Luhan… kissed me.

I can’t believe it.

He jolts. His breath is thick as his shoulders heave against my head. He is nervous and tense and I can feel it.

Why did he?...

But I keep on pretending to be asleep although my whole state of being is now a hundred percent awake. The aftershock of Luhan’s chaste kiss still lingers on my lips and it takes me awhile to digest what just happened. I’m too flustered to do anything. The moment is awkward, so I decided to remain pretentiously oblivious.

My mind swoons into a chaotic mess and my heart races in a palpable frequency.

There’s an unspoken awkwardness that builds between us two and a series of questions piles in my throat, but I can’t even get the courage to tear the length that enfolds our loud silence.

It takes a longer while than I expected. I’m waiting for the right timing to open my eyes and face him. I just hope that my face wouldn’t betray my sordid anxiety.

As I finally instruct my eyes to flutter open, they refuse to stare at Luhan, and he, as well. I can tell that he becomes more nervous now that he is aware that I’m awake.

Kissing is something that only lovers do. I mean, what’s the whole idea behind that intimacy? Luhan and I are friends, and friends don’t kiss each other–that way.

Oh God.

Ohhh Myyy God.

No wayyy.

After all this time! After all this time! I never understood the expression that Luhan always had whenever we’re together. It had always been evident on his face, but I failed to see it.

Just now.

DOES LUHAN LIKE MY SISTER?!

I gasp in shock as the clues become apparent to my indulgence. I have solved the puzzle a little too late; his cute-disease attack, his awkwardness, his mom’s statements, and now… his kiss.

It now all makes sense.

Cautiously, I face Luhan, and just as I have predicted, he is blushing inexorably, refusing to meet my eyes. He is quivering. His adam’s apple bobs when I make it obvious that I’m staring at him.

I’m getting dumbfounded as every second passes by. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to feel, I don’t know how to react, because I see Luhan as an angel with a pure heart. I see Luhan as a friend and now my feelings are just… not the same as before. Not anymore.

“I… I gotta go.” I quip with an evident cracky tone, jumping off my feet. He looks up at me from the tip of his long eyelashes, biting his small lower lip guiltily. My heart drops for those angelic eyes, but I’m too confused to stay. I just have to escape now, now that I can’t even put a definition to this unbearable drumbeat in my chest.

*

The day passes with just me spacing-out the entire time. I am filled with troubles; there’s too much for me to take. I can’t even understand what I should be feeling; it’s a heavy burden of confusion and disappointment that are linked like untangled strings.

“Jaaaae!”

I turn, and a hurried figure of Tiffany approaches me with a threatening glint from her beautiful eyes.

Out of breath, she halts within an arms length and doesn’t waste any chance to voice-out. “Have you seen the latest news about you?”

Shoot. Not again.

“No?”

“Then check it out.”

My pulse quickens right away. I grab my phone and type the hateful letters of gossip.com. Tiffany is eyeing me peevishly, and I stare back at her before the huge picture on the headline ignites my senses like fire. I don’t even need to read the title anymore for the picture speaks for itself; the familiar cherry blossom tree and the two persons under it.

As I click for the whole article to show, several pictures are stacked in a zoomed quality. There is no denying that I am the girl on the pictures, and in those, I was sleeping beneath a guy’s shoulder, and the guy is no other than Luhan.

It was just last week when the news about us “dating” escalated around the whole campus, then here’s another one. What more can I take?

I start to get paranoid as I scan for more. Please not the kiss please!

After scanning everything, I breathe a sigh of relief. There’s none. Thank God.

“Jae, do you really like that guy?” Tiffany suddenly inserts through my despair. I sigh weakly.

These people don’t even understand. They create stories that aren’t as they suppose to be. Why won’t they just leave me alone?

“D-Don’t misunderstand Tiff–“

“Your reputation is worsening Jae. I hate to hear these rumors about you even if they’re true..” She relays in a stern tone.

My head drops. “We’re just friends...” Were we?

“You already said that. But do you see yourself in the pictures? You were being too comfortable with him. You can’t blame people from thinking that you two were having this private date or something,”

“Look, I know it seems strange to believe, but... we are just friends. I never thought–“

“Jae, you know that I’ll always believe you, but... what about Kai?” She cuts in. “– Also, don’t you realize that this is the reason why Sehun never liked you?”

I furrow in abrupt confusion.

Tiffany’s eyes soften as she reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “I’m just worried about you Jae.. .I’m sorry..”

I let out a heavy sigh as the complication consumes me. There’s Luhan, and he is another matter. There’s Jongin, and he’ll surely be mad at me. Then there’s the strange insertion of Sehun, but what is it?

*

Jongin is absent the next day.

I refuse to believe that the reason is me, but I may be. Please don’t let him think that I’m cheating on him. I know that I have hurt his feelings the other day, and now I’ve uprooted another one, but I never wanted those things to happen. I’m afraid that he might misunderstand like before. What worries me the most is how that guy handles his dismay. He shows his dismay in a different approach and he makes me feel remorseful in his own