Grandma’s last week in our house was sort of bittersweet. Bitter because she managed to get on my nerves at the last possible chance.

When I got home  from school one afternoon, I saw our church’s Pastor waiting in our living room. Pastor is one of my favorite people in the world; he’s very kind and accommodating and he’s an old friend of our family, particularly of my father and he’s almost like a second father to me. I greeted him politely, happy to see him after quite a long time. Pastor smiled at me, his eyes kind, and beckoned for me to join him by the couch.

I joined him then, thinking he was there to ask how our family had been doing since dad passed away because that’s the only the reason I know why he would drop by our house all of a sudden. But when I entered the living room and made my way to the couch, I caught grandma sitting on an armchair across the room, looking at me with steady gaze. And I knew it wasn’t about dad at all.

She was the one who invited Pastor all along, and because she still firmly believe that something happened between me and Jongin, even though I explained to her several times what really happened, she asked Pastor to talk to me about… the possible consequences of our actions as well as the importance of waiting—long story short, the entire conversation was absolutely humiliating!

I had no idea how I managed to stay put in my seat and listen to Pastor speak. Perhaps it was because I didn’t want to appear rude towards him; he was looking at me so thoughtfully. I didn’t have the heart to just stand up and stormed off the room. And so I sat there, half-listening to what he was saying. Grandma was sitting behind us, giving her own input once in awhile, but I merely gripped the hem of my skirt, glared at my shoes and hid my flushed cheeks from Pastor. I couldn’t believe she’d done something like that.

When Pastor left, I quickly went upstairs to my bedroom, ignoring grandma’s order to wait for her in the living room while she see Pastor at the door. I locked the door and urgently called Hye Rin.

“You will not believe what grandma just did!” were the first words I said to her the moment she picked up her phone. Then, without waiting for her response, I ranted for a minute and then I heard her giggle, making me much more annoyed.

“Sorry.” she pretend to clear , obviously restraining herself from giggling more. “Okay, let it all out.” she encouraged and so I did. For half an hour, all I did was complain to her on how embarrassing our grandmother was and how awfully mortified I felt throughout the discussion.

With slight wheezing from ranting, I listened to Hye Rin as she calm me down even though I knew she found it amusing in some way. She told me to let it pass since grandma’s leaving already and then she asked me to go and eat some ice cream on the kitchen and watch some kid’s show to cool my head off. I followed her advice and spent the rest of the day in my bedroom.

On the day of grandma’s departure, I was standing by the doorway to say goodbye to her. She held my face with her warm hands. The gesture took me by surprise because it was the very first time she did something like that. And I was slightly taken aback when my gaze met hers. My heart sank by the way she was looking at me, her eyes were so soft, almost vulnerable, and full of longing. She held my gaze for half a minute without saying anything as though she was searching something in my eyes.

“You really have your father’s eyes.” she said softly. She gently brushed a stray hair  away from my face almost unconsciously and I saw tears threatened to fall from her eyes but she turned away and took her bag from our housekeeper.

She bid goodbye to us and then she got inside the cab. As I watch her cab pull away from our front yard, it dawned on me that no matter how difficult to get along with my grandma is or no matter how much she can simply annoy me or anyone in my family, she’s still my dad’s mother and without her, I wouldn’t have dad.

A couple of minutes after grandma left, I was trying to find the perfect timing to speak with mom. But she received a call from the practice asking her to come immediately. And so I waited for her throughout the day. Hye Rin was attending some medical conference out of town and she’s been gone for the past two days now. I kind of wished she was here.

I was working on my piece for the art exhibition when mom arrived later that Saturday afternoon. The clacking of her high heels as she treaded upstairs and along the hallway filled the stillness in our house. I got on my feet and pressed my ear against the door, then I heard the soft thud of her home office. I straightened myself up, drew in a couple of encouraging breaths and murmured a few approving words to myself.

The next thing I know, I was standing outside mom’s home office, clenching and unclenching my already clammy hands. I’ve lost count how many times I drew in a breath to lessen my building anxiety as I headed for her office. It was no use, though, considering my raucous heart beat. I stood there quietly, frantically trying to construct the words to tell her, to explain to her everything, not just the bit about me and Jongin, but about us, our relationship as mother and daughter.

For the nth time within that moment, I heaved a deep breath and softly knocked on her door.

“Come in.” I heard her say on the other side.

I was a bit surprised. I honestly thought she would avoid me. This was a start, then. I twisted the doorknob and opened the door. I closed it behind me after stepping inside her. Mom lifted her eyes from the huge medical book she was reading on top of her mahogany desk.

“Hi, mom.” I said with a small smile.

Mom blinked at me. “I thought you went out?”

“No, I didn’t.” I said, a little bemused. “I’m grounded remember?”

Mom huffed a breath. “It was your grandmother who grounded you, not me.” she said vapidly and then she turned her attention back to the book she was reading.

Wait, I frowned to myself, Does that mean I wasn’t really grounded or…? I shook myself mentally then and pushed the petty subject on the back of my head and focused on what’s about to come.

“Mom,” I began, walking towards her desk. “I need to talk to you. It’s important.” I added when she was still fixing her eyes on the book she was reading.

Mom didn’t speak for a minute. Then, she breathed out with a tired sigh, “Alright,” she took off her reading glasses and looked at me. “Go and get dressed.”

I blinked at her. “What?”

“Have you gone deaf?” she cocked her head on the side a little.

“Mom,” I groaned impatiently. “I need to talk to you right now. This is impor—”

“We’ll talk after we eat.” she interrupted inflexibly. “Now don’t make say it again. Get dressed and meet me downstairs in ten.”

She didn’t wait for my response and walked past me, heading to her bedroom. Still confused, I went to my own room and get dressed. I wore a casual shirt and jeans and then I went downstairs. Mom was already having her car ready when I stepped out of our front porch. I got inside her car after she beckoned me to get inside. When I asked her where we were going, mom didn’t reply at once. Then, several minutes later, she told me she wanted to go shopping. At first I thought I heard her wrong but then we were pulling over into the parking lot of her favorite chains of boutique.

I followed her around as she shop for a couple of minutes, wondering what on earth had gone into her head. She kept telling me to grab anything I want. I said I’m fine, but she insisted so I grabbed anything from a clothes rack without looking. Mom narrowed her eyes at me after observing my careless selection and so I forced myself to buy something I would actually wear.

The sky was already painted with black and speckled with little starlight when we stepped out of the boutique. The streets were already swarming with people, hopping from one shop or café to another. Mom drove us then to her favorite pastry shop later. I was itching to ask her when can we finally talk, but when I glanced at her, she seemed…pleasant. She was smiling, too, I noticed. Genuinely smiling.

The reason for the sudden shift in her gear came upon my realization then. She was celebrating grandma’s departure. I merely smiled to myself and continued eating my Vanilla Bean cupcake. To be honest, I like hanging out with her. I only hung out with her twice before and this is our third time. Just the two of us.

As though we hadn’t had a rift last week, she asked me if I liked the shirt dress I bought just now. “I like it.” I said honestly while gently wiping my mouth with a table napkin. Mom merely nodded. “Mom, we really need to talk.” I finally said.

Mom’s eyes flickered to mine, her eyes unreadable. “Hye Rin mentioned to me what she told you.” she stated, zipping open her purse. She fished out something from inside. “This