going to hope you would and that I wouldn't be waiting for you when the time was right."

She fidgeted uncomfortably. 

He continued, "Maybe a few years down the track, we could be together."

"I don't think that's possible." She cared too much about her family to jeopardise her relationships with them. Besides, how would that reflect on her? Even though she loved him, she would never date a friend's ex. It didn't matter if it was now, or five or ten years later. If they got together, it would not go down well. Besides, she was a better person than that. 

He sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I was being unnecessarily idealistic."

She laughed, "Have I rubbed off on you?"

He hummed in agreement, a hint of amusement in his voice, "Quite possibly."

She smiled. The rest of the bus trip was spent in silence. Although they couldn't be together, Ga Eul felt at peace. It was better this way. Even though her sister hated her and she did tend to hold grudges long after the time was past to let those emotions go, she would eventually come around. You couldn't hate family forever. Not even a spurned bride who was as unforgiving as Eun Jae was on a bad day would harbour resentment towards her sister for the rest of her life. Her parents would defend her integrity and Ga Eul would prove to her that she didn't betray her. 

But was that really it? They both felt the same way and clearly the intensity of their feelings were more or less reciprocated. It was frustrating that they couldn't be together. Under different circumstances, they could have been happy. As unlikely as the Casanova and the country bumpkin were on paper as a romantic match, they were soulmates.  

She rested her head on Yi Jeong's shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt a pressure on the top of her head, indicating that he was also using her as a pillow. She was glad that she didn't have to say something and he still understood her. Eun Jae hated her anyway, Ga Eul thoguht bitterly. She was just going to let herself have this small moment, this momentary weakness, before she had to be a selfless sister again.