Everything happened fast – like in a fast-forward movie – and without realizing it, I found myself dashing out of changing room. I cursed loudly when I didn’t pay attention to where I was going and my foot hit the doorstep. I closed my eyes for a short moment, trying to swallow the pain, and when I opened them again, a bunch of people from my school was watching me with interest.

I grabbed my foot to rub the pain away and standing on one leg, I looked around to find Baekhyun in the crowd of people in swimming suits. I didn’t see him there.

“!” I yelled with anger and the lifeguard passing me by, sent me one, unpleasant look. I ignored him and ran back to the bench, were I left my bag. As soon as I reach it, I kneeled down, opened it almost breaking the zipper in the process, and turned it upside down. All the stuff I had inside, scattered on the floor with a noise. I straightened my back, looking at things laying on the floor, searching for my cellphone.

I heard a commotion near the door. Some of the students, passing by the changing room, were peeping inside with curiosity but I didn’t have time to pay attention to this.

After a short moment of looking around in panic, I found my phone under the bench. As I held it and tried to find the number I needed, I realized how my hands were shaking. Not because of fear or panic, but pure frustration. I had enough of the whole situation and unnecessary complications. I wanted to clear the misunderstandings and ambiguity between the three of us.

And that’s why I was going to call Kai.

I heard the first signal and I tightened my fingers around the phone, waiting with anticipation. I sat on the bench, trying to stay patient but soon my foot started tapping the floor in nervous manner. When third signal rang in my ears, I forgot about being patient. Standing up again, I started walking around the room, like it somehow could help me to reach Kai faster.

There was another signal, the fifth one and I felt first sting of resignation. Come on, pick up the damn phone! I took a deep breath, biting my lip harder. And then I heard Kai’s voice.

Recorded on his voicemail.

* * * * *

Although the silence in the hotel and absence of my frustrating roommate was more than delightful, after three hours of lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling I was getting amazingly bored – to the point where making a rope from my sheets and jumping from the window in bungee style seemed like interesting and incredibly safe idea. Our hotel was still dealing with the heating system and the temperature in my room was probably higher than those during summer season in Africa. Open windows didn’t really help and I was sure I’d have some hallucinations soon.

Rolling on the bed from left to right and using my hand as a provisional fan, I tried to think how I could spend another two hours before the rest of the students and teachers would come back from their trip. I tried to call Kai a few more times but strangely, he didn’t answer my calls. I couldn’t also talk with Ga In because, well, she was on the trip with others. There was nothing I could do and the whole idea of coming to this place became more and more useless in my eyes.

Dammit! Punished or not, I wasn’t going to spend any more minute in this hot room. I sat up on my bed, throwing off my pillow on the floor. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to find a place where I could think about the whole messy situation between me and Baekhyun. And Kai. Yeah, I shouldn’t forget about Kai.

So without thinking about the consequences of Mrs. Kim finding me wandering around, I grabbed my keys and dashed out of my room, choosing stairs instead of elevator because it was incredibly slow. I didn’t have time to waste. I was burning inside from the hot and all those feelings boiled up inside me could explode in any second. Listening to the sound of my footsteps echoing in the corridor, I looked around to see a place where no one would disturb my peace. I was heading to hotel’s cafeteria but when I passed the reception and the woman I saw the first day sent me another surprised look, I stopped abruptly, noticing slightly open door behind her. I almost forgot that there was a small garden at the back of the hotel and I fastened my pace, deciding to go there instead.

Smiling awkwardly to the receptionist, I pointed at the entrance to the garden with a silent request for permission and she looked over her shoulder to see where I wanted to go. When she turned her face back to me, a small smile was pulling up corners of her lips. She nodded, just once and in so rapid manner that I almost missed it, but my body didn’t need any more signs and second later I found myself near the door.  

I pushed it open just to find an empty space with a few trees and benches scattered around, as if someone just randomly chose the spots. All flowers I was supposed to see were gone. Instead, two lines on my left, made of grey tarpaulin, caught my eyes. There was also a small fountain in the middle of the square but the poor thing, with big, shabby holes around, wasn’t even working. I scoffed under my nose, placing my hands on hips. This was the ugliest garden I’ve seen in my life. The hotel’s gardener was indeed fighting with depression. Though, after second look, it seemed more like some serious case of occupational burnout. 

I took a deep, resigned breath and decided to look around despite the depressing view stinging my poor eyes. Maybe the lack of beauty suited my mood better than colorful flowers. I shoved my hands into pockets of my trousers when the sudden gust of wind caressed my face, sending chills down my spine. The weather was cold, too cold for staying outside only in a simple t-shirt. But instead of going back to my room, which now was more useful as a private sauna than a place to sleep, I kept walking. When I passed by third bench, painted in dazzling pink, a quiet chuckle made my ears perk with interest. Then, as if someone put glasses on my nose, I noticed one person sitting on the grass, a few meters away from me. And despite the distance, despite the fact that it was dark and the guy had a hoodie on his head, I knew who he was.

Baekhyun.

He was sitting with his knees pressed to chest, embracing them with one hand. The other one was busy holding a cellphone. I heard his laugh again and something snapped in me. There was jealousy squeezing my insides because I’ve never seen him behaving like this around me. No matter how stupid it was, I felt envious of the relationship between him and the person he was talking to on the phone. They shared something I couldn’t even reach. Something special.

God, was I that jealous before?

“Okay.” Baekhyun’s voice reached my ears again. “Take care, dad.”

Dammit, was I also that stupid before?

When did I start acting like those horribly possessive teenage girls? How was it possible that I got worked up because Baekhyun, who wasn’t even my boyfriend, was talking on the phone? With his dad? Not a hot girl, not even a friend, but his own father? Oh God, I just reached the bottom, didn’t I? This whole situation wasn’t healthy and I had to get out of it before I’d lose my mind completely. I had to talk with him properly to finally clear all the misunderstandings we had between us.

And this was probably my last chance.

When I made my first step and the grass rustled under my weight, Baekhyun’s eyes, fixed on the cellphone, snapped to mine. He didn’t see me before and my presence startled him more than I’ve expected. As if it was an evidence of him committing a crime, he let go of his cellphone and it landed on the ground with a thud. I couldn’t help but smile seeing the commotion I caused.

He cleared his throat – loudly – and bent forward to pick up the phone, not looking at me anymore. “What are you doing here?”

I could hear how much he tried to cover the curiosity in his voice. I fastened my pace and moment later I was standing in front of him. He didn’t look at me, although I caught him stealing one glance at my shoes, placed just a few inches away from his own. I took a deep breath, gathering my courage. “I came here to talk.”

He scoffed, cleaning the small screen from the grass and water drops with his sleeve. Then he hid the cellphone in the pocket after making sure it didn’t have any dirt on it. “Didn’t we talk before? I have nothing more to say to you.”

“Okay.” I ignored his distant tone, which I also expected to hear anyway, and sat beside him. The grass was covered in dewdrops and wetted my pants immediately, making the material of my trousers stick now to my body. It made me feel even colder but I wasn’t going to give up so easily. I rubbed my arms in an attempt to warm myself up and then looked at Baekhyun. “Just listen. I will talk.”

He sent me one, bewildered look but the surprise in his eyes quickly got replaced with pain and anger I saw before, during our conversation in changing room. Then he pulled the hoodie to cover half of his face. “I don’t want to. If you want to talk, call Kai. He’s the talkative one.”

“Baekhyun.” I said firmly, trying to sound composed. “I want to talk to you, not Kai. And if you really don’t want to talk, you can just listen to what I have to say. Is it okay?”

My heart stopped beating as I was observing him carefully, waiting patiently for his answer. There was nothing more I could think of to drag him into a short conversation with me. What was the point of speaking when he wouldn’t bother to listen? I had to clean the mess between us but I couldn’t do it alone. I needed his attention.

Baekhyun grabbed a few blades of grass and pulled them out. He did it a few more times, still being completely quiet. Although I couldn’t see his eyes because of the hoodie, I noticed him biting nervously his bottom lip. He was thinking what to do, what to say, and I kept holding my breath with terrifying anticipation, like my life depended on his decision.

Then he wiped his hand in the material of his jeans and straightened his back. The hoodie fell back, reveling his big, brown eyes shining with determination. When he turned his head to face me, something squeezed my heart. I already knew he wasn’t going to give me the answer I was waiting for. Baekhyun closed his eyes for a mere second, as if he was trying to make sure he was doing the right thing, and then he fixed his eyes on me again. “Let me speak first then.”

I couldn’t tell what was more surprising – the fact that, after all, he wanted to talk or that he wanted to be the first one to speak. I nodded, smiling slightly, letting him know that I was ready to listen to whatever he had to say. This time I wasn’t going to run away. He took a deep breath before speaking.

“There’s a lot of things I should say but first of all I want to apologize.” Baekhyun propped his elbows on knees and hid his head in arms. His voice was muffled but I still could hear him clearly enough to understand every single word. “I messed up so many times and I’m sorry for every bad situation you went throug