14
 

Donghae let go a tired sigh as he leaned his head back. His eyes watching the flickering street light from the window.  But his mind was somewhere else. So many question flew inside his head and no matter how hard he tried to look for some answers, the outcome would always be .. blank.

Those messages he received this morning just after Hyukjae left for his schedule were terrifying, knowing that some strangers know about his little secret made him shivered. He thought of the possibility that other members might pull a prank on him, but the thoughts were quickly cast aside. He saw everyone downstairs when he arrived to fetched Hyukjae up. So there was no way one of the member saw and filmed what he and hyukjae did. So who?? Who was that person???

Another long and quiet sigh escaped from his thin lips. Hands were busy clutching on his mobile phone. He didn't even notice that a pair of almond shaped eyes were watching him closely.

 "Hae?"
Donghae gasped in shock upon hearing Hyukjae called his name. He turned to see Hyukjae for a moment and tried his best to hide away his shock expression but the other already noticed. Hyukjae frowned deepen as he saw the other looked so uncomfortable on his seat. He had been acting weird since he got back and at the restaurant where they had dinner that night.

"Are you ok? You are very quiet tonight. Is everything alright?"

Donghae shifted uncomfortably on his seat. He knew he had to answer Hyuk's question before he would think something was clearly going on.

"I'm fine. Sorry I was just ... “Donghae trailed off, his brain didn’t think fast enough to find reasons to give the other. “I'm ok. Eyes on the road, Hyukjae."

"Are you sure? You've been acting weird since I got back. Are you feeling unwell or something?"

"I'm fine."Donghae said as he shifted a little bit farther from Hyukjae, leaned his body to the door and pulled down his hat to cover his eyes. "Just drive faster. I'm so tired, I just want to go home and get some sleep."
 

Tired? Hyukjae couldn't help but wondering.  What did he do all day? He had no schedule at all and just stayed home. Did people get tired from just watching TV?

"Ok... " Hyukjae nodded and averted his gaze back to the road. But he couldn't help himself to stole a glance at the younger every now and then.

Hyukjae knew there was something wrong with the way the younger greet him this afternoon when he got back home. He usually so cheerful and just jump into his embrace and kissed him over and over even when he hadn't stepped inside. But this time, he simply just open the door and quickly walked away inside and waited for Hyukjae to close the door before hugging him to greet welcome back. He did look a bit uneasy and hadn't say much ever since. He knew Donghae often spacing out from time to time but never when he was with him.

"Are you sure everything's alright? Because you seem so ... distracted."

"I'm fine, ok?! Just drive."

"Are you still mad at me because of what happened this morning? Because if you are I appologize and ... "

"No.. Hyukjae, just forget it ok? I'm not mad at you at all. Everything's fine." Donghae pulled up a nervous smile before taking Hyukjae's hand away from his thigh and put it back on the gear stick. He jumped as a car drove past them.

"What is wrong with you? You look scared. Now I'm worry."

"Someone might see us. Just keep your hand away from me until we are home."

"Why? we're inside the care and the windows are dark. People can't see us."

"Nothing, alright? Just drive faster I'm really tired and I just wanna be home and lay down. That's all." He lied. But he surely not lying when he said he was worry someone might see them.

Even at their favorite restaurant they just dine in that night he was acting strange and really tried to hide himself away under that hat and jacket. Looking at every direction all the time and immediately alert when someone approached their seats. To Hyukjae this was definitely not alright. Donghae had been acting not like himself tonight and he wanted to know why. But Hyukjae had to hold back all of his questions he had until they reached home because at the moment it seem impossible to get any answer from the younger.

So Hyukjae drove faster. He just wanted to get home fast so he could ask the younger what was going on. It really bugging him and he wanted to know the reason.

"Ok, we're home." Hyukjae said soon as they stepped inside the house. "Mind telling me what's going on?"

"I .... " Donghae stopped for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck nervously without even looking at Hyukjae. "I need to shower."

"That can wait. There's something going on .. " Hyukjae wrapped his arms around Donghae's body and pecked his nose. "And I wanna know what it is."

"Nothing, Hyukjae.. " Donghae smiled nervously as he spoke, didn't even turn to see his lover's eyes because he had been lying. There was something alright. But he wasn't sure if it was the right time to tell him. "I'm fine. I'm just tired and I wanna take shower before going to bed."

"You know, I always know when you're not being honest... " Hyukjae said calmly as he removed Donghae's hat and threw it at the sofa and turn his body around so he could see the younger's face. "And you're not being honest to me right now."

"Hyukjae.. "

"Donghae look at me." The older demanded, lifting the other's chin and making him see his eyes. "Tell me, please."

Donghae could only see those almond shape eyes for a mere seconds before averting his gaze away and took a step back. Torn between wanting to hug Hyukjae and cried his heart out while telling him about the video he received this morning or just keep on lying. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing left his lips. His eyes became blurry and he could feel tears were about to fall and Hyukjae noticed it. There was indeed something going on and it must be worrying since the younger looks so lost and about to cry. The older quickly closed the gap between them and pulled the younger into his embrace.

"It's alright, baby." He mumbled softly, rubbing the other's back to soothe him down. "Did Donghwa call you? Or was it your mom? What did they say? Tell me, Hae."

Donghae shook his head faintly against Hyukjae's neck and return the hug. His mind went crazy with so many thoughts. Hyukjae tighten up his arms around the younger as he could feel the other's body was shaking.

"It's ok, Hae." He whispered. "I'm here.. Please don't cry."

But it was too late. Donghae already sobbing hard. Hyukjae rocked his body and keep on rubbing his back tenderly.

"I'm scared .. " He said after a few moment. "I'm just so scared .. "

"Of what?"
 

"Of us. Our secret .."
"What about it? Please tell me. Did someone know? Did something happen when I was away?!"

Hyukjae pushed Donghae's body a little bit so he could see his face. The moment he saw the younger's face his heart clenched painfully. This got to be really serious that Donghae shed tears like this. He was worry and wished that Donghae would tell him what was going on. He knew something must've happened judging how scare Donghae was and his heart start racing.

"Someone knew? Donghae?" Hyukjae asked, trying not to sound panic. "Tell me please.."

But instead of talking the younger only shook his head faintly. How to tell him? He was clutching on his mobile phone tightly. Donghae was hesitating. He was scared of what Hyukjae might do when he knew. He was panic the moment he told him that his mom found out about them before. And what would happen if he knew that someone else knew with solid proof even. As much as he was scared that this might cost them their career and everything that they've worked so hard to build with tears for so many years, he was more scared of what Hyukjae might do. What if Hyukjae left? What if Hyukjae decided that they should end this before everything's ruined?

"Nothing.. " Donghae said in the end as he smiled. It was a sad one and Hyukjae didn't like it. "I was just .. I was just over thinking maybe.."

"Over thinking?" Hyukjae frowned as he looked deeply into Donghae's eyes and it tortured his soul to looked back.

"Nothing, Hyukjae. Just forget it." Donghae said as he turned around and walked to the sofa and sat down, trying to calm himself.

Hyukjae followed him silently, kept his eyes on the latter with a deep frown on his face. He wanted to asked another question and wanted an answer so badly because Donghae was never like this before. He acted strangely, then cried, telling him that he was scared about this relationship they were having but didn't seem willing to explain. And now he said there was nothing.

"Are you sure, Hae?" Hyukjae asked carefully, didn't want to sound like he was demanding too much. "I know there has got to be a reason for you to cry like you just did and I'm pretty sure there is something. But if you think now it's not the time to tell me then I'll wait until you're ready. I just want you to know that I'm in this together with you and if there's something going on I would like to know too."

"Yeah I'm sure. It was nothing, really. I was just over thinking. I was scared if someone other than members know about us because it'll  look bad for everyone and I just can't help myself but thinking about it over and over and I just ... "

"But why? Why all of sudden you think about this? Don't make me worry. I don't like to see you cry like that. It makes me feel like I've failed to protect you and .. "

Hyukjae stopped talking as he felt a sudden wave of pain on his head. His hand instantly massaging his head lightly and  alarming the other at once.

"Hyukjae, are you alright? Is there something wrong?"

"Just minor headache." Hyukjae said after a while. A smile tug on his face, assuring the younger that he was alright, it was nothing to worry.

"Is it frequent? Do you want me to call Yongko?"

"That bastard? he's probably in Shanghai by now wooing Nara." Hyukjae laughed. "Remember Nara? I think Yongko and Nara are together now. He always head over heals with her since they went to medical school. I went to see him two weeks ago for my routine check up and he told me everything."

"How was the check up though? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's ok. Don't worry."

"Are you sure? I mean after that surgery, Yongko told me that you might suffer from headache often and he asked me to keep an eye on you."

Hyukjae smiled and leaned in to capture the younger's lips. "I'm fine. Don't worry. It's you I'm worry about. Since I didn't know what's going on, I didn't know what made you cry like that and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. If it's something that I did or didn't do I want you to tell me about it because guessing around is just so ... tiring, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Hyukjae. " Donghae said after pecking Hyukjae's lips lightly. "You must be tired and here I am making you worry. I should know better. But I promise this isn't about you."

"What is it then?"

"I told you I was just over thinking." He lied. Because the real reason he's not telling Hyukjae was because he was scared of his reaction. Hyukjae might draw a thick line between them or worse he could decided to end everything. And by that, the person who sent him those stuff on his ktalk would know and everything could get worse. If that video leaked and the media know and everyone know it would be the end of them and Donghae didn't want it to happen. Some more he didn't want Hyukjae to be upset and over thinking because it might affect his health.

After the surgery he still remember clearly what Yongko said. He shouldn't get over stressed and over thinking because it might trigger a massive headache. It was the side effect of the surgery he had and Donghae had been really careful when it comes to taking care of him. So he continued with his lie.

"I was thi