“You’re kidding, right?” Kai gazed into my eyes, his eyebrows disappeared immediately into messy black hair covering his forehead. The concern in his eyes was replaced with a pure shock and disbelief, making my heart squeeze with pain. Suddenly I felt bad for not keeping the news about my future leave for myself.

“I’m far from kidding.” I said with hoarse tone. My throat became incredibly dry and raw and I had to force myself to speak despite the stabbing pain I felt everytime I uttered a single word.

Kai’s jaw clenched with frustration and he turned his head abruptly to the side. I should have expected this reaction but still, it hurt me to see him acting this way. He probably couldn’t bear to look at me anymore but I couldn’t blame him, right? He had damn right to be angry because I was leaving him alone with all the problems. I felt bad after disappointing him but I was too exhausted to fight. I managed to stand up everytime I fell miserably but this time I was too weak for this. The fall was too devastating for me to get back on my feet again.

When he exhaled tiredly, his hair flew in the air for a mere second, just to cover his eyes again. Unexpectedly, he squatted down moment later, keeping his head low and looking at the corridor’s floor. He ruffled his hair with loud, resigned groan and put one hand on the nape of his neck. “I guess it’s over now.” He muttered more to himself than me but I heard every word clearly.

Biting my lower lip, I squatted next to him, embracing my knees, “My father’s company is opening a new restaurant and they need him there.” I explained slowly, simply trying to look less guilty in his eyes, hoping he won’t blame himself or Baekhyun as well. “It’s not your fault, not Baekhyun’s fault either. It’s impossible for me to stay in one place, moving out was just a matter of time.”

Kai lifted his head and his eyes snapped to mine immediately, faint smile on his lips. “We both know it’s far from the truth, Eun Jin.” He snorted, shaking his head. “Geez, why I have a feeling that I’m the only person who’s trying here to fix everything?” His gaze was penetrating, almost unbearable for me and finally it was my turn to look away. I didn’t have an answer to his question. I didn’t even think there was any because Kai was right – he’s the only one who was trying till the end. I gave up long time ago and Baekhyun? He didn’t even care from the start.

From the corner of my eyes I saw him standing up with a quiet, weary sigh. I looked down on my shoes, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world and then Kai spoke again with a low, gruff voice. “Do as you wish. I’m too tired of this .”

And without saying more, without waiting for me to say something or giving me the second look, he started walking fast as being near me made him feel even worse. Listening to the noise of his shoes hitting the floor with every step, I hid my head in arms folded around my legs and closed my eyes when the feeling of being the most hopeless and useless person shook my whole body. I bit the insides of my mouth when my eyes stung – I was on the verge of tears but I had to hold it. No more crying, Eun Jin, remember?

The school ring broke the silence, announcing the end of the classes but I didn’t stand up nor move at all from my spot. I shut my eyes even harder, as if it could help me to get rid of the thoughts in my head. The realization that I couldn’t do anything more pissed me off.

I used up all the chances to make everyone’s lives back to normal and was facing a dead end.

* * * * *

I grabbed one of the cupcakes from the plate placed on the table in the kitchen and made a small bite. I smiled to myself, inhaling the sweet smell of vanilla and strawberry wafting in the room. Having a father who could cook and bake was definitely a blessing for me, even though it meant fighting with possible overweight in the future. But as long as I could see him making them with a smile on his face, I was fine with gaining extra kilograms and the risk of rolling like a ball through the city after turning twenty.

Putting the last piece into my mouth, I turned to find a glass in the pile of cardboard boxes with names written on them. I looked around, stopped a little at the cardboard with badge ‘stuff’, just to find the one with glasses in the left corner of the kitchen. Everything was already packed, even though we still had to spend four days in this house – my parents liked having everything under control and packing our things on the last day wasn’t an option for them. Somehow the view of all rooms being practically empty made me more depressed than I thought I’d be. Although the last few weeks were a complete disaster, I still had some good memories connected with this place and people I met here.

Having Ga In opened up to me, falling in love for the first time, meeting Kai – it all made me more experienced, more mature. They helped me to grow up a little and I was thankful for this.

I knew I took a lot from them, not giving anything in return. I finally realized it yesterday after my small phone conversation with Hyemi. Like always she was a big support, helping me to see everything in a different light. Thanks to her I was braver today, ready to put words into action.

Putting the glass into the sink after drinking water from it, I grabbed my jacket and headed to the corridor to put my shoes on. Unintentionally, I recalled her words from yesterday. It was funny how she could make her own interpretation of Baekhyun’s behavior within two minutes. I smiled to myself, remembering exactly what she said when I finally decided to tell her how the fact, that Baekhyun didn’t even try to kiss me the whole time, bothered me so much. It was ridiculous to waste time thinking about it but still, knowing that he was easily making out with other girls without a second of hesitation made me wonder what was wrong with me, what was stopping him from making a move.

“Maybe for him you weren’t like the other girls.” Hyemi said with a hint of seriousness which didn’t suit her at all.

I laughed bitterly to the receiver, “Yeah, he said I’m disgusting. That really makes me different.”

“I didn’t mean this, idiot.” She scolded me right away. ”Did you actually hear it from him directly?”

“No…” I muttered, sitting on my bed and putting the phone from my left hand to the right. “That Jihyun girl—“

“Exactly.” Hyemi interrupted me. “We both know she’s the last person you should listen to. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that maybe, I’m saying maybe, for Baekhyun you were someone more important than those half girls throwing themselves at him with desperation everytime he looked in their direction. Maybe he didn’t make a move because he actually respected you and your choice.”

“Or maybe you’re just being delusional.” I said in response, now laying on the bed with my feet still on the floor.

“Maybe.” she agreed and I smiled to myself knowing that she was probably sticking out her tongue at me, even though we were talking on the phone and I couldn’t see her. “But you were the only one who made an effort to know and understand him better. I’m sure he realized it.”

I wasn’t as sure as Hyemi was but I’ve always been the pessimistic one in our duet. She, on the other hand, could find positive aspects in the worst situation happening to us. If we’d end up on a burning bridge with Han River under our feet, she’d probably say that at least we’d burn extra calories trying to swim to the nearest mainland. That was Hyemi, and to be honest, I sometimes felt envious of this side of her.

Taking her last words into consideration, I took my keys and closed the door to my house. It was 6.15pm and I still had around two hours till my parents will come back home from the shopping mall. I needed to hurry up if I wanted to do everything I planned. Second year students were going on a trip tomorrow which meant today was my last chance to meet them.  

Going down the stairs, I fixed the strap of the purse on my shoulder. I had the whole schedule in my head. Ga In was heaving dancing classes till 7:30 so I headed to Kai’s club first, hoping that today was his turn to work during the night. I had to apologize to him and explain myself before I’ll move out. If I was lucky enough today, he’d be willing to hear me out. 

Finding myself already on the main street, I turned left after passing the old theater. It surprised me how good I remembered the way to the club, as if I spent there every single minute of my free time. As always, I took the bus number 57 and sat at the end, putting my earphones on. As always the drive was 25 minutes long with eight stops. As always I took the forbidden entrance, hoping no one would see me there. But today was somehow different. A strong feeling of emptiness mixed with sadness squeezed my stomach as soon as I was inside – I found myself already missing the place after realizing that today was my last visit here.

Coming closer to the bar counter, I looked around to find Kai but none of the people bustling around between the tables and barrels full of beer looked like him. When I was squinting my eyes to look one more time and assure myself that Kai wasn’t working today, a tall guy with a box of bottles in hands lifted his head and looked in my direction. He pointed his finger at me and yelled, making me jump.

“Hey!” The guy quickly shortened the distance between us. I took a deep breath, suddenly feeling scared of being scolded. "We’re still closed, you can’t be here.”

Just when he was standing one meter away from me, a small, silver ring on the left side of his lips glimmered in the light. I gulped loudly, feeling his angry stare at me and decided to get straight to the point before he will decide to throw me away from the club.

“I’m looking for Kai.” I stuttered out and the guy blew hair out of his face in exasperation, putting the box on the floor.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Finally! Take him away from here before our boss will decide to pay us a visit.”

Finally, I repeated in my head with amusement. Was there something I missed or didn’t hear during this short conversation? I blinked rapidly when the guy turned around, showing me with a quick