Title: 10/10

Your Title immediately brings attention. I could be looking through a list of titles and your title would definitely catch my eye. It gives a romcom-like appeal to it which is the sort of genre a lot of readers are looking for these days. It also gives a brief hint as to what to look for in your plot, where we can see that the girl is more of the man in the relationship.

Description/ Foreword: 18/20

I gave my judgement based on the description on the page of your story rather than the description I was given through the comments.

There are one or two errors in the description but it’s not too serious. Just like your title, it adds on with the romantic comedy theme and is a fantastic outline as to what your story is about. It brings readers in, yet it leaves the readers hungry for more.

He can’t shut up, to begin with – He can’t shut up to begin with (The comma in the middle is unnecessary and we can’t have commas everywhere. Readers don’t need to take a breath and pause every second.)

So, unless you want your ears to fall off – So unless you want your ears to fall off (Once again, this comma isn’t needed. Without so many commas, your sentences will be able to flow more.)

Second, he’s a naggy diva. – Secondly, he’s a naggy diva (I had to read over this sentence a few times before thinking of some other way you could write it. It just didn’t sound right at first, but when you’re planning a method you may use first, second, third etc. But when it comes to listing out arguments, discussion points or in your case, simply telling the readers about your naggy boyfriend, you would use firstly, secondly, thirdly etc.)

Your forward is written really well! I congratulate you for that, but it is probably the reason why your story is going successfully!  

There is only one small error in it that should be easily fixed!

Did you know what he did? – Do you know what he did? (When you use Did, you make it seem like the readers already knew what he had done but just if they had known before he had done it. Am I making sense?)

Originality/Plot: 25/30

I’d say that your plot is a 50/50 when it comes to its originality. I like how it’s about the girl feeling like the male in the relationship and the guy acting like the female, but WHY DOES KEY ALWAYS HAVE TO NAG AND BE DIVA LIKE?

Now I could start an entire rant on that topic, but I’m not going to. I know it’s for the benefit of your story plotline, but why can’t Jonghyun be naggy, or Minho? Making stories seem more realistic could be what you are attempting and looking for but this is fan fiction, with fiction being the keyword. Fiction, allowing all those fan/readers out there to dream or fantasize about their idols and what their idols could be like.

Overall, I like your plot :) and I would definitely take interest in it if Key or Taemin were my ultimate biases.

Grammar/Punctuation/Writing Style: 24/30

Grammar – Great!

Punctuation – Great!

Writing style – Almost Great…?          

 Your Writing style is very easy to read yet still shows off your potential as a fan fiction writer. Details, Dialogue are both important aspects of writing stories and you have pretty much mastered them all. I could clearly imagine the scenes you had written in my mind as I read through your story which is an important way of drawing the reader’s attention in.

The only thing would be that you kind of drag on a little too much at times. xforevax and I read through the first chapters of your story together, and there were times when it was completely mind-blowingly interesting, but then there were down times where we would be tempted to let our minds drift back to the droning voice of our teacher.

As for your grammar or punctuation, I don’t have much to say about them. It would take me a few chapters in order to spot some errors which is a good sign, and at times I could even skim past a few mistakes without even realising.

Character/Detail: 9/10

Your characters are easy to relate to and understand. I can sense each and every part of their emotions and you have created them to be very distinct to create ease to readers. I’m liking Taemin a lot more than Key, just like how I liked Shin woo more the Tae Kyung in You’re Beautiful, but that’s just my personal opinion.

Just like how I had mentioned before, you have pretty much mastered the detail, however too much detail can be as bad as too little detail sometimes ;)

Total: 86/100

General Comments:

Firstly, I apologise so much for the delay in getting your story done!

*Bows infinite amount of times*

I really liked reading your story! It had its ups and downs but it was definitely a worthy read. I’m glad to be the one who reviewed it!

I’ll be looking forward for more of your stories! Hwaiting ^^

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SHINeeGirl910

2011