14. Calling
Phoenix Rising
Chapter 14: Calling
Life, surprisingly, did not screech to a halt.
Work provided an escape much as it always had - though Baekhyun found himself oddly displaced at the worst of times. He felt like an ill fit in his own favorite shoes - as if someone had pranked him and replaced all his clothing with a smaller size. The invisible walls of life chafed him raw and made him long for the freedom of truth.
But truth was a downward spiral, too much rode on his shoulders to entertain such foolish thoughts. Distraction was the best remedy; when idle, he daydreamed and jumped at shadows. He spent long hours at the office, ran circles around the track while running in circles around his mind, and went through the motions of his life. Aside from the fact that he felt like an actor in the wrong role, an unprepared understudy put on the spot, life, surprisingly, continued as usual.
"Baekhyunah," his mother called one night. "How are you, we never hear from you."
"I'm fine Mom, just been busy." His response hadn't changed in years - but now it felt more like a lie than ever before.
"You can't be busy every minute of the day," she admonished gently. "You could call for just a few minutes, to say hello."
"Mama- was there something you wanted to talk about?" He tried to keep his voice level, curbing the impatience he felt. He knew he was being unfair to her, but life wasn't fair - he knew it all too well.
There was a brief stifled silence; Baekhyun knew he'd hit a nerve.
"I don't have to have a reason, do I?" She asked, without raising her voice. He wished she would. How many things would have been better - for both of them - had the woman just stood her ground. "Do I need a reason to call my son?" She asked, and he could hear the quiver in her voice. "Should I be like you, who apparently never has a reason to call and acts like he's not a part of this family--"
"Is that it?" He cut her off. "Is this the whole reason you called?" He leaned his elbow on the desk and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's never enough, is it? No matter what I do, it'll never be enough."
"Baekhyun..."
"Call me when you have something to say besides discuss my shortcomings--" he blurted out, then quickly hung up before the tremor in his voice could get the best of him. Burying his face in his hands he took a few deep breaths to calm himself.
His phone rang again an hour later while he was at the market. No matter how many times he opened his fridge, it failed to produce sustenance. It was high time to restock.
"Hi," he greeted tensely, navigating his handcart around a tower of cereal boxes.
"Sweetie," his mother's voice greeted tentatively. When he didn't interrupt, she continued. "What I'd called about - JaeHee's mother called today, she was wondering about booking the deejay... she knows how, ah, selective--"
"Picky," Baekhyun interjected, "you don't have to make excuses for me."
"--she knows how picky you are about music and wondered if you had a preference. She says many are already booked up."
Baekhyun snorted as he picked through packages of fresh frozen dumplings, a thousand brands of the same thing with nothing but the design of the package to differentiate one from the next. "I should just ask Kris to perform, JaeHee would love that." He rolled his eyes at a pack of pork & leek dumplings in an obnoxiously orange bag and shoved it into his handcart. She'd faint with joy.
"I'll figure something out." Bidding her goodbye, he disconnected the call and slipped his phone in his pocket.
With discreet headphones in his ears, the dulcet sounds of 2180 filled his head as he pulled random things off the shelves and dropped them in his handcart - minimal prep time preferred.
As he shopped he wondered if he'd be here, a year from now, weaving through the aisles of H Mart with JaeHee. He could just hear her scolding him for picking up things like instant ramyun. She did know how to cook - she made a mean ddukbbokki - but Baekhyun found it hard to picture civil, domestic dinners. She wasn't civil - and he wasn't domestic. It was one of many reasons why he kept her at arm's length - so it wouldn't come as a shock later on when he was never home for dinner.
The image in his head changed, then. A tall young man strolled alongside him, teasing him for eating like a bachelor. 'Like you're any better,' he heard himself say, swatting him with a flat pack of noodles. They were laughing.
Baekhyun yelped as he nearly bowled headlong into a display of beer by the litre, then narrowly avoided mowing down a young woman as he jumped back. Why in gods name did they have to stack them like that!?
"Watch where you're going!" she snapped at him, and in a harried state he dipped a quick apologetic bow and hurried down the next aisle.
Startled out of his reverie, he paid mind to his surroundings as he grabbed some energy drinks and added them to his cart. It was a fitting lesson, he supposed, for daydreaming such a preposterous thing - for daydreaming at all. Domestic activities always made him odd in the head.
When he was done gathering essentials and sundry - a box of chocopies amongst them - he headed for the registers. Tired after a long day at the office and lack of dinner, he decided to let a cashier do the work rather than argue with the self checkout. He stood by listlessly as the young man rung up his purchases and bagged them. Baekhyun found himself staring at the boy, whose lisp and deep stare tickled at memories from long ago - a freshman Lit student, poignant poetry, long hands--
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Comments