“Myungsoo,” Suzy looked up from the paperback she was reading. The both of them were in the living room, enjoying the soft splashes of warm, golden sunshine on their skin. “When’s your birthday?”

   He stopped tuning his guitar. His fingers slid against the strings, making a sharp sound. A tiny smile graced his lips. “It doesn’t matter.”

   “It does,” she contradicted. “So, when’s your birthday?”

   “The thirteenth of March.”

   Suzy bit her lower lip and without saying a word, she closed her book and quickly went upstairs, leaving Myungsoo clueless. He shook his head, and started strumming random chords. It was the first of April at that time. Exactly twenty-seven days before Sunggyu’s birthday.

<:>

   “Suzy-yah, you look perplexed,” Sungjong pointed out, while staring at his friend who had her head slumped on the wooden table in the university grounds. The both of them entered the same school, but both were studying different courses. Suzy took Literature while Sungjong pursued Psychology.

   She frowned all the more, and turned her head away from Sungjong, causing the young man to burst into warm laughter. “Hey, that won’t work on me, you know.”

   Suzy sighed. “I missed Myungsoo’s birthday. All of us in the house did.”

   “When is his birthday?”

   “The thirteenth of March.”

   “Oh.”

   She heaved another sigh, before proceeding to close her eyes. “And I racked my brain, trying to remember what he did on that day.”

   “What did he do?” Sungjong pushed.

   “He visited his mom and Daehyun.”

   “You sound sad.”

   “I guess I am,” she admitted. “I always lose to corpses. Always.”

   Sungjong rested one side of his cheeks against the table, as well, and stared at Suzy’s dark hair, shimmering beneath the white sunlight. The wind which carried the scents of spring softly blew. He didn’t have to speak anymore, because he knew what Suzy had meant when she told him that.

   “Give hyung some time,” he finally said.

   “I know,” she replied.

   He quietly took his earphones out, and placed one bud in Suzy’s ear. He played a song he knew she liked, and lazily, they fell asleep beneath the lulling spell of the season.

<:>

   “The twenty-eighth?” Jieun repeated, before turning around to face Woohyun, who was carrying three realms of paper at that time. She, on the other hand, was hugging several folders close to her chest.

   “Yeah,” he placed the items on the table near them. “That’s why the department’s planning on giving him a surprise party, since it’s his first year here. Like you.”

   She looked up thoughtfully, and said, “I wonder what I should get him.”

   Woohyun smirked. “You wouldn’t be able to afford it, Jieun.”

   “Why? What does he want?”

   He paused to give her a knowing look, and answered, “A girl.”

   Jieun, completely crestfallen, shoved the folders on Woohyun. In an instant, she stormed out of the room, not even bothering to look back at him. He stared into space for a few more minutes, and shifted his gaze on the files he was carrying. He scratched his head hopelessly, and proceeded on doing the errand she should have done.

   Sighing, Woohyun muttered, “You’re becoming more and more obvious, Jieun.”

   Moments later, Sunggyu entered the room.

   “I just walked past by Jieun,” he reported. “She’s fuming. Woohyun, did you do something?”

   He placed the folders on the table and raised his hands in surrender. “I was only teasing her.”

   “But of course,” Sunggyu knowingly said with a tinge of mischief in his voice. “Are those the folders Jieun was holding earlier? I need them.”

   Woohyun took the stack from the table and handed it over to Sunggyu.

   “I’m having lunch at one today, hyung,” the younger one said. “Wanna join me?”

   “Sure thing. But before the day ends, find the time to apologize to Jieun no matter what.”

   Woohyun scoffed, and he understood all the more why it wasn’t that difficult to like him.

<:>

   Myungsoo received an invitation to go to Pastor Kang’s place, and without thinking twice, he agreed. He messaged Mr. and Mrs. Bae, telling him of his whereabouts before boarding the train. He settled on a vacant seat, and stared at the people across him. It was the same train he and Daehyun used to be in whenever they traveled. Then and there, he began to wonder if some people thought of the same things as him; if they had the same regrets and sadness. He wondered if the people who were staring blankly into space were thinking about their beloved ones who died, as well.

   He looked to his side, and imagined Daehyun, swinging his legs hanging from the ground out of excitement. Myungsoo smiled sadly upon seeing his younger brother raise his head to face him, only to have his lips break out into a bright, toothy grin.

   “Hyung, watch out!” Myungsoo slightly jerked up, and this woke him up from his stupor. He looked to his side, and saw a guy about his age playing with his phone, with his younger brother sitting close to him. Both their eyes were focused on the screen.

   “You’re about to crash, watch out!”

   Myungsoo stared for a bit longer, and he looked away upon seeing them rejoice because they won the game.

   “Do you want to try? Hyung will teach you.”

   He closed his eyes, and wished for the sad thoughts to stop.

<:>

   Pastor Kang opened the door for Myungsoo, and his warm smile was so contagious the younger one couldn’t help but return the gesture.

   “We missed you,” he said, while stepping forward to give Myungsoo a tight embrace. “Come in, come in.”

   He led the student into their living room, where the honey rays of sunshine spilled through the transparent windows, its light reflecting against the table made out of glass. On top of it was a tray containing cups and saucers. Pastor Kang’s house was small, but it emanated something comforting all the same. It wasn’t as cold as his old apartment.

   “My wife prepared some food for us, so please help yourself.”

   Myungsoo looked around, obviously taken aback, and this made Pastor Kang chortle. He shyly looked down, not really knowing what to reply. He clasped his hands together. After what seemed like forever, Myungsoo finally asked, “Pastor, why’d you call me?”

   “I remembered you.”

   The younger one cocked his head, and Pastor Kang simply smiled in return. “I haven’t seen you for a while, and I wanted to know if you were doing okay.”

   “I’m doing fine.”

   “Your eyes say otherwise.”

   Myungsoo bit his lower lip, unable to respond. All he could hear was his even breathing, together with the rhythmic pulse of the clock hanging on the wall near them.

   “I miss them,” he choked out. “Mom and Daehyun. I miss them.”

   Warm tears emerged from Myungsoo’s eyes, and with a quiet movement, Pastor Kang held the young man’s hand firmly.

   “I know they’re in a better place now, but I still miss them.”

   “And it isn’t bad, Myungsoo,” Pastor Kang said. “It isn’t bad to miss the people you love. But if you dwell on the past, not letting yourself become free from the self-condemnation you’ve trapped yourself in, then it isn’t healthy—let alone right—anymore.”

   “But I feel responsible for everything. I keep on remembering, Pastor, and it all ends up to me. If I didn’t get angry at mom, and if I didn’t let Daehyun and Ai get out of my sight, then things would’ve been different.”

   Myungsoo sobbed harder. Pastor Kang hugged him and patted his back. “God’s ways are higher than ours, Myungsoo. At times we really do not understand what He’s doing, but be assured that it’s for our best.”

   “S-Sometimes,” he stuttered. “Sometimes I think this is my toll for being a cruel son.”

   “Messes can turn into messages, Myungsoo, always remember that. God never really let you go after all this time.”

   Myungsoo wanted to believe Pastor Kang’s words, but something gnawed at him at the back of his mind. A voice kept on telling him that he wasn’t worth it, that what he did before was completely wrong, and that he deserved every misfortune that came upon him. It told him there was no chance of him changing. That he’d better walk away. Because the one they call God already turned His back on him ever since the day his mother died.

   “What makes you say that?” he challenged, desperate for the voice to stop. “Pastor, have you ever experienced having someone close to you die?”

   Silence engulfed them, and finally, he said, “We had three children, my wife and I, but we weren’t able to see them. She would always have a miscarriage, and there was a time when I was close to cursing God. My wife suffered so much, Myungsoo. All we wanted was to have a child of our own, but He wouldn’t allow it. The doctor advised us to give up, and we did.

   “I kept on asking Him questions, over and over again. I wasn’t a Pastor before, but as time passed by, I finally realized where God has called us. Ten years later, my wife and I are here, leading a church. We don’t have any children, but the young people we meet make us feel like we’re parents all the same. Our prayers to have children were answered, just not in a way we expected.”

   “And you accepted all of it?”

   “We did.”

   “Was it not painful, Pastor?”

   “It was, Myungsoo.”

   “So…why?”

   Pastor Kang gave him a gentle smile. “Job said this once: ‘Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?’”

   That question resonated inside Myungsoo’s head, and he remembered the verse he posted up in his room. John 16:33. Soon, the conversation became lighter, and it was a good release for Myungsoo. Pastor Kang offered him a ride home, and he humbly accepted.

<:>

   “Noona, you put too much icing!” Sang Moon whined. He scratched his head out of frustration, because his sister was becoming stubborn once again. Mrs. Bae walked past the siblings, and took the spreading knife on the stove.

   “Suzy, Sang Moon, just prepare the plates for now. I’ll take care of the cake.”

   The two obeyed, but they tried to outdo each other while setting the things on the table. Mr. Bae was in the living room, guarding the door. They received the message from Myungsoo earlier, and after talking with Pastor Kang to buy some time, the family decided to prepare a simple celebration for Myungsoo’s birthday, even if they were already a few weeks late.

   Mrs. Bae had just placed the candles on the cake when they heard a car pull over.

   “They’re here!” Mr. Bae yelped.

   “Honey, turn the lights off, quickly!”

   The four of them positioned themselves in the living room, with Suzy holding the matchsticks. A soft beep, followed by the unlatching of the lock.

   “Oh, are they not home?” Pastor Kang asked.

   “The lights are all off,” Myungsoo muttered. “Please wait here, you might trip.”

   He fumbled for the switch, and when the lights flickered to life, the warm melody of the birthday song filled the air, causing Myungsoo to freeze. Suzy lit the candles, and they all approached him, smiling. As if they were glad that he was finally home. They clapped their hands, and before he knew it, Mrs. Bae asked Myungsoo to blow the candles.

   “We’re a few weeks late,” Suzy began. “But we really like to celebrate your birthday.”

   “You shouldn’t have…” he trailed off.

   “But hyung is a part of the family!” Sang Moon cheered, while swinging his arm around the older one’s shoulder. “And you’re a blessing to us.”

<:>

   The celebration was quite simple, with Myungsoo, Suzy and Sang Moon playing Monopoly while the adults talked. Nonetheless, Myungsoo’s heart was in the brink of overflowing with gratitude once again.

   “Hey,” Suzy stole a glance from Myungsoo before rolling the dice. “Why didn’t you tell us about it? Your birthday, I mean.”

   “It just didn’t matter to me,” he honestly answered.

   “But now it will,” she replied. “Because every year added to your life matters, especially to us. It’s a joy to have you here, Myungsoo. Please don’t forget that.”

   A tiny smile graced his lips. She really had a way with words.

<:>

   Sunggyu chuckled as he stared at Myungsoo through the monitor. “You must have been taken aback, then.”

   The younger one nodded. “It was my first time, having a surprise birthday party like that.”

   “I see what you mean. But it feels nice, doesn’t it, knowing that someone remembered?”

   Myungsoo smiled a little. “It’s nice to be remembered.”

   The two friends basked in silence. The both of them had their eyes fixed on the keyboard, and they were thinking of the same thing. However, it was Myungsoo who spoke out.

   “Do dead people think it’s nice whenever they are remembered?”

"I thank my God every time I remember you."
- Philippians 1:3