har·bin·ger

   [hahr-bin-jer]

noun

anything that foreshadows a future event; omen; sign: Frost is a harbinger of winter.

I do not understand how Kris could walk and talk without falling to the ground and bleeding his heart out. There are things that I do get, though. But this gaping hole of emptiness, if it would be me carrying that unbelievable big void, I would’ve died already.

I would’ve carved myself until the hole went away. I would’ve emptied myself even more, so that I would become a homogenous blend of shallow- and emptiness.

Kris and I, we were the same. But there was one thing that differed. I wasn’t the strong one. He was. That’s why things have turned out like this.

I noticed that Tao was reading along while standing next to me. He was awake, finally, and with tired eyes he read the same words. “You’re self-diagnosing, aren’t you? I know that look.”

My heart skipped a beat. I had been awake for two hours already and was looking through his books. Tao had many, many books about mental disorders and neurologic diseases. It fascinated me and confronted me with the label my psychiatrist had glued on my forehead years ago.

Tao took the book away from me and brought it closer to him. “Schizoid personality disorder.” he said with a grin. Tao looked back at me after reading the words again. “You’re not schizoid, idiot. It’s dangerous reading books about these topics. Self-diagnosing is a thing we humans do naturally.”

“You do not understand.” I stood up and looked outside. I wasn’t even supposed to be here. Normally I would’ve left hours ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him all by himself. Not after seeing his condition yesterday.

“Yes I do.”

“You don’t. I am diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder and frankly I do not care.” He had awakened my competitive mind and it irritated me incredibly.

“First of all, if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t read about it. And second, you’re not schizoid, trust me, I know.”

I stepped towards him and showed him how intense I could be when accused of being wrong. “Third: you’re not a psychiatrist. I’ve been through and back, I think my shrink would know.” It’s funny how I was defending that irritating psychiatrist of mine. I didn’t even like her.

“You’re right. I am not.” Tao sat down on his chair and placed the book back on the table. “I’m not a psychiatrist.” His smile faded. “I needed another two years and I would’ve graduated as one, though.”

My arrogant stare made place for something empty. “I-I…” I decided to show him my respect and not talk about it. I wanted to change the subject, but Tao was better at this than me.

“It’s okay. I mean, I never intended to get placed in here, but …” he turned silent and opened the book again. “Are you some kind of poet?”

That question confused me. “I’m not. Why do you ask?”

Tao looked even more confused. “I do not understand. Then what is this?” He showed me his book and asked me to sit right next to him.

There were words and letters highlighted throughout the pages. It scared me. Tao thought that I was the one who did that. But I hadn’t and he clearly either.

Sociopaths are usually defined as people displaying anti social behavior which is mainly characterized by lack of empathy towards others that is coupled with display of abnormal moral conduct and inability to conform with the norms of the society. People suffering from antisocial personality disorder are often referred to as sociopaths. Some of the other characteristics that sociopaths may display are stealing, lying, lack of remorse for others and towards living beings, irresponsible behavior, impulsive behavior, drug or alcohol abuse, problems with the law, violating rights of others, aggressive behavior and much more.

Sociopaths are often unable to control their behavior and their expressions of annoyance, irritability and threats when faced with situations not appealing to them and they often tend to resort to threats, aggression and verbal abuse. Though no person is born with this disorder, the sociopathic personality disorder does involve a history of persistent anti social behavior during childhood before the age of 15 and if left untreated, this disorder continues into adulthood too. Sociopaths could also have been influenced by various environmental factors around the age of 15 that is also one of the main reasons for this disorder in individuals. Some of the environmental factors can include deprivation, grave ual abuse, abandonment, emotional abuse, association with people who are antisocial, physical abuse and others.

Two as a whole, what is one? A half or nothing?

The letters were highlighted with a red marker. My stomach turned around while looking at this. It was a part of the doctor’s riddle. I looked at Tao and cringed. If Tao and the doctor knew each other, or were working