AU CHAPTER

This chapter doesn't really have a focus on a pairing.  This is dedicated to all the broken hearts and those who have lost themselves because of reality.  I hope that everyone is reminded that we don't need the people around us to give us a value, our value comes from what we believe in and how we act.  Until today after talking to a friend I didn't know that I might lost myself in the past few months because of a break up.   I might have reverted back to being social chamelon (I'm not sure if that is a word but to me it simply means a person who can adjust themselves and get along with most social group in an attempt to survive.)  To be honest it is very tiring to act like that...  It is not being fake since these parts of you probably do exist but they get amplified making you forget who you really are if you use it too much.

It is 12am yet there is alot of sounds echoing in a bedroom in the Park Household.  There is a a young adult kneeling on the floor of her room dumping things into a large garbage bag.  There are photos, letters, stuffed animals, old gifts, and jewelry within that bag.  They were all things she thought she wanted to keep as a memory of their days together but in her mind she knew it would slow her from moving on.  She already cried until she can feel herself being slightly dehydrated and cleared up half a box of tissue, she knew it was time to stop and start the process of moving on.  She wasn't sure where to start but she knew the first step is to walk out the door and hope the man upstairs will guide the rest of the way.

It didn't take her too long to regain the self the existed before him.  He was her comfortzone, with him she no longer felt like she needed to socialize with the world because he was her world.  He was all she needed to feel loved and cared for, well of course her family and close friends too.  But she never felt like she needed new people in her life and she was content with that.  With him gone she needed new company to feel the empty hole that ironicly he was never able to completely fill.  She did encounter new people a few weeks before their break up but once again she didn't feel the need to expand their relationship.  Now that she is single, she knew she needed a social life to distract her from her feelings until it disappears on its own.

She never admitted it before but she was attracted to a certain male she met shortly before the breakup, she didn't take any notice of it since at the time she believed she was deeply in love with her boyfriend.  It was after the breakup when she started to take notice of him:  His smile, his positive energy, his kindness, and of course he ability to make her feel like she existed.  However with the current state of her heart, she has been trying to convince herself that it is nothing but a crush or even just a desperate attempt to be loved.  She decided to take her time and see how it will go, let fate do its job.

Their relationship started out well, they laughed, bickered like children, spoken comfortably with each other, and even understood parts of each other that only they knew.  Without knowing, her crush might have deepened: she wanted to talk to him everyday, she wanted to hear his voice, she started to be more sensitive towards him compared to the rest, she wanted to innocently touch him, and she wanted be around him more then she would have ever guessed.  She was in the clouds and tried her best to push reality towards the back because she feared that these feelings are just a desperate attempt to forget about that man.

Even if she said that she wants to take her time, she can't help but be impatient with the pace of her relationship with the male is going.  He is a sweet guy who is kind to everyone around him, he can be rather short tempered, he seems to be rather witty with her, and of course he seems to care about her.  Subconsciously she might have guessed that he has no interest in her even if she tried showing the best side of herself, the lady within.  She also knew time was not on her side, in a few months she knew they would probably never see each other again.  It pains her to think like that but afterall she is a realist, no matter how hard she tried to cloud her judgement, reality will always take priority.  That was quitely frankly how she got over her now ex-boyfriend so fast, she knew that once it is over they will never see each other again, why dwell on someone you will never have a chance with again.

With these reality checks, she started to act cold, aloof and subconsiousaly mad at the innocent male.  Maybe she wanted him to notice and paint a new reality for her, a reality where he would be with her and love her: Love her in ways she has been looking for.  She started to dress in ways that was unlike herself, the girly clothes, the makeup yet her attitude got more sour and bitter around him.  Somehow she did not want to talk to him yet she longed to see him.  Her contradicting feelings caused her alot of discomfort, deep down she wishes it would all just go away.  She wants her peaceful single life back, maybe she wasn't ready for having a guy in her life, maybe she should go back and start loving herself more.  Or maybe the males she trusted her heart with so far has only messed her up and left her broken and she was afraid to love.

None of these changes occured to her until the latest conversation with another male within her friend group helped her make this realization.  He pointed out that he wanted a girl who was independent, down to earth, and caring.  It shocked her alot when she could not say loudly admit (in her mind) that is a description of her when in the past that is who she prides herself to be.  The problem is not whether she wants to be the ideal type for her friend but rather the fact that she has changed and might have severly lost herself during this whole process.  The process to recovery might have caused a bigger damage then she thought.  Maybe all this time she never had a crush on the guy but rather finding a way to believe that she was worth loving.  When her interest showed no response, the cut deepens causing a downward spiral to developing a new extremely fake persona that she worked hard for the past decade to alter or maybe it was an innate defense mechanism against the hell of the world.

These recent discoveries is realy upsetting to Luna, how did surviving for a better tomorrow turn into a battle to rediscover who you are.  Why can't the real her be the glue that allows her to survive?  When did she revert back to her previous ways by putting on a fake smile and trying to be a people pleaser, she thought she overcame that part of her life, and swore to be true to herself.  Even if she is trying to be a people pleaser at least she maintained her ability to lash back at someone when they are being a pain in the rather then keeping it to herself, somethings just have a stronger influence then others.

It is now 2 months after the breakup and her path towards self recovery is finally reaching the end.  Luna might have forced a romance towards herself resulting in a maladaptive coping mechanism towards her breakup but with the help of a friend she was able to resurface and face reality.  We never know what the future might hold for us but we should always remember that we don't need to change to be loved.  We need to first love who we are, accept our flaws, and be strong enough to survive alone before we can find someone who sees all our struggles.  When that happens they will not only accepts them but is willing to share the burden while we happily reciprocate.

When this new direction, Luna wishes she will be even stronger and rest well until she is ready to love again.

Hello hello XD sorry for not updating for about a year, school has been on my back and I also didnt have alot of inspiration to write.  They say that sadness and depression is a really good motivator towards creatively and I think that is true, at least that is how i got the motivation to write this chapter.  I hope i will have the heart to keep writing again since I do have alot of ideas just flooding around again

It is our little secret but this chapter is loosely based on my life for the last few months.  The feelings are true but the events are not completely accurate.  I hope this will help any broken hearts out there.  please remember that you are not alone. You will find someone who is the right one for you, when you do he/she will be willing to give up anything to be with you.  Actions afterall speak louder then words.

Happy early holidays my dears :)  I hope I will be able to update sometime soon.  Until next time