The events in this chapter happened a week before Kai decided to break up with Krystal. The last part of the chapter 64 was actually a flash forward. This is what happened before that. 

And please don't hate Krystal here. Remember, the real evil here is me, your author. ^^

---

 

 

~*~

Truth be told, Krystal had already liked Kai even before she entered the school where Kai was studying at. It was one of the dance competitions that Krystal watched with her friend that she first saw Kai. It would be an understatement if someone said that he was amazing; for Krystal, it was more than that. There was something in Kai that caught her interest. Since then, she admired Kai’s dancing skills, as well as him.

When she thought that she’d never see him again after that, she proved herself wrong when she saw him again, attending the music recital where one of the participants was her. She never felt happier when she bumped onto him that day, the first time that she was close to him in small proximity. That made her heart beat. From then on, she was determined to get the scholarship to enter his school and maybe she could befriend him and more.

There was one problem though. It seemed like the person she was setting her eyes on had already set his eyes on someone else. That someone named Seyoon.

~*~

 

Snapped!

Kai’s smile faded once their picture was taken. It wasn’t because he didn’t like his picture to be taken with his friends on their last school festival as high school students; it was something more. Of all the places he had been, he was pushed to the corner of the frame, leaving him little space to make himself visible to the picture. And much to his dismay, Seyoon was actually at the middle of the shot with Chanyeol’s arm draping on her from the left and Kris on the right. Luhan somehow made his height taller by finding a stool to stand onto as he placed his head on top of Seyoon. The rests just quickly pushed their way to make it to the picture. Kai wasn’t able to.

Kris approached the camera to look for the taken photo. “Oh, this would have been perfect except that Chanyeol’s eyes are closed—”

“Well, the flash is too bright,” Chanyeol commented.

“Kyungsoo’s eyes are opened wide in shock—”

“The shutter is surprising, alright?”

“Lay isn’t looking at the camera at all.”

“Sorry, I misheard the countdown.”

“Sehun, you’re not smiling at all.” Sehun just shrugged.

“And Xiumin, why is your face bloated?”

“I don’t want to waste the food so I ate it,” the other justified. Kris sighed.

“The only ones who look camera-friendly here are Baekhyun and – Are you wearing eyeliner?”

“Oh please, make me look good just for once,” Baekhyun retorted.

“Sure. The other one is—”

“I know. The camera loves me,” said Luhan.

“Not you, Luhan. You look like a crocodile. What kind of smile is this?” Kris frowned but Luhan’s face looked more dejected. “Baekhyun and Seyoon – and me – are the only ones who look presentable here. Oh, and Jongin-ssi…” Kai looked at him with straight face. “You’re lucky. Your left arm made it.”

Is he mocking me? Kai thought. If only Xiumin didn’t wiggle at the last moment, Kai might have made it to the picture. Oh well, it was not as if he’d get a copy of it – though, he wanted to for remembrance.

“Alright, alright. Let’s just take another one. Kai!” Chanyeol grabbed Kai’s hand, the other wasn’t ready but Chanyeol was already dragging him on the center. He draped his left arm on Kai’s shoulder while the other made its way on Seyoon’s. It was Kai, Chanyeol in between, and Seyoon. Yes, it was Chanyeol again who meddled in between him and Seyoon. But this was better, Kai thought, as Seyoon looked at him and smiled before Kris called for a countdown.

Snapped!

Kai’s smile faded after the camera took their photo. It wasn’t because he was not able to make it on the frame or he was far from Seyoon (because he was close just enough); it was another reason. How he wished Seyoon wouldn’t see the photo that was taken. His head was frozen in one position. Unfortunately, he forgot to look at the camera when the countdown was up.

This is embarrassing. He was looking at Seyoon all that time.

---

The thought of having all the school festival related activities done relieved Seyoon. However, after their extracurricular activities, there was another problem she had to face.

“Everything is over now.”

“I know.”

“What do we do now?”

“What else? Should we start practicing for our audition?”

“But,” Seyoon looked at Chanyeol; the boy’s face beamed with a wide grin. “Shall we? What are you planning to do anyway?”

“I’ll try to audition with my electric violin for a change. I’m planning to do a hip hop remix of Vivaldi.”

Seyoon looked at him with mouth slightly dropping. “Right…” she muttered in disbelief. Woah, he could win the audition if I were the judge. “That’s great.”

“Isn’t it? But…” Chanyeol fidgeted with his fingers. “I think you’re still better because your voice is something special,” he blushed upon saying those words.

Dammit! Why does he have to say good things before me? Kai looked at them with a thought that the two probably forgot his presence behind them. If only he wasn’t dragged by Chanyeol to walk with them to school, he wouldn’t have come with them. It’s not that he didn’t want to come with Seyoon and Chanyeol to school. It was just that he wasn’t able to sleep last night from thinking too much – thinking about what happened in their school festival, the moments he had with Seyoon, and their photo. That photo. He really wished Seyoon would not see it. He didn’t care if Kris had seen it, but not Seyoon. It was like admitting to her that he liked her. He liked her. HE LIKED HER.

He liked her after such realization last night. He liked her after thinking of what happened to them yesterday, of these past few days, of these past few months, of these past two years. He liked her ever since. He liked her. But, how much of it did he realized by himself? Just a few because there were a lot of obstacles that lead him to another conclusion he shouldn’t have – a conclusion in which he thought he didn’t like her but another person. Oh, why did he put himself in two roads where he was slowly stretched in opposite direction until he was torn apart?

What now, Kai? Choose. He sighed a deep, long, loud sigh which made the two in front of him stop.

Finally, they noticed his presence.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked. Seyoon looked at him with innocent questioning look.

Shoot! Why were her stares affecting him differently? “No-nothing. Don’t mind me,” he said while averting his gaze on the floor.

“Alright,” Chanyeol replied, turning his head back in front. Seyoon looked at him one last time before Chanyeol talked to him again, turning her gaze from Kai to Chanyeol.

I should be careful. This is too much thinking. I like her but that doesn’t mean I like her more than…This is confusing. Kai swayed his head.

“So, what’s your plan?” Chanyeol asked Seyoon again.

“Until now, I haven’t made my decision about what I’m going to perform. It’s hard to choose a song,” Seyoon replied in discontent.

“You know what? I’ve been thinking about it these past few days but I know the perfect song for you.”

“What is it?” Seyoon stopped from walking, and so was Kai. Chanyeol looked at Seyoon. He turned his head slightly to the back.

“I’ll tell you later,” he whispered to Seyoon. He flipped his head a little to signal that Kai was there and he didn’t want him to know about it. Seyoon looked confused but nodded slightly.

Kai glared with his half-lidded eyes. What? A secret? Why do I always have to be left alone, he asked himself, always oblivious of their glances and exchange of smiles? Why does it feel like this happened to me before?

 

~*~

“Seyoon, let’s go.” Chanyeol called her by the classroom door.

Kai looked at him, liked he wanted to ripped whatever smile that was embedded on the giant’s face. Ever since a week ago, he had been sensing something different from the way Chanyeol and Seyoon acted in front of each other. Kai would always caught them talking, just the two of them, on the hallways, the corridors, or even in their classroom, JUST THE TWO OF THEM. He didn’t get it though, whenever he would approach them, the two would just disperse and stop talking. Like Kai was the neutralizer separating two opposite poles; like he wasn’t welcome at all; like they were hiding something from him. Of that, he wasn’t entirely sure but he was willing to find out.

But, another problem was approaching. He really didn’t know if it was a problem but he and Krystal were getting closer that he mostly hangout with her more than Seyoon, especially when Chanyeol and Seyoon would excuse themselves for some unknown reason. He wasn’t so sure but Krystal really reminded her of Seyoon, like she was her, the exact photocopy. The only difference was that the other was colored in Kai’s eyes and the other just appeared black and white. Of course, it was Seyoon that appeared colorful in his eyes. But Krystal was slowly having effect on him. Maybe he liked her? He didn’t know.

“Where are we going?” Seyoon asked Chanyeol. Chanyeol eyed her with I-thought-you-know look.

Chanyeol grinned at him. “You know, last week, uh…we’ve talked about it. Ah…” Chanyeol was giving Seyoon weird glances and lip signals which Kai found utterly odd. Aside from that, he was really curious what they were talking about and why Chanyeol had to speak in fragments. Why wouldn’t he just tell in full details? Were they hiding something from him?

Seyoon mouthed some words on him. She didn’t make any sound but Kai read her lips and he was sure it was, ‘Right now?’

Chanyeol nodded enthusiastically. “Let’s go. Bye guys!” Chanyeol waved before walking off.

Seyoon looked at Kai. “Chanyeol and I just have to talk about—”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. So, I’ll just wait for you here.” Kai stated but sounded more like a question.

“No, I don’t think you have to wait. You can go ahead. I’ll just see you tomorrow.” And before Kai even say anything, Seyoon already grabbed her bag and walk to the doorway. “Bye guys!” she waved at rest of her friends including Kai.

Suddenly, Kai felt alone. Maybe, going to the music room would erase his loneliness even if just by a bit. Maybe, Krystal could help…a bit.

~*~

 

Seyoon watched Kai as he walked the opposite direction. He remained silent during their walked to school. She wondered if he heard what she and Chanyeol were talking about. She assumed not because his eyes seemed sleepy. Just looking at him, Seyoon sensed that he didn’t have a good sleep last night. Whatever the reason was, she was just concerned of his health. Besides, the audition for the scholarship was just twelve days from now. He should prepare himself especially his physical health since he was auditioning for the dance scholarship. Nonetheless, Seyoon believed in Kai’s full potential.

“So, about the song…” They reached the door of their classroom when Chanyeol spoke. They still didn’t have class this week because the school festival was still going on. But since their presentation was already done on the first day, they were given the freedom (well, not exactly) to study or review what they’ve missed in the past weeks and to finalized their applications for the university or career they were targeting to after graduation.

Seyoon looked at him. “Why didn’t you just tell me earlier? I don’t think Kai would mind it all. I even think that he wasn’t listening to our conversation.”

“Well, that I don’t know if he’s listening or not but safety first so…”

“What do you mean?” Seyoon’s eyebrows furrowed.

“About the song, would you like to perform…”

 

~*~

“Chanyeol, I’m not sure if I can do it.” Seyoon trailed after Chanyeol as they reached the empty classroom at the far end of the third floor.

“What do you mean? We’ve talked about this last week.” Chanyeol reached for the knob.

“But, you…” Seyoon lowered her head. Chanyeol looked at her and sighed. He held her shoulders, making Seyoon stared at him in the eyes.

“I know. I confessed to you that I like you. I still do even if—never mind. I’m doing this because I also want you to be honest about your feelings, the way that I am honest about mine. There’s nothing wrong telling him that you like him.” Chanyeol tugged a full grin on his face as Seyoon’s worried face lightened up a bit. “Come on, you will feel lighter when you release it,” he said before opening the door.

---

Krystal was playing the piano when she heard the knock coming from the door. She smiled especially when she was already expecting who that person was. After all, this was all what she wanted, to lure him, for him to notice her. It wasn’t that hard especially when all she had to do was to be there for him when Seyoon’s not around. To mimic, as much as possible, the way Seyoon talk or smile or any mannerism that would remind him of her.

It was just a matter of deception and conditioning and Krystal knew she would get what she wanted. Kai was hers and no one else’s.

“Kai…” a soft voice just like Seyoon’s, she said.

“Can I stay here for a while?” the other boy said. Krystal noticed his sad-filled orbs.

Of course! Because Chanyeol and Seyoon left earlier without him. What a great opportunity!

“Sure. Do you want to sit beside me while I play the piano?” she smiled like what Seyoon always did, something that Kai always wanted to see.

“Alright…”

‘You’ll like me too as soon as I replace her in your mind, slowly but surely.’

~*~

 

“Alright, I’ll be there,” Baekhyun hung up the phone before he picked his stuffs.

“Where are you going?” Kai asked him. There were only a few of them inside their classroom. Some of the students were still enjoying the festival while some chose to study in the library. Krystal was also not there. And now, Baekhyun had to leave. There was no way he would stay with that doe-eyed person sitting in front of him. The other didn’t seem to be able to sleep last night as his head was resting on the desk by the time Kai entered their room.

“Chanyeol asked me to help him and Seyoon.”

“Seyoon! Seyoon? What?” Luhan was startled as he lifted his head after hearing Seyoon’s name. His face was glistening with what Kai and Baekhyun deemed to be his…drool.

“Here, wipe your face, will you?” said Baekhyun as he handed him his handkerchief. “I said Chanyeol asked me to help him and Seyoon. I guess it’s about the audition or something. I think they need an effective vocal training from me.”

Luhan huffed. “Pft. What make you say that you’re an effective vocal trainer? You don’t even have an experience.”

“Excused me?” Baekhyun held his head up high to Luhan who was just centimeters taller than him. “I am the vocalist of our band for many years now. Besides, Kyungsoo and I are part of the choir when we were in middle school. I can reach higher notes than Kyungsoo.”

“Really? I’m sure Xiumin could reach higher notes than both you and Kyungsoo, combined.”

“Whatever. I need to go. I’ll just see you later or are you joining us for lunch?” Baekhyun asked as he was unsure whether Kai would join them or not. He rarely joined them anyway. If ever, it was always on unexpected situation.

Can’t I just come with you? Kai wanted to ask Baekhyun but he didn’t, instead, “Alright. I’ll join you for lunch. See you then.”

“See you.” Baekhyun turned his head to Luhan. His mouth twisted in hesitation, thinking if he’d ask Luhan to come with him. But he knew that even if he didn’t, Luhan would still come after him. “Do you want to come?” he finally asked.

“Me?” Luhan stared at him, wide-eyed.

Of course he would, Kai thought.

“No, no,” he swayed his head. Kai and Baekhyun were shocked by his answer. “I’ll stay with Kai.” Luhan winked at Kai which made Kai cringed.

What’s wrong with him? Kai thought.

“That’s fine. I’ll go ahead then. I’ll see you two later,” Baekhyun waved before going out.

“Now, what?” Kai asked.

Luhan moved his eyebrows in unknown manner together with his lips which formed a smile, a cunning smile that Kai found creepy. He reminded him of that creepy doll with blue overalls and was holding a knife in a horror movie. 

Sorry Kris, but I think I’ll go ahead of our plan, Luhan thought mischievously.

 

~*~

“Let’s see. What kind of confession is great?” Seyoon watched as Chanyeol took out for what it seemed like a thick notebook from his bag.

“What is that?” Seyoon eyed the notebook as it was lain down on the desk in front of Chanyeol.

“I shouldn’t be showing this to you,” Chanyeol muttered. He sat on the teacher’s table with the notebook on the desk and he started skimming through the pages.

Seyoon watched him from the desk she was sitting on.

“Let’s see,” he scanned from one page to another.

“What is that?” Seyoon asked again.

Chanyeol stopped and looked at her. “This?” Chanyeol felt a lump on his throat before he continued, “Uhm, I borrowed this from Baekhyun. This is like a manual—”

“A guidebook?”

“Sort of!” Though, it was more likely a “Hundred and One Ways on How to Confess to Your Loved One: Compiled Stories and Researched Methods” by none other than Park Chanyeol. He was basically reading it for almost a year now since he was planning to tell Seyoon his feelings. He just didn’t think that he would confess in a very embarrassing and unexpected way. “I really don’t know why Baekhyun have this confession manual but it may be helpful.”

Seyoon remained seated and her mind seemed blank from any thoughts. “I really don’t know if I can say it,” she mumbled.

“It will work, okay? Here, let’s see…” Chanyeol one of the pages. “How about this ‘direct confession’? All you have to do is to find the exact moment and—”

“No, I can’t do that.” Seyoon fidgeted with her fingers. “Tha-that’s embarrassing,” she blushed.

Chanyeol sighed. It was alright, he beamed, since there are one-hundred and one ways on his book. He was sure they’d find one in no time. Yeah, it might be like that…

~*~

 

“Come on, let’s go!” Luhan pouted as he tried to drag Kai out of their classroom. Some of their classmates were looking at them in a weird way.

“What are you doing?” Kai said irritably and glared at him as he tried to push Luhan’s hands away from him.

“Aren’t you going to practice? Chanyeol and Seyoon are sincerely practicing for the audition and they’re trying to give their best to be accepted and yet, you’re here just sitting without doing anything. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Kai’s wide eyes looked at Luhan. He scanned their classroom and some of his classmates were also looking at him. What did he do to deserve such comment from Luhan? He wasn’t doing anything, in fact. Oh, just wait when we get out of here and you’re done, he darted a deathly glare on the doe-eyed boy but the other simply pouted and pretend to be angry at Kai. Kai stood up.

“Are we going to the practice room now?” Luhan asked with glimmering eyes.

“Whatever,” Kai scowled.

 

~*~

“Okay, let’s see the next method. Oh, this one is interesting,” Chanyeol beamed in excitement. The two of them were now sitting side by side, with Seyoon leaning her head a bit against Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol didn’t know how he was still able to concentrate on what he was doing since Seyoon was so close to him now, and his heart was beating crazily. But, he just took a huge gulp before going through the pages again. “Rap confession.”

Seyoon looked at him in the eyes then at the page. “Rap confession?”

“It says here that the best way to make the confession effective is to make a very unusual confession. The advantage of this is that the target would always remember you – rejected or not.” Chanyeol slowed down a bit when he saw Seyoon’s dejected look. “I’m not saying that you’ll be rejected. Anyway, this kind of confession is cool, swag, hip, and unique,” Chanyeol said proudly, well, because it was the confession he was planning to use to Seyoon.

“I’ll give sample lyrics.” It was the lyrics he wrote for Seyoon. Chanyeol readied himself in a rapping stance, but he still remained sitting beside Seyoon. At least, he would be able to let Seyoon hear what he had prepared for too long.

I feel the sensation

I feel it at once

I’ll take you in one mouthful of cheese.

Seyoon nodded but stopped. “Wait. What? Cheese?”

Chanyeol gulped as he felt a little dizzy, his breath constricted, and his face painted red in embarrassment. His dreamt confession piece turned into a nightmare failure. It was a good thing he wasn’t able to use it. He couldn’t just imagine the horror in Seyoon’s face if she would find out that the lyrics was intended for her.

“That’s cute,” Seyoon smiled. “But rapping is not my style so maybe no.”

“I think so too.” Chanyeol replied. At least, she thought it was cute. Chanyeol’s lyric-writing was not put into waste.

“How about this ‘sticky note confession’? All you have to do is to post sticky notes on his locker and tell him about your feelings. If you’re still hesitant, you may try to write as anonymous. Slowly and slowly, you try to reveal a little thing about yourself with each note. What’s good about this confession is that you can see the target’s reaction whenever he/she reads the notes.”

“That’s impossible. Kai and I always go to school together, have lunch together so, there’s no way that I’ll be able to sneak out and post note in his locker. Besides, he knows my handwriting well. And, I’m not good in words so writing a letter is not advisable either.”

The confession plan was harder than they thought.  

Suddenly, Chanyeol felt a light bulb tinkling an idea above his head. “How about if you confessed in a way you’re best at?”

“Huh?”

Chanyeol grinned widely.

~*~

 

“What? No way!” Seyoon shouted rather loudly which caused some of her classmates looked at their direction. She and Chanyeol were still standing on their classroom’s doorway. Kyungsoo and Sehun lifted their head when they heard her voice. Xiumin and Lay were deeply sleeping and snoring on their desk. “Sorry,” she mumbled. Their classmates went back to their own business while Kyungsoo and Sehun eyed the two curiously.

“Come on, you can do it. Not only that you’ll be able to show them how beautiful your voice is but also your song-writing skill as well.”

“And why would I use that song?” Seyoon whispered, cautious that some of her friends might hear them.

“Because,” Chanyeol held her shoulder, “That song reflects your feeling. It represents you.”

Kyungsoo looked at Sehun. Sehun looked back and shrugged, totally oblivious of what their friends were talking about.

“But, we’ve lost the music sheet for that,” Seyoon sat on her desk beside Lay.

“But, you still have the lyrics,” Chanyeol replied as he sat beside Sehun.

“But, it’s incomplete.”

“But, we hope you don’t mind telling us what you two are talking about,” Kyungsoo interrupted.

“It’s for the audition.” Kyungsoo nodded at Chanyeol. “Seyoon still doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do. She has this song she composed but she lost the music sheet and the lyrics are still incomplete.”

Kyungsoo gasped and stood up to go beside Seyoon. His wide owl-liked eyes stared at her, his hand resting on Seyoon’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll help you. Chanyeol, tell Baekhyun to go with us. Sehun, check if the music club reserves the room on the fourth floor. If yes, we’ll use the second floor music room. Oh, please wake Lay up. He is good in composing songs. He will be a great help to us. Xiumin, Baekhyun, and I will be in charge of your vocal training. We will finish your song in no time,” Kyungsoo assured with his wide grin, his squishy cheeks lightened up in excitement.

Sorry Kris, but I hope my plan would help, Chanyeol smiled inwardly.

“Th-thank you,” Seyoon stuttered with an awkward smile, totally knowing what was happening to her right now.

---

“So, how long have you and Krystal been dating?” Luhan asked. Both he and Kai were having some warm-up stretches before starting any dance routine.

Kai scowled at him. There was no way Luhan’s question was related to whatever practice they intended to do. “I thought you’re helping me with the dance practice. What does your question have to do with it?”

Luhan stopped from stretching and looked at Kai through the mirror. “What do you think? You know,” he shifted his body so he could meet Kai’s eyes. The two of them were sitting on the floor of the practice room. “If you want me to help you improve your posture and dance movement then we should have some kind of connection first. You and me, former rivals, then friends, and now, trainer and trainee, if you want our practice to go well, we have to establish a great relationship first. So, how about sharing a bit of your personal relationship?” Luhan winked again, that movement of his eyebrow which made Kai’s mind flipped in anger.

“What the—”

“Kai, Kai, Kai – We’ve known each other for too long. Might as well start opening your heart to me. I’m open about mine. I like Seyoon. You already know that.”

“Still, I don’t get what it has to do with the dance practice.”

“Do you want me to explain it again? It’s—”

“No, never mind.” Kai looked at his reflection on the mirror.

“So, are you going to tell me about it? Your relationship with Krystal, how did it all start?”

 

~*~

Kai didn’t like it, definitely not liking it. Seyoon hanging out with Chanyeol had been a frequent day to day affair. He didn’t like it because he was always left out. Whatever those two were doing, he didn’t know. They don’t let him know. Whispers would fade every time Kai would attempt to know what they were talking about. Every after class, Seyoon would excuse herself with Chanyeol. Kai didn’t know where they were heading to. Kai didn’t know where he would look for them. No one knew.

It had been three weeks of after school without Seyoon and Krystal was filling the gaps in her behalf. This one, Kai liked it. In fact, he was enjoying Krystal’s company more than hanging out with his remaining friends, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Sehun. They wouldn’t question him anyway every time he would excuse himself, only to go to fourth floor where Krystal would always go to practice. It was an everyday routine for him then. Talking, laughing, and occasional stolen glances, Kai felt it all normal. Well, not until that day.

“Kai.” Kai continued playing with the piano. His fingers jumped on each key, face covered with child-like happiness as he tried to play a simple piece that Krystal taught her just a few days ago. He heard her calling him and he could only hummed a small sound in response.

“Do you know that this isn’t the first time that we’ve met each other? I mean, not here as classmates.”

“I know.” He frowned when he hit a wrong key and he tried all other keys to find which one was right. “Seyoon told me that you’re one of the participants in that musical thingy that Chanyeol also joined in. I was there too so I deemed that’s when I first saw you,” he continued.

Krystal smiled. Well, she might thank Seyoon later for reminding Kai but that’s for later when she already got the response that she wanted.

“Yes, that may be the first time you saw me. But that wasn’t the first time I saw you.” Her hand suddenly hovered over Kai’s, barely touching him as Kai immediately pulled his hand away from that small contact. She pressed the right key that Kai was trying to find earlier.

“What do you mean?” Kai pressed the key and continued playing.

“I saw you in this dance competition that my friend and I went to. Since then, I already admire your talent.” Kai nodded. Well, a lot of people admired his dancing skills so it wasn’t something new. “But then, meeting you personally brings a different admiration.”

Kai continued playing the piano, not any words from Krystal registered in his mind completely.

“I like you,” she let out with a soft voice. Kai stopped and looked at her.

“What?”

“I like you, Kai…more than friends.”

Even before Kai speak another word, his lips were sealed with someone else’s. Short but mind-blowing, simple but confusing, that was how he would like to define that surprise peck from her. He didn’t know if he wanted it or not, if he would get mad or not, if he would distance himself from her or not. It totally blanked his mind out.

Where was Seyoon inside his mind? Blurred out.

~*~

 

“Two years. We will reach our second year next week, on the day of the audition.” Kai didn’t know why but maybe Luhan hypnotized him or what. The information just slipped out of his tongue. Luhan was quite persuasive and he was an effective persuader.

“Oh, really…” Luhan said. “That’s sad then,” he muttered.

“What?”

“I mean, wow, that’s great. You’re going strong, huh? Yes? No?” Luhan asked with a hint of doubt, curiosity, and mockery in his voice.

Now, where is this conversation really going? Kai thought. “What do you mean? Why are you asking me that?”

“I don’t know. Curiosity? But it isn’t hard to answer, is it?”

Now, Kai saw how Luhan’s lips curled slightly upward. Smiling or not? Why is it hard to read his facial expression?

“We’re fine.”

“Fine?” Luhan burst into laughter – no, maybe chuckle or borderline. Kai wasn’t sure. “What kind of answer is that?” Luhan sneered.

“You know what? This conversation is going nowhere. Just leave me alone while I practice here.” Kai stood up but Luhan remained seated on the floor.

“What do you mean it’s not going anywhere? Of course, it will!” Luhan smiled but it faded seconds after when Kai looked at him again. Luhan stood up and glared at Kai – a glare that Kai hadn’t seen before, or maybe he did, when he and Luhan were still rivals before, when he used to bully him. That kind of glare he wouldn’t want to see anymore. “Don’t you see I’m trying to help you here?” Luhan said seriously.

“Wha—”

“What does Seyoon mean to you?” Luhan chuckled again. “Oh, sorry, sorry.” Kai’s face was all covered with confusion and fear, Luhan noticed it. He should be since it wasn’t only Kris or Chanyeol that were getting impatient here. Out of the three, it was him. Chanyeol already gave up his romantic love and turned it into something platonic; but not Luhan. Luhan was just starting yet Seyoon already told him that she liked someone else. He didn’t want to waste what he gave up for a coward like Kai. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. “We’re talking about Krystal and yet I mentioned Seyoon’s name. Silly of me. Okay, let me rephrase my question.”

Kai looked wide-eyed at Luhan, the other’s hand were resting on his shoulder. Kai could feel Luhan’s grip of him getting tighter, his knuckles turning white while his eyes turned into dark orbs. “Who means more to you, Seyoon or Krystal?”

Kai knew he had to answer him because he knew there was no way out.

 

~*~

It had been a days since Krystal’s confession. Everything about Kai turned upside down after that. He couldn’t think clearly in class or whenever he would talk to his friends. Not only that he and Krystal were seatmates but also because he couldn’t consult anyone about what happened to him…not even Seyoon.

“You’re spacing out again. Is there anything wrong?” Seyoon asked him. The two were sitting side by side on their lunch table. At least, he and Seyoon were always sitting together during lunch. The rest of their friends were busy with their own conversation.

“No,” Kai denied. “I’m alright.”

“Alright. Ahh, Kai?”

“Huh?”

“Are you doing something later after class?”

“Me. No, I don’t have anything to do after class,” Kai replied.

Seyoon couldn’t hide her smile. “Great, we’ll go home together then.” She took a quick glance at Chanyeol who nodded at her.

“Okay.” Kai replied with a smile.

But before that, he decided to settle the confusion he had with Krystal.

~*~

 

“Come on Kai. Even I knew the answer to that question. But it seemed like you’re not. Should I tell you the answer then?” Luhan’s dark orbs pinned Kai to his place. He couldn’t move and he couldn’t take his eyes off of Luhan either.

“It’s—”

Suddenly, Luhan’s laughter roared inside the practice room. “Oh my! Are you really going to answer that?” Luhan scoffed. “We know the answer to that question, even Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Sehun, and Baekhyun.”

“What?”

“It’s Krystal obviously. She’s your girlfriend so obviously it’s her. Oh, come on! Are you really going to answer something else? You silly! I’m just kidding with you. I can’t believe I almost got you!”

Luhan let out a laughter which made Kai shrink to his place. Looking at his sweaty palms and the trickling drops of anxiety from his forehead, Kai wished he didn’t let Luhan come with him in the first place. How he wanted to strangle the other for what he had done to him.

Kai tried to sound strong despite the did-not-really-sound-like-his-joking joke of Luhan. “ off, Luhan.”

“Woah, watch your language buddy. I’m just joking, right? So, two years huh? Quite longer than I expected. You must have fallen head over heels in love with her, huh? What leads you, her charisma? Physical beauty? Or…ah…”

“I don’t know.”

“What?” Luhan stared at Kai’s blank expression.

“I really don’t know how it all happened. It’s…ab…rupt.”

 

~*~

Before the lunch time ended, Kai decided to talk to Krystal first. Maybe he could get the confusion out of his head after talking to her. He couldn’t help thinking about her or the kiss after that. It was unhealthy anymore. He needed to end all of it and he already decided what to do. He went up the music room for a simple private talk. 

“About what you said to me a week ago...” Kai was the first one to talk, breaking the silence the hovered in the air. Krystal looked at him straight to his eyes. Kai’s heart beat. Probably, his hunch was right. Probably, this was the feeling they were all talking about.

“You don’t have to think about it too much,” said Krystal.

“But…I’m confused. I think I – I,” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I think I like you too,” he said with a rather questioning tone.

“What?” Krystal asked as if she was surprised, though she knew this would happen in no time. 

“The way you smile, you talk, our moments together – I think I like all of it. I think I like you,” Kai looked at her with an awkward look.

“So, are you implying that—”

Impulsive at it may seem but this was what Kai wanted (maybe). He couldn’t stop thinking of Krystal so that could only mean one thing, right? He didn’t hesitate anymore. “Will you be my girlfriend?” he asked, not knowing what his innocent decision and hasty conclusion about what he felt would lead him in the future.

~*~

 

“Unbelievable,” Luhan mumbled.

“What?”

“What? Oh, nothing. That confession was the lamest, I mean.”

“What do you mean? It’s abrupt, you see. Besides, she—she also confessed abruptly. I wasn’t really thinking of anything else that time.”

“Exactly! You’re not thinking at all,” Luhan told frankly.

Kai frowned but still remained on his place. He never dared to confront Luhan for the reason that the latter’s gaze earlier wasn’t really a joke. It was definitely serious and fear-inducing. He didn’t want to see that side of Luhan anymore.

“What I’m trying to point out is that based on your story, it seemed like you only concluded that you liked Krystal because of her confession and that kiss. Come on, who wouldn’t feel weird when you’re kissed by someone unexpectedly? In other words, you’re reason for liking Krystal is very shallow.”

“What?” This was it. Kai wanted to explode. He wanted to punch Luhan on the face so bad but his fist remained beside him. What was stopping him? Was it because he was agreeing to everything that Luhan had said? Was it because everything he said was true?

“Sorry,” Luhan suddenly apologized for the reason Kai didn’t know. “Maybe it is not right for me to judge what lead you to like Krystal. Besides, the reason why I fell in love with Seyoon is her smile. Of course, a kiss weighs more than a smile, right?”

Kai thought for a moment. What is Luhan trying to imply?

“Do you want me to be honest with you, Kai?” Kai heard Luhan’s shift of voice to mellow. “I just couldn’t believe that I’ll be back here three years after and you’re with someone else. Do you know why I decided to tell Seyoon that I like her after all these years?”

There was a moment of silence. Kai felt Luhan’s gaze shifting on him. And in his eyes, Kai could tell as if Luhan wanted him to answer the question himself. How the hell would he know the answer to that?

“Because, fortunately, I found out about your relationship with Krystal earlier. You might be asking what does it have to do with Seyoon?”

Exactly.

“Because I thought all this time that you and Seyoon were in a relationship but I was wrong. Because…because I thought you like Seyoon, Kai. The way you treat each other when we’re still in middle school, the way you look at her then and even now, the way you act when you’re with her, they all point to one thing – that thing that I thought was true without knowing that you’re already committed to someone else. Kai, I really thought you like Seyoon. No, let me rephrase that. I really thought you love her. I guess I was wrong.”

Are you? Or was it I that was wrong?

“Could you just be honest with me, Kai, one last time? I promise that we’ll get straight to practicing and I won’t ask you a thing after this. Just answer my question honestly. Haven’t you really felt something different on the way you see Seyoon? Do you just see her only as a friend all these years?”

---

“What do we do? The music that was supposed to go with the lyrics was gone. I lost the piano sheet two years ago.” Seyoon stared at his friends. All of them were sitting in circles inside the second floor music room.

Lay huffed as he tapped his chin with his fingers. “By any chance, do you still remember the melody?”

Seyoon thought for a while. “A bit.”

“Wait.” Lay stood up and went to the piano. “Can you hum the parts that you remember?”

“Sure.” Seyoon started humming as Lay tried to play the melody on the piano.

“Like this?” Lay asked.

“Right! Right! The melody is similar to that! You’re great!” Chanyeol exclaimed.

“Okay. I think as long as you remember the melody, we can revive the music,” said Lay.

All of their faces beamed in excitement. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo gave Seyoon thumbs up.

“I’m not bragging but our Lay here actually has absolute pitch so he could recognize each sound and convert it to whatever note it refers to. He’s great, isn’t it?” Xiumin grinned widely.

“Okay, let’s get going and maybe we could finish the song today,” Chanyeol declared excitedly.

---

The bell rang and even though it wasn’t an official class, Kai basically run away from the practice to God knows where his feet might bring him. It only had been three days and he just couldn’t take Luhan anymore. The boy was really annoying, pointing out his mistakes here and there which he hadn’t seen before. But more than that was the gaze Luhan was giving him.

Damn it, he shouldn’t have answered Luhan’s question vaguely. He shouldn’t have let the, I don’t know, answer escape his mouth. Why did he always have to deny things when it came to Seyoon? Or, why did he always have to avoid questions related to her? He was such an idiot, he thought himself to be.

Just when he was passing the window that shows the view of the festival on their school friends; it was as if he saw Seyoon with someone else – someone so familiar.

“Hey, what are you doing there?” Kai turned around and saw Luhan walking towards his direction.

“Having a break?”

“Really? How about going back to the practice room and start doing the dance steps again? And who are you staring at out the window?”

“Nothing. I just thought I saw—” Kai didn’t want to answer Luhan. If he let out Seyoon’s name again, the brat might bring her up again to their conversation. “Never mind. I just saw someone familiar.”

“Okay…Then why don’t you just stop standing there and stop wasting your time Kim Jongin or else, after the audition, you might be called Kim JongOUT! Let’s go!”

“Tsh,” Kai hissed. “Alright! I’ll be there.”

Just when Kai was about to take another step, something came to his mind. Wait, that person walking with Seyoon…that’s Krystal’s new music coach. But why are they together?

“Oh well, must be related to the school festival,” Kai mumbled as he shrugged off whatever he saw.

---

It had been three days and Lay was already teaching Seyoon on how to play the piano. He already finished composing the music just on the first day and now, his next mission was teach Seyoon how to play the piano as they decided that it was best for her to sing live than have the pre-recorded audio or have someone play for her. It was a good thing her grandfather taught her how to play the piano a little when she was still young.

“By the way, have you heard of the news going around lately?” Xiumin blurted out, breaking the chaotic mixture of sounds inside the music room. Chanyeol stopped from playing his violin. Baekhyun and Sehun stopped from playing with the percussion instruments. Kyungsoo was just observing Seyoon and Lay on the piano.

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked.

“Those three visiting professors from SUPA liked your opening performance especially the way Seyoon sang the hymn.

“Really?!” both Kyungsoo and Chanyeol exclaimed in excitement. Seyoon just stared wide-eyed.

“Yes! I actually heard it when I passed by the faculty room this morning.”

“I guess you have a great chance to win the scholarship, Seyoon,” said Sehun.

Seyoon still couldn’t believe what she had heard. Even if it was true, she thought that it was too much pressure to handle.

“We all believe that you and Chanyeol will do great on your audition,” Kyungsoo suddenly said when he saw the anxiety in Seyoon’s eyes.

“Whoever will be chosen between the two of you or even if you’re not chose at all, at least we all know that you’ve done your best,” said Lay.

“Right! So I think we have to start now. Let Seyoon and Chanyeol show them that they can perform better than that,” Baekhyun beamed.

---

Kai went home that day totally exhausted because Luhan was asking him to do dance routines over and over again. That brat! Who is he to sound like an authority all of a sudden? To Kai’s dismay, it wasn’t only in school that he had to face a dilemma because once he went home, he heard Seyoon talking to someone inside her room.

They must not have noticed his presence yet as the two never left her room. That deep voice coming from inside her room, it obviously belonged to that person. Kai entered his room as he tried to lean his head against the wall that divide his room and Seyoon’s. Their voice sounded clouded but nonetheless, some words still made sense to him.

“Think about it Seyoon. Just in case things don’t go as expected, at least, you have a back-up. I’ve planned this for a long time now.”

“What is this plan they are talking about?” Kai asked himself.

“I’ll think about it Kris.”

“What’s stopping you? This is what you wanted for a long time now, Seyoon.”

“I don’t know. What about Kai? What if he’ll be affected by this? I’m worried of what will happen to him.”

“What does it have to do with me?” Kai leaned it a little closer.

“But you can’t just forever sacrifice your will. You don’t have to be bounded by your parents’ rules and agreements. You have the right to choose and this is one of them. Think about it. I’m sure Kai will do fine. This is the best we can do so far for your future. You can’t let this opportunity slip away. Besides, that girl is on your way…”

“What are they talking about, really? And who’s that girl on her way?” Kai shook his head and returned to listening but to his surprise, someone was already knocking on his door.

Shoot! They must have found out that I am already here.

Kai withdrew his head from leaning against the wall. He was only sure of one thing: that Kris was already starting his plan to take Seyoon and have her withdrawn from the marriage. He wouldn’t let Kris start with his plan. He just couldn’t because he already knew the answer to Luhan’s question.

---

“Shoot! Shoot! Shame on you, Luhan and Kris!” he cursed to himself.

It’s been five days since Luhan asked him that one terrible question. All because of that one question that shook his brain cells and took his sanity away. To think that he was able to stand those five days awkwardly practicing with that Luhan, he deemed himself to be a brave man. But his attention span and concentration really fell off because that Luhan was giving him stares he just couldn’t take anymore. If only Luhan didn’t tell those words to him, what the brat’s purpose might be, then he wouldn’t really have to revisit whatever it was between him and Seyoon. He already admitted to himself that he liked her just after their school festival experience. But to say that he loves her? That was another question he never thought he would really asked himself after five years of knowing Seyoon.

But aside from that was the strange conversation he heard about Seyoon and Kris the other day. The thought of Kris starting with his own plan to take Seyoon away from him was bugging Kai. He already decided that he wouldn’t let Kris do that. Whatever that ‘plan’ that Kris was talking about, Kai wished that Seyoon wouldn’t let Kris control her decisions.

And so, he recalled memories, he weighed feelings, and then he chose. At the end, one person really stood out. He wouldn’t lie to himself anymore. He likes Seyoon. No, he loves her. Those years that they’ve been together, how could he just changed his feelings just because of that one kiss that Krystal gave him? He was definitely an idiot, an impulsive, indecisive, easily influenced idiot. Kai already admitted that to himself. Now was the chance to correct all his mistakes and to face the reality that had always been there but he was too blind to see.

So, it would only be seven days until the audition but here he was now, standing in front of the music room. He slowly entered the door to the music room only to see Krystal sitting on the piano bench with her head hung low.

“Kai…”

“What’s wrong?”

“My new music coach…”

“Why? What about him?”

“He-he already found out about us?”

“How? But, we’ve been careful about this”

“Seyoon…” Krystal mumbled.

“I guess the statement and evidence that Ms. Jin gave me aren’t needed anymore.”

Kai was too immersed with his own thoughts that he didn’t realize someone had entered the room after him. He saw Krystal’s eyes grew wide in surprise. Kai turned around to see one unexpected person inside the room, Mr. Lau, Krystal’s new music coach.

“Ms. Ji-Jin?” Kai stuttered.

“You heard me. I am sure you know Ms. Jin, Seyoon Jin. She gave me the information about you and Krystal. You must be Kim Jongin-ssi? Or Kai as Krystal called you?” the person asked him. Kai could already feel the fear traveling through his body as her music coach’s scary voice traveled inside the room.

“Yes,” Kai answered nervously. “But, what do you mean Seyoon gave you the information? Seyoon? That’s impossible. She would never do that,” Kai said. His mind was still shock with everything that was happening but he wanted to believe in Seyoon and he knew she would never do whatever this music coach was telling him.

“But you’ve heard me. She talked with me the other day and who would’ve thought that she would give me important but shocking information.”

Suddenly, Kai recalled seeing Seyoon together with Krystal’s music coach the other day.

“That apparently, you and Krystal are dating for years now even though you know that it was against her scholarship contract to engage in a relationship inside or outside of the school premises.”

It is impossible. He’s definitely lying. Seyoon would never interfere in our relationship. She promised me that.

“Mr. Kim, you knew the consequences of what you and Krystal have done, right? There’s a chance that Krystal will lose his scholarship.”

“Stop it, Henry-ssi. Kai didn’t do anything. It was my entire fault.”

Kai looked at Krystal and tears started to fall from her eyes again. He held her hand.

“Do you really like each other that much?” Kai heard Henry chuckled, with a mocking tone of course. “Well then, since we will all be doomed if Krystal’s sponsor for her scholarship finds out about this, I’ll stay quiet. But let me just warn you Mr. Kim.”

“What is it?” Kai tried to sound strong not only to resist the fear that Henry was giving him but also for Krystal who seemed devastated enough after what happened.

“You have to be careful not to be found out about your relationship until the audition. And that friend of yours who gave me the information, maybe you should be careful about her. I don’t know her intentions but maybe it has something to do with audition. There’s a chance that she’s tainting Krystal’s name for the sake of the SUPA scholarship. I don’t want to have bad impression about her but this is a tough competition. She must be in for the goal.”

Kai gritted his teeth to resist the urge of punching Henry especially not in front of Krystal. But if there’s only the two of them, not caring of the scholarship, he would surely do it.

He ran outside the music room. He wanted to see Seyoon now.

He knew that Seyoon was not that kind of person. Whatever her reasons for telling Henry about their relationship, whether it was true or not that it was her, he didn’t care. All he had to do was prove him that he was wrong about Seyoon.

And the plan of breaking up with Krystal? Maybe not now.

---

There she was, standing in front of her locker as she seemed to be staring at some files on her hands. Kai approached Seyoon. The other was oblivious of her presence.

All he had to do was to ask her and all she had to do was to answer. And Kai knew that she would deny it. Of course! Because there was no way that Seyoon would do that to him or Krystal. Krystal was not that kind of person. She was not selfish. She wouldn’t do things for the sake of the audition.

Suddenly, Kris’ words the other night resonated inside his head. “Think about it Seyoon. Just in case things don’t go as expected, at least, you have a back-up. I’ve planned this for a long time now.”

No, it’s impossible. That Kris, he doesn’t have anything to do with this, right?

As he reached closer, he noticed something familiar on the things that Seyoon was holding. Kai noticed that she was holding some pictures.

“What’s stopping you? This is what you wanted for a long time now, Seyoon.”

It seemed like Seyoon finally noticed Kai’s presence. Her eyes grew wider. And when she noticed Kai’s eyes were fixed on the pictures she was holding, panic suddenly struck in. Her trembling hands tried to hide what she was holding inside her locker but circumstances didn’t cooperate and the pictures fell on the floor.

 “Kai…” Seyoon muttered his name with a nervous tone. Kai could see the fear in her eyes.

“What is the meaning of these?” Kai lifted the pictures scattered on the floor. “What’s the meaning of this?!” Kai couldn’t help anymore. He didn’t want to shout but the words slipped from his mouth rather loudly.

“It’s…” Seyoon remained speechless and frozen on her place. Her eyes were fixed on the pictures in Kai’s hands.

“I can’t believe this. You—” Seyoon could feel the flames coming from Kai’s stares slowly burning her.

“Let me—”

“No. I don’t want to hear any words from you. I think I already know.” Kai shoved the pictures on Seyoon’s hands as he gave her a death glare one last time before walking away. Seyoon could see a hint of sadness in Kai’s eyes.

 “…Think about it. I’m sure Kai will do fine. This is the best we can do so far for your future. You can’t let this opportunity slip away. Besides, that girl is on your way…”

The pictures, Kai saw, were pictures of her and Krystal together.

Seyoon looked at Kai’s back slowly going farther from her sight. This wasn’t what she expected. But why? Why were things slowly falling apart? Why did she always have to suffer the consequences?

 

~*~

 “Hey, you can do it okay? We prepared for it for almost three weeks. That’s short but productive. Have you memorized the lyrics?”

“Yes. I’m okay with it. Are you sure you don’t want to hear the music with the lyrics?”

“Me? No. Those lyrics are meant for Kai not me. I’ll just listen to it afterwards. Anyway, the music was already recorded on your IPod. All you have to do is to play it and sing the lyrics. Good luck!” Chanyeol held Seyoon’s shoulder one more time before letting her go. He knew that seeing her the next day holding Kai’s hands was possible. He just looked at her retreating figure towards their classroom. At least, he did something he wished he wouldn’t regret his whole life. “Park Chanyeol, there are a lot of girls out there. I just have to look,” he whispered to himself.

---

“You go ahead then. I’ll just say mine after yours.”

“Alright. Seyoon, I asked Krystal out and she said yes. We’re dating now,” Kai declared.

Where have Seyoon felt the feeling she had right now? The feeling of being shrunk as the place where she was slowly caving her in, crumpling, narrowing the spaces around her, constricting her neck as if she couldn’t breathe anymore. Oh right! She hadn’t felt this before. It was the first time actually and she felt like she didn’t want anyone on her sight for the moment. This must be what Chanyeol felt when he confessed to her. The only difference was that she hadn’t started her confession and yet, she was already rejected. Seyoon didn’t like the feeling. It was as if she was dying inside.

“Oh,” was the first sound that escaped . She wanted to cry right then and there. She felt like breaking up into pieces. But she couldn’t, not in front of Kai who seemed happy with his news. Not now that her best friend – and maybe forever remained as friend – told her a good news. This was the worst nightmare she had, if only it was but no. It was reality that she had to face.

“Congratulations then, I – I am happy for you,” she felt her voice stammered. Of course, tears were already warning to fall but she managed to hold it in. She still managed to pull a smile, a broken smile. “About the thing that I’m supposed to tell you, I just want to tell you that I’m going with Chanyeol to the library, today. That’s all. I’ll see you then. And you don’t have to wait for me, I’ll go home alone.”

Seyoon wished Kai didn’t see her watery eyes when she stood up and leave. She wished that he didn’t hear that little sobbing sound she had when she walked out that there. She wished he didn’t notice how her hand trembled and her voice cracked when she bid goodbye.

She just wished she didn’t fall in love with Kai, with her best friend. She wished she didn't take a step too far from what they've always been. She never thought it would hurt so much.

~*~