ELEVEN
Irresistibly Wicked
So I’ve spent the night reading the book I bought earlier at the bookstore, and well, it’s making me hopeless. All these marks of advice about relationship-handling are totally out of my league.
First and foremost, I don’t even know what it’s like to fall in love. I mean, I can’t understand anything at all. I can’t even put myself in relation to other people; how much more with Jongin, who’s not just any other person, but the boyfriend… of my sister. And how on earth can I compensate my stupidity in just a day? I don’t know how much I offended Jongin. I don’t know how my sister handles him, or if he can even be handled. I’m not good with words, let alone with the physical interaction for which—Jongin is irrevocably adept.
I slap my forehead and jump off from my bed and head to the kitchen. I gobble a spoonful of icecream into my mouth and wince because my head pricked. Haisht! I , I totally .
Not long of my whining comes Sunny, one of our maids. She halts when she sees me. What could she be possibly doing here this late of hour? Uh-Oh. Gotcha. Now I know who's the culprit of the missing chocolates in our fridge. (not that I care so much though.)
“Want icecream?” I invited, lifting the container lightly. Sunny twitches a little with a sudden paling face.
“Uhhh..” She pokes the ends of her index fingers.
Right. I forgot. I am currently Jaera and Jaera hates our maids—explains the horrified look on Sunny’s face. I smile at her and she raises an eyebrow skeptically. I take another spoon and hand it to her nonchalantly for which she takes before standing next to me.
I never really talk to our maids myself, but at times, I do, when I want some assistance in the kitchen. Being the homely person as I am, I grew up to a lot of household chores. I would help cleaning when the day is too boring or when my dad is not watching. I have a lot of time of course, and there’s really nothing else that I do.
“Can't sleep?” She asks.
“Yeah..” I sigh, pursing my lips.
“May I ask why?”
I bloat my cheeks and exhale heavily. I turn to look at her, pouting. “Can I ask you something?”
She blinks twice and nods.
“Did you ever have a boyfriend?”
She chuckles, “Of course, Miss Jaera.”
“How do you show him that you love him?” I ask straightforwardly.
She flinches, a little taken-aback, but she smiles afterwards. She looks up at the ceiling as if she’s recalling something.
“Hmm..” She purses her lips, “It’s really unexplainable, but my acts just show..”
“Wha-What?”
She chuckles a little from my expression. “Well, you see... when you’re in love, you don’t know how you can do things... in a way... that it feels so right...”
“Huh?”
Sunny tries to think harder and beams. “Okay, just do it like this, the moment you see him, just… look at him in the eyes... And before you know it? It just happens.”
*
Early that morning I searched for Jongin right away. Sunny’s advice didn’t really help me and instead got me even more confused, but it made me want to see Jongin urgently. Now that I think about it, I haven’t got much time left, and I still don’t know what I'm going to do.
I wait for Jongin just outside the school and later I recognize his black car driving to a stop. The moment he gets out from it, an unknown tingle inside my stomach starts again. There’s always something about him that wafts my whole system to a new feeling, a feeling that I can’t really explain. It’s just that, this unrecognized feeling only happens when I see him and I think it’s troubling.
I breathe first and recall Sunny’s advice. Just look at him in the eyes and it just happens.
I march towards him nervously. The closer I get, the more my eye twitches to avoid looking straight at him. I hate it when this tickling sensation gets the best of me. I bite my lip and stop in front of him just as he’s starting to walk ahead. He freezes a little when he sees me, his sculptured jaws forming to clench, his brows slightly furrowing.
I exhale deeply and lift my eyes to meet his’. In that moment, it feels like everything is in haze except from him. I can feel a sting of electricity as I try to be engulfed with his beautiful dark orbs. How can he be so handsome? Why can’t I get over myself of how gorgeous he is?
Just by staring at him this way, a feeling of urge rises inside me, and before I can even hesitate for myself, I crane up and embrace him.
He stiffens a little, but I didn’t let go. I never felt as good as embracing another person before. His body is warm against mine and I close my eyes.
But he sighs and gently holds me down. I wanna linger but I also let go. Jongin tilts his head and stands for a while, staring at me with confusion on his face, but he isn’t saying a single word. His expression is gorgeously serious and he keeps it in the silence and walks away.
I scratch my thigh as I watch him go. I sulk, and that is then that my heart starts to pound incessantly. What the heck did I just do huh? Ugh stupid. I should’ve said I was sorry or I should’ve talked to him and asked! Why the heck did I just hug
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