"I'm not eating that." Kyungsoo said flatly as Jongin presented him with a plate of Cadbury's raisin and nut chocolate that he'd meticulously broken up into neat little squares. 

 

"It's chocolate, hyung." Jongin dangled a square in Kyungsoo's disapproving face, "With raisins."

 

"I know what it is. I'm just not having any of it." Kyungsoo's voice was firm - but then it was always firm when he was refusing unhealthy food that Jongin routinely tempted him with. 

 

"I took that disgusting carrot and celery juice you forced on me this morning. I drank all of it and I didn't even whine ... much."

 

"You were a complete baby! I've never heard anyone make such a fuss over something that's good for them."

 

"Speak for yourself. You should hear the ruckus Luhan makes when Xiumin makes him eat meat free salad."

 

"Well Luhan isn't the one stuffing evil chocolate in my face right now."

 

"It's just chocolate. Yummy, sweet, raisin-filled chocolate. You know you're dying to taste it, hyung."

 

"I don't want it. My blood sugar levels have risen by 12% since I met you, Jongin. Do I need to remind you that diabetes runs in my family?"

 

"But you balance it out with carrot and celery juice, and Special K and oatmeal and cucumber juice." Jongin made a moue of distaste as he listed out some of the obnoxiously nutritious foods he now had to take on a regular basis. He missed having Froot Loops and Lucky Charms for breakfast. He missed Coke. And finishing two bags of chips in one sitting. But what he didn't miss was eating the foods he loved alone. He'd gladly drink three gallons of repulsive carrot and celery juice every day if it meant he got to drink every disgusting drop of it with Kyungsoo beside him.

 

"That's not the point!" Kyungsoo laughed and grabbed Jongin unexpectedly, tumbling him down to the oversized red couch. As Kyungsoo lay on top of Jongin, he rested his chin on the taller man's chest and peered up at him, "It doesn't matter how much veggie juice I take, chocolate is still bad, bad sugar, Jongin. Sugar is bad." 

 

"A little sugar never hurt anyone." Jongin insisted, straining upward to kiss Kyungsoo and they both knew they were no longer referring to the abandoned plate of chocolate on the coffee table.

 

"A little sugar could kill a person." Kyungsoo insisted as he leaned down to kiss Jongin's eager mouth, hands moving sensually over Jongin's chest and shoulders. 

 

"Veggie juice could kill a person faster if you ask me. Because the taste is just ..." Jongin's tongue that sensitive spot behind Kyungsoo's ear which always reduced him to a helpless ball of want and he smiled against Kyungsoo's skin as the other man moaned loudly, forgetting all thought of restraint. 

 

But Kyungsoo hadn't spent three months with Jongin without learning some of his most vulnerable spots and he had Jongin too when his mouth and tongue found that sweet spot where his neck met his shoulders. Kyungsoo gently then watched with satisfaction as the skin began to bloom a pale shade of purple. Honestly, one of the best things about autumn was turtlenecks. He missed seeing Jongin's collarbones and shoulders in the fall but turtlenecks were not without their charms. 

 

Jongin dragged Kyungsoo's head back down for a kiss and their lips were a mere inch from touching when the door buzzer went off. Kyungsoo made a sound of impatience before crushing his lips against Jongin's in a searing kiss.

 

"I'll go see who it is." Kyungsoo brushed Jongin's soft, dark hair to the side and left a feather light kiss on his forehead. Jongin groaned at the interruption and sat up frustratedly - straightening the thin, worn out shirt as best he could. It said Trust me, I'm a Jedi and belonged to Kyungsoo; they often slept in each other's t-shirts for reasons neither wanted to analyze. Fortunately, Kyungsoo liked his sleep shirts a few sizes too big or it would've been a strain on Jongin's much broader shoulders and chest.

 

"Jongin-ah," Kyungsoo sat beside him, worry emanating from him in distinct waves.

 

"Who is it? Why do you look like someone died?"

 

"It's your Appa. He's on his way up." Jongin reached for his phone on the coffee table and winced - 4 missed calls and one text from his father: Dropping by at 8.30pm. He'd forgotten to switch off the silent mode after the cinema. 

 

"I don't want to see him, hyung." Jongin laid his cheek on Kyungsoo's lap like that would somehow keep out the world. Kyungsoo's hand was gentle as he cradled his head close to him, his hair.

 

"I know, Jongin, I know. But he's still your Appa. Let's just get this over with, okay? I'm right here." And they sat there quietly for a while - waiting uneasily for the knock on the door.

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo let in the tall, middle-aged man with thinning, grey hair and lackluster eyes. Jongin resembled him physically in many ways but Jongin, once he was comfortable with you, was vibrant and energetic and endearing. This man seemed to have been drained of what energy he might have possessed for life a long time ago. Kyungsoo thought of his late father who'd been loud and gruff and fierce, but who'd always found time to play with his sister and him and to play silly games with them and make them laugh. Jongin had never enjoyed that kind of relationship with his father while growing up and Kyungsoo ached for him. 

 

Kyungsoo bowed deeply and greeted Jongin's father before showing him where to hang his heavy black woolen coat. The autumnal chill clung to everything outside but it was only slightly cool in Jongin's apartment as the heating was on. Jongin had declared he didn't want to wear a sweatshirt tonight and had defiantly the heating in spite of Kyungsoo's outraged protests that it was a waste of money, and what the hell was wrong with wearing sweatshirts anyway? Jongin had ignored him though, distracting him by caressing his bare arms and see, hyung? You can't do this with a sweatshirt on, or this, and Jongin had rained kisses on the sensitive skin of Kyungsoo's collarbones ... Kyungsoo shook himself mentally, telling himself to concentrate on their guest. 

 

Mr. Kim looked distinguished in his mustard turtleneck and charcoal gray slacks, but his features looked dull and lifeless. Although Kyungsoo could have sworn his face lit up momentarily when his son approached. 

 

"Hello, Appa. I'm sorry I didn't see your missed calls. What brings you here?"

 

So formal, Kyungsoo thought worriedly. This was the second time he'd met Jongin's father and Jongin never acted himself around him. Making his excuses, he went to the kitchen to put some water on the boil and took out a metallic red aluminium tin filled with Korean green teabags, before joining them for some torturous small talk about the weather and how Jongin's father had been in the area and had decided to drop in after his dinner with a business client. Apparently the client had an opening in his advertising firm for a business graduate. Jongin's knuckles were stretching white with strain and Kyungsoo quickly defused the situation by asking Jongin to show him where he kept the green tea. 

 

As soon as they entered the kitchen, Kyungsoo dragged him to the pantry area, and out of Mr. Kim's line of sight. There was no time for words now so Kyungsoo just hugged Jongin tightly, transmitting what comfort he could as Jongin buried his face in his neck. Inhaling Kyungsoo's comforting vanilla scent, he could feel the gnarled knots of stress in his neck and shoulders begin to slowly untangle. Kyungsoo always felt like home and Kyungsoo always made everything seem less unbearable. But Jongin couldn't let himself get lost in Kyungsoo now and he straightened - a determined look on his face. 

 

"I need to brew the tea. Are you okay to go out there on your own?"

 

"I'll live." Jongin half joked but there was no sign of humor in his eyes as he squeezed Kyungsoo's hand and turned to leave the kitchen.

 

* * * 

 

Kyungsoo was about the pull the door shut when his hand stopped moving. One of his cardinal rules in life was to never stick his nose in other people's business. It had gotten him through the past twenty years of life unscathed and it was a solid policy - one he should stick to, Kyungsoo thought as he watched his hand fall away from the doorknob. He observed in a strangely detached way as his feet took him closer to the gap in the doorway. 

 

Eavesdropping was a nasty habit and Kyungsoo never eavesdropped; but he remembered how tense and castaway Jongin had looked when his father had asked Kyungsoo to give them a moment to talk in private. He recalled the mild despair on Jongin's face and strangled what little was left of his conscience before moving closer to the door and placing his ear to the wood ...

 

* * *

 

"Does he live here? Your friend?" Appa's face was expressionless and it only made the anxiety bubble up Jongin's throat.

 

"I guess you could say he lives here." It wasn't like Jongin could lie. Kyungsoo's red plaid pajama pants and the battered Crong t-shirt he'd grabbed from Jongin's pile looked every bit like the well-worn items of sleepwear they were. And Appa might even have a vague memory of Jongin wandering around the house in that Crong t-shirt back in high school. No, no point lying at all.

 

"What does that mean?"

 

In a reckless move he would surely regret later, Jongin decided to just be truthful, "It means I want him to live here all the time but he still has his own apartment so we divide our time between both homes."

 

"Oh." Appa's monosyllabic response was punctuated by the sound of china clinking against china as he placed the celadon cup carefully on its matching saucer.

 

"Appa, I ..." Jongin usually struggled with words even at the best of times and tonight was arguably the most difficult situation he'd ever been in where he'd had to express his thoughts and emotions.

 

"So you're ... together?" Jongin's father, too, had never been much of a communicator himself. 

 

"Yes, Appa, together. We've been together for three months. I'm sorry if this upsets y-"

 

"You seem happy."

 

"I - yes, we are. We're very happy. But aren't you going to get mad? Try and discourage me from living with another man?"

 

"Your mother told me a long time ago that I shouldn't expect grandchildren from my youngest. That you were seeing someone from school. A boy."

 

"Umma told you?" Jongin's voice was more than a touch shaky as he prepared himself for the painful lecture he knew had to be coming - a lecture about decorum and self respect and preserving the family name. 

 

"She did, yes. I wasn't happy about it at first but she made me see that I had to let you find your own way. If this Kyungsoo fella is treating you well then ... Well, he'd better be treating you well." Appa ended awkwardly, tilting his head to look at the floor and scratching the back of his head distractedly.

 

"I ... don't know what to say."

 

"You don't have to say anything, Jongin." Appa's hand reached up as if it was about to the back of Jongin's head, but then his hand hesitated, faltered and dropped to his side again. They had never been demonstrative with each other. Old habits died hard.

 

"I just want you to be happy, Jongin. I know you don't believe that but ... I do."

 

"I'm happy being a florist, Appa." For the first time, Jongin was honest with his father about work. He normally just kept quiet while his father did all the talking but tonight seemed different from all the other times. His father had turned out to be not so unapproachable after all, "Working with flowers is what I need. Umma and I, we spent so much time working with flowers. This is my way of dealing with the fact that she's gone. Please don't make me give it up, Appa."

 

"But I thought it was just something Luhan bullied you into doing. I thought a good job with good pay would make you happier."

 

"This is a good job with good pay, and it makes me happy. It wasn't Luhan who bullied me into opening a flower shop - I was the one who bullied him. He just knew he wanted to start a business after we left college. Setting up a flower shop was my idea." 

 

"I never knew." There was genuine shock in his eyes.

 

"We've never been much for talking, Appa, but please stop asking me to change jobs. This is who I am. I need you to be okay with that. Can you? Be okay with that?"

 

"I ... Yes." And suddenly Jongin's Appa didn't look stern to him so much as old, tired and alone. Maybe he was just a man who had never found a way to tell his family he cared for them.

 

"Thank you. I should have told you years ago; I wish I had."

 

"Ah, well, I could have asked, Jonginnie." His father gave him a wistful smile and Jongin felt something catch in his chest. It had been almost two decades since he last heard that nickname fall from his father's lips. 

 

"Thank you, Appa."

 

"I um ... need to get going, son. Maybe we can have dinner sometime?" 

 

"I'd like that. I'll cook a meal for you soon."

 

"That would be nice because I'm always desperate for a break from my own cooking." As jokes went, it was a pretty lame one, but it was more humor than he'd seen his father show in years and Jongin felt incredibly moved.

 

As his father stood up to leave, Jongin asked him to wait while he went and called Kyungsoo. He pushed open the study door impatiently only to come up against some resistance. The door finally swung open swiftly to reveal a sheepish looking Kyungsoo.

 

"Hyung, were you ... eavesdropping?!" Jongin hissed with one eyebrow raised.

 

"I didn't mean to," Kyungsoo whispered apologetically.

 

"Oh well, I guess it'll save me the trouble of repeating everything later. Appa is leaving now - oh but then you already knew that since you were listening in." Jongin rolled his eyes sarcastically, teasingly and Kyungsoo glared at him. Meanwhile Jongin's father had caught up to them.

 

"Ahnyong haseiyo, Mr Kim." Kyungsoo smiled widely, executing a perfect 90 degree bow. 

 

"Ahnyong kaseiyo, Kyungsoo. It was nice seeing you again. I hope you will continue to take care of my son. Jongin, I'll be in touch and we'll try to meet soon, all right?" Jongin's father was smiling as he placed a tentative hand on Jongin's shoulder - only having to reach up slightly as they were almost the same height.

 

"Yes, Appa, we will." Jongin gifted his father with the first real smile he'd given him in years. As the other man was about to cross the threshold out into the corridor, he suddenly paused and turned around. 

 

"You know, Kyungsoo, it's a lot more cost-effective to keep one apartment. Less time spent on house cleaning, too. It's something to consider." Appa inclined his head slightly, not reacting at all when he saw that his words had startled Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo said yes sir, he would definitely consider it and bowed again, nervously. And then the door was closing and Jongin leant against it, eyes closed.

 

"You okay?" Kyungsoo moved closer to him, pulling him into a loose embrace, and linking his hands behind Jongin's waist. 

 

"A little shocked but I'm more than okay. He's ... he's ok with us and with the shop and ... He's not such a bad dude after all, hyung." Jongin let himself relax into Kyungsoo's arms as he rested  his cheek on Kyungsoo's shoulder. 

 

"No, he's not a bad dude." Kyungsoo agreed before adding, "But what was that last bit about keeping one apartment? Did you put him up to that? I told you it's too soon. My schedule says no moving in till we've been dating for 8 months."

 

"Hyung, you've already moved in - everyone knows that including all our idiot friends. You're the only one who's still in denial."

 

"I have most definitely not moved in." Kyungsoo insisted and Jongin shook his head, giving him a pitying look. Refusing to argue, Kyungsoo just tightened his arms around Jongin and silenced him with a kiss.

 

* * *

 

"Wake up," Jongin felt something tickling the tip of his nose and his eyelids fluttered open to reveal Kyungsoo's index finger reaching in to touch his nose again. Still sleepy, Jongin let himself melt into the delicious warmth at his back and unconsciously the slim arm wrapped around his waist.

 

"Jongin-ah, it's time to get up." Kyungsoo's low pitched, chocolatey voice spilled the words out right beside his ear, making him feel all tingly.

 

"But hyung, the bedside clock says it's 12.03. Why are you making me get up at midnight? I want to sleeeep."

 

"Will you look at the floor at least?" Kyungsoo asked mysteriously and Jongin forced himself to peer at the assortment of unidentified items on the floor. There seemed to be a large basket on the floor which had been draped in midnight blue colored organza and secured with a shimmery dark bow. Jongin couldn't really make out what was inside the hamper but he could clearly see a small terracotta pot of spring daffodils which Kyungsoo had placed over some folded newspaper. Jongin stretched his fingers out so he could touch the delicate, silken white petals with the vivid yellow and orange centers.

 

"They're beautiful," Jongin turned around and hugged Kyungsoo, kissing his forehead, "but why are you giving them to me at midnight? Couldn't this wait till morning, you silly man?"

 

"It's been exactly 90 days since you showed up in my office with that bouquet for Gennifer and  I just wanted to be the one giving you flowers for a change, do you know what I mean?"

 

"You're such a sham, hyung. You always protest violently that you're not romantic and then this."

 

"They mean 'you're the only one', Jongin - the daffodils, I mean." 

 

"You're so cheesy, hyung!"

 

"Yes, I am." Kyungsoo laughed, and then turning serious, he said, "Daffodils also symbolize new beginnings, though. I got the daffodils yesterday afternoon but the new beginnings thing sort of fits in with what happened tonight. Kinda appropriate since you and your dad kinda made your peace with each other." Kyungsoo's palm continued to rub large overlapping circles on Jongin's back.

 

"Thank you, hyung." Jongin kissed his jaw tenderly before asking curiously, "What's in the hamper though?" He stuck his arm out far enough to snag the hamper and pulled it close enough so he could unwrap it without leaving the bed. As the organza fell away and exposed the contents of the hamper, Jongin burst into laughter. There were boxes of Lucky Charms and Frosties, bags of salt and vinegar Lay's chips, three cans of Coke, and two bars of raisin and nut chocolate.

 

"You like?" Kyungsoo poked Jongin in the waist and the other man laughed.

 

"This is the best present over, hyung." Jongin's low chuckle lapped at Kyungsoo's insides. "Can I have Lucky Charms for breakfast?!"

 

"Yes, Jongin you can have Lucky Charms for breakfast." Kyungsoo answered, chuckling in resignation.

 

"I was just thinking ... that whole new beginnings theme? That could also mean ... Hyung, are you telling me you're moving in?"

 

"NO, JONGIN! I HAVE A SCHEDULE!"

 

"Never mind the schedule, you're moving in right?"

 

"NO!

 

"But -"

 

"NO."

 

"But it's already been three months ...?" 

 

"NO!"

 

"Are you sure I can't ..."

 

"NO."

 

"Okay fine." Jongin sighed, cuddling up to Kyungsoo.

 

"Are you sure you can't reconsider moving in to my pl -?"

 

"NO."

 

Jongin sighed and closed his eyes. It wasn't like Kyungsoo hadn't already moved in. He could wait a little longer for his hyung to admit the truth. Yawning, he pulled Kyungsoo's body closer to him, kissed his shoulder and closed his eyes ...

 

 

 

 

 

，