Never Forget What Once Was [1/1]

Never Forget What Once Was

The lingering chill in the air sends unknown shivers down my spine. I miss the warmth that used to wrap itself around me. I miss the warmth that you gave me.

This house is still the same; the same as how I left it. The couch in the living room still had the imprint left from us. Remember how we would lay; you head on my chest, your arms and legs draped over me, your fingers laced with mine, you smile against my neck. We would lay together like that, not caring about what we were watching; just enjoying each others’ company. I miss those moments.

A new spot was now imprinted. The opposite side had the indent of one. One, who would sit alone, watching to take her mind off of everything, but failed. The shifts in the fabric showed how much stirring the one would do in order to try and forget. I touch that print and feel the same chill that I really despise.

It hurts.

I walk to the kitchen that sparkles in the moonlight, but dulls in my sight. It’s still clean; every dish in its place, stove free of caked on foods, floors that smell of pine. A single mug sat on the counter. I remember it very well. Coffee in the morning; that’s what I would always make for you because you loved it so much. My secret? I always added an extra pinch of sugar just for you. You always smiled and told it was perfect; just for your liking.

Now the mug is filled with a bitter liquid. No effort to try and make it as it was before. The imprint of the lip on the rim was never in the same spot. It was attempted to be drunk in several different instances, but no avail. It will never be as it was before.

Its different.

I travel up the winding stairs. My fingers linger on the chipping banister. Do you remember why I never wanted to get it fixed?

I told you I was leaving; leaving to better you. I had packed my belongings and was on my way to a new life. I had upset you; I had hurt you. Something I promised I would never do, yet I did. I wanted you to be with someone who deserved your love; I never deserved someone like you.

Yet you weren’t hurt. Well, not for the reason that I assumed.

My naïve little mind was clouded with doubt. Childish as it was, I was over thinking everything. Thinking I was never what you really wanted when it was the complete opposite; I was your entire world.

You grabbed my case and flung it in rage. One hit to the stairs, another bounced it in the air, and a third sent it chipping away pieces of the railing. You grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the stairs. You flung me into a pool of lavender and vanilla. The fresh sheets were intoxicating. You hovered over me and cupped my cheek.

One drop.




Another.




Then Another.




And Even More.




A sea of sorrow flowed from us. I couldn’t convey just how sorry I really was. Leaving you was what was going to hurt you. The doubt that I wasn’t good enough is what hurt you.

Our lips danced together, or tongues began to clash, and every shred of cloth lay scattered. We bore ourselves to each other in the most open way we could. Doubt was gone; locked away in a tower with the key thrown into the sea. All that was left was true love.

Our bodies tangled and twisted and twined gently; lips parting and colliding and trailing everywhere. Nips and soothing les left paths of worship. Touches and and tweaks and caresses; your name left my lips and mine from yours. Over and over again; it went on like that forever. Time was standstill and all that mattered was each other. It was different from any other time. It was real. It wasn’t just for fun or for release. That night, I was your and you were mine. It was love that we made; pure bliss.

By the time it was all over; chests heaved, sighs of content, heavy lidded eyes failed to stay open. You wrapped your arms around me in comfort and I did the same. There was no uncertainty, no running away, no shred of hesitation or doubt.

We were each others for the rest of our days.

Amazing what little things can trigger such powerful memories. The subtle graze on the chipped wood brought me to that one memory I shall forever remember.

After all, they’re the only things I really have left; my memories.

I walk towards room I’ve been dreading and anticipating going back into. The moonlight paints itself around the space but never brave enough to brighten the shadows. I sit on the edge of the bed, engulfed by the scent of vanilla and lavenders once more. It’s simply breathtaking. I lay down and the scent over comes me even more. I turn my head and I’m blessed with a sight that gives me a moment of warmth.

The moon traces every edge and feature of your stunning self. Your hair flowing around your soft skin, your brows slightly creased as you dream, your lips pursed and eyes squinted. Your breathing was somewhat quickened and your whimpers became audible. I your cheek though I knew it would do no good. You spoke my name and tears began to fall from those sealed eyes.

Even in your dreams I hurt you.

Try as I might, I am in no place to wake you. I am in no place to wrap my arms around you and tell you everything is alright; that I’m here with you. I can’t do that anymore. I can only watch helplessly as you try and fight off the pain by yourself.

Your eyes burst open and stare into mine. Red and water were the ones that met me, not the soft and chocolate pools that I am accustomed to. You let out a sigh and turn over. You turn over. You turn over because you can’t see me. Or maybe you just can’t bring yourself to see that I’m right in front of you.

I hear the sniffles and the silent sobs and soon the light snores. I lift my head up to look over your shoulder and see your face.

The tears on your cheek began to sparkle and seem to flow effortlessly still. I see that you brought your hands closer to your face and something is clutched between your fingers.

It was a blanket … my blanket … the one that became ours. On those nights where you had trouble sleeping, and you would wake me wanting soothing ease, I would wrap us both in that and you’d fall back to sleep with a sweet dream to tell me about in the morning.

How guilty I feel now that I can’t be with you more than this. How guilty I feel being only able to watch over you and not actually be with you. How guilty I feel that you have to rely on that silly piece of fabric to remind yourself of me; for you to feel like you still have me. How guilty I feel that I became your world and left it. How guilty I feel that I’m gone and you still love me.

I’ve tried to put in good word for you. Pled that you were one of god’s greatest creations and shouldn’t be left alone. Someone will come for you. They’ll come to heal you from the scars that I’ve created. You need to let go though. You need to open yourself and let others in. As much as I’d like to be reunited right here and now, you still have so much more to live for.

I wrap my arms around you but I feel nothing. There’s that disturbing chill once more. The only thing I can do from here is watch over you. I can’t take away your fears, I can’t hold you and make things right, I can’t shower you with my love and affection; I can’t do all that I used to anymore. One day you’ll see me once more, and when that time comes, I promise I’ll never leave. I’ll promise and keep it.

I’m starting to fade. Slowly I’m dissipating into you. I place my hand over your heart and let out a sigh. I can feel it. Am I imagining it? If I am I don’t care; all that matters is I can feel it. I can feel your warmth. My eyes begin to close and I can’t hold on any longer. I have to leave. I was given this time just to say my goodbyes and I must oblige. Goodbye my love. Until we meet again.

Your hand reached to mine that rests on your heart. It clasps over it too late but you could feel it couldn’t you?

I’ll always be with you, so let go; let go and live.

I’ll always be in your heart.

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DarkAngelMay #1
Chapter 1: Wow, so sweet and sad...I immagined JongKey while reading this, don't know why :( They just popped in my head, Jonghyun being the one telling the story, and Key the one crying in his sleep. I really liked this. Good work! :)
smileyshinee
#2
Chapter 1: This is so awesome :) but yeah i was just confuse if its a male pov or female but i assume its male :D