Nobody's POV

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When you have loved one person unconditionally, and lost that love.... It never truly leaves you. It leaves a wound that never heals, a sad and broken heart, an empty void forever.

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Nichkhun's shock immediately melted away, beaten back by passion. His arms slid around her waist, pulling her closer, hers moved from his collar to around his neck. Forgetting about everything and everyone, they shared that moment, hearts racing, wild breathing. Right then all they had, all they needed, was each other. Qian let Changmin drift away, forgot Jin, ignored their situation, and only believed in what she was feeling as relief washed over her at the touch of his lips. Nichkhun forgot cautiousness, the pain this would cause later, the fragile state everything was in. 

The kiss was sweet, soft, right. His gentle touch was familiar, almost as though she'd been missing it for too long. Her touch was forefilling, finally occupying the vacancy that had been reserved for even longer then eight months. Everything fell into place. Rather than violent, wild flames, their passion was smouldering, smooth, no flames to be burnt by.

Just the two of them. Him and her, in love, simple and pure. No complications, no boundaries. As though destiny breathed a sigh of relief, cutting them some slack. Nothing mattered. Nothing but her and him. For now.

Just for a moment, all that mattered... was this. 

But that moment couldn't last forever. Time wouldn't stand still for them, no matter how much they wished it would. Eventually they would have to let go again.

They had problems to deal with and they couldn't be, not yet anyway. 

Slowly, they pulled away, reluctant to face the reality of the choice, wanting to savour the freedom. Nichkhun rested his forehead against hers, still holding her close, and stared at her still-closed eyes. His eyes held question, but it was quickly gone. He didn't want to have to understand. He didn't want to allow himself to hope. He just accepted this. She opened them reluctantly, marking the end of her fantasy reality. She looked up to him, and they held their gazes.

They stayed like that for a minute or two, thinking only of each other, trying to make the most out of it. 

No words were needed to express how they felt.

But words were probably needed to decide what came next. Coming back to reality, Qian felt her cheeks warm and her pulse sped, but held his gaze.

What have I done?

Now that she was facing him, she snapped out of her light-headed state. She had let her instincts take over, and look where it had gotten her. Qian finally faced reality. Her lie had only ever been to herself any way... but now she knew, as did he.

Nichkhun held his silence, and his gaze. He knew she needed to get some thing out. He also knew, that this may have changed nothing.

Qian's POV

"Nichkhun... I..." I struggle, my voice shaking as I close my eyes. I can't look at him, I'm too affrad I'll pull him back and ignore everything. But that isn't fair on him.

Though his eyes are accepting and unconditional, I know I owe him an explanation. So i inhale, opening my eyes and staring into his.

"I know now. I know I've been hiding from myself for a long time... I know that it's nobody's but my own fault that I didn't know. No, that isn't right. I did know. But, I didn't see. I was holding back, stuck on other things, still working through everything. Subconsciously, I was suppressing this," I indicate to the two of us. "For a long time. But, I never wanted to." I whisper the sentence, but I ca see it sets him free. My heart aches as I think of him spending all this time thinking it was unrequited, his feelings were unjustified or alone, when they really weren't. It's all clear to me now.

"Seeing him again," I refer to Jin. "It brought back a lot." 

That day, I was already a mess. My life was going through a change, things that affected everything. I had no one left... All this time I've wasted believing and acting like I had no one left, when in reality, that wasn't the case. Cos, some one was there for me that day, even though no one else was. Some one saved me... I was just too blind - no, too stubborn - to recognise it. Nichkhun, with all my heart, thank you. Thank you for being here, whilst no one else is. Thank you for catching me, even now. Thank you for caring." I take a deep breath, as I pause and I can see in his eyes he's waiting for the 'but'.

My words break down as I see this. I know he's relieved, and I know he's happy... and I'm about to destroy it.

"But Nichkhun, despite all this... all I can do is thank you. He hasn't left," I remove my arm from around his neck, placing one hand over my heart. "He's still here. I don't know how to make him leave. I can't make him leave. Even when some one else has moved in... he still holds a reservation. And it hurts. So much. I can't leave any thing behind, I'm holding on to that day. It's not over until I know." 

"I... I-" I sigh. My heart is only just managing to beat, and when it does, it's painful. 

If I was cruel before, I'm now an evil . I just kissed him and then told him I love another guy... 

I just couldn't have control myself back there. I was stuck between the past and the present. It just happened. Without me even making a single conscious decision. But I know I'm not the only one in pain.

"N-Nichkhun, I'm so sorry." I stutter, hating that I my eyes are becoming clouded even as I choke back tears. This is the best course of action. The only one I can take. So then why am I so uncertain? "I ju-"

He finally silences me, by pressing his lips to mine again. My panic fades as I immediately forget everything I was about to say, and tip-toe automatically, trying to reach his height. I can feel the will he puts in as he pulls away after a moment, letting out a sorrowful chuckle at my action. I gaze breathlessly up at him, an empty shell holding only love for him, slowly getting my mind back.

"Don't apologise for something you're not sorry for," he whispers in my ear, sending sparks through my body. I gaze at him in wonder. How weak I am. But it seems like I'm not the only one who needed that kiss.  

"N-Nichkhun," I try my best to communicate everything through my gaze. But as I do my chest aches, finding only care and concern in his eyes, and I finally feel the tears sliding down my cheek.

Sighing, he pulls me into his arms comfortingly, my fists balling up in his sirt as I desperately try to get a grip.

"It's okay, Qian. I know. I didn't choose to fall for you, but I chose to fight for you. Knowing all your scars, knowing your reservations... I chose this."

His words somehow just make it hurt more. How understanding he is, how patient, how tolerant. Something I don't deserve.

How can I be so cruel to this amazing, flawless individual? He should be with someone who loved as purely and honestly as him, but instead he's stuck with me. I've anchored some one as freely loving as him down, and I'm not even with him.

I bury my head in his chest, ashamed and hurting. I try to hold back the sobs that are fighting against me, swallowing the lump in my throat.

But he somehow still knows.

"Qian, please don't hold back. I told you... you don't have to hide around me," he says, my hair, hushing me. Despite myself, I feel a little comforted here in his protective arms.

"I-I I'm s-s-sorry," I say, tripping over my words, and yet somehow still not sobbing.

"Do not apologise Qian. I'm fine. I'm more worried about you." Even after those words, I hold it back, but am unable to prevent one sob escaping. After seeing I'm not letting it out, he sighs and pulls away, placing a hand on either of my shoulders, forcing me to face him. He leans over, levelling his face with mine.

"Qian, you know I care about you," he says firmly, looking straight into my eyes, willing me to believe him.  "Ever since that day I have. Ever since I saw you eight months ago, I haven't gone a day without thinking about you. Even after we grew close, it took me time to see it but it was always there. I respcted your decision only to lessen your load; it's the only reason I let you get away. But even then, everytime I saw you all I wanted was to have you here, by my side. To tell you I'd never hurt you like that. But, for you, I held back. Only for you. That time I stayed away, however much it hurt, to give you a chance to get your head right. And even now, despite everything, I'm still here. And do you know why?" he paused. "Because I want you. Nobody else. You. All the heartache, all the complications; I wouldn't have it any other way. I couldn't. Because above it all, the prize is you."

My pulse increases, my cheeks burning, even redder.

"I know what Changmin meant to you. What he means to you. And I'm not asking you to let go of him, not yet. You made a commitment, before I was even part of your life. A commitment that I'd want you to carry through, if I were Ch