Awkwardness cloaked us a few minutes after we talked. We just stood there and pretended to be fascinated by the our shoes for a minute or two. Jongin cleared his throat uneasily two or three times while I search my brain for other things we could talk about—less touchy topics. I’m not sure asking him about what kept him busy when we hadn’t seen other would be a good question.

Jongin shifted a bit and for the fourth time, he cleared his throat. I almost smiled in relief, realizing I wasn’t the only one feeling uncomfortable with the situation at the moment. He asked me then how I found him in the rooftop and I told him I merely followed my hunch. Jongin simply grinned.

“Is it okay for you to stay out late at night?” he asked me after a minute. “You have curfew, right?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and lowered my eyes. “Uh-huh…”

“Something wrong?” he ducked his head a bit, peeking into my face.

“I had another ty episode with my mother tonight.” I declared after hesitating. I glanced down ay my shoes and played with the zipper of his jacket. I know he needed a friend right now, but I kind of needed one myself.

I could feel his eyes on me, waiting. Reluctantly, I turned to face him. His eyes were bright and clear, willing me to tell him about it. And so I did. I told him the bits and pieces of the bitter scenario I shared with my mom at home. How I thought about running away but decided to just sneak out and wander around for a moment.

“I was really excited about the art school, you know.” I said gallingly. “I’ve been waiting for that opportunity for as long as I could remember. I thought if she sees me being really into it and good at it, she’ll finally understand and show some kind of enthusiasm for my sake. But when she found out, she couldn’t muster even a fake eagerness. She went berserk about it instead.” I let out a frustrated breath. “I just don’t get it why she doesn’t get it. Maybe if dad is here, everything will be a little bit more easier.”

“I thought your dad wanted you to attend a medical school as well?” Jongin asked.

“Yeah,” I affirmed. “But he also told me I could be whatever I want to be.”

“Yes, you can.” he said genuinely. I peered at him and I couldn’t help but smile at how sincere he looked.

“And Jae Hoon?” he said after a pause. He was trying to sound casual in saying his name but he failed. “Does he know you’re out here? With me?” he added the last part uncertainly, but he wanted to know the answer all the same.

The smile on my face quickly frittered away. I shifted my gaze once more. “What do you think?”

“You should go home.”

I whipped head back at him, taken aback. “What?”

“You should go home.” Jongin reiterated with a solemn look on his face.

“I will.” I said to him firmly. “A little later.”

“Su Ji—”

“Why do you want me to leave?” I asked him churlishly.

“Because I don’t want you to have another hard time with him.” Jongin responded with edgily. He clenched and unclenched his fists, seemingly upset. He looked back at me but his gaze was tender. “You’re going through a lot lately and avoiding a fight with him can put some of the weight off your shoulders.” he added softly.

I stared at him for a second or two, feeling suddenly befuddled. How should I feel?

I was glad that Jongin still cares about me but that feeling promptly deflated when he mentioned Jae Hoon. With everything that’s happened in this long night, I almost forgotten about me and Jae Hoon. In truth, I wanted to tell him that Jae Hoon and I are over.

But I’m struggling. I haven’t even mentioned the break-up to my mother or my best friend. There’s a feeling in my gut I couldn’t quite put a finger on, about declaring the break-up, something about it feels off beam.

Contemplating, I continued to look at him and he did the same thing. Jongin’s brows creased slightly as he peered into my eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked. My distressed thoughts must’ve surfaced and registered into my face.

My heart thudded nervously. I pursed my lips and let out a breath slowly. “We broke up.” I said. I was almost sure he didn’t hear me clearly because I had said it too softly to be heard. "Jae Hoon and I, it's...over."

Jongin blinked at me. His expression was unreadable for a split second and then a somewhat baffled look flashed across his features. He didn’t expect what I just said. He opened his mouth as though he was going to say something, but then he shut it again. “Are you alright?” he asked.

After he asked me the question, I realized I haven’t really been able to digest thoroughly the break-up. I asked the question to myself once more. “I’ll be fine.” I heard myself saying, “I guess I just didn’t expect we would end it this way.”

Another awkward pause settled between us. We didn’t say anything for a brief moment. I could practically hear him heaving his breath. I reminded myself that I sneaked out of our house to clear my mind off, do something to put my mind off what bothers me, and I’m certain Jongin’s up here for the same reason.

I turned to the basketball stand and asked him if we could play some basketball. Jongin arched his eyebrows in surprise, as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“I didn’t know you play basketball.” Jongin commented, a small smile creeping up into his face.

“It was a long time ago,” I shrugged. “Back in middle school when I was still this active little kid. Then, I got lazy and sports suddenly seemed irrelevant for me and forgot all about it.” Jongin laughed a little. “So can we go? It’ll warm us up a bit, too.”

Jongin agreed and we both jogged towards the basketball ground. It was a rather silly game. I felt like a four year old running around, jumping up and taking missed shots, but I was definitely having fun. I was glad to know Jongin was having a good time as well, although I could tell he would subtly let me take the shot.

We goofed around for almost an hour, I think. But I was pretty sure it was already late in the evening, considering how the passing vehicles and buzzing down the streets died down a bit.

Both breathing heavily, we sat and lay down side by side in the middle of the ground. I turned to him just to see him looking at me and then we both laughed at each other’s flushed faces. Just laying there, catching our breaths, we watched the little stars scattered across the infinite blackness of the sky, listened to the rumble and honking of the vehicles down the building, feel the wind cuddle our bodies. I liked it up there. I smiled to myself when I realized that something about the enormity of the night sky and the way it was salted by brilliant little stars, makes me feel safe and calm.

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and opened them again. As minutes passed, we continued laying down there, talking. We avoid the subject about our personal issues back home as much as possible. We spent chatting about random things we’ve seen on television or heard on the radio recently. Or seen in the streets.

The moment was almost identical to those times when we were talking at the café, where we spent hours after hours talking about different silly topics and sometimes topics we’ve already talked about a bunch of times before, but it never gets old. Only this time, we had no roof above us, just brilliant star lights gazing down at us.

-------

It was one of those exceptional and delightful moments in my life where I find myself genuinely smiling first thing in the morning after I opened my eyes. One of those moments were when I woke up on Christmas day when I was 13 and dad was standing on the edge of my bed, holding his Christmas present for me. Another one was a few years ago, when I woke up and Hye Rin, who usually stays in her dorm during her college years, was lying beside me and told me she’ll be staying during her vacation.

But this time, it wasn’t my father or my sister who’s lying beside me that made my heart skipped in pure bliss.

I stayed put on my position and stared at him with a little foolish smile on my face. We were lying on our sides, face to face. We were close but not close enough. Although, I could feel his warm breath as he breathes out. My eyes followed the contour of his face, his eyes, brows, nose and lips. Peering into his face as he sleep soundly and serenely, reminds me of seeing the sun rise from the horizon and watch its beams as it reach and spread across the land. He looked like a baby, too, I thought when I sat up. A giggle escaped my mouth at the thought.

Jongin moved  a little then and mumbled something. I didn’t really understand what he said, but I grinned anyway. Just because he looked adorable when he’s all dozy and groggy like that. He heaved a deep breath before slowly opening his eyes and focused into mine