I wasn’t ready for that question. And I’m not ready for what might come after I answer.

“Well -  “

“Not now,” he says. “I’ll earn it. I’m asking if you’ll save those lips for me.”

Oh my gosh. I’m so embarrassed, I want to crawl back to my room and hide beneath my covers. “How can you say it like that … “

He laughs, and then he smiles the realest smile I’ve ever seen him give. A smile that takes me to the sky. “Let’s go eat.”

Side by side, we stroll to the cafeteria. Sometimes my hand will bump his own, and so I cross my arms to keep my hand from swinging their way into his. Chanyeol smiles to himself each time I accidentally touch him. I can’t tell if he’s happy, or if he’s teasing me.

It’s weird. Nobody has returned my feelings before. I’ve had tons of crushes, sure, and being infatuated with someone gives its own unique sense of anxiety and excitement, but knowing that the person I like is feeling the same way I do is rewardingly sweet.

Maybe that’s why some couples always want to hold their significant other’s half, or be near them, or watch them every time they talk or do so much as breathe. The person you love is always going to be beautiful, because the focus isn’t on the lover – it’s on the loved.

I’ve never had anybody with whom I could be recklessly affectionate. Technically, what we have isn’t official. Chanyeol says he’s going to gain the privilege of calling himself my boyfriend. At least, that’s what I think he wants to do.  Be my boyfriend. Then again, Chanyeol isn’t fond of labels.

We joke around like we always do when we eat, and then he walks me back to my dorm. He tells me not to go anywhere, which I don’t really get, and then he jogs away.

Bora is back in the room with a new stuff toy on her desk. She jumps as soon as I walk through the door.

“Look what Nam got me!” She lifts the stuff toy up like a trophy. “It’s a koala!”

“When did he get you that?” I ask as I comb through my hair.

“This morning during breakfast. He saw it at a store and bought it for me. A koala!”

“You’re way too obsessed with koalas.”

“I know, but look at it,” she says and moves its little grey arms. “You know it’s cute.”

“It is cute,” I admit and take her koala. The fur is extremely soft. I give it back to her. “Why’d he get you that? Just because?”

“Well … “

“You’re a thing,” I realize. “No way. You’re a thing.”

“No we aren’t,” she shakes her head. “It’s a gift. Like when he bought me the phone case, and bought you the necklace.”

“But that was different, that was before any of this I like you, you like me thing came along.”

“It isn’t a thing.”

“Denial is the beginning of acceptance.”

“Junah!” She lightly bops my head with the koala.

“I’ll kill your koala,” I threaten.

“You’re mean. It’s called the first step to a new beginning.”

“All right. Whatever. Just let me know when you guys become official.” I open my laptop and steal a pen from Bora’s desk. “Can you pass me my math book?”

-----

Chanyeol asks me to study with him for the math final. He’s always gotten passing grades, so I don’t know why he thinks he needs my help, but I don’t miss the opportunity to spend time with him. We made ourselves clear to each other. There shouldn’t be any awkwardness in being with him.

But I find that I’m skittish as soon as I see him waiting for me in the library. It’s like everything has been exaggerated. The library is quieter. His eyes are brighter. His body is nearer. And my heart is quicker.

“This is the procedure to find the solution,” I s