“Where do you want to bring me this early morning, Jinki-ah?”
His son glances at him for a second then goes back to focus on his driving while smiling generously “It is Dad’s last gift for you, Appa. There’s someone you have to meet”.
It’s an end of winter. Spring flowers are starting to show their tiny burgeons. Ready to bloom. An epitome for greeting a new warmly stanzas of life, but for Sungmin, it is a beginning of winter in his heart.
“I won’t leave you alone. I will always beside you”
That person who gave him a spring for 25 years had gone. He promised him forever, but in the end he left him first. Not that Sungmin blames him. The most precious person in his life. His husband. His Lover. His Bestfriend. His Dongsaeng.
It’s valentine day. The day for lovers to celebrate their love or to confess their hidden feeling. Sungmin curves a smile when he glances at an elder couple who are walking on a sideroad, hand in hand through the car window. Such a sweet pictorial. Spending old days with someone you love until grey hairs cover all your head. How Sungmin envies that couple. He had lost the one he sincerely loved years ago. And now he has lost the person who always held his hand and promised to never let it go.
“Jinki-ah, You won’t leave me soon, right? Don’t get married with your girlfriend unless you get my permission”
Jinki glances at his father through the front mirror, the old man is pouting. Whether the latter is aware or not about his age for acting cute toward his only son, Jinki can’t help but lets out a shaking chuckles. He is still cute though.
“Hahaha... Appa, you’re acting like you will be left alone by everyone. Don’t worry I won’t leave you anywhere”
His father scoffs “But I remember you want to go to Japan”
“It’s just a student exchange program for a year, Appa. I promise I will go back to Korea on holiday”
“How if you get a job and decide to stay there? I will live alone and no one will know am I still breathing or not”
“Appa, don’t say like that. I will call you often. There’s still Uncle Key too”
The older man huffs and pouts more “He is so fussy. My life won’t be in peace around him”
“But you like him” Jinki grins. He glances back at his father and notices the latter is trying to hold his smile and pretending to deny it. Jinki goes silent as he is back to focus on his driving and realizes they nearly arrive to their destination.
“I am sorry Appa” Jinki says carefully.
“About that day. I was mad at you... I.. I thought you never loved Dad. It got me some shocks so I didn’t want to see you nor pick up your phone” Jinki bites his lower lip. He was so upset to Sungmin that day when he found out his old tiny notebook.
“It’s okay. Jinki-ah. I understand” Sungmin smiles toward his son. It’s not his fault for being mad and doubted about Sungmin’s sincerity toward his late husband.
“If only Dad didn’t go after me, his condition—“
“Jinki. I told you don’t blame yourself about it. People can’t deny their fate. If thing happens, it happens. There’s nothing to do with you” Sungmin leans himself to his seat, turns his eyes toward the window and stares at it blankly. He imagines his husband’s smile “I think your Dad also thinks the same too”.
As their car goes along through a certain road, Sungmin leans his head to the window and quickly opens it. His eyes are widened as he sees such a familiar road. He used to live around this place when he was 25 years old “Jinki... this place... Where do you want to bring me? Don’t tell—“
“The place where you met Dad for the first time, Appa. There’s someone waiting you there”
Sungmin doesn’t pretty understand what his son means. His heart starts to beat faster. He doesn’t know why. “W.... Who?” he asks his son but the younger just keeps silent until they arrives at that certain park. The place when he first met Minho at the day his heart was broken because of someone.
Sungmin felt a difficulity to breath as their car stopped. He doesn’t know what Jinki’s purpose to bring him there. He once mentioned to his husband that he didn’t want to go back to the place where all his past love memories reposed for the sake of their new life. He holds his chest. That feeling is still there, rest peacefully at the rockbottom. He and that person have a separate life now. He doesn’t want to awake it back when he clearly know it’s impossible for them to be together again since the one who broke their promise was Sungmin not him.
“I won’t let go of your hand. I promise. As long as you’re not the one who let go of my hand first”
Sungmin closes his eyes. In the end, it’s himself who let go of his hand first. He knows love needs sacrifice, but if it costs someone’s life, it’s not the time for being more selfish than that.
“Appa. Here. Dad’s last letter for you” Jinki gives him an envelope after he has gotten out from the car. Sungmin eyes the envelope and carress his husband’s handwritting on it. ‘For my lovely Bunny, Sungmin’. Sungmin chuckles at his husband cheesiness. He opens the letter, and reads it carefully. Word by word is not only bringing him smiles but also tears.
To my only and the only one I love.
If you read this letter. It means I has left your side for another journey and can’t keep my promise to you for never leaving you.
I am sorry Min-ah. You must be mad at me, right? I came to you like a storm then left you with that way too. I tried my best to make you happy, always made you smile everyday, and wouldn’t let you cry but in the end I still made you cry, didn’t I?
You don’t know how sorry I am when knowing I can’t win my body. How much I want a longer life to always give you a shoulder to lean on. To watch you hair becomes gray more than me. But I am still questioning why I get more wrinkles than you. Are you consuming a youthful medicines behind my back? I told you we have to share everything, right? (pout) kekekekeke..... XD.
Do you remember when the day I proposed to you, Sungmin-ah?
I tried very hard to win your heart. At that time, after being separated with him, you closed your heart toward everyone except to him only. While me, being a selfish brat like usual, never gave up on you because my intention for begining was not to erase your memories with him.
“You can love him all you want for the rest of your life. But you shouldn’t live with it alone. Spend your life by loving him from a far with me. So when you’re tired staring at his back, you can close your eyes for a while by leaning on me. I will hold your hand and won’t make you fall”
It’s been 25 years and I still remember those words. Don’t you know how happy I was when you accept me? I felt like flying to the sky with bunnies playing soccer at a cloudfull field.
After we got married, I think I am the happiest man in this world. With you and Jinki with me. I am still I was. I am so thankful that you learned to love me and never showed your usual sad eyes to me. Your eyes never lie, I know it. You looks happy, but I know down there you’re still longing for him, right?
Don’t get me wrong, Sungmin-ah. I am not mad. There are different types of love. I know you love me back sincerely. That’s why I always told you I am the luckiest person in this