41. Upstream

Phoenix Rising
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Chapter 41: Upstream

     In the week that followed, LADY debuted as three. The whole team from the top executives down to the interns were exhausted. Last minute rescue efforts had ranged from from emergency green screen shooting in the studio and intensive retouching and photo manipulation to new dance formations. Audio had been the hardest to rescue, and everyone on that end of the business was best left alone unless strictly necessary. Baekhyun had received a tongue lashing when he'd ventured into distribution to confirm the destruction of thousands of pressed CD's. The losses kept rolling in.

     Park Entertainment and Tena's family issued matching statements citing 'health concerns' for Tena's departure.

     Marketing went into overdrive.

     LADY charted at number seven in their first week.

     It wasn't fantastic. But everyone agreed it could have been worse. If it weren't for Kris, the group would not have charted at all. Projections had been lowered, and marketing had already begun planning work on a male supergroup concept comprised of star trainees. LADY's star had fallen. Kris' joint promotions were cut back.

     It didn't bode well for Baekhyun, whose fledgling division had yet to get off the ground. CEO Park had reassured him that he was to keep his eyes on the prize and remain undeterred. Too tired to question the CEO's zealous pursuit of the futile - he simply nodded and applied himself quietly to his work. 

     He found it easier, in the wake of LADY's predebut turbulence, to simply keep his head down and do what he was told. Fear dogged his heels at each step. But it kept him out of trouble.

     Eyes followed his every move. He had never been particularly important outside of his designated roles. However, more and more, things were coming to his attention for approval, eyes darted surreptitiously to him in meetings, and email chains waited on his final say.

     What was happening?

     "Why are you so surprised, boss?" Jongdae said one day as Baekhyun shook his head after signing off on Kris' latest shoot. 

     Baekhyun could only shake his head and frown, exhaling a long breath as he sat back in his chair. "It's just strange."

     "People look to a leader," Jongdae said mildly. 

     Baekhyun arched a brow. "A leader? Not a rebel?"

     "They aren't always mutually exclusive," Jongdae chuckled. "Perhaps you gave quieter people a voice without realizing it. Not everyone is so brave as to challenge the entire management of one of the biggest entertainment firms this side of Asia."

     Baekhyun shivered. "Don't remind me."

     "Do you regret it?" Jongdae tipped his head.

     "No. It's a total injustice. Someone had to say something. If I hadn't--" Baekhyun held his face in his hands, pushing slender fingers up through his hair. "Will it be okay, Jongdae?" He asked, letting his guard down just a little. Jongdae, solid Jongdae, was the one rock in his tumultuous ocean. Temptation lingered on his tongue at every turn now, it pushed at the closed seam of his mouth, urging him to confide in the younger man. With no one he could trust aside from Jaehee - and a limit to what he could expect her to bear - he felt isolated and anxious, bracing for impact when the other shoe dropped. It was coming, he could feel it.

     "That's why I follow you, Executive Byun," Jongdae said simply. "You are a leader."

     For a long moment, Baekhyun could only stare at his associate. Jongdae held his gaze steadily, before folding his arms over his notebook and bowing to him.

 

 

     A leader. Baekhyun repeated the words to himself over and over. He was no leader. He was a shipwrecked sailor praying the storm blew him ashore. He was a foolhardy idiot who spoke out before thinking of the consequences. He was an ill-begotten activist who could stand up for others but not for himself. But he wasn't a leader.

      Tossing in bed that night, Baekhyun scrubbed his hands thrrough his hair and stared at the ceiling. Did leaders berate good men for their kindness and help? He snorted to himself and rolled over onto his stomach, pressing his eyes closed as he tried to catch sleep. Each breath and each beat of his heart raced by quickly, as if they had somewhere to be, somewhere to go. He tried counting his breaths, but it was to no avail. He tried listening to music, but the lyrics of every song made his chest tighten and his eyes ache. He wrapped his arms around himself and let out a frustrated cry.

     Twice, he'd picked up his phone, thumbing through his contacts to hover over Phoenix's name. He had never changed the entry to Chanyeol.

     I miss you. I'm sorry. It was still in his drafts.

     It was not the first night of this ritual. As he lay in the darkness, silent and alone, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel anymore. It was a jumble inside him, frayed ends tangled into a heavy knot in his gut - regret, longing, fear, guilt, determination, and weakness. Did a leader feel like sinking to his knees in defeat? Did a leader pray for someone stronger to come away his fears? Every bone in his body longed for Phoenix' soft touch, his deep voice, his strong embrace. The memory of his voice in his ear made him instantly choke up, the thought of his hands on his skin set his blood on fire. He hadn't expected regret to find a way in, weighing heavy around his heart. 

     In the dark night, he let out a shaky breath and blinked back the wetness in his eyes. His fingers dug into the pillow as he swallowed down a wave of guilt. He wanted nothing more than to apologize, to set things right, to earn back his place in Phoenix's arms even if it was for just night. A proper goodbye. Not this.

     How had he been reduced to this? How had it come so far? 

     Jaehee had no idea what she was asking of him.

     Or perhaps, grim realization dawned, she knew exactly what she'd asked for. 

     Jaehee's advice was sound and her forgiveness a blessing - but it was also a test. If he was her, would he have forgiven her so easily? Were a bouquet of flowers and handful of days enough to mend the hole he had ripped in their relationship?

     Unlikely.

     She was waiting for him to put the nail in the coffin, clear his accounts with Chanyeol and say his goodbyes. She knew better than he did that it wasn't over til it was over.

     He rolled onto his side and furrowed his brows, staring into the soft citylight that glowed at his window. Curling one arm under his head, he scrolled through his contacts again. He paused as he skimmed past a name.

     Ga In. 

     A shi

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sohbet
Just went through and fixed 7 years of formatting problems... The whole fic should be properly legible on mobile now! xo Soh

Comments

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xiahticxx
#1
Chapter 65: Coming back to AFF after 4-5 years. I finally know what real life means lol. I came back finding more than 10 fics I’m subscribed to are now complete. Though I have more time to myself now but real life doesn’t give me the luxury to read those fics. Instead, I started over PR until the last chapter and will leave again and check from time to time for PR’s update.

On the story, I’m glad that the everything has come to light. With only the suit remains, I’m hopeful for a happy ending for Baekhyun and Chanyeol, they deserve that after everything they’ve been through. Rereading this after gaining some experience myself, I can better relate to Baekhyun and Chanyeol more. The social pressure is real. I’m just happy that they have each other’s back, they trust each other now. With more than enough s life throws at them, at least their better half provides continuous comfort and support. I just wish no one will actually self sabotage themselves to save the other.

Anyway, great job on almost completing PR, see you when I see you!
Baek_lyn #2
Chapter 65: Omg yes go on that was passionate they had Woow so hot
saikia_puwali #3
Chapter 65: I hope you are doing well author! this fic has me hooked and i so want to know what happens next...but considering the time we are going through....i don't wat to bother u...just..stay safe and healthy..thank you for writing this amaze balls story,..loads of love!! XOXO
saikia_puwali #4
Chapter 65: OK....so i am back in asianfanfics after staying away for a few years...and yours is the one I first read!!!!.. OMG OMG OMG!!!!! IT is so ing beatiful and angsty and everything I like!! Hope you are staying safe and healthy....omg!!can't wait to read the rest of it...how will it end!!.. OMG!! *hearteyes* Loads of love
firstladydragon
#5
Chapter 65: Crying over this chapter (again!!) while in a dire need of cold shower at the same time..I hope you are safe and healthy all along!
parksyeol
#6
Chapter 65: “a play in three acts, and here we unveil the villain. and here, the hero shoots him dead” wowowow beautiful amazing gorgeous

“and here, we have the hero. and here the villain holds him close, knowing all he has done wrong” are you serious i’m in love… i never want to forget these words

oh no there’s more “when the villain loves the hero, he will hurt him from within. there is only one way left for him to atone for his sins. he lets the hero win”

UM HE “I JUST WANT TO FEEL YOU” GOODBYE HOW WAS THIS SCENE SO SWEET

their love :(( yeah i’m in love with this story and i’ll wait forever if i have to.

and yes!!! i'd be ready to support any future projects for this story omg
parksyeol
#7
Chapter 64: i’m gonna scream.. i'm shocked hjhjhjhfg it couldnt have been that easy though right T_T i should have known
parksyeol
#8
Chapter 63: ga in???? hello?????/ mvp
parksyeol
#9
Chapter 62: oh wow this chapter is incredibly lovely :( so heartbreaking

AND THE ENDING woah… chanyeol is too good
parksyeol
#10
Chapter 61: oh thank god kris called

omgogmgogmgogomg my babies together again (i MEAN it hasnt been long in their world but it has been in mine and just ?? when theyre not together xgfxxffd not ideal it doesnt feel right) also i lied i'm eating these new chapters up so fast