TWENTYEIGHT
Irresistibly Wicked
My homeschooling life has finally resumed. It feels like a hundred years since the last I saw of Teacher Park, and she is purely delighted to see me. We talk about my stay in London which basically runs along another set of lies. But she doesn’t seem to notice though and is actually amused. She tells me that I changed a little, but she can’t pinpoint as to what.
I thought I can carry on like I used to, come to think of it, I grow up to homeschooling, but now I find it so hard, so empty, so lonely, like it seems so unfamiliar. It feels as if the hole in my chest has finally consumed the old me and left my heart in so much hollow.
I’m spacing out the whole time Teacher Park is teaching me and she isn’t naive to notice it and simply calls it a day. She guesses I’m just tired and readjusting from the body clock. If she only knows.
I am numb. The only thing that my mind could recognize is the reminiscence of school. It contains the people that valued me as a friend and filled in the lapses that I had. I just realize how much I cherish them and the little things they did to make me feel that I exist.
Their faces play in my thoughts; Tiffany and Sulli, and Kyungsoo, Suho and Xiumin. Almighty Key… Taemin… even the retards Baekhyun & Chanyeol.
And of course Luhan, Sehun, and… Jongin.
Jongin.
My heart constricts painfully from the image of him. He is like a beautiful nightmare, something that beguiles me but also keeps me from running away. He takes my breath away, every single time. Now I’m thinking, if he hadn’t kissed me first, would I even feel this way? If he hadn’t been so intimate, would I still find him irresistible?
If it was Sehun who kissed me first, would he be the one I fell in love with instead?
Or… Luhan?
Ridiculous. How can I still fool myself about this. Jongin haunted me from the first day, from that very first day. Maybe it’s partly the kisses, or partly the way he touches me, or partly the way he stares into my soul, or partly the way his voice makes me shiver, or partly the way he holds me…
Or perhaps, it's just because—it is him.
And all else are spices.
Oh Stop.
Stop thinking about him Jaemi. Forget him.
He doesn’t know you.
He doesn’t love you.
*
Today is actually the D-Day for Jaera's Spring Pageant. It must be starting now. I glimpse through the darkening shade outside the windows, and I pray for my sister's victory. An hour later, Dad arrives. It is a surprise because he never goes home this early. In fact, he rarely goes home. He pecks my head languidly and tells me that he'll just get something in his library. Of course, what else can be the reason?
Hurriedly, Dad passes by and is about to leave when he halts to ask, "Hey, isn’t today your sister's contest?"
"Yes, dad."
He hisses, "Then why are you still here? You should be there supporting her."
I widen my eyes. This is totally, totally, unexpected. "B-But d-dad—"
"I can’t make it for her today sweetie, daddy’s a busy man, at least you can be there for your sister.."
"Y-Yeah I k-know b-but—"
"Darling, Go upstairs and change, I'll wait for you in the car." Dad says and turns toward the door.
Oh damn! Damn! damn! What should I do?! Nobody knows Jaera has a twin sister! I can’t go there?! But then… Urgh! I stomp to my room and grab a sweatshirt-hoodie and a cap. Maybe I'll just figure out what to do when I get there.
Dad drops me just outside the student's hall wherein the sounds and music are brutally coming. He gives a scrutinizing look on me before shoving the thoughts off and kissing me goodbye.
I stand for awhile, waiting until dad's car is finally out of sight. My plan is to head for some place else, but suddenly I hear wild cheers roaring from inside the hall and I get a bit curious about my sister's performance. Reluctantly, I step towards the door. Okay, I will just give a fast check then I'll leave immediately.
It is dark inside, only illuminated by the colorful lights of small and big spotlights. I squeeze my cap on my head and hover it more with my hoodie. The audience is very much focused on the stage to even notice that somebody from the back looks totally like one of the girls on stage. Basing from the sequence of our practice, I think it is already the announcement of winners. I quickly found my sister. She is smiling so gorgeously down the people. She is... beyond beautiful. Her hair is curled just like those of goddesses, and her white dress is majestic; it fits her body so perfectly as if it is created for her. Her arm is linked with Sehun's elbow, and she is kind-of pressing him closer. My heart skips a beat from the sight of Sehun. He is definitely the prince charming I've been labeling him from the first day. But, he is more than gloomy right now. He is there, but I can’t feel his presence. He is looking onto nothing, and he isn’t giving a huge damn as to where he is.
Sehun's name is called. He got second place, but the expression on his face never changed even the slightest. He saunters on the front and takes his award as if it is nothing. All the girls are screaming for his name, yet it never wavered his mood. Jaera is looking at him, and for a moment, I see concern in her eyes, but she immediately covers it with a stretch of smile.
I hear fast babbles coming toward my direction, and it comes from Baekhyun. He looks disappointed. I can hear him say "Sehun's a ," "What the is he doing he could’ve won", and "Haish!". I dock my head when he’s about to pass me, but as he does so, he stops. He takes a few steps backwards and stares at me curiously. My eyes widen and I lower my head more, moving it to the opposite side. My chest is beating in panic and I want to run. Good thing it’s really dark, but then Baekhyun is still persistent. He bends down and tries to peek on my face. Ohdeargod!
"Weird." Baekhyun shakes his head. He gives me one more look before finally giving up and continuing his walk out.
I close my eyes and breathe heavily. I really have to go out of here before something worst can happen. I turn around when the MCs scream that they’ll be announcing the final winners. I hiss, turning back again. The crowd goes silent. The male category is announced first, and massive flailing bombards the silence from the shout-out of Hwang Zitao's name. Tao is indeed handsome in his suit. He swags on the stag
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