END
REGRETS
“You’ll meet with her today right…?”
His friend told him on the other line…
He sighed… closed his eyes a bit before replying back…
“Yes…”
“I hope everything will go fine this time… Ji I just want you to move on and-…”
“I know… I know…”
He cut off his friend… he heard his friend sighed on the other line… can’t hÉlp but to feel guilty for all the troubles he’s causing everyone…
“I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay… just… give me a call when everything went wrong…”
“Sure…”
And with that he hanged up first…
His face looked so weary… just blank… reflecting on what he truly feels inside… another day that he has to endure… another day that he needs to pretend… another day without her…
His hand reached for his face… hoping that once he took away his hand, the heaviness he’s still feeling would vanish… but it’s been what…? Days…? Weeks..? Months…? Or years…? But still, the same heaviness he’s feeling inside continuously breaking him apart…
He ran his hand over his hair… stood up from his bed and scanned his room…
Empty… just a plain dark space that joins him in his loneliness… since when did it feel so empty…? Maybe the moment she left him… everything around him instantly felt so empty…
He slowly walked towards his window… took a glance on what day’s ahead of him… never he tried of checking out the day back then… always thinking that it would just be another ordinary day… but since that day that ‘she’ left him… everything… everyday seemed so different… getting emptier, and sadder each day…
Sure the sun shined so bright… the day is beautiful… right time to spend the day outside…
A bitter smile crept on his lips…
May today ends his suffering…
--
It took him quite a while to step off from the mirror… acted like a young teenager eager from selecting what to wear… as if it’s his first time going on a date… in fact he did a lot of it before… but never it had been with ‘her’…
He was selfish… thinking that she would just always be there when he comes back… thinking that they’re seeing each other everyday… what’s the use of going out and spending valuable time with each other…?
And now… drowning himself to regret… if only he showed some care… if only he showed her how much she is to him… before everything went completely late for him and for her… maybe… just maybe he’s not suffering right now…
Trying to brush off every thoughts of her… this day must mark his freedom… he thought…
Laughing off to himself as he noticed how busy he is preparing himself… pampered himself everything that could boost up his charm… hiding the dark circles under his eyes… every form of sadness painted on his face… tried restoring his once good looks that ‘she’ unintentionally ruined… and in the end he didn’t fail… just a one false smile on his lips and he was as good as new…
He stopped by a flower shop… caught a glimpse on a particular flower… but shook his head… no… it would only remind him of her… it would only remind him that he should have given her one when she’s still by his side… would remind him that she like that particular flower but never he had given her one even to some special occasions… and instead he bought the most expensive bouquet of roses… smelling it and smiled again to himself… sure his date would love it…
Settling the flowers on the seat next to him… he let out a s!gh once again before he drove off to where his friend asked him to go…
It didn’t take him a while…maybe because he was driving so fast... maybe he was too excited to meet the girl who’s suppose to set his freedom…
He quickly went out of his car… brought with him the bouquet of roses… and straightening his clothes before entering the restaurant…
He scanned the place… there aren’t much people… the place was quiet and almost… almost he felt his heart skipped when his eyes landed on someone quite familiar…
A girl sitting on a far corner… wearing a pale pink dress… with her back facing him… chocolate colored long hair… a petite frame… oh god… so much for forgetting her… he thought he was hallucinating again…
His feet automatically dragged him towards the girl… mentally noting himself that it’s impossible… but at the same time hoping that the nature broke its own rule and that she’s here right now… only a few steps away from him…
Sure she’s the one he’s suppose to meet today… he’s the only girl insight who’s alone… and he would surely curse his friend once the girl who’s now in front of him wasn’t the one he’s suppose to meet…
Sweat formed on his forehead… both of his hands were shaking… same pale complexion… everything inside his mind has been shouting that it’s her…
His mouth… ready to utter her name… only to be stopped when the girl slowly turned around… revealing an unfamiliar lips… unfamiliar nose… unfamiliar eyes…
His gaze dropped… together with his impossible hope…
She spoke… and yet he didn’t find any similarity of her voice from ‘her’…
He heard her ask if he’s the friend of Youngbae… and before he could be lost from his trance… he looked up again to the girl… trying to meet her eyes like he usually do with ‘her’… tried to smile and nod in agreement…
The girl smiled… another comparison that quickly brushed his mind… how could ‘her’ smile be so different from any other girls… for with just her simple smile… his heart would jump millions of times inside his chest… that back then he was all ignoring… and now, longing to feel it again…
In the end, he chose not to look at the girl’s face… too afraid and guilty to think of someone he shouldn’t think at that moment… mentally scolding himself to try more… that, this is what he’s been wanting… a freedom… but no matter what he does… he would just end up comparing every girl he meets to ‘her’…
They started chatting… he would laugh when it’s needed… he would answer her back when it’s needed… he acted like a robot… but the girl in front of him didn’t mind his cold treatment… she already knew about what he’s going through… knew from his friend how ‘he’ is broken right now… trying her luck to be the one who could repair his broken heart…
But in the end… she failed… just like the other women that had tried before…
She’s looking at him but he sees past her… she tried looking in his eyes but he would look around her… she sees a man that’s caged in his own broken heart… that maybe no one will ever be able to cure it other than by the girl he’s been yearning for… but it’s impossible…
--
“Jiyong-sshi… I had a great time… thank you for spending your day with me… it’s a pleasure…”
She bowed to him once they got out from the restaurant… holding on to the bouquet of roses she flashed him a sincere smile…
He bowed to her… sure he would want to have a day with her again… that next time he’ll try more… but to what he just did a couple of hours ago… it would really be impossible for her to give him another chance…
He knew she was being a kind woman that she is… considering what he’s going through right now… understanding every of his cold treatment… just like what ‘she’ was doing back then for him…
“I hope we could see each other again…”
He weakly said… looked directly at the girl in front of him… expecting a bothered expression on her face… but she gave him the opposite… smiling warmly as she nod her head… for it was the first longest statement he had said for the past three hours…
They parted ways… with a still heavy feeling inside… he went to his car… dialed his friend’s number and it didn’t take two rings for his friend to pick up his phone…
“How did it go…?”
His friend quickly asked him in anticipation…
“She’s nice… I’d like to see her again next time…”
And with that… he is sure that his friend crept a smile by now…
“Well then… that’s good to know…”
He was about to hang up when he suddenly thought of something he should tell his friend.
“I’m going somewhere…”
His voice trailed off… he heard his friend sighed… as if Youngbae already knew where he is going… and with that, Jiyong hanged up his phone…
He quickly started his car’s engine… went back to the flower shop he once stopped by earlier…
A genuine smile finally crept on his lips as his eyes landed on the white lilies near the shop’s window... he bought a bouquet of it and quickly went back to his car…
His heart’s been beating fast once again… knowing he would see her today he just want to fly off to make his way faster… and finally after a couple of minutes, he arrived at his destination…
Trees welcomed him… birds were chirping… a quiet field under a pale blue sky… a heaven it may be but for him, a hell that would always remind him that she would forever be away from him…
He slowly made his way towards her sanctuary… and upon seeing her face… captured on a wooden frame… her name engraved on a marble block… his heart sunk once again… tears started to fill his brown orbs…
His lips trembled… trying hard not to break down in front of her... setting down the lilies together with the other flowers that surrounded her grave…
“Annyeong…”
He whispered… only to be answered by a cold breeze that passed by him… and with that, a wave of his tears escaped both of his eyes… he still just can’t take it… it just feel so different right now without her…
Felt so different… that he doesn’t know if he would still take it… days… weeks… months and years had passed but still…her face… her name… her voice is what he’s been wanting to see and hear… her warmth that he would want to feel…
He took her for granted… loved her less than how much she loved him… needed her less than she needed him… thought that time won’t pass by just like her always being by his side… but no… time took her away from him… that no matter what he do… she will never be able to come back in his arms…
His legs gave up on him… kneeled down in front of her grave… looking over on her picture beside her grave… how he missed those eyes that would watch him… that nose… her chubby pink cheeks and her soft lips...
He reached for her frame… a truth that he can’t ever take… she would remain just a part of his memory now… a printed picture of her face… a cold marble that wouldn’t be able to give the warmth he’s wanting…
“Please… come back to me…”
He said between his sobs… drowning himself with his own tears…
“I’m sorry… I tried again… but baby… I failed… I’m sorry… please… you’re the only one that I need… please why did you leave me…?”
He asked her again… since she left… it’s been the only question that has been chanting in his mind… forgetting the fact of how many times he had left her alone back then… still too selfish for his own good…
After gathering himself back... and before he would break in front of her grave again… he wiped off his tears… tried to smile despite the great sadness he’s feeling right now…
“I brought you’re favorite flower… by the way… I … I went on a date again… this time I really tried hard… but baby… I can’t but to still think of you… your smile… your eyes… everything… she’s just… not you Dara…”
He kept on wiping off his tears but useless for his tears wont stop from pouring down…
“I should have brought you on a date neh…? I should have seen you wore a pink dress just like her earlier… I’m sure you would be the prettiest…”
He kept on mumbling things that he should have done for her… telling her everything he did this day… how much he tried to act sweet but failed for to start with… he never even acted sweet towards ‘her’…
“No one will ever be you…”
Now knowing how painful it is to wait for someone who’ll never come back… feeling the same loneliness of trying despite having the same sadness in the end… if only he returned the same love she gave to him back then… if only he was strong enough to show how much he loves her… if only he was not careless back then… maybe he wasn’t as broken as he is right now…
How much he tried taking his own life back then… realizing that he’s nothing without her… tried a couple of times but failed… for maybe he must endure more pain… not to have an easy way out… his friends would say that Dara will never forgive him if he would take his own life… for she only wanted him safe… wants the best for him even though she’s hurting in the process…
And that he will give her… a suffering that he must bear to make her at least happy on the other world… wanting to tell her that he could do something for himself too… that she already did her part… and now he’s trying to do his this time…
“Please be more patient with me… this will be the last time… I promise I’ll try hard baby… please... please wait for me...”
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THANKS FOR READING :)
SORRY FOR THE TYPOS
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