Hye Rin and I were in the kitchen on a Monday night, happily making some dessert for dinner. The three of us, mom, me and Hye Rin, decided to cook dinner and dessert. We used to do this before, when dad was still alive. I was so glad we were finally doing it again. While Hye Rin and I were having too much fun with the icing, an unexpected visitor came through the kitchen door.

“Jae Hoon,” I said, slightly surprised at his sudden visit. I hadn’t seen him since the night we broke up. “Hi,” I added a bit awkwardly.

He still looked very much like himself—chic and sharp even in his casual shirt and jeans. However, I knew him for over a year and I know underneath this tough façade of his, he’s uncomfortable of our current situation as much as I am. “I just came here to give you this,” he said without meeting my gaze and slightly holding out the box he was carrying.

I didn’t need to be Einstein to figure out what’s in there. The half portion of the vinyl of my favorite band I gave him to listen to last year was sticking out. And I’m certain it was only among other things I’ve given him throughout our relationship that’s inside the box.

“Where can I put it?” Jae Hoon asked.

“Oh…err..” I stuttered as I looked around the kitchen.

“Let me take it,” Hye Rin interjected with a friendly smile at Jae Hoon. She took the box from Jae Hoon’s grasps and left the kitchen so Jae Hoon and I could talk apparently.

There was brief awkward pause.

“I better get going, then.” Jae Hoon said.

“Wait!” I called out to him before he could touch the door knob. He turned me, his eyes dull. “Congratulations!” I blurted out.

“What?” Jae Hoon frowned.

“I heard that your team in basketball won the other night,” I explained, feeling so stupid for blurting it out like that. “I just wanted to congratulate you and your team.”

Jae Hoon looked at me for a moment, his brows a little creased disconcertedly. “Yeah, whatever,” he muttered.

“Wait!” I called out to him again before he could turn around.

“What now?” he asked, irritatingly.

“Can I have a word with you?”

Jae Hoon sighed loudly. “If this is about me punching Jongin last week,” he began, “I’m not going to deny that I did it. But I’m also not sorry for doing it.”

“Yes, I kind of figured that,” I said, walking towards him. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

He looked at me, his facial muscles were taut and most importantly, his guard was up. And I felt so sad. “H-how are you?” I inquired gawkily.

“Guess.” he replied curtly.

Okay, I deserve that. I thought to myself while holding my gaze at him. That was a stupid question to ask in the first place. Before I could utter another word, Jae Hoon swiftly left our kitchen. I hurriedly ran after him.

“Jae Hoon, I’m sorry,” I almost yelled at him. He was almost through our gate but he stopped walking when I grabbed his arm and looked back at me, his eyes were empty as the night sky above us.

“I’m sorry.” I repeated genuinely and looked at him straight in the eyes. “I’m really, really sorry for hurting you, Jae Hoon. I’m sorry because I’ve been a bad girlfriend to you when you were such a perfect boyfriend. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. But I want you to know, I want to make sure that you know, that I really did loved you.” I finished, my chest heaving a little.

Jae Hoon peered into my eyes for the first time that night. They softened just a little and the creases in his brows faded slowly. “I’m not a perfect boyfriend, Su Ji. I tried but there’s no such thing.” he said, gently taking his arm off my grasp. “And you’re not a bad girlfriend,” he continued after brief pause. He took in a breath and met my gaze. “You…you’re an amazing and a brave girl. You have that nerve I didn’t have, you know? You didn’t let anyone bring you down. You didn’t conform. You figured out what you want to do with your life and you fought for it through and through. I kinda envy for that, you know?” he lowered his gaze and laughed dryly.

I wanted to reach out to him and maybe say something consoling but he continued talking. “I’m sorry, too because I was kind of selfish.” he said, looking back at me. “I didn’t get it, the things you want to do. I’m sorry for pulling you back.”

I remained quiet, mostly because I didn’t know what to say.

“But having said that,” Jae Hoon sighed heavily, “I can’t help but get upset with you. I really am upset with you.”

I nodded my head lightly. “I understand,” I said, “I know you hate me.  You’re allowed to hate me, what I did was wrong. But I swear I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know that,” he said quietly.

“And I hope, one day,” I continued, “You can forgive me and maybe, we can be friends again. Someday.”

“Someday,” Jae Hoon echoed with a slight nod of his head. With that, he dropped his gaze from me and turned his back.

I watched him amble toward our back gate until he disappeared into the shadows of the chilly evening. The thought of us being completely over finally sunk deeper into me and my heart ached just a little.

Later, I ate dinner with my mom and sister. It feels so long since the three of us ate dinner together. But I like this one in particular. Maybe because there’s something different now, something more open and bright and warm. I liked it. Before going to bed, Hye Rin and I went to her room to watch a movie. It’s been awhile since we had done something like that. We had popcorn, marshmallows, junk foods and sodas. It was plain awesome.

Then, mom knocked to check up on us. Hye Rin and I dragged her into the makeshift tent on the floor and watched the movie we had seen a hundred times before. At first, mom kept saying she’s busy, but we didn’t let her go. Hye Rin and I squeezed her in between us so she wouldn’t be able to escape. Eventually, mom was laughing along with us and enjoying the film.

The next morning, the three of us woke up next to each other on Hye Rin’s bed. I bolt out of the door all of a sudden though, when I realized I needed to be on school early. It was a big day for me and the entire short film crew. Eun Hye’s short film was chosen to be part of our school’s annual short film showing.

It will be shown at the school’s auditorium for three days for all the students, teachers and important figures of the school to see. There were rumors as well that some film critics will be invited as well which made Eun Hye all the more excited.

I wasn’t paying attention anymore on my last period. The film showing will start in fifteen minutes. I was tapping the top of my table with my pen, anxious to finally hear the last ring of the bell for the day. At last, when the bell chimed in, I hurriedly stuffed my things into my bag and exit the classroom. I half-walk, half-jogged to the other wing of our school where the school’s auditorium was located.

The hall was a bit packed when I arrived. Apart from the students, there were some guests who attended the event. I saw Eun Hye in a corner talking to other participants. I walked towards her and congratulated her. She told me she saved us both a seat inside and that Da Hee was already waiting for me. I went in before her because one of her teachers wanted to speak with her.

I settled into the seat beside Da Hee who also looked excited. We haven’t seen entirely the finished short film, just bits and pieces of it. Eun Hye was the one who did most of the editing. Moments later, Eun Hye joined us and sat beside me. She grinned at me rather meaningfully and gestured to the opposite row of seats. I leaned in and turned my head where Eun Hye was pointing. I squinted my eyes through the dark until my eyes adjusted. The first one I saw was Chanyeol’s bright smile, he was waving at me cheerfully. I smiled back and waved at him. Kyungsoo was also there sitting with him but then they all faded into the background when I saw Jongin sitting beside Kyungsoo.

I couldn’t tell what color of shirt he was wearing because it was too dim around the room, but I could tell he was wearing his favorite cap and he was looking at me, looking at me like I was the only person inside the room and I couldn’t help but smile. Ever so slightly, he nodded his head toward me charmingly and smiled.

“They’re allowed to watch the short film?” I asked Eun Hye after leaning back to my seat.

“It was a short notice,” Eun Hye nodded. “I saw the other participants’ actors got invited so I called the boys and invited them, too. They helped a lot in making the film, anyway.”

I nodded in agreement and glance to where Jongin was sitting. The short film showing started after a few minutes. Around six short films were shown with a maximum of five to seven minutes airtime. Eun Hye’s short film was last one to be shown. It was inspired by the Victorian era. The audience was absorbed the moment the shot film started. Within minutes, various kinds of emotions were surrounding the hall, but I think the part that the audience liked the most was when Jongin’s character started going crazy and went hunting for Da Hee’s character to murder her.

Of course the scene where Jongin murdered Da Hee’s character was only narrated via voice over, however, the audience seemed to like it still. Perhaps because our actors were so good and into their characters. The short film was a complete success.

After the short filming, the hall was packed yet again. I looked around, searching for Jongin and the others but I couldn’t find them. Eun Hye and I started looking around on the other hallway and there they were. We walked towards them and my eyes quickly landed on Jongin and then our eyes instantly locked, everything became irrelevant once more and all I could see was him.

“Hi,” I said to him with a smile, completely forgetting Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were there as well. I was relieved when I noted that the bruise in his eye was completely okay now.

“Hi,” he returned quietly, his eyes smiling.

Chanyeol cleared his throat playfully and I quickly tore away my gaze from Jongin who did the same thing. They started laughing and all I could do was hope my cheeks doesn’t look as hot as I felt at the moment. Eun Hye started asking them how they liked the film and everyone in the group started to praise one another for a job well done.

Later, since our class was over, we decided to hang out by the café and do some celebration. We stayed there for a few hours, recalling particular scenes we had a hard time filming and laughing at the silly mistakes we had done, just having a real good time with one another.

While the others were busy talking with each other, I saw Jongin stood up from his seat in the corner of my eyes. I watched him as he amble toward the narrow hallway leading to the backyard. Then, as if he felt my eyes following him, he stopped from walking in a calculated manner. He turned and looked at me straight in the eyes and then he subtly jerked his head toward the hallway, inviting me to join him.

“Eun Hye,” I began, getting on my feet as casually as possible. Everyone besides Eun Hye was busy talking and laughing out loud. Eun Hye looked up at me, her brows raised inquiringly, “I’ll just pay a trip to bathroom.” I stuck my thumb to where the bathroom was.

But of course Eun Hye knew me better than that. Her eyes caught the back of Jongin across the hall, heading to the backyard. She turned her gaze to me, an impish smile on her face, “Sure, take your time.” she said. I merely smiled at her bashfully.

Within half a minute, I was ambling my way to the backyard myself. I opened the door and was greeted by the new pleasing look of the backyard. It looked different from the first time I walked into the place. It was quite dim before and just… plain. It seemed like Kyungsoo’s mother found a way to make use of this spacious backyard, they turned it into a mini garden. Various plants were laid on the ground and the fragrant air was soothing.

I scanned the area and found Jongin sitting on one of the wooden picnic table. His back was on to me and he was leisurely gazing up at the sky. The way he did when we sat together on that very bench during the night we met for the very first time. I smiled to myself thinking about the awkward memory and walked over to him.

“This place looks different,” I said quietly as I sat beside him.

Jongin looked at me sideways and then back at the night sky. “Good different, yeah.” he murmured.

Minutes passed and we fell into comfortable hush of the night. Just staring up at the infinite dark sky, feeling the grass underneath our weight, the calmness and coolness of the air, the lulling sensation the cicadas were inducing, the wistful beam of the moonlight just above us illuminating his every feature. I was staring at him. And I forgot how to breathe.

“We’re here,” he mumbled. For a moment, I thought he was talking to himself but then he slowly turned his gaze on me. I let out the breath I wasn’t aware I was holding and gently smiled at him. He locked his gaze on mine and his eyes were so bright, like the moonlight and they were smiling