Nobody's POV

Qian inhaled and exhaled in the small hallway, as she stood alone at last, as far from the centre of the party as she could get.

Changmin had barely given them a moment to interact, before pulling Qian off to tend to the other guests; but even as she retreated she had felt his eyes on her back. She could feel him move around the room, talk to the guys and circulate, without ever looking his way. Everything was off. Half way around the room turned out to be the most she could take and when she had finally had the nerve to glance around she couldn't find him. Though she'd been doing it already for a week and years before that, one more smile on Changmin's arm, welcoming the guests and holding hands for the crowds proved to be too much. So, at the first opportunity she detangled herself from him and retreated. Only one thought echoed in her mind.

What am I doing?

Her gaze found him regardless, smiling and talking with a large group of suits and ties. An elderly and obviously prestige man patted Changmin's shoulder as the others laughed at something he'd said, whilst he smiled and drank from his glass.

Even though she'd been in a bubble, she was finally seeing how time had passed around her. Time she'd spent with Changmin. But also time from when he left until when he returned. Things had changed, she had changed; he had changed. Down to the comfort with which he wore his suit and made small talk. What exactly was she doing? Burying her head in the sand hadn't ever been her style.

Her gaze drifted, again searching for another face; although she couldn't see him, she was sure he hadn't left.

She had been doing everything to prevent having to confront this. But time was running out.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Qian looked up, waving off the staff. The party was well underway, any guest wouldn't be here on official business.

Reaching the entrance and straightening, she opened the door, readying a polite smile. Turn out she needn't have worried; the shorter girl would have seen right through it any way. Their gazes met, the nervousness from knocking on the door not 3 seconds ago leaving her. The stillness only lingered for a moment, the elder coming forward with concern.

"Meimei..."

And that was enough for Qian's polite facade to crumble as Lian opened her arms, hugging her cousin instantly. She could almost feel the weight lifting off her as something that never should have started was resolved.

"Li-" she held her tight, not even sure how to word her feelings. Of course, the elder had always been here for her. So appropriate for her to turn up now.

"Mianhae, Mianhae~," Lian patted her back, anxious to move on as she could see the dilemma on her cousins face. "I never should have reacted like that."

"No, no; I was sensitive-"

"No matter, I was worried and it's not easy to admit that my little cousin is a big girl, capable of handling herself."

She pulled back, scanning her expression.

"I will always be on your team Qian. No matter what."

A small genuine smile graced Qian's face at these words, and for a moment she wanted to leave right then; with her sister's protection nothing could touch her. But reality was gonna come crashing down, and not just because her next words.

"So tell me? What did I come to save you from?" her eyes shone, and Qian knew a long conversation was in store.

Half an hour and a few champagne glasses for Lian later, Qian had snuck her into the bedroom and explained everything. With her explanation finally up to date, right up until the moment Nichkhun locked eyes with her and her dream like state had been shattered, Qian collapsed on the edge of the bed.

It was a mess. There was no way to sugar coat.

Lian bit her lip from her position across the room, leaning on the door. She was sure things would make more sense after this conversation; talking to her always helped Qian... and yet...

"Changmin invited him?"

It made little sense. Qian nodded, and Lian hummed, her brain ticking. This time however, she kept her thoughts to herself; and Qian saw this, only making her heart ache more. Now more than ever, she needed her cousin, she saw that now. She needed the voice of reason beside her to retain her objective view; and maybe that was her reason for pushing her away in the first place.

"And.. seeing him..."

Even at these words, Qian's mind shed the tension of the moment, racing back to when they saw each other. Everything had shifted instantly.

"You realised your feelings for Changmin aren't the same as they once were... you don't..."

"Li-" the younger felt a pang in her heart as she understood the implication despite her tactfulness. "It's not that simple."

She wasn't here, staying with her almost-fiancee, despite the conflict in her heart, for any simple reason.

There was silence for what felt like forever and the younger sensed the inner battle her cousin was having but hesitated. She had already pushed her away once by being too abrupt. How did she know this wouldn't do the same? Lian finally sighed, moving towards her cousin and taking a seat heavily, as she gave in.

"Qian..."

"I know you feel a sense of responsibility to him, and I can see why you'd want to make the year disappear, force everything back to how you think it should be, but... the fact is you can't pick up where you ended. Things have changed. You've changed. There's no use going through the motions. This year has past... things happened." she raised an eyebrow at this, waiting for her to interject but Qian only sunk down. "And now... you work through your issues with Changmin so the same thing doesn't happen... or you don't. Either way, this can't carry on. You need to know now, and so do they. Not every story gets that happily ever after."

Qian focused on her sister as she spoke, the fear only getting bigger with each word.

Or you don't.

"Li," she swallowed the threatening lump in , her defense slipping as she finally allowed herself to feel the crushing doubt weighing down on her; she knew the elder could feel it any way. "I... I loved him. He loved me. It was him... He was the one. It was meant to be me and him, always."

"Ah meimei," Lian's heart ached for her younger sister. "Maybe he was, or maybe not. Things are rarely that simple; but all that matters now is how you feel, right now, not a feeling you're reminiscing or wish you did feel. Not a memory."

Memory? Her heart panged almost as a cry out; was that what this warm familiar feeling was? Why the flames had dulled, why everything with him was just... comfortable? Was she feeling the memory of what she felt before rather than anything now?

The silence remained a moment, before she wrapped an arm around her.

"It's been a hard year. But this is where it ends."

She felt Lian squeeze her protectively, hugging her before pulling her up. Still, Qian buried her face in her shoulder as the older sighed, squeezing her hand.

"... how can I go back out there? This isn't the place. How do I go into a room with them both, what do I do about Changmin's party, about Nichkhun? He just came in, and I left him there since the showcase-"

"Hey," she nudged her head up so Qian finally looked at her. "You don't have to do everything now. The important thing is you know things have to change. As for Nichkhun... There's only one thing you can do. Talk to him."

She blinked at the elder. The way she put it, so casually as if it wasn't so much more than that, she almost wanted to believe it.

"Jie, it's not that simple-"

"Of course it is," her eyes shone at her younger cousin, firmness in them silencing her.

"Whatever you've decided, he's Nichkhun," Lian played with the youngers hand as she looked down, her finger brushing over the ring, as she resisted a heavy sigh. "You owe him that much."

* * *

"Can I join you?"

If the voice wasn't instantly recogniseable to Nichkhun he may have jumped.

As it was, he had spent most of his night avoiding the party, and in the last few minites people in general. Now as leaned against the balcony as he had been for a while, his eyes flicking between the door back though to the party and his nearly empty glass, but now the newcomer, he had had only one thought.

I shouldn't have come.

His head turned, taking in her withdrawn stance and hesitant expression.

"Qian..."

There was a pause, as he took a moment to appreciate the reunion. She was finally here. She didn't avoid his gaze as she had been doing all night. And yet... His heart, couldn't even pound, he was so wary. For the first time, he couldn't muster up a word to say to her.

It had been a week since the showcase. He couldn't pretend everything was fine, they he knew where they stood. He needed to hear it from her; cause the way things stood between them he didn't see her with anyone else.

After walking through the door, that changed.

It was all he'd seen all night. Their smiles, her face. Her loving gaze. Previously, he hadn't seen her with Changmin, they hadn't been close when he was still around after all. They looked so... secure. They were a unit. And though the call had confused him first, when he had shaken hands with Changmin at last, he understood. This was why; even as she stood here, she looked odd, uncomfortable without him at her side.

After a moment watching his struggle, Qian approached him carefully, leaning over the edge beside him. As their gazes broke, Nichkhun recovered a little, resuming his previous position and mimicking hers. They'd been alone many times... but somehow the air today was different. They both knew, whatever she said next would determine everything between them.

"Nichkhun I-," she inhaled deeply, her words already shaking. It was different, colder than it had ever been. She knew it was her fault, and yet she couldn't help but scramble to ease the tension.

Her eyes closed as she steadied her breathing. She never would have imagined it would be this hard to talk to him.

"I'm sorry."

Nichkhun inhaled. This wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"I say it too much. You put up with so much this year, but I can't find any other words. I shouldn't have hidden like this. I should have spoken to you. But... you and I..." she trailed off again as her thoughts began to blur. This isn't how she wanted this to be, but no matter what she thought to say, it seemed to head towards...

"A goodbye? Is that what this is?"

A painful searing cut through her chest as she rushed to take it back, barely daring to meet his eyes; but when she did, she didn't speak. Warmer than she expected, she stared at the man she had been missing for a week. He softened as he looked at her.

"Qian, what else do you expect me to say? Sure, we're meant to be friends, but from the way you've responded, I can see we can't even be that."

The words he had no idea were there tumbled from his mouth, as he finally got an out for the emotions he'd been going through.

"I should have seen it. I knew this would be complicated but I wanted to be here for you. And that was selfish and stupid, cause its a contradiction, nothing I could have done would have made this year better for you and everything I feel now is irrelevant.. All it's done is complicate your situation. And I'm tired. We both are."

"Nichkhun-" she was working to keep her voice from stuttering, as a sense of urgency engulfed her. "What are you saying?"

He inhaled as her eyes darted, the panic even more unfamiliar to him. Cause Nichkhun, he'd been watching this happen in slow motion. It might just all be coming together for her, but for him, he'd had it spelt out to him.

"No," she squeezed her eyes closed, trying desperately to maintain her composure. "That's not what it was- look I didn't mean to cut you off. I was overwhelmed. I couldn't turn him away, I owe it to him. Nichkhun, nothing was ever going to be simple, but it was real. I didn't contact any one, I've been so in a bubble with him and where his life is, and what our life could be, how easy it would be to leave it all and not look back-"

She cut her words short as she saw herself spiraling. Her mind still raced, trying to see a way to make him understand.

"Qian, I love you."

Just like that her thoughts disappeared. For a second she lost control, and if not for the pain in his eyes, she would have been lost again. A sad smile formed on his face.

"That has never been complicated to me. You just need to know how you feel."

She so desperately wanted to respond but she couldn't; anything she said would come out the same. No matter what, even if she said everything she felt, it wouldn't be enough. She had to go back to Changmin.

"Okay," his whisper was barely audible after the short silence.

After a moments silence, she felt his hand intertwine with hers, pulling her lightly and she looked up.

Once again engulfed in his eyes. They were cooler, maybe even hurt, but the devotion from this entire year was there. He wasn't hiding it, not well. For the first time since she had been reunited with Changmin, the world was not spinning around her. Things settled, the cloudy air lifting away, to reveal a simple, nameable feeling.

"Okay, then just tell me, are you happy?"

His heart wrenched even asking the question, but it was all he had left. This week had put him through so much, that he was exhausted. He didn't know what to believe any more; those late practice nights, dinners, movies, even the kiss; it all felt so far away. Her life was laid out, without him. She didn't need him.

"N-Nichckhun- just-" she fumbled, shaking her head at his words. This wasn't gonna go the way he saw it, she wouldn't let it.

"I need an answer," the command was more desperate than any one else would see, giving Qian the energy to lock their gazes.

Even if it wasn't through words... His eyes lit up as he pulled her closer, watching for her reaction. Arms wrapped around her possessively, their faces close as her breathing hitched, her eyes dancing around his features and in that second he almost deliberated just running with her, leaving this party and not looking back.

"I... I can't," she saw his confusion and exasperation, her hand reaching forward to his cheek, the small action instilling way more hope than he knew was rational. "It doesn't matter, not tonight... Cause no matter what I have to go back out, I have to be here..."

He naturally repelled; she didn't have to do anything. That wasn't an answer to him, but as her eyes shone he knew her words meant a lot more than that. And the outcome was obvious. He had to let go of her. And she had to do this.

She smiled softly, communicating desperately through her gaze, before she inhaled only just managing her last words.

"But you don't."

He could feel she was trying to give him a choice; she should've known he had no more a choice than she did, especially if this was their last day.

With a heave he released her with far too much effort on his part, fighting back his greed. She watched him, almost dizzy from the unexpected reaction, until he met her gaze again.

"You know I do."

"Qian," Changmin bit his cheek hard, inhaling steadily, before using all his control to not yank off the do