a year later...

"Baby are you alright? a boy with furrowed brows asked,,,,but the other one didn't replied,,,,Jr,,Jr,,Jr,,the boy called again 3 times waving a hand infront of the face of the black haired boy,,,,

"Ne? Jonghyun snap out,,,he was sitting at the veranda for almost half day already,,,spacing out,,,staring to the garden full of of flowers and tall plants with longer leaves but those were not really the boy had looking at,,,he was looking to the space in between,,he was blank,,,he's staring to nowhere,,

His mind is full of everything in the past,,,his brain is exploding about the blonde,,he never forgets how he hurts the blonde,,that princess of him,,,he misses him,,,if he just can go back to the past,,he already jumped into it,,,,he regrets how he loosened his grip to the blonde,,he regrets how he let that princess go,,,it was just a blink of an eye and boom all were gone even the princess he had love the most,,,

"Ren!!! he muttered lowly in tone and followed his frustrated tears that were already threatening to fall down few minutes ago, then finally they were down,,those crystals that he can't control,, those liquids that can't be blocked from sliding down his cheeks were finally made their ways to burst,,,

"Jr,,,i'm here,,,it's sungjae,,,,please,,,jr,,forget ren,,i'm sure he's happy now to where he is,,,and besides,,he's with his mother and your father,,,he's fine,,let's start anew huh? it's already a year jr,,,you have to forget him,,,he left you,,,sungjae knelt down infront of jr crying and pleading,,,he has jr but he can't grab back the heart he owned before, until now,,he maybe become selfish but he just love him that much,,,

Jonghyun continued with his sobs, i left him, he corrected, he looked down and saw the boy infront of him with the tears too,,,he moved his hands on the head of the other and ruffled the hair,,runs down his palm on the face and lifted the chin up to see him,,,i'm sorry,,,,he uttered...

"i love you jr,,,sungjae said pulling the guy to lean closer,,he pressed his lips to him and hug him tightly as if he really doesn't want to let go of him,,,

......

......

"Eomma~~~~~ ren called,,screaming with his wildest giggle while running,,avoiding the one who was chasing him,,,he reach the parents resting on the garden and hid behind them,,,

"Yahhh,,,that's unfair,,,seyong said while dancing side by side, trying to catch and get the boy,,,

"Mehrong~~~~ren childishly tease the guy,,,

"Yahhhh if i got you i will cut all your hair done,,,seyong threatened,,,,

"Eo~~! ren stood straight and look at his hair by squinting his eyes up,,,he laughed rolling to the grass holding his stomach after few seconds,,..he was laughing so hard while pointing to the guy,,,

"Why? seyong turned serious and asked,,

"Are you insane,,better find another threat,,,i don't have much hair,,,see,,see,,see,,and my head is covered with this silk,,,,ren said showing his head and pulling up the silk that was wrapped around his head,,,

"Eo!!! right,,,seyong scratch his head and thought,,,he smirked and went near the boy who is still on the ground laughing his so hard,,,gotcha~~~seyong said as he locked the boy's hands on the back,,,,

"Ahhh~~~HhhH~~~~ren cried out,,,,

"Aigoo,,yahhh stop playing,,,ren,,get up in there,,,and it's time for your medicine,,,eomma said and showed the glass of water with some pills on his hand,,,,

"Se~~~yyoooong!!!! can you just take those medicines,,,i can't take them anymore,,,ren pouted and pretend to cry,,,,

"your face,,,just swallowed them immediately,,,seyong said shaking his head and helped the boy in getting up..better take thos now or i wil tell uncle that you refuse to take the medicines he gave you,,,..take those now and it's already late,,you have to rest and i need to go home,,,,he added getting the pills and water from the mother and gave them to ren,,,,

Ren swallowed those pills immediately, afraid to be reported to his doctor,,the last time seyong reported about the saem situation, ren had been scolded by the doctor - who is seyong's uncle - amost half that dy,,,,but the bitter taste was left on his throat,,he grab a piece of cake that was on the table and chew it to remove the bitter taste,,,he frowned,,those medicines are like hell i think,,he said almost cursing the medicines that supports his health,,,

"Just be thankful that there are medicines to cure you, if not,,,maybe you are on the bed laying and waiting when will you gonna die,,,seyong smack the blonde's temple lightly,,,

"Arrasseo hyungnim,,,,go home now,,,ren rolled his eyes and shoo the boy,,,,be sure to comeback tomorrow after school,,,,he said shouting to the boy who was ont he exit already,,,

"Aigoo,,spoiled bratt,,,,if i were seyong i won't spoil you like this,,,he's not even your boyfriend,,,,don't you really like him? eomma said brushing the boy's face,,,

"eomma~~~ we talked about it already,,seyong is just a friend to me,,,,ren cried facing the direction where seyong had gone,,,,

"alright..alright,, eomma laughed,,,the elders stood up from their seat and decided to get in,,,ren was left,,,,

"Eoo~~~ honey,,by the way,,,sungjae called,he said jr is already fine now compare the last month,,,father said when they reach the door,,,it is loud enough for ren to hear the news,,,

Ren chuckled,,,,,he looked up to the sky,,it's already orange in color since the sun is setting down,,,"I hate you kim jonghyun,,,i hate you jr,,,i hate you,,,,he mumbled,,,he was saying it repeatedly over a year, everyday,,that word stuck in his mind,,there's no day he didn't say he hates his lover,,,his eyes moistened due to the threatening tears,,it hs been gloomy whole year since the last time he saw his lover,,,

Ren remembers that time, the time he needed his lover by his side but no jr came to him,,,he waited until the last minute before the plane boarded heading to japan,,,the doctors suggested to get a proper treatment,,seyong suggested his uncle who is a dcotor specialist in brain, somehing like that,,nd so they ended up going to japan,,since his uncle lived in japan and his family was also residing in japan,,,

~A year flashback~

He was sent to the hospital after seyong and him had a dinner in that prestigious restaurant,,,he felt his head breaking like hell,,good thing seyong, his new riend was there and able to sent him in the hospital,,,

2 days later when he suddenly shifted in his bed,he opened his eyes in wide,,,he dreamt about jr being with him, huging and kissing him,,they were happy in that dream but jr's face is not that happy,,he smiles but there is something weird with that smile,,,then few minutes later he saw jr going away,,turning his back from him and leaving without any words aside from i love you that jr mouthed,,,

He woke up finding ony three persons on his side bed,,,seyong sitting on the very end of the bed while two ladies sitting on his side,,,his mom and jr's sister,,,

"Where am i? ren skd,,th three jumped and look at the bed,,,

"Ren,,my son...his mom cried brushing the blonde hair of him,,,

"noona,,,seyong,,,what happen? he sked again,,,,

"You passed out last night,,and i found out about your illness,,,we're here in the hospital,,,seyong answered,,,

"Hospital? he wander round,,,he tried to sit but e felt pain on his body,,,

"don't move,,,,noona said helping him to settle again on the bed,,,you got surgery,,and you were asleep for two days,,how is your feeling? she added,,,

"Surgery? but,,,ren pused ooking around again,,,

"My son,why did you keep your ilness,,you must told us,,,mom confronted softly,,,

"I'm sorry,i just don't like bothering anyone else,,,ren nswered apologetically whie eys still searching everywhere,,,

"I'm orry ren,,,jr is not here,,there's an urgent things he needed~~~~noona strts to explin but she ddn't able to finished,,,

"it's okay,,i know,,,ren cut the noona,,he let out a chuckle,,,he gritted his teth and bit his lips,controlling his sobs to come out,,it is ainful since the wound he had from the surgery is still fresh but there is no much painful than not seeing his lover on his side in times like this,,he needs jr,he needs him badly,,he wants to see him and apologize from breaking him up,,he wants to tell him that he regret it,,,he wants to be cared by jr,,he wants a comfort from him,,he closed his eyes and lift the blanket up to his neck,,sill holding his cries,,,,"I want to rest,,he manage to say it in normal tone,,and bit his lips again,,,

"get rest,,,eomma said,,

"I'll just comeback when you wake up,,,seyong added and kissed the other's forehead before leaving,,,,

Ren sobs,,he let his tears to escape when all were gone from the room,,,,evey sobs he make,,the pain in his wound becae worst,,it pained a lot but he ignores it,,his heart is more painful than his head,,his heart ripped repeatedly than the wound on his head,,,

"JR~~ KIM JONGHYUN~~why?  he whispered,,,he burst in cries holding his chest,,,i want to hate you now,,i want to,,i want to but why,,,why? why? let me hate you,,you don't belong to me i know,,,you belong to someone else, but my heart is stupid, i am loving you this much,,,i love you but i want to feel hate on you,,,jonghyun,,let me hate you,,,let me do that to you so that i won't feel this pain,,,he said whispering under his cries,,,his grip on the white bedsheet tightened and clench his fist,,gritting his teeth,,his head is worst than before,,,

He cup his head with his hands and tried to remove the tight wrap around his head,,,he cried more enduring the pain physically, mentally and emotionally,,,

"Son,,,ren,,what are you doing? mom came to check if her son is already fast asleep what she sw is the opposite,,,

"eomma,,,i want to die,,,,let me die,,,i cant live like this,,,i can't live without jr,,i want him,,,eomma,,i love jr,,,please let me love him,,, ren screams,,,

"What,,Ren,,what are you talking about?  jr,,,jr is your,,,,,,eomma said in surprise,,she wants to ask further more but she can't since her son is sick right now,,,

''Eomma,,,i love jr,,he loves me too,,please let us~~ ughhhhhh,,ahhhhhh  jrrrr~~~ eommaaa,,it hurts,,ughhhhHH,,, ren was flipping on the bed,,his head is in severe pain,,,he burried his face on the bed holding his head tightly,,,

"Ren~~ son~what happen~~~eomma felt panic,,she run outside and called for help....nurses and doctors came quickly,,,

The room is filled with the sounds of the machines supporting to save the blonde,,doctors moves faster, trying their best to save the boy,,but ended up taking him inside the surgery room again,,it made some complications with the first surgery,,

~End~

.......

Neverthless,,Jr is sitting all alone now after his conversation with sungjae,,,laying on his own bed,,it was already a year yet he still feels the same,,he always feels uneasy,,,though he had news about ren, but still his heart always got worried,,,,

He poke his phone and opened the secret album he had saved, collection of ren and him,,the images of memories they had,,it's all about ren,,his tears fell down again,,,,,I'm sorry,,i had to do this,,,i need to let you go,,,i want you to be well,,please don't hate me huh,,don't hate me,,i want to see you being all well,,,you know i love you right,,don't hate me,,please,,,he mumbled talking to the screen,,,he shut his eyes and flashed that day, the day he let go the hand of the blonde totally,,,

~flashback~

After he was sent in the hospital 2 days ago was immediately discharge just a day after,,it was only due to stress and not eating regularly that he got a gastric acid that makes his stomach growled in pain that day,,and got this gastritis thing,,,

He was on the garden when his noona came..."jr,,noona called,,,

"Noona,,he greetd back and force a smile,,,how's him? he asked,,

"I just went there,,i don't think he's all fine,,i know him,,why don't you visit him,,he's looking for you,,he wants to see you i'm sure,,,

"It's okay,,he's strong,,,jr said,,he shook his head,,,he doesn't need me there..noona,,,i am holding him but he let go of me,,,so i think it's time for me to let him go,,besides,,appa doesn't know about our relationship,,he paused an chuckle,,,you're not surprise,,i know you know it,,,jr laughed,,,somewhat, he was holding his ego to burst in cry again,,he cried a lot last night already,,thinking about ren,,,now that ren really needs to get surgery maybe it is the time to push him away,,the blonde won't listen to him to get the surgery because the boy is afraid to live away from him,,but now that they broke up,,the blonde won't have any reason to stay beside him,,,,

"are you sure? noona asked again,,her phone beeps before jr could give an assurance,, she immediately read the message when she saw it was from their father's wife..ren~ ren is having a second surgery,,there were complications on the first surgery,,,jr,,, noona announced and look at the brother again,,

Jonghyun shook his head for the second time now,,,take care of him, it's my request,,he said and turn his back, he walked inside and left his noona behind,,,he reach his room, he punch the wall and let out hi anger,,his anger over his own self,,,im sorry ren,,,,i love you,,,he uttered,he fell his knees on the floor facing the wall he had hit with his bald fist,,,

~end~

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......

"I hate you~~~kim jonghyun,,,,words tht always said,, words that lways stock in mind but the truth, those were not meant to be true,,,it was all the opposite, it meant i love you but ren wanted to divert everthing into  negatve,,,

"Don't hate me,,ren,,don't hate me,,,a plead that were supposedly been delivered but ony mind deliers it to the latter's mind,,im sorry,, please be well,,,words of regrets but nevr took back,,,words of ecouragements that hurts both parties,,,

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...late update,,nearly to end,,hoe to get comments too,,,thankyu,,,,cry with me,,