The canteen was incredibly silent and the only thing I could hear was the annoying ticking of the clock hanging on the wall above my head. It was like a reminder of my peaceful time in this school going to an unavoidable end. I took my time to look at people sitting in the canteen and uncomfortable feeling shook my whole body as soon as the adrenaline in my veins started vanishing and I began to realize what I’ve just done. The quiet voice began to scream in my head as my eyes landed on several people observing me with unpleasant look on their faces.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Was I standing on the table, in front of everyone from our school, ready to share all my secrets and wrongdoings with them? Was I prepared to confront everyone, when all that years I did everything but saying the truth? Holy crap, I surely wasn’t and I’ve never felt so scared in my life. Once again I did something without thinking just to regret it later. Was I ever going to learn from my own mistakes? Probably not. I forced my brain to work and quickly find the way to escape from the scene I made in the canteen but there was only one thought ringing in my head – abort the mission and get the hell out of here as soon as possible.

That sounded about right.

Gulping loudly, I made one small step back and looked behind not to fall from the table. The looks from students were too much for me to handle and I had to run from here. I had to disappear. I glanced with desperation to find the nearest exit and then saw him, leaning against the doorframe with arms crossed and surprised look on his face. He blinked a few times when our eyes met and straightened his back, waiting for my explanation of the current situation. I bit my bottom lip, calling for his help and trying to calm down my fast beating heart and then, surprisingly, his expression softened. Kai tilted his head to the side, showing me to get down from the table. He finally understood what I was planning to do and he knew it was too much for me to handle.

I should feel better because Kai understood the situation and wasn’t going to blame me for being a coward. I should feel better because, no matter what, he was still willing to support me till the end. But the slight disappointment showing on his face for a mere second was enough for me to feel ashamed. Kai believed in me, he was trying his best to help me everytime and I just messed up. Again. Looked like that’s the only thing I was capable of – destroying and making everything harder for myself and others around me. But I didn’t want to be like this, not anymore, not when Kai was counting on me.

I turned around when someone’s comment about wasting his time reached my ears and I fixed my eyes on the floor to avoid the angry and curious looks from students. Other people followed suit and soon the canteen was filled with loud demands and offends towards my person. I knew what they wanted – a big sensation, something to gossip about again. Closing my eyes I tried to reconcile the past few days and find the best solution, if there was any because every move seemed wrong to make. I could live happily without Baekhyun, keeping the truth to myself. I could also clarify the situation between me, him and Kai which could possibly safe their friendship and ruin my own life. The second choice seemed right but was I actually brave enough to do it?

I lifted my eyes to look at Kai for the last time, searching for the answer I desperately needed. He didn’t avert his gaze even for a second, still watching me with anticipation and when the corners of his lips lifted up lazily in silent sign that whatever choice I’ll make everything’s going to be all right, I finally made up my mind. I took a deep breath and turned around to face the crowd, ready to give them what they wanted, prepared to lie for the last time in my life. Not for my own good but for sake of Kai and Baekhyun. For their friendship.

“Are you actually going to say something? Or you gonna stand there like an idiot?”

I turned to my left to see a girl sitting with her arms crossed and big frown on her face. I recognized her almost immediately – that’s the same girl I bumped into a few weeks ago, ruining her skirt with a coffee. That day Baekhyun said I was his girlfriend in front of everyone, turning my whole life upside down. Now it was my turn to make a little show in the canteen.

“I will tell, if you finally let me speak instead of yelling at me.” I snapped back, surprised by my little outburst more than the fact that my voice wasn’t shaking at all. Or maybe it was but I was just more focused on what to say than how I should sound like. Some people exchanged amused looks but everyone stayed quiet, allowing me to say what was on my mind. I grabbed the end of my shirt and tightened fingers on the material, hoping it will somehow help me to get through this as soon as possible without fainting in the process. Falling from the table just to land on my face in front of everyone was the last thing I wished for right now.

“So…”, I started hesitantly, blinking nervously when my vision became blurry from too many emotions. My heart was pounding like I just finished more than 500 push-ups and I had to breathe in and out a few times to calm my nerves. I straightened myself to seem more brave and decided to continue. “Probably all of you heard that I and Baekhyun are a couple. Well, the truth is we aren’t dating. Never were in the first place.” And probably never will but this fact I was going to keep for myself. I took my time to look at people’s faces to find how surprised they were. Some of them were watching me with open mouth, some were whispering and pointing at me with excitement. I was indeed a big sensation, something they needed to entertain themselves during their boring days at school. Seemed like I gave them what they wanted, right?

“I knew it!” The girl from before almost screamed, standing up from her seat with proud smile on her face. “It was impossible for Baekhyun to actually date someone like you. What did you do to him? Blackmailed him?”

Someone like me, huh? I made a big effort to ignore her comment about my person. Once again someone said I wasn’t good enough for Baekhyun, that I wasn’t worth his attention. Even if I shouldn’t give it a second thought, it hurt to hear it over and over again. Who were those people to actually know if I was suitable for him? And what exactly did they mean? That my nose was too big to match his? That I had too short legs to catch with him during walks in the park? That I was simply too ugly?

Wasn’t he the one who should decide who suited him the best? I had enough of people judging others.

“Yes, you’re right, who would date someone like me?” I gritted my teeth, tightening my fingers on the shirt even more, almost ripping it. I already made my mind. It was time to lie again – for the last time. Baekhyun cared about his reputation the most, right? I just had to make him look like the nice, intelligent student everyone in the school knew. I took another deep breath before speaking again, “I just wanted to be popular, be as admired by everyone as he is. The truth is, I used him to get the attention I needed and Baekhyun was nice enough to help me.”

There was a dead silence at first and it took them more than one minute to understand what I just said. The next thing I heard was a bunch of bad words I wouldn’t even want to repeat. It amazed me how many swearwords I didn’t even know before. At least now I