I went straight up to my room with a heavy chest and headache. I got inside my room, I took another long bath. It was only when I finally sat on the tub with the hot water around me when I felt so tired, not just physically but emotionally burnt out.

Everything that’s happened to me today replayed inside my head—from the moment Jongin confessed to me directly this time to the part where Jae Hoon got upset. I honestly did not mean for Jae Hoon to get hurt and I really wish Jongin’s eyes weren’t so soft and true when he told me his feelings for me out loud. Everything’s just getting more and more complicated. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I lay awake in the night; I couldn’t sleep. I told myself to stop thinking about of what might happen tomorrow. I dreaded for the next day. However, when I got into school the following day, I received a news that took my mind off the fact that Eun Hye was still upset with me. I got into the art school I was applying for. I felt the first genuine smile cracking into my face after quite a long time. But then I didn’t feel like smiling anymore because the person I wanted to celebrate it with at school was ignoring me.

After school, I figured Eun Hye had already took off to the studio. My stomach tightened uneasily when I walked past the lobby and exited the school gate. Jae Hoon was standing by the gate, quite possibly waiting for me. He doesn’t look stern anymore, but in the calm expression he was wearing, I knew he was still upset with me about last night.

“Hi.” I said, because I have no idea what to say to him.

“Hey.” he said simply. He looked at me for a moment. “I’ll go with you to the studio today.” he said after a pause.

I glanced at him, drew in a breath and nodded my head okay. As we started to walk towards the bus stop, I my lips worriedly and glanced at him once again. “I’m sorry, Jae Hoon.” I began, “I’m really sorry about last night.”

Jae Hoon looked at me sideways and sighed. “I’m sorry, too.” he said. “It was really childish of me, walking away like that.” I didn’t say anything the next moment, because he seemed to be gathering his thoughts still. “But I meant what I said, Su Ji.” he finally said. “I really don’t want to see you—”

“Okay,” I said, halting from walking. “I’m not going to hang out with him anymore. If that’s what you want. If you think that’s what will make our relationship okay again, fine. I’ll do it. I’ll avoid him from now on.”

Jae Hoon remained quiet for a brief moment, his eyes searching mine as if looking for any hint I was merely patronizing him, and then he breathe out. He slowly smiled and pulled me close.

“Okay.” he said.

And I did what I told Jae Hoon I’d do. I avoided Jongin as much as I can when we both arrived at the studio. I didn’t exactly see him, but in the corner of my eyes, Jongin seemed to be slightly surprised to see Jae Hoon walking after me as we enter the room.

Almost everyone in the crew were already present when we arrived, and they were now setting up one of the rooms for the filming. I immediately set off to my work and helped them out.

On the other hand, Eun Hye spoke to me only thrice for the last hour we were in the same room. The look she’s only giving me was her “professional look” and it would still bother me because I’m not used to having arguments or fights with her.

During one of our breaks, I went to the room to get some supplies in arranging the next set for the next and final scene. When I entered the room, Eun Hye was inside, she was holding her cell phone, talking to someone. Our eyes caught each other and then she turned and shifted her gaze back to the wall behind her and continue talking to whoever it was she was talking to.

I crouched down on one of the cupboards and get the supplies I need and gather them on the wooden basket in my hand. I carefully placed the supplies in my basket as to not disturb Eun Hye, but then one of the tools slipped from my hands and hit the floor with a loud, annoying clatter. I could only bit my lip from frustration.

Hesitantly, I glanced at Eun Hye who was still busy talking on her phone. I straightened up after a few minutes, the same time Eun Hye hung up the phone. She was looking at me with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Sorry.” I said to her, “I didn’t mean to disturb you or anything. I’ll be going now.”

“Su Ji, wait.” she called as I headed towards the door. I turned around and face her. Her face seemed to softened. “This is really weird for me.” she began. “This whole snafu between us…it’s so strange to me.”

“Same.” I sighed.

A pause squeezed between us and we were both looking at something other than each other’s faces.

“I’m sorry—” we said in unison. We stared at each other’s faces and then a chuckle came out of and the next thing I know, I was chuckling, too.

“This is so stupid.” Eun Hye said afterwards. “What’s happened with us?”

“I’m so sorry, Eun Hye.” I said, taking a step towards her. “For everything, I’m so sorry. I know I made a mistake but it’s not intentional, I swear.”

Eun Hye smiled a little. “I know.” she said, “You wouldn’t hurt a fly.” She looked at me, then. “I wanted to say sorry, too. I’ve been thinking a lot since we fought and I had a chance to reflect on how I truly feel.”

I nodded my head and encouraged her to continue.

“I realized I do like Jongin,” she said, “But not so much as I want to lose my only best friend. I realized I was only trying to fill the loneliness and sadness I feel when my ex-boyfriend dumped me. I forced myself to like Jongin, which wasn’t really hard to do, but I didn’t like him enough. I didn’t like him the way I like my ex-boyfriend. The truth is, I’m still not over him and I feel so stupid for using Jongin to get back at him. It wasn’t fair. And then I got mad at you when I found out Jongin likes you, and I lost my friendship with you because I’m still not over the guy who cheated on me.” a tear rolled down her cheek, she quickly wiped it with the back of her hand. “And I’m still crying because of him. How dense can I get?”

“I just feel so messed up right now.” Eun Hye added when I pulled her in for hug and she held me tight.

“Well that makes the two of us.”

“What are you going to do now?” Eun Hye asked me after we pulled away from each other. “About Jongin? You and Jae Hoon are still together, right?” I sighed heavily and nodded. “Does Jae Hoon knows what happened between you and Jongin?”

“No, he doesn’t.” I replied. “At least, not that I know of.”

Eun Hye took a deep breath. “He looked quite uptight today.”

“He wanted me to stop being friends with Jongin.”

“That’s expected of him. He’s jealous.” Eun Hye said and I looked at her. “I don’t understand why I didn’t see it before. But Su Ji, Jongin likes you a lot.” she told me.

I averted my gaze from her and trained my eyes on the basket I settled on a table.

“Do you like him, too?” I heard Eun Hye asking me. “I won’t get mad, Su Ji. I already explained to you my mixed feelings for him.” she added when I looked at her again. “Do you like Jongin? Be honest.”

I heaved a sigh. “I think so.”

Eun Hye’s face cracked into small but sad smile. “Well, you kissed him back.”

“I didn’t know why I did that. The kissing him back part.” I explained to her. “All I remembered was how dazed I felt and the next thing I know I was kissing him back. It was like a whole new person came into me and took over my body.”

Eun Hye glanced at me with a smirk. “But isn’t that the best kind of kiss?” she said, “Where you feel lightheaded and all flushed.”

“You’re not really helping.” I told her, “But it doesn’t matter. I already told Jae Hoon I’ll avoid Jongin. I’ll stop being friends with him.”

“But is that what you want?” Eun Hye frowned. “Maybe Jongin likes you more than as a friend, but he’s your friend first. He’s our friend. You can’t possibly avoid him forever.”

“Maybe not forever.” I stated, “Maybe I’ll—When we—I’ll just—Argh! I don’t know!” I groaned. “Al