L. Joe:

I was at the café we decided on, waiting for Krystal. I was nervous and I knew what I was going to do was going hurt her more than me. I was feeling guilty but coming clean is better than giving false hope of me returning the feelings like I did before. I do still like her but not as how I did before. I tried to give her my all but something keeps pulling me towards Sohee without me even trying. I think my past feelings always lingered in my heart because even when we were in the States, I always felt this emptiness that I couldn’t fill. It was like an empty space reserved and taken by somebody. Waiting for a chance to be filled by that person again.

“Hey!” Krystal greeted me excitedly, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Hey, how have you been?” I asked, waving her back.

“Been better. I will be returning soon, dad has been after me since I came unannounced.” She replied sighing.

“Sorry, you had to get involved.” I apologised.

“So, you know now? Did you remember?” she asked shocked.

“Not really, I spoke with Dad but I still have to speak with Sohee,” I said solemnly.

“Ah… Sohee… will she be willing to?” she asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know. I’m not sure either. She keeps avoiding me. I don’t know anymore but these days I keep having dreams. I’m feeling more and more restless. I feel like I suddenly lost my life.” I stressed.

“It’s okay, you have time. Take it slow. I know you are impatient right now but I think it’s adding to your stress and making you agitated.” Krystal advised.

“I know but I still can’t seem to relax,” I replied, giving her a small smile.

“So, what’s with this meeting? You sounded weird on the phone.” Krystal asked changing the subject.

“I… I’m… I… I don’t know… how…” I started but was interrupted.

“Is it about us? If it is you don’t have to worry, I’m kind of over it. Seeing as you even unconsciously seem to still love Sohee. I think I missed my chance long back but I’m glad for all these years that I got to spent together with you. Maybe that was my second chance to change your mind but I couldn’t. I can’t complain, I accepted my defeat the moment I saw you watching her from afar in that party.” She smiled ruefully.

When I saw, her like this it hit me hard I was the cause of all this. If only I could have prevented all this mess. If only I had the power to return in time and return our ruined friendship like the beginning. It would save us a lot of tears and heartaches. I feel like a jerk, maybe I’m really a jerk who doesn’t deserve the right to find my happiness. I seriously need to consider everything before I start something this time. I need to be prepared and I don’t have much time.

“I really want to apologise that I couldn’t return your sincere feelings fully. I’ve always been half-hearted and always second-guessed our relationships. I didn’t know then that I had left something behind. I always blamed myself for being heartless but I always felt an emptiness. Remember I tried to break it off for you to find somebody else but you refused. You said it was fine being loved only with half my heart, I didn’t understand but now I know that you accepted being second in my heart. Why didn’t you move on?” I said, feeling angry tears filling my eyes.

“I just couldn’t give up. I knew that you’ll never love me like you did Sohee. I just wished to spend as much time as I could with you. I knew time was running out though when you met her again. I was sure then that it is in both of your destiny to be together and maybe you are not meant for me to be kept.” She said sniffling.

“Looks like us. I feel so stupid now.” I heaved a sigh wiping my tears away. “I don’t want us to drift apart even if we are no longer together. You’ve been my best friend, always have been there standing right beside me. I just don’t want to ruin it all.”

“You won’t. To be truthful we’ve been more like friends than a couple. I think it all changed when you wanted a break. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did then. Maybe we’ve been prepared since then, we just confirmed it today. Let’s continue as friends.” She said smiling and raising her hand for a handshake.

“Yeah, sure friends,” I replied pulling her for a hug instead.

She then burst out crying making all the other patrons stare at us. I didn’t mind the looks as I was in no better shape. I was also lost in my feelings and tears just won’t stop falling. I saw one of the waitress looking at us hesitantly, deciding if she should approach us or not. I took pity on her and decided to pay and leave to not disrupt the others more.

“Let’s take a walk instead. Looks like we’ve made a fool of ourselves here.” I joked.

She nodded and hid her face in my arm. I let out a chuckle and paid the tab leaving a tip for the server. The previous waitress looked relieved when we made our way out. Krys