The night can never be more comforting. With a heavy heart, I slump down the floor after I shut the door closed in my fake-room. My legs are quivering and numbed with the heels supporting my weight. I slouch to a ball, hugging myself because no one is here to comfort me. But ever since then, nobody has really been there for me. Oh god this is so depressing, how did I get so dramatic? It feels like my life will never go back to the way it was. I force myself up and stare at the wide, ornamented mirror, a little disconcerted on who the person is looking back at me now; is it still Jaemi?

My eyes are pooling with unshed tears. I don’t understand what’s happening anymore, what am I doing? Why am I wearing these fancy clothes? When did I get so pretty yet so lonely on a high rate? There’s an erratic longing in the depths of my soul that needs to be sated but I have no idea what it is, or what it could be. Now Sehun is right, this person is a goddamn lie, and she is being taken by the equivocal events that are running a little too fast. How funny. I hate that guy. I hate how he makes me feel miserable and wrecked and saved at the same time.

What’s more, I hate Jongin because he kissed me again. I hate him because I kissed him back and I loved how his lips molded with mine and how he enveloped me in his warmth and how he made me feel brittle and weak like I could never stand up for myself.

Now I can even smell his scent on this coat that he cloaked on me. His warmth is still lingering on my skin. I still remember clearly the look on his casted eyes when I rejected him, and how I wanted to run back and let him take me just even when he already did.

But these feelings that I have, they are also a lie, aren’t they? Perhaps I’ve become connected and attached more than I should be.  Oh god this is becoming melodramatic. I hope this ends fast so that it wouldn’t consume me when the time comes.

Things are getting really complicated. I’m still reeling with the set of emotions that I had earlier. I need a bath, a warm fragrant bath, so that I can free myself from all these chaos in my mind.

Jaera’s bathroom doesn’t have any liquid soap. I go out while leaving the faucet on as it fills the tub. I rummage through her closet and search for one since I don’t have any of such things in my real room. I don’t usually spend much time in bathing but this time it’s an exception because I want peace. As I open each of her drawers, I see something really, really strange.

There’s a photograph of Sehun.

How the hell did Sehun’s picture land in here? He looks slightly younger, and it’s a picture wherein he isn’t aware he’s being taken. His hair is on a natural black color and he is a bit thinner than today and he is wearing a different school uniform, something like the male counterpart of the uniform that Jaera wore during middle school.

Shoot! That’s why he looked so familiar! Hell yeah I was right that I’ve already seen that guy! I now remember seeing this picture somewhere before but immediately had forgotten.

How weird.

I quickly dismiss the thought as I spot the thing I’m looking for. I dunk my whole body down the soap bubbles in the tub and let my eyes closed. It’s a bit relaxing but the unfettered flashes of Jongin keep on haunting my mind. Tsk. Why would Sehun remind me that I’m not Jongin’s girlfriend? I know that from the start! I mean, what does he expect me to do? I just can’t avoid Jongin even if I want to, he’s not just any other person that Jaera knows; he is Jaera’s boyfriend. And even though I screwed up a lot to him the pass days, I still have to keep the act. Alright, I know I have to avoid him, but I just cant. I've been telling this to myself, but I just really can’t.

I release a long grumble. I’m such a sinner. I kissed my sister’s boyfriend. First one is an accident, but a second time?! Ugh!

I touch my lips, wondering how his lips enraptured this. Maybe he has kissed so many girls before, or perhaps he and Jaera had kissed a million times before that he had mastered the art of seduction (crap I’m thinkin about seduction again!) plus the power to control a sensual moment in his hands.

Wouldn’t he notice that I’m a different girl?

Well, only the cleverest person can decode the truth, even dad was fooled. But then again, it’s better that he won’t because I’ll never ever, ever, ever admit it. Isn’t that embarrassing?—when he finds out that he’s been unintentionally betraying his real girlfriend? I’m sure that if he’ll know, I could never face him ever again (but as if we’d ever cross paths when my sister comes back, wouldn’t we?). I bet he won’t ever forgive me for doing this to him. So this secret shall never be revealed, even if the whole world knows, just not him.

I hope I didn’t break his heart. I can make up to him tomorrow.

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