“I’m always right,” Chanyeol grins, and for a flash he’s back, the idiot with natural curls that I couldn’t ever replicate. “I’m a love genius. Remember?”

“You never called yourself that, so no, I can’t really remember.”

“I didn’t have to,” he taps his head. “You thought it, didn’t you?”

If he’d let me think for a minute instead of smiling like that, I might actually be able to recall something along those lines. But as usual, he doesn’t consider giving me pause. “I was thankful for your text.”

“What text?”

“The one you sent me when we were at the caf,” he reminds me.

“Oh yeah,” I reply absent-mindedly.

“You forgot already?”

“Well, no, I – “

“It’s okay,” he assures me. “Well, I appreciated that text because I told you to be my reign, and you were loyally doing that. Making sure nobody liked me, making sure I didn’t like anybody.”

He doesn’t know I sent him that text because I was acting selfish. “Why do you have to be so extreme?”

“Hm?” he murmurs.

“Not wanting to like anyone, not wanting anyone to like you – isn’t that too much?” I ask. “You say you’re stuck, but you’re not even giving yourself room to breathe. If you put those constrictions on yourself, you might always have a part of you that belongs to your ex.”

“I don’t belong to her.” I sense his stiffness, but I plod on.

“She might not know that,” I say, “but Chanyeol, you’re still a part of her, because she’s still a part of you. You can’t expect to stop liking her as long as you make sure there isn’t any love pointed to or coming from you.” I shake my head. “You aren’t saving yourself. You’re burying yourself.”

The lecture about his love life struck me like an epiphany. Every thought I had ever had and never vocalized, every thought I hadn’t even made but I’m now sure was imminent, came tumbling out of my mouth. I’m afraid, and mad, because I don’t enjoy confrontation, nor do I like ‘you could do better’ sermons. But I gave what I disliked to somebody precious, and I couldn’t stop myself, not until I had reached the very end of my heart.

It’s unfortunate. Being invested in someone is one of the greatest causes of personal damage.

“Junah.”

My name. Again. The lump in my chest blossoms into fear. The fear of ridicule. The fear of rejection.

“I’m doing better.” He reaches over to pat my knee, but as his thoughts drift, his hand ceases to beat against my bone and instead rests over it like a protective shield. “I’m coming to terms. Slowly. But I told you. I’m not someone who is going to push himself between two people. Don’t you trust me?” His eyes are bright with imploration. A question and a test. Do I trust him?

If I trusted him, I wouldn’t have sent that text.

“Sorry,” I laugh, displacing the atmosphere. The air was too tight. I breathe. I shift, and his hand falls off my knee. “I’m being difficult.”

“No, no, don’t apologize!” He says, his head shaking. “You’re fine. I’m the one with the ‘love’ problem. You’re fine. You’re perfect. I’m simply lost in my stuckness.”

“That’s not a word,” I say, but my mind is still in the exact moment when he told me I was perfect. I shouldn’t take it too deeply, yet I dwell on it and recycle it in my head as if he had delivered it formally. It was a passing comment, but I had heard it as a trophy.

“Stuckness. It’s a word now. Because I made it one. You see, there are times when we the people must fight against the dictionary in order to show that they have yet to publish words that the world doesn’t know it needs.”

“Please don’t turn senile on me,” I groan.

“You know the acronym LOL? I guarantee you it will be in the dictionary, if it isn’t already.”

I’m laughing before I’ve realized he’s changed the subject.

“You see?” He points at me. “That’s it right there. Go ahead. Execute the LOL.”

“Why are we friends,” I say through my laughter.
“Because you love me,” he answers, raising his eyebrows up and down and doing a bad impression of Jack Black.

“No I don’t, you’re stupid,” I retort.

“What? Who told you that?” He feigns surprise and holds a hand to his chest. “You’re breaking my heart, Junah.”

“There’s nothing left to break.”

“Oh,” he pouts, “Cruel.” Underneath the darkness of th