I probably don't mention this enough, but I tweet about story delays if something prevents me from publishing. So if you want to know when stories get pushed back, or just random stuff that comes in my head, follow me on Twitter to get news as well as story updates.

On another note I'm making a SehunxHimchan fic. (Not ) If anyone is interested in making a poster, send me a private message.

Now on to the story!

It is amazing how a person can transform from a friend to a stranger. Right before your eyes, that precious person becomes a human you no longer recognize. You don’t know anything anymore. What that person is thinking, feeling, or what that person plans on doing. You realize you were wrong – about the future, about the present, about everything in the beginning.

But I can’t deceive myself by thinking that Chanyeol is a stranger, because he isn’t. I spent the majority of this spring semester with him. I opened up to him. I went off campus with him. I danced with him. I met new people through him. I experienced all kinds of wondrous things with him, and through him, parts of me began to improve.

Chanyeol built walls around himself so that other people wouldn’t have to. What he didn’t know was that he had built those walls on top of the rubble of other people’s hearts.

This is different from that time with Lange. At least then, Lange acted the way a person should when something changes. He acted accordingly. But in class, Chanyeol sits beside me seemingly without another thought. He smiles the way he always does. And if I lose focus, he reminds me with a tap of his pencil to write down notes.

I’m not sure if I’m thankful that he took the path that we would have taken together if I hadn’t opened my mouth, or if I prefer that he is clearer in his rejection of me.

Even though things are the ‘same’, everything is disappearing. I can feel it. I don’t want to let it go, but it slips through my fingers. What was once tangible has now become intangible. What was once a habit is now a memory. It’s sad. It’s sad.

I guess this is partly why I don’t like having a good time. When you’re experiencing it, it’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted. But when it’s done, you repeat it over and over again to try to achieve the same blissful feeling. Then when it’s grown stale, you’re left with feelings of nostalgia and random facts you try hard to grasp.

But with everything you hold, you have to let go sometime.

Maybe I’m just pessimistic. That must be it.

But it was fun. Just like going out for smoothies was fun. Like Winter Ball was fun. Like meeting people was fun. Like being pulled out of my comfort zone was fun.

I admit that when I saw you, the thoughts in my head flew by so fast I couldn’t describe them to you even if you asked. As I judged you, I admired you. In the beginning, I didn’t like your curly hair. I didn’t like your gangly frame. I thought, ‘if only this.” Then the next thing I thought was “he has a girl.” But I liked how you were comfortable. You were familiar, yet unknown. You didn’t hesitate, and you didn’t act awkward. You were being you.

And I guess it was one of those times when the personality made a bigger impression than the appearance.

“You really are kind of amazing, Junah.”

You told me that. I mean it when I say that I forgot about everything. I understood what it’s like to completely feel like you know nothing about yourself. One question: six words, and my name. You made me feel like the most insignificant person in the world and the only opinionated girl that mattered, all at the same time.

Is it naïve to say that we have something? I’m sure you felt it, too. If you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have held on to me so tightly that night. With your eyes, you had begged me not to leave. Even in a state of vulnerability, you understood the candid energy that pulsed between us.

Maybe the truth got lost in the past. And now, I’m reaching this point where I can’t stop looking back.

And if what I did caused our friendship to fall apart, I won’t apologize. Because regardless of what we might be in the future, I’ll remember what we were before. So that’s why, if we do completely reach the point of strangers, I’ll say thank