de·mes·ne

   [dɪˈmeɪn -ˈmiːn]

noun

A realm; a domain.

Please, evolve.

Open your eyes and realize.

It’s not that hard.

Please, I just want to help you.

I’m done with putting you on the wrong track.

We’re friends.

I want to help you.

I want to help myself.

But I can’t tell you the truth without my spirit vanishing

into nothingness before the words are spoken.

Please,

open your eyes.

Do not trust anyone.

a year ago:

Looking at the name on his grave is a hard thing for me to do. It’s like looking at an old picture of myself and being confronted with the fact that I don’t exist anymore. It’s hard. Sometimes I just want to forget about him, but I can’t.

There are things I couldn’t change and now I was here. Standing right in front of his grave on one of the days where I could live with the fact that I was incomplete.

Even though I could be honest about being torn about this, I still had to pay my respects. My brother died because of me. I wished so deeply for it to be me.

Slowly I kneeled and looked at how the soil dirtied my white trousers. I didn’t care and felt my brother’s aura getting closer and closer. He was really here, watching me from the grave.

I could only feel guilty for not living up to my promise. I had promised him to die with him and I never did.

I was too scared of dying.

If there was a life after this one, I would still be alone.

Yifan and I had parted ways. We were not one anymore and we would never be again.

If I would die, I had to search a lifetime for his body and soul again in the afterlife. Maybe he wasn’t even with me. We wouldn’t be the same ever again.

I lied countless times to myself. I thought I would see him again, but I wasn’t ever going to. Yifan wasn’t my twin. He was a part of myself and I had lost him. He wasn’t here anymore.

“Excuse me?”

My heart skipped a beat when I was brought out of my spiral of depressing thoughts. I inhaled briefly and crawled up, ignoring my dirty suit. I had closed a case yesterday and killed a person. I just had to do it.

I wasn’t normally a man of murder, but I had to protect myself. Too many had died that day. I wasn’t going to let that punk continue with buying and selling humans from and to the rich.

“Hello?”

It was my turn to turn around and face the young man standing in front of me.

“I just a have a few questions for you.” he grabbed a little notebook and stepped closer to me. I had a good look at him and exhaled again. He was not a threat to me.

Okay, yes, the boy was quite tall, but slender. He had darkish blonde hair and big eyes. There was something in the way he looked at me that made me decide that this kid couldn’t have any dark intentions, but I kept my guard up, as always.

“Who are you?”

“Oh,” he smiled at me and took a pen out of his pockets. “I’m the founder of a very popular blog, you see. Many people read it. I’m very famous with high school kids. I write about this countries’ mysteries and such.”

“Sounds interesting, but sorry, I don’t know anything about mysteries.”

“You’re Mr. Wu, right?”